Wednesday, August 29, 2018

Strolling Through The Headlines

From Drudge today...

"24 sickened by unknown substance at Ohio prison..."
Um, that would be the food.

"Restaurants Increasingly Banning Diners For Using Cell Phones..."
About damned time. They should have the cooks come out and beat them with rolling pins. I'd eat at that place 5 nights/week.

"Jolt: 4.4 mag quake shakes SoCal..."
"Extremely violent..."
Only if you're a chihuahhua. It was more like a fat kid falling down upstairs.

"U.S. Open labeled 'sexist' after female golfer penalized for taking off shirt..."
Ratings soar. Invitations go out to Playboy Bunnies for the Pro-Am.
And BTW, she actually broke the rules, if that matters. And since the U.S. Open in question is Tennis, we're guessing it was a tennis player that was penalized. Just spitballing there.

"Dick's blames new gun policy for weak sales..."
When your name is your attitude, you're exactly right. Adam Smith FTW.

"Whooping cough making comeback..."
Totally unrelated to rampant illegal immigration; nothing to see here.

"Monthly cost of child care for one child in San Fran: $1,955..."
Unless that one child's last name is Hearst or Rockefeller, we're calling b.s on that.
Otherwise, we're moving to Frisco, and opening a day care center.
Looking forward to handing out rubber poop markers for hopscotch, to help the tykes deal with the real world.

Bonus Round, from around the blogs:

Muhammad Cartoon Contest In Netherlands Sparks Pakistan Protest
Amsterdam braces for nuclear attack.

Trudeau Government Moving On Total Handgun And Assault Weapon Ban In Canada
Commies gonna commie. If your lobsterback Limey bastard great-great-great grandparents hadn't fought so well and sent Benedict Arnold  packing, you could have prevented him turning traitor, had the Second Amendment as your birthright too, and sent the French Quebecois back to France instead. Lost opportunities, eh? As a consolation prize, maybe we can ship you all our butthurt gun-ban loving Leftards in the future gun-free zone above the border. If you feed them to polar bears after that, it's none of my business...


Night driver said...

Ahhh, bro, looks like one of the fentanyl derivatives at the prison in Ohio.

Aesop said...


Everyone knows that the opioid epidemic is because of Big Pharma and Evil Dr. Feelgood pill-pushers.
I read it on the Internet, so I has to be true.

Anonymous said...

“Monthly cost of child care for one child in San Fran: $1,955..." True. You can do cheaper by leaving your kid with some non-English speaking illegal setup but I happen to like my spawn so I pay. If someone is poor (less than 100k family income), they might be able to get city assistance. Private nanny that can speak English and Mandarin Chinese can command up to 40k a year. Crazy.