Monday, October 3, 2022

Inconvenient Reality v2.0

 h/t Brad Lena

Turns out you could make a "Hitler Rants" parody about
Nazi Germany blowing up the NordStream pipelines that
would be miles more accurate than any codswallop
about "Biden did it".

For all those "America Worst" folks busy shoving the U.S. forward as the Most Likely Suspect in the Baltic shenanigans, comes another inconvenient bit of harsh reality, this one from the Asia Times.

Far more plausible than "the U.S. did it" knee-jerk slobbering nominations, this article notes the copious number of old explosive relics and modern-day military exercises in direct proximity, and - color us shocked - it turns out multiple nations, including Russia, regularly hold military exercises, with live ammunition, very near the pipelines and the immediate vicinity, even after the article's discussion of tons and tons of UXO from WW2 scattered hither and yon from Russia to the Kattegat strait.

Oopsie. The universe of what could have happened just got a lot wider than those trying to paint this as inevitably the US, in a clown wig and floppy shoes, acting all by itself on a bare white plain of obviousness.

Looks like some folks' knee-jerk "theory" just took another direct hit.

But the low IQ contingent wants you to believe that we did it, after we explicitly warned Germany that intelligence pointed towards some nefarious third-party op, which might be planned for the pipelines, and yet with everyone watching, we went in there and sabotaged the pipelines ourselves, and expect Germans to starve to death and freeze this winter, while their government, together with Danish, British, Norwegian, and Swedish militaries and governments keep the secret of our responsibility from the whole world, in perpetuity, because that regional conspiracy sounds more plausible to them. And for not going along with that delusional codswallop, I'm the unreasonable one.

Which is proof of the adage "Where there's smoke, there's a bong."


Crushing It Royally


Politics for $2000, Alex...


A.: "Because Biden promised it."

Q.: "What is the answer to no question, ever?"

Sunday, October 2, 2022

Fair Is Fair

 h/t WRSA

But if they did shell Baltimore for six months,
how would you tell the difference?

FFS, Call A Cab

Some people are alive only because it' s illegal to kill them.

The longer I work the ER, the more I'm convinced that any DUI/DWI should be mandatorily charged as attempted murder, and any death resulting from a DUI should be mandatorily charged as first degree murder, with the most lenient sentence possible in either case being 50 years in prison, with the first possibility of parole after 49½ years served.

And before they get on the prison bus, the family(ies) of the victim(s) should get 5 minutes with a lead pipe and the culprit, alone, in a soundproof room.

One $20 Uber ride would have changed three lives last night. But Uber, like a parachute, only works when you use it.

Sunday Music: Sara

One of those Stevie Nicks songs by the Mac that's over 6 minutes long, but you wish it was 12. And just like another Sunday Music pick was what motivated me to teach myself drums, this song was the impetus to teach myself to play keyboards.

Friday, September 30, 2022

And The Hits Just Keep On Comin'

 History was made today, all right.

Glorious Reinforcements Ship Out

Codename: Spetzsnooze

We knew the Russian Army once stopped the Germans at Stalingrad. We just didn't expect Marshall Putin to draft veterans of that war now.

Forward movement? They'll be lucky to accomplish a bowel movement. 

And offensive operations will have to halt every day for the 2PM nap time. But now everyone will know what the Zs on their vehicles stand for: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

And their medics will need to add nitroglycerin and Flomax to their aid kits.

What will be the most important logistical item to supply to this army? Depends.

Thursday, September 29, 2022


After exhaustive criminal psychological and forensic investigation, these are the only suspects who fit the correct profile to have committed the dastardly sabotage of the Nordstream pipelines in the Baltic Sea this week. Help bring them to justice. Operators are standing by.

You Should Read This


Lawdog thinks the Russians deliberately blew up their pipelines too. 

But inadvertently and negligently, not purposeful sabotage.

Which is still going to cause volcanic butthurt to those who knee-jerked straight to " 'merica did it."


I'd link him over yonder --->, but for his twice-annual posting.

As Crazy As...

If you stop imagining Putin as your boyfriend,
here to save the world, it isn't crazy at all.


"Of course the U.S. did this. Biden said they'd do it, and the Navy had a ship practically in that exact spot, doing "underwater mine-clearing" operations. Sh'yeah, right; as if. This was totally the U.S." - every 80 IQ lackwit from Hell to breakfast, right now

We've already had proposed, and disposed of, the notion that Emperor Stumblefuck Poopypants I said any such thing, nor has any input, direct or indirect, on US foreign or military policy, nor ever has. The mere suggestion is fatuous, and risible, since ever.

So now, let's examine why what you assume you know is wrong, and why most people beyond their depth can't think their way out of a wet paper bag, and don't know what they don't know.

Above is the USS Kearsarge, LHD-3. The US Navy lists it as an Amphibious Assault Ship. And it is, for reasons we'll get into. It was the USN ship (head of an amphib task force, actually) nearest the recent difficulties with the NordStream I & II pipelines, and that rough proximity has induced every internet window-licker to point at the US and say "J'accuse!".  But let's get serious now.

It's a fucking aircraft carrier. If any one of twenty other nations deployed it, it would be called an aircraft carrier. Starting with the obvious: it carries aircraft. QED.

It's 843' long. For reference, it's the size of a WWII fleet carrier, like the USS Enterprise (only 827' long). The biggest aircraft carrier of WWII, the IJN Shinano, was only 872' long. So if you think Kearsarge isn't an aircraft carrier for all intents and purposes, Zombie Admirals Spruance, Halsey, and Nimitz would like to kick your balls up around your cerebellum for a bit, while they discuss the finer points of naval architecture.

Is has a crew of 1200 squids. They act funny, and they eat too much, but generally, onboard the ships of the Gator Freighter fleet, they're pretty damned good at their jobs, which is taking the Marines where they want to go, and putting them on the beach. They've only had about  250 years of practice at this skillset, and they've definitely gotten the hang of it.

As the above photo shows, it embarks a complement of MV-22 Osprey VTOL a/c (9 of which are visible above). You can also see 4 AH-1W Super Cobra helicopter gunships, 3 AV-8B Harrier II strike fighters, and a UH-60 Seahawk helicopter. For the math-impaired, that's 17 aircraft. Plus whatever's one floor down on the hangar deck. The standard deployment pack is 6 Harriers, 12 Ospreys, the same 4 Super Cobras, 4 Sea Stallion heavy-lift helos, plus 3-4 Uh1s or SH-60s. That's 30 aircraft. Carried onboard, and launchable from the ship while underway.

Aircraft. Carrier.

And 2-3 LCAC or LCU amphibious hovercraft, and/or a dozen amtrac amphibious assault craft.

That's the air component of a MAGTF BLT: a USMC air-ground Battalion Landing Team. If you think a mere hundred fifty or so paratroops from the 82d AB or Rangers in a C-141 are a can of whoop-ass, try on 1900 of Uncle Sam's Misguided Children for size. Rangers seize airfields. (And they do it very well.) BLTs seize capitols. And countries. You could look it up.

That's just the Kearsarge. Also present in the same task force were two other USN ships, with another complement of squids, plus another 2000 or so Marines, plus a company of tanks, a battery of artillery, a Force Recon element, and an entire Marine infantry battalion that's been drilled and checked off on Special Operations.

And because of all that, they're the absolute last guys anyone would use for blowing up an undersea pipeline.

Because what they usually don't embark, at least 99% of the time, are a complement of Navy SEALs.

And blowing up pipelines at 240' depth is not a job for Force Recon. Nor Air Farce PJs. Nor Army SF. It's what SEALs are for.

Onboard a BLT task force like the Kearsarge group, with 3000 guys embarked, there's always a hundred swinging Richards on deck, on the catwalk, at the hull openings, on the hangar deck, on the well deck, and wherever, on duty and off, seeing every damned thing going on. And at least one of the little shits, from the green side or the blue side, is going to write home, or phone home on port call, or these days, whip out his cell phone and video the goings on, or do some other sillyass thing, and OPSEC goes out the porthole or down the shitter.

You don't use BLTs for Sneaky Pete missions. You use them to kick down the door, with embarked CNN camera crews, blow the shit out of some assholes who desperately need it, topple a communist dictator, rescue American hostages, and/or such other duties as the president may direct, televised live to the world. Since fucking ever. It is the antithesis of a clandestine operation. It's a no-knock SWAT raid on an entire city or a country, FFS, with everybody watching.  

The fact that the Kearsarge TF was within a hundred miles is how anybody knows we didn't do it. 

{Doing something with a USN aircraft carrier amphib task force on top of it would be doing it while wearing a rainbow wig, flashing LED bow tie, and size 32 clown shoes, while jingling a stick with 27 cowbells on it. Briefly detail all US clandestine operations from 1900-present that fit that profile. (If the word clandestine has you stumped, click the link).}

Because with a task group like that, those of us embarked assumed (correctly in the 1980s, but now...??) that along with our Gator Freighter/Aircraft Carrier, the BLT, an LST with the tank company and LAVs, and a fleet oiler floating gas can, there was probably an SSN out somewhere in front of us, breaking trail, snooping and pooping, exactly like an undersea cav scout. That's their entire mission set, along with finding and, when directed, servicing enemy targets, like other subs, before they found and sunk us.

That SSN might have an embarked SEAL detachment, which is where you'd want those guys.

So let's talk about that possibility.

SEALs could have taken those pipelines out, with childish ease.

Because the bubbleheads of the Silent Service, unlike the blabbermouthed embarked Marine supercargo and squid crews on an amphib ship, keeps their fucking mouths shut about everything they do. For, like, decades and decades. The crap they pulled in the 1950s and 1960s is just now trickling out. Redacted and sheep-dipped all to hell, btw.

But they have Operational Rules. Like, "If there's no one around for hundreds of miles, but your shit starts exploding, that was us."

So they wouldn't do this with a BLT amphib TF within sonar range of a loud fart when this happened. Just like the predictability of the Air Farce kicking in Saddam's front door was at O-dark-thirty, the one proof the SEALs did something is that there are no US forces visible within an entire time zone, and no one has any idea who pulled it off, or how.

Secondly, they like to use Draeger rebreathers. Pure oxygen, no bubbles. Problem: oxygen gets all fatal to the operator at depths below 30'. So 240'-deep pipelines would be a no-go for their go-to rebreathers. Using scuba or mixed gas rigs would work, but anyone on the surface could see the bubbles, and the lock-in lock-out decompression would be prohibitive at that depth, assuming they had a decompression chamber (big enough to accommodate the entire team) emplaced on the deck of the sub involved.

Thirdly, while 240' is deep for free divers or minisubs, it's pretty fucking shallow for the full-sized ones. The Kattegat, and for that matter, the entire Baltic, is a small, heavily travelled, and effing shallow pond to be operating inside of. Both NATO and the (formerly) neutral countries take a dim view of subs that stray into territorial waters, and more than a few Russian sub captains have been hounded right the hell out of the area. And to surface combatants, all subs are hostile until proven innocent. (And if you think Norway, Denmark, or Sweden would just sign off and become co-conspirators - and keep that secret to the grave - on us slipping in to blow up the gas supply of the rest of NATO, I have a bridge to sell you, cheap.)

That's before we talk about the SOSUS network(s) in the Baltic, which probably comprises both ours and Russia's, and sees anything larger than a Bayliner cabin cruiser coming and going.

Finally, the whole point of a clandestine operation is to do something in such a way that you can plausibly claim "We didn't do it. No one saw us do it. You can't prove a thing."

Instead, the lumpenproletariat internet idiots worldwide assumes just the opposite. Because Biden babbled about what we could  do (not what we would do, short-attention span midwits). Because the Kearsarge TF was within rock-throwing range of the pipeline rupture sites. Because the TF was publicly acknowledged beforehand to be practicing "undersea mine clearance". Because we'd already warned the Germans and other NATO Euros that something was rumbled as about to happen, so presumably they would be watching it too.

Us doing this under those conditions would be dumber than OJ buying a knife, a ski mask, and black gloves, the week before cutting his ex-wife's head off.

And just because he was that stupid, and Emperor Stumblefuck Poopypants I is that stupid, you don't get to bootstrap this into "the entire US defense and intelligence establishment would go along with something so blisteringly stupid, even though doing this would poison NATO forever, drive Europe into Putin's arms, destroy the economies of 14 of our closest allies, give Russia the Victim Card, and open the entire Western society and infrastructure worldwide to whatever retaliation, including via ICBM, Vlad gets it into his silly head to undertake".

Call me when you pull 200 blackjacks in a row at a Vegas table. Then we'll talk about how many moronic stupidities in a row you'd need to line up to pull this one off the way you think it went down, if your excuse is "but the Navy was doing ops there".

And knowing that, anyone pointing to Biden's blather, or the presence of the US dotMil nearby, as being any serious rationale for American involvement, rather than 57 arguments against us doing it, plus the perfect opportunity for Russia to attempt to pin the tail on the scapegoat, to then be swallowed by a world where 50% of the population has an IQ under 99: Put your thinking cap back on, and try again.

Put on your cap, pick up the chalk, and get busy.

Wednesday, September 28, 2022

Occam's Razor 1, Usual Suspects 0


Explain in Comments why Saint Putin of the KGB would never, ever do something this devious and evil, and why Emperor Stumblefuck Poopypants I is too savvy to walk into this with his thumb in his mouth, drool running down to his elbow, and his pants around his ankles. Show all work.

If you cannot do that, STFU.

Seriously: if all you've got is naked gainsaying, don't bother. That will probably weed out all but one or two weakly argued attempts. Bring your A game, or stay in the bleachers. I'm too busy today to argue with retards. DLTDHYITAOYWO.


Europe has nothing to gain from this, and everything to lose.

The U.S. has nothing to gain from this, and everything to lose.

Russia has everything  to gain from this, and little, if anything, to lose. And if the time comes to rebuild the pipeline, Europe will gladly pay every penny, directly or indirectly. Net loss to Russia: ₱0.


For the low-information punditry, the pipelines sit at a depth of about 240 feet of water. Not thousands of feet down.

Anybody with a rowboat, a fish finder, 20 pounds of Semtex, and a few hundred feet of det cord had the means to do this. It isn't WWII: You don't have to swim over to it and wrap explosives around the pipeline to get the job done, FFS.

Been to sea, and still had to have this explained to you?
Stop licking the windows on the short bus.

That leaves the possible suspects at 150 nations, and 58 terrorist organizations. And 98% of the later have long historical ties for financing and supply from Russia and her client states.

Hell, it even leaves the list of suspects with the means at hundreds of corporations, and thousands of beer-drinking stump-blasting bass-cranking Bass Pro Shop Good Ole Bubbas from the Carolinas to the Colorado River, just off the top of my head, without even breaking a sweat.

Thousands and thousands of potential suspects could have done this. It's not like finding the Titanic "somewhere" in the North Atlantic.

So what say let's all stop pretending,  a la MSNBC, it was the January 6th Coup Attempt trying to land a manned mission on Mars to conquer the solar system.

So: Russia wouldn't do this? With everything to gain, and nothing to lose??

Grow the fuck up.

Zero downside, could have paid for it out of petty cash/pocket change, and it would have taken about 3 minutes to plan and a half an hour to execute.

They could, and they did.


UPDATE: More grist for the mill.

Tuesday, September 27, 2022

Fiat Pacem


Our most sincere well-wishes for continued safety to Silicon Graybeard, Borepatch, Divemedic, Big Country, Angus McThag, their families, and anyone else in the downrange vicinity of Ian these next few days. May they remain safe, dry, and well until it passes.

We're also hoping Sean Penn flies a helicopter right into the approaching eye, to see what help he might bring Cuba, but that's probably too much to ask for.

Laughs Sovietly

Don't Blame Me

 Wilder said it

I just make the memes.

Natzsofast, Guido

WRSA posted the above FAS graphic today as part of a larger meme dump. One ought to be careful when publishing the propaganda of communist front groups. The technical term for the FAS' poster is "lying by omission". We have amended the graphic to read more accurately.

One is forced to conclude the primary motivation for Putin's repeated Ukrainian land grabs since 2014 is that he did them mainly because he could.

Thus becoming lesson 8,000,012 in world history on why you never give up your weapons.



But I'm sure it's because there's no recession well underway.

Sunday, September 25, 2022

Sunday Music: Folsom Prison Blues


Johnny Cash's 1955 song, which became his signature piece, the opening to his act most of his career (Hello. I'm Johnny Cash..."), and the live performance of which, released as the opening cut of his first live album At Folsom Prison in 1968 single-handedly revived his flagging career, became his first #1 country album, which was voted one of the best albums of all time on multiple lists, paved the way to his mainstream success, including a TV show, went triple platinum by Cash's death in 2003, and won him his first solo Country vocal Grammy in 1969, the year he sold more albums than the Beatles. There is no more quintessential American song or artist than this track.