Life Now Is Closer to Naked And Afraid Than My Fair Lady

h/t Irish

Feral Irishman, in the above link, posted a podcaster's commentary about the sartorial shortcomings of modern folk.

Au contraire, mes amis.

Have you noticed how no one's holding a gun to your head? That you are entirely free to be a beacon of sartorial splendor every day of your life, and provide a positive counter-example, instead of being Nagging Nelly and worrying about Other People?

There's a colloquial name for that nowadays. It rhymes with "Karen".

What's that, you say? This is all news to you? Color me shocked.

Wear a suit and tie, or a dress for the women, every day of your life, if that's what turns your crank. Show the poor, ignorant boobs what class looks like without opening your mouth or uttering a single word. [Hint: It's never behaving like a scold and a shrew. In fact, the definition of a gentleman is "someone who never discomforts others in any social setting." Here's a cluebat for you: find us the clip of Cary Grant berating anyone else, onscreen or off, for their appearance. We'll wait over here while you work on that.]

I get where you're coming from, and generally dress well as the mood strikes. Whether I do or not, that's my business. But expecting that from everyone else? As if. You're totally out of touch with the why behind that being such a delusionally unreasonable expectation.

People are showing up at the airport in crocs and pajamas, and it's a wonder. Because they know they're going to have to take off their shoes and belt, as if they were inmates, and one time in five be subjected to exactly an inmate's cavity search. (The way you could tell life had gone completely off the rails was when the response of so-called American "leadership" to 9/11 was to violate everyone's personal rights here, instead of blowing entire terrorist countries off the map by the megaton over there, both just because we could, and because it was the correct response to what they had coming. If we'd wiped Mecca and Medina off the map and turned them to smoldering glass monuments to 6th century stupidity on 9/12/01, we wouldn't have had another problem with an entire hemisphere of the world from that day to this.) More to the point here, we wouldn't be reduced to convicts waiting for the gracious permission of the boxcar guards at the TSA telling us when we could put our shoes on.

Frankly, those shiftless, worthless, brainless m*****f****rs are lucky I don't show up with my flying clothes in a paper sack, wearing naught but tear away diapers, and swilling a jug of Metamucil after downing three Ex-Lax bars, and begging for them to ask me to step into secondary screening. They'd never do that a second time, I assure you. And I'd get dressed right there in public, just to shame them even more afterwards. I'm past the point in life where I give a damn about the decorum they think they can enforce, after humiliating and embarrassing (literally) entire planeloads of innocent passengers by the hour, every day for 23 years. But if I gave a sh*t, they'd be the ones I'd give it to. Hopefully while they had their gloved hand checking my prostate, and missing the memo about the explosive I was about to issue from my nether regions.

So tell me, O Great Sartorial Overlord, what is the proper attire for anal rape under color of authority? Inquiring minds want to know.

And then when I get on the airplane, the attire should be either a flight suit, or sweats.

Anything that would permit comfort on cattlecar flights, where the airlines use everything but livestock chutes and cattle prods to load passengers.

If we're going to play "Remember when...?", let's start with calling a spade a spade: they're not "flight attendants", they're stewards and stewardesses. (Hot tip for the self-important flying cocktail waitresses: cruise lines still employ stewards, who don't feel demeaned by that title, but then they have to have learned customer service from someone other than retired Auschwitz camp guards, unlike the sweaty fat-assed water buffaloes hired to hand out tiny soda cans and handful-of-peanuts bags on modern flights.)

Remember when the men working on flights weren't one step from flaming RuPaul drag queens, and the women were hired for both their demeanor and their appearance, and they didn't look like thrice-divorced future box wine cat ladies working at the DMV or WalMart checkout line? And the seats actually were built for someone besides an anorexic emo teen, and didn't leave you feeling like you'd been folded into a torture device and unable to walk after enduring a single cross-country flight?

So maybe if they hadn't stupidly endowed snotty fat-asses with godlike powers and told them they were "flight crew", and instead reminded them they were there for customer service, not Flying Karen Law Enforcement, maybe they wouldn't find themselves facing down drunken slobs at 30,000 feet every day. When you treat people like inmates, they'll meet your expectations, every single time. Every flight longer than 30 minutes is a modern recreation of the Stanford Experiment. Every. Single. Time. (Word to your mother, Airlines: That experiment wasn't supposed to be a guidebook.) If you're not doing that, and they're still behaving like assholes, most passengers would not only be fine with you descending to 10,000 feet to throw them off the plane, they'd actually help. But more often than not, you had it coming, and they like seeing you f***ers get what you deserve.

But if you airborne SS troopers with delusions of grandeur are going to treat passengers like a load of Jews getting off at Treblinka, you're goddamned lucky we don't rise up and kill all of you, every time, on every flight, and leave your dead carcasses jamming up the toilets for the next flight. Don't think that happy accident is going to continue forever with 50:1 odds against you, every single day. You're lucky passengers don't get on in tyvek jumpsuits and fling their shit at you by the hour, just for the way both you and your airlines treat them.

And the DMV? Insolence at your own taxpayer expense, and a work ethic that makes lazy people look like efficiency examples fit to build the pyramids or the Transcontinental Railroad. Let's be fair, most of the midwit 80-IQ employees working at the DMV have already maxxed out in vivid real-life the Peter Principle, and administering eye tests and snapping bad photographs is what it looks like when the fetal alcohol syndrome children of life have finally been promoted beyond their level of competence.

Anyone who doesn't bring a machete and a gun to the DMV, and/or a pillow and sleeping bag, is the soul of compassion and foolish optimism in a real-life version of Dante's Inferno: "Abandon All Hope, Ye Who Enter Here".

Just spit-balling, but I'm pretty sure the dress code for that experience should be that of Michael Myers in any edition of the Halloween film franchise. Ideally, with a similar bodycount of DMV employees. The rest of us would cheer. And if 200 people walked into any DMV dressed that way on a day other than Halloween, the increase in productivity would be palpable. Hear me, God.

And you're bitching about sunglasses at night? Srsly? I've got three things to answer that:

The Blues Brothers.

Joel in Risky Business.

The Secret Service. (Back before they were incompetent boobs.)

If you still can't figure it out, as Charlie Sheen told Jennifer Grey in Ferris Bueller's Day Off, your problem is you.

 And you want me to dress for work??? It is to laugh.

Work stopped being serious business in all but a few professions when Shaneequa, who couldn't pass a basic typing exam because she couldn't find half the letters, let alone spell a word, got promoted two levels above everyone actually competent, and displays the managerial acumen of any member of a headhunter tribe from New Guinea.

When the corporate (or is it coprophiliac? I get the two so easily confused because of their similarity) overlords start treating work seriously, and hiring serious people, and paying serious salaries, that will be the time for getting dressed up for it.

When you hire DIE assclowns, put them in charge, and pay peanuts, expect your employees to act - and dress - like monkeys. Any day anyone in Cubicleville doesn't show up wearing just a shirt and no pants, like any chimpanzee in TV or film ever, it's a victory for holding the line.

Go price a suit, then look at what those employees are paid, and you're goddamned lucky they don't show up looking like The Beverly Hillbillies, nor start acting like the gorillas in Planet Of The Apes.

If you're going to have expectations about other people's kids, you'd better start treating them like human beings instead of circus acts.

Until then? Count your blessings they haven't reverted to throwing their feces instead of eating a daily shit sandwich at the unending indignities of modern life.

Don't even start with me about retail. A cast of millennial 20-nothings glued to their IdiotPhones like lab rats to the crack feeder, who know less about their shop's wares than retards, or the child labor in the Turd World who made them, whether it's fast food or high-end electronics. Stupid shiftless employees are the reason BezosMart has made Jeffie a billionaire, gobbling up retail market share like a wolf turned loose in a rabbit hutch. The correct attire for patronizing a retail establishment is as the Employee Motivation Supervisor on a slave galley. Including the cat o' nine tails, generously applied.

The proper attire for most businesses now should be clown outfits, with floppy shoes and greasepaint. Or a galley slave's loincloth. Both with behavior and body odor to match. People at both ends of the social transaction have simply reverted to the level of interaction provided. And where they haven't, yet, it's mostly a pity, upheld solely by social inertia, and the grace of a merciful deity.

You want to dress up anyways? Goodie for you. Go ahead on. No one's holding you back. I can even link for you half a dozen excellent YouTube channels and blogs to help you get it right.

You want everyone else to do that too? Well, fire the TSA, end body cavity searches as routine, put back normal-dimensioned human-sized seats on airlines, revoke flying Karen cocktail waitresses' godlilke vindictive powers and teach them to treat passengers like guests instead of livestock, and start treating businesses like business, instead of the clown show it is currently, and then you can issue dress codes again. 

But frankly, most of the people nominally running things and splendidly turned out are damned lucky they aren't being turned over roasting spits by their so-called underlings.

Tell the class how that worked out for TPTB around 1789 in Paris.

Michael's Long Overdue Departure On The Short Bus - At Last!

"You talk big. You talk sedition. However, I have noticed that nobody seems to have a plan other than immediate violence. Great! Then what? Does everyone become a war lord? How does this work?

I know that what we have isn't perfect. I know what we have has been corrupted. Changes need to happen and they cannot happen soon enough. However, until there is a plan on how to progress from war to peace and someone that knows how to lead in both war and peace, you're just spitting into the wind and if you're lucky, you're stacking up bodies. That's about one of the dumbest plan, non plans, I have ever heard of." 

You talk big. You talk sedition.

I've done no such thing. In fact, you have touched on so little of anything I actually said, it begs the assumption that you never read any of it, and this was simply you shaking out your diaper spackle according to the voices in your own head. Prove me wrong: go to the post which lit the fuse on your tampon, and pull the quotes that support your farcical contentions.

You can't, because it never happened. QED

However, I have noticed that nobody seems to have a plan other than immediate violence. Great! Then what? Does everyone become a war lord? How does this work?

At this point, your reading comprehension is so much a question leading to the irrefutable conclusion that you haven't read anything, further blather from you only underscores the likelihood. Quotes and links, or it never happened, and we're back to merely dealing with your delusions. AGAIN. You need help. This is not your therapist's office.

I know that what we have isn't perfect. I know that what we have is corrupted. Changes need to happen and they cannot happen soon enough.

Boilerplate bullshit for the Bubbas. What we had wasn't perfect 257 years ago, on Day One. It was far past corrupted by the turn of the previous century. What we have now is so far from fucked, you can't even see FUBAR in the rear view mirror with a telescope. So quit soft-peddling the absolute descent into Banana Republic farce as "not perfect". It's a rotten, moldering corpse on a hot day in the sun, with a smell so pungent it could knock buzzards off a gut wagon at 100 yards, and you'd have to soak it in Listerine, Betadine, and Lysol for a week just to get a decent maggot to think about putting on a bib to dine on it.

And if changes need to happen, and cannot happen soon enough, the last thing any intellectual lightweight like you should be doing is sitting there with his fingers in both ears up to the palm, and his head so far up his own ass he could see out his bellybutton, sitting there like a baby in shit with his pudding smeared all over his face and a dipshit grin, proud of his latest accomplishment in baby-hood.

However, until there is a plan on how to progress from war to peace and someone to lead in both war and peace, you're just spitting into the wind, and if you're lucky, you're stacking up bodies.

1) What was the plan on July 5th, 1776, for moving from war to peace? Show your work, and link your references.

2) What was the same plan on April 16th, 1861. Show your work, and link your references.

3) What was that plan on April 5th, 1917. Show your work, and link to your references.

4) What was that plan on December 8th, 1941? Show your work, and link all your references.

Because Stevie Wonder can see from space, at night, that you aren't the brightest light on the Christmas tree, so if you can think of something so obviously important, needful, sensible, and indispensable, there must be copious examples from our own history you could point to in mere mouseclicks, right? RIGHT?? Michael? Anyone? Anyone...???

No? NOTHING???

Well, shit howdy, boy, looks like you all you did there was change which cleated foot is stomping on your jangly bits, didn't ya? Let's help you out on this, and call in some expert testimony.

Having studied the topic diligently and at length, we can call such maxims from memory in moments, and apply them practically in real time; but being a thoroughgoing idiot yourself, you can be forgiven for such words and concepts being entirely alien to your thinking (we use the term loosely).

That's about one of the dumbest plan, non plans, I have ever heard of.

Entire libraries are full of the things of which you have never heard, so your unfamiliarity with it is not a particularly withering sobriquet of derision.

"Call me a coward or whatever name you want. Tease me about voting moar harder. Warn me again about how we will all be fed into box cars and taken to the prison camps to be shot or burned. If that's what you think is going to happen, you really don't have a clue about what a Civil War is."

As you wish:

You're a coward. An idiot. A moron. A fucktard. A gross ignoramus with delusions of intelligence. It isn't true because I said it, it's true because everything you wrote demonstrates it, beyond all argument. You're just about bright enough to vote moar harder! And then you'll be shocked! Shocked, I say! when it doesn't solve the plethora of problems coming at you. You'll be rounded up, shot on sight, or, if you're "lucky", loaded into box cars, taken to a concentration camp, brow-beaten into submission, starved, worked to death, and then actually beaten, until you eventually die or are killed as another useless eater, unworthy of even life itself, and all the while you'll be waiting for the day you can write a sternly-worded letter of complaint to your congressweasel for the outrage.

Like happens after every Leftard communist coup since ever, which is exactly what they've been telling you in plain English they want to do to you for literally YEARS.

Time to bring out another expert to enlighten you:

If that's what you think is going to happen, you really don't have a clue about what Civil War is.

If that's what you think ISN'T going to happen, you don't have a clue about what Civil War is.

You wasted an entire essay illustrating in glorious technicolor your ignorance and delusions, and you think at the end of that, anyone is looking at you as anything but an object lesson in "Don't Be THAT Guy"?!?

Best wishes with that plan, knucklehead. Thanks for phoning in your take from the left end of the IQ bell curve.

"What you have ain't a plan. It's a wish and a hope and tough talk. You have no clear vision of where you're going and you want everyone to follow.

Hard Pass "General"."

Since it sailed right over your head (having it permanently implanted up your ass to the shoulders for years and years will do that), what I wrote was never intended as a plan, never advertised as a plan, never attempted to BE a plan. The wish was that it might, finally, with President Trump - the leading opposition candidate to the regime in power now on the edge of a farcical and unprecedented jail sentence that could conceivably "accidentally" result in his death - get even the most thick-headed moron, like yourself, to stop being one, get off their ass, pull their head out of it, and induce them to start doing the basic, sensible, common sense things that any jackass could see as needful, all on their own, by themselves, simply because they possessed the barest and most basic instinct for self-preservation, and weren't afflicted with a terminal case of Shit For Brains.

I asked no one to follow me in any way, shape, or form, nor elected myself the leader of anyone with that, nor any other, effort.

So you may continue in your 80-IQ delusions, and go to Hell in whatever way seems most fitting to yourself, with my sincerest benediction.

And to a metaphysical certainty, with a surprised look on your gobsmacked face, right up until oxygen deprivation to your vital organs converts you from a bio-organism into fertilizer for the more industrious worms and microbes on the planet.

Because I can only tell you the truth, but I can't make you smart enough to think. And a sincere thanks, Michael, for illustrating in ways I could never do why most of the efforts to get the attention of and induce any common sense behaviors by the Undecided Stupid People are about as useful as peeing on an electric fence, and nearly as painful to undertake.

DLTDHYITAOYWO.

Michael's Thunderjug Of Wisdom, Pt. IV

Michael rides the thunderjug, taking his ease on the republic's flag,
before wiping his backside with the Constitution.

Ladies and gentlemen, let us turn our pages to First Stupidians, and continue the disassembly.

"Do we really want a Civil War? Do we storm the government buildings and hunt down the good with the bad? Do we hang them all because they just happen to be in a government building when we happened to show up for the war? Do we actually hunt down the 3 letter agents that we know are living in our neighborhoods and hang them and their families because they just wanted to put food on their table and into the mouths of their children? Do you want to be both judge and jury? Do you have evidence that these people are corrupt or are you just lumping them all together because they still work for the govt. and if they're still working for the govt. at this point then they're all bad? Is that how you want to do this?"

Do we really want a Civil War?

No. Idiot. Nor has anyone called for one, from our side. But even though you aren't interested in a war, the war is interested in YOU. 

The Leftardian lunatics have been beating that drum for at least five years, and practicing the song lyrics for something closer to two generations, at minimum. If this is news to you, perhaps it's hard to tell with your head wedged high and tight in a small, dark place. We suggest vaseline and a crowbar, and the assistance of friends, as necessary, until you hear a satisfying POP!, and the darkness begins to clear up.

Do we storm the government buildings and hunt down the good with the bad? Do we hang them all because they just happen to be in a government building when we happened to show up for the war?

Yet again, no one has suggested that. Your army of Straw Men is growing into Emperor Qin Shi Huang's Terra Cotta Army. 

Point of Order: Who are these "good" government workers to whom you refer? Show your work. Otherwise, you're appealing to Facts Not In Evidence. The name for those, in the trade, is "fairytales". They make a poor basis for considered analysis and laying out courses of action.

Do we actually hunt down the three letter agents that we know are living in our neighborhoods and hang them and their families because they just wanted to put food on their table and into the mouths of their children?

1) Nice try, Officer. You've just crossed the line between "just saying", and "incitement". Better luck next time, and tell your Special Agent In Charge to train you better next time. You are a No-Go at the Entrapment Station. Fucktard.

2) Point of Order: Both BLM rioters and SS konzentrationslager guards "just wanted to put food on the table" and "into the mouths of their children". You must have been sick the day they covered that the "Just following orders" defense was shredded to doll rags at the Nuremberg Trials in 1946, and they hung the people trying it. "For the children" was the excuse for everything in the Clinton Criminal Regime, from ripping a Cuban refugee child at machinegun-point from the arms of his American family, to torching the women and children at Waco "for their own good", and shooting a mother carrying her child by an FBI sniper at Ruby Ridge. But thanks for carrying water for the entire federal three-letter agency apparatus, and outing yourself so succinctly and thoroughly. That was done with the consummate precision of shoving a loaded pistol into your waistband and blowing off your own dick. Bravo. Call 9-1-1 for that, and get a tourniquet on it.

Do you want to be both judge and jury?

Tell you what, sport: look at the judges and juries in any one of 100 recent trials in the last decade, and tell me I, or ANY Man On The Street (outside of Portland or NYFC) couldn't do a 1,000,000% better job of delivering justice in every case than the current chicanery and jackassery masquerading as a justice system. Show. All. Work. We would be better off if we simply rounded up the closest 12 people to any crime, held the trial, and performed the hanging at the curb, than anything the products of our law schools have delivered in pretty much my entire adult lifetime. Committees of Vigilance should be the custom, not the exception, and at the rate we're going, "due process" is soon going to be a bullet. And that situation hasn't been what anyone wanted; it's been foisted upon us by the exact people who swore oaths to do things the exact opposite way. But Nature abhors a vacuum. Which begs the question of how your head hasn't long since imploded.

Do you have evidence that these people are corrupt or are you just lumping them all together because they still work for the govt. and if they're still working for the government at this point then they're all bad?

Not at all. Just as in Mexico, we can tell the honest ones, because when they become whistleblowers, they're fired, killed, declared mentally incompetent, or exiled to Slobovia. You keep harping pretty hard on the "honest govt. worker" Theory. Everyone else is just going along to get a pension. Do yourself a huge favor, and look up the legal concepts of "Accessory After The Fact" and "Misprision Of Felony". Both hard felonies under federal statutes, with real time in federal pound-you-in-the-@$$ prison. And if they talked this over with anyone at any time, they're guilty of "Criminal Conspiracy ". Now, google the number of prosecutions and convictions for that, since ever. I'll wait. So yes, they're pretty much all guilty but the whistleblowers, top to bottom, QED, just going by law on the books for hundreds of years.

So you were sick the day they covered that at Fed Academy, just playing stupid, or what?

It's probably hard to see that clearly with your government paycheck smacking you in the face twice a month, isn't it, Officer? But you wish to imply, as the Devil's Advocate, that there are good ones still hiding in there somewhere? Who stand around impotently, and chewing on their fingernails and clutching their pearls for decades upon decades as Leviathan rapaciously devours the population and the Republic itself with all the pity of a shark attacking a crippled seal? Abraham's haggling with God over the fate of Sodom comes to mind. So does the happy ending of that event. 

Is that how you want to do this?

Michael, this is why you fail. You attempt to put words into my mouth I never said, then disagree with your own concoctions rather than reading what I wrote, and responding to that. This is why I refer to you as Idiot, Moron, and Fucktard. Because words mean things, and you clearly can't manage yours, address a point intelligently, or even construct the simplest of arguments on your own behalf. You keep ginning up out of whole cloth your own retarded arguments, and then merrily gallop off on your ass and tilt at them, with all the glee of a 3-year-old knocking over his Lego knights and MicroMachines. Word to your mother: the internet is not a bigger real-life version of "Grand Theft Auto", where you get to drive through everything willy-nilly and do whateverinfuck you want, for fun and points. If you're going to make an argument, you first have to address what was actually said, which you've all but ignored, at this point for three of your five paragraphs, and then make counter-arguments to Actually THAT. You want to step up to the plate, drop the bat, catch the pitch yourself, run through the infield, check the fielders into the boards, throw the ball into the outfield bleachers, and then claim you just threw a touchdown and deserve 6 points.

NewsFlash, Slick: IT DOESN'T WORK LIKE THAT.

This is why my responses to you look exactly like pushing a crippled retard off a cliff. Because that's pretty much exactly what's happening.

And we're only 60% of the way there.

Amaze-balls that you went to all that effort just to come out in favor of Fedtopia's kakistocracy.

And for comedy relief, occasionally one of your fellow retards pleads for mercy in the comments, and/or wishes they could drag you back onto the short bus, and go back to your group home.

Cheer up, Skippy: You sat in the bear trap all on your own. So you may be missing your ass when we get you out, but at least your IQ will be a point or two higher going forward. At least until you heal up some.

Do Original Michael a solid though: next time, pick a different signature.

If He Only Had A...

There's a theme song that comes to mind...

"Are you planning on creating your own form of government, maybe start your own little country within the ruins of what was once the USofA? Or, are you gonna just hunker down and wait a few years and hope that some other George Washington, Thomas Jefferson or Ben Franklin is going to pick up where the old USofA was meant to be and start afresh? What's your plan?"

Why do you ask? I bring up the question only because I spent...lemme see...ah, yes, there it is, carry the nothing...exactly ZERO SECONDS discussing any form of government, anywhere in the OP. Not a peep. I rather suspect any form of government will look remarkably like the current one, minus any number of miscreants currently within it, and after the removal of any number of alterations to the original blueprints that have served - as intended from the outset - to bastardize and undermine the original intent. But that's just one opinion among tens of millions. I never brought it up. Which once again points out that you're not responding to anything I wrote, you're out in the fields building straw men. It's your defining trait.

So the more germane question is why you're so concerned with the details on a form of government, since government is nearly always the problem, not the solution to it.

One can but wonder how many times you think are sufficient to grab ahold of a cherry-red hot stove before you either run out of hands, or inclination, to repeat the mistake. Most people would stop at one.

Two and a half posts just to examine your first paragraph, and underline the silliness! And we still await, in vain, any response by you to anything we actually wrote. If only for the novelty.

"I hear a lot about how we need to get this Civil War started and how politicians need to be swinging from the lamp posts or introduced to the guillotine. I hear about how we all need to buckle up because we're in for a rough ride. I hear all of that noise, but nobody seems to have thought beyond that. Who do we rally behind in the aftermath that's ready to lead this once great country into a new era? I can't think of a single soul that I would trust or want to start a new government. Can you?"

I hear a lot about how we need to get this Civil War started

Do tell! From whom? Yet again, we bring this up because we cannot recollect ever stating that we need to do any such thing. So we'll give you an easy task: drop names, and post link(s), online, now - otherwise  It Never Happened. I'll match paychecks with you that you can't come up with one person writing at a single blog who's argued that we "need to" begin a Civil War.

So, yet again, you're caught responding to the voices in your head, rather than reality, or anything we actually wrote.

This is my shocked face.

...and how politicians need to be swinging from lamp posts or introduced to the guillotine. I hear about how we all need to buckle up because we're in for a rough ride.

They do. And you should. Disagree? Make your case. Bonus point: You actually brought up something we actually said. Beginner's luck.

I hear all that noise,

Words mean things. "Noise" is what you're putting out. What you're manifestly NOT hearing is called "signal". And like radio waves, that signal is passing over you, but you're not tuned in, and you sure as hell aren't receiving anything.

...but nobody seems to have thought beyond that.

How to tell me You Haven't Been Paying Attention without telling me you haven't been paying attention.

Who do we rally behind in the aftermath that's ready to lead this once great country into a new era?

1) I would have thought that after events in Charlottesville and Washington D.C., you'd have learned a lesson about rallies, and had enough of them for quite awhile. Okay, sorry, not you. But smart people.

2) I'm going out on a limb here, and guessing you're a Common Core graduate. So let's fill in a ginormous hole in your understanding of our national history. (Maybe, write this on your palm with a Sharpie, lest ye forget any of it.) First, we started shooting at redcoats. Then, like a year later, we had a Declaration Of Independence. Then we battled a tyrannical government for a paltry seven long, brutal additional years before the British agreed to peace terms. Then four years and two forms of government later, we finally elected Geo. Washington to lead this country into a new era. Not the other way around.

3) So maybe you should grasp the concept that you should be far more concerned about your warfighting skills, organization, logistics, etc. than you ever should be with wondering where Geo. Washington II is, and when he's going to lead you into the promised land. you haven't even bought a dress for your prom, let alone been asked out, let alone gotten married; and yet  you're already picking out the wallpaper for the baby's room in your honeymoon cottage, and figuring out which college they'll attend.

You tell me: how stupid and bassackwards is that?

I can't think of a single soul that I would trust or want to start a new government? Can you?

I can think of dozens. So you haven't been paying very close attention to that, either, Baby Duck. More to the point, you're trying to figure out forming a government, and you haven't figured out forming a fire team or squad, and you have no freaking clue whether and who would even be around after a notional civil war ends, to know who you could pick to form that government.

So maybe a lot less wishcasting about things that don't matter, and won't matter for years to decades beyond the Next Big Thing and a LOT MORE about how to pack a ruck, approach a dead drop, avoid surveillance, smuggle people and material through checkpoints, or a cool million other things you're going to need to get from now to that day.

We shall now retire for the moment, having waded through 2/5ths of Michael's paragraphs, and let Michael get his hands on a tourniquet or two and some ice packs, the better to deal with all the lumps and lacerations suffered in this latest exchange.

Administrivia: For the Usual Suspects, shocked to learn that one of their ilk could out-stupid them at their own game, Michael's original post (I suspect he's the former "Michael Gladius") is now unembargoed in Comments to the OP. Suck it, bitches. He's one of you. Own it.

Quo Vadis, Michael?

When last we left our intrepid correspondent, he'd tied himself in knots asking pointless questions, making wild assumptions found nowhere in evidence, and bastardizing the basic concepts of language.

Fresh for the day, let us take a machete to whack our way through the next patch of verbal thicket he's laid down.

"How long do you think that's gonna last? Even if you had a group of friends, say 100-200 hard corp, well trained, all in, tough as nails MFers that don't have bad backs, knees, necks, or shoulders from their time in the military. Let's even say that none of your merry band of men or their families have a need of any type of prescription meds for their high blood pressure, PTSD, hypo/hyper thyroid or any other number of ailments. Then what? Do you think you're going to take on the world, the neighborhood, own the block?"

How long do you think that's gonna last? 

How long do I think (all that Nothing that you assumed into existence in our last installment) is going to last? Well, that depends. Did you want the serious answer, or do we, like you, get to assume metric fucktons of things into being merely for the sport of gainsaying? Is this a game of Silly Buggers, or did you mean to apply children's make-believe game rules to a serious discussion? We await your reply most eagerly, as it will dictate the course of further exchange.

Even if you had a group of friends, say 100-200 hard corp[sic], well-trained, all in. tough as nails MFers that don't have bad back, knees, necks, or shoulders from their time in the military. 

Michael, me lad, when last we looked, we have a group of well over 75,000,000 hardcore MFers. Get back to me at your soonest convenience on how your myopia and innumeracy has left your assumptions in a state our German friends would refer to as "upgefucht".

Blah, blah, blah, laundry list of sick, lame, lazy, blind, crippled, crazy problems... [we summarize here for brevity's sake - A.]

You don't know what you don't know. We're going to attempt to illuminate things for you in words, and then with pictures. Maybe something will get through.

First of all, we recount to you, briefly, the story of Samuel Whittemore, who mustered on Lexington Common one cold April morning in 1775, at the age of 80 years old. (This was back when 80 years of age was considered "old", and was something of a rarity.) He killed three British soldiers that morning, was shot for his trouble, then bayoneted, and left for dead. He recovered, and survived to the ripe old age of 98, living to see not only American independence from Britain, and the establishment of the US Constitution and Bill of Rights as the supreme law of the land, but seeing President George Washington re-elected for his second term after the Revolutionary War.

In case you're more of a visual learner than a textual one:

Then what? Do you think you're going to take on the world, the neighborhood, own the block?

The world will do what the world will do. But we're going to take on all the neighborhoods, and all the blocks. Since you asked. And we're going to do it the same exact way ants eat an elephant: one bite at a time.

Let's continue, shall we?

"Oh... you were smart and got out of the cities while the getting was good. Okay. So, is your merry band of men going to all come out to the farm with their families and are all of you are going to live happily ever after on the farm? Are you gonna grow a few potatoes, milk a few cows, hunt for dove, pheasant, deer or whatever wild game there is in the sticks? How long do you think that's gonna last?"

Oh...you were smart and got out of the cities while the getting was good.

1) What makes you think getting out of cities is "smart"?

2) When we've gone to war in past conflicts, did we bomb the countryside, or the cities? Did we march into wheat fields and declare victory, or the cities? Why d'ya suppose that is?

3) What makes you think leaving the Other Side any - or many - safe hives is a good idea? Why wouldn't you want to take the opportunity to kick the enemies of your blood in the crotch, even before they roll out of bed every morning, and five times a night while they attempt to sleep?

You really haven't thought anything through, have you? You're just spinning your next clever point, without realizing you're merely parading your own ignorance, of strategy, tactics, logistics, insurgency, and pretty much anything and everything covered in any treatise on warfare by von Clausewitz, Machiavelli, Musashi, or Sun Tzu, since ever.

The countryside is where you build insurgencies, shelter them, rest them, train them.

The cities are where your underground steals the enemy's food and arms, sabotages their industry, intercepts their communications, and generally f--ks up their plans, recruiting, training, communications, logistics, and generally makes their every waking moment a thousand living hells.

EVERY. SINGLE. MINUTE. EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. AND. NIGHT.

Okay. So is your merry band of men going to all come out to the farm with their families and are all of you going to live happily ever after on the farm?

Crack a friggin' book, and tell the class how many people HAD TO move to the countryside during the Revolutionary War; then how many moved there for the Civil War? How about during the Spanish-American War? WW I? WW II? Korea? Vietnam? Desert Storm? OIF/OEF?

Wait-what?!? That NEVER happened?!? Unpossible!!

So why would everyone need to do something this time we've never needed to do once in nearly 250 years of existence? Show all work.

What makes you think the Other Side can infallibly sort the sheep from the goats? What do you think Mao meant when he wrote "The guerrilla moves in the sea of the people?" Or is this the first time you've ever heard that in your entire life?

And why wouldn't you want to take war to the enemy on THEIR home turf rather than fighting them in the sticks on YOUR own front porch? Doesn't that strike you like setting yourself on fire to wrestle hand-to-hand with your enemy? Don't you think that's a pretty stupid way to go about winning? In fact, forget winning, don't you think that's just plain stupid at all?

Are you gonna grow a few potatoes, milk a few cows, hunt for dove, pheasant, deer, or whatever wild game is in the sticks?

Are you a total moron? Or just totally and completely historically ignorant of the fact that the continent ceased to support the population like that in about 1800? About the time the entire U.S. population passed the 5,000,000 mark. How about if we let the farmers farm, and the ranchers ranch, like we've done for, oh, about 300-400 years in North America?

How long do you think that's gonna last?

I think it's never going to start, but you continuing to try to paint false dilemmas as the only possible choices just shows how wrapped up you are in delusional thinking, and trying to paint someone into a corner of a castle you built in the air, or just in your head.

Evidently it's news to you, but painting a dozen different scenarios, all of your own imagining, and then knocking them down is the essence of the Straw Man Fallacy.

You have yet to address one single thing I said in the post you claim to disagree with; so far, all you're doing is disagreeing with the dog whistles only you hear, and arguing with the voices in your own head. It's entertaining for me, but hardly productive for any point you were hoping to make. You've laid out all your imagined problems with things I neither expressed nor espoused. And - Lord love a duck! - we still aren't even at the end of your first paragraph.

ROWYBS: Rock On With your bad Self!

Michael Has Some Questions, Pt. 1 Of...10? 15? 20?

 

In comment to our earlier post, Michael responded with the following epistle:

"Okay. I'll play your game.

After "it" hits the fan and things start to collapse, then what? Are you gonna be a "lone wolf" and the "alpha" in charge? I'll give you the supposition that you've put away all the bullets, beans, and bandages for a small army and have trained on all of your weapons and you have done everything necessary to prepare your AO. How long do you think that's gonna last? Even if you had a group of friends, say 100-200 hard corp, well trained, all in, tough as nails MFers that don't have bad backs, knees, necks, or shoulders from their time in the military. Let's even say that none of your merry band of men or their families have a need of any type of prescription meds for their high blood pressure, PTSD, hypo/hyper thyroid or any other number of ailments. Then what? Do you think you're going to take on the world, the neighborhood, own the block? Oh... you were smart and got out of the cities while the getting was good. Okay. So, is your merry band of men going to all come out to the farm with their families and are all of you are going to live happily ever after on the farm? Are you gonna grow a few potatoes, milk a few cows, hunt for dove, pheasant, deer or whatever wild game there is in the sticks? How long do you think that's gonna last? Are you planning on creating your own form of government, maybe start your own little country within the ruins of what was once the USofA? Or, are you gonna just hunker down and wait a few years and hope that some other George Washington, Thomas Jefferson or Ben Franklin is going to pick up where the old USofA was meant to be and start afresh? What's your plan?

I hear a lot about how we need to get this Civil War started and how politicians need to be swinging from the lamp posts or introduced to the guillotine. I hear about how we all need to buckle up because we're in for a rough ride. I hear all of that noise, but nobody seems to have thought beyond that. Who do we rally behind in the aftermath that's ready to lead this once great country into a new era? I can't think of a single soul that I would trust or want to start a new government. Can you?

Do we really want a Civil War? Do we storm the government buildings and hunt down the good with the bad? Do we hang them all because they just happen to be in a government building when we happened to show up for the war? Do we actually hunt down the 3 letter agents that we know are living in our neighborhoods and hang them and their families because they just wanted to put food on their table and into the mouths of their children? Do you want to be both judge and jury? Do you have evidence that these people are corrupt or are you just lumping them all together because they still work for the govt. and if they're still working for the govt. at this point then they're all bad? Is that how you want to do this?

You talk big. You talk sedition. However, I have noticed that nobody seems to have a plan other than immediate violence. Great! Then what? Does everyone become a war lord? How does this work?

I know that what we have isn't perfect. I know what we have has been corrupted. Changes need to happen and they cannot happen soon enough. However, until there is a plan on how to progress from war to peace and someone that knows how to lead in both war and peace, you're just spitting into the wind and if you're lucky, you're stacking up bodies. That's about one of the dumbest plan, non plans, I have ever heard of. Call me a coward or whatever name you want. Tease me about voting moar harder. Warn me again about how we will all be fed into box cars and taken to the prison camps to be shot or burned. If that's what you think is going to happen, you really don't have a clue about what a Civil War is. What you have ain't a plan. It's a wish and a hope and tough talk. You have no clear vision of where you're going and you want everyone to follow.

Hard Pass "General"."

 There's a lot to deal with there.

Firstly, let me give credit where credit is due: I don't think you made a single major error in that entire effort in spelling, punctuation, or grammar. Kudos.

Secondly, I just want to say that your effort was organized, succinct, and absolutely clear. 

Thirdly, and most importantly, I think, whether you meant for it to be or not, that entire response was one of the most artful, clever, and painstakingly-constructed Straw Men I think I've seen on the internet since pretty much Ever. Bravo.

Fourthly, nota bene, there were some real nuggets in there, and be in no doubt that we shall dig every last one of them out. Some of them are absolute 24K gold. Some of them are pure stable nuggets. We will sort each and every one of them accordingly.

But given the length and breadth of your essay, this will be rather like the Lincoln-Douglas Debates: extended over some good period of time, and probably done in installments. But when we are finished, there will be nothing left behind.

I'm absolutely sincere on that: you raise no small number of genuine points in amidst the codswallop and gas, and we will deal with all of it.

So this is not, nor is intended to be, a fisking, as that would imply that the whole was nothing but nonsense, and what you wrote is not all that.

The preliminaries having been covered, it seems best to us to take it pretty much line by line, until we shall have gotten to the end, and sorted out the whole cow; the steak, the hamburger, and the bullshit.

For clarity to readers, we will accord Michael's words Bold print, and put our responses in italics.

__________

"Okay. I'll play your game."

In the words of Edith Keeler in the original series Star Trek episode City On The Edge Of Forever, "A lie is a poor way to say hello."

We note this, because you're about to undertake to illustrate for five long paragraphs that you'll be doing anything but that. Irony is a great thing, as Shakespeare demonstrated in Marc Antony's speech at Caesar's burial, where he damned Brutus while claiming to be doing just just the opposite. But when you economize with the truth right out of the gate, you're stepping off on the wrong foot.

We furthermore note the first stuffed pantlegs (probably inadvertent) in your Straw Man construction project by telling you what we were told by the pit boss at a Las Vegas blackjack table when they swapped from the affable dealer to the one who did her level best to bust everyone repeatedly, and as quickly as possible, after we told the pit boss we didn't like how his dealer played: "She's not PLAYING."  

Neither was I in the post with which you think you disagree. Things have not been so glaringly heart-attack serious in this country since 1861. If you disagree with that assessment, show your work.

"After "it" hits the fan, and things start to collapse, then what?"

I have no idea what you're talking about there. Neither does anyone else. By design. What scenario are YOU contemplating? The linguistic value of that sentence is a portmanteau, containing a range of values inclusive of "anything and everything". There is no way to answer it, until YOU tell us what "X" is. After WHAT hit WHAT fan? Biden falling down the steps of Air Force One and going into a coma? Putin initiating global thermonuclear war? Godzilla emerging from the sea to smite Tokyo in real life? The Cubs winning another pennant? ???

As for things "starting" to collapse, news flash: you're speaking of past events. Is an openly stolen presidential election the start of the collapse? What about double-digit inflation while the Treasury printers run three shifts a day? How about millions of illegal aliens streaming across the borders unchecked for months on end? What about a show trial in a kangaroo court where the leading presidential candidate and presumptive opposition nominee is railroaded into felon status weeks before his party's convention, and bare months ahead of the election, when he's leading the sitting president in the polls by double digits? That sounds to me like you want to talk about history, not the future. And if those aren't the start of the collapse, how far over the cliff would you mark as the starting line?

"Are you gonna be a "lone wolf" and be the "alpha" in charge?"

You're speaking gibberish, again. In so far as, by definition, if a pack is only a single wolf, he is, by default, the alpha in charge. Of himself. And nothing else. So unpack that, and figure out which of two or three or four questions you MEANT to ask that was the one you really wanted to ask.

"I'll give you the supposition that you've put away all the bullets, beans, and bandages for a small army and have trained on all of your weapons and have done everything necessary to prepare your AO."

1) Why on earth would anyone assume that for anyone else??

2) If I was there, now, - hell, if ANYONE was there - there would already be a rapidly-spreading area where freedom reigned, and TPTB would hesitate to enter except in overwhelming numbers, and even then, only with the certain knowledge that less of their men would leave than originally entered, to a metaphysical certainty. NTTAWWT. But for reference, that didn't even exist anywhere in France or Holland after FIVE YEARS of the Allies dropping supplies to the respective undergrounds in both countries, in an actual shooting war against actual Nazis.

3) Assuming what is self-evidently the case nowhere, and at no time, in this country is where you're packing another few handfuls of straw into your rapidly growing edifice. I am and have been, in fact, hammering at the exact point that NO ONE is there, and you pretend it's exactly opposite to that reality. That's like trying to grow corn by pulling on the stalks. It also underlines why you've put the cart before the horse in this entire essay, as we're going to see, over and over and over again.

3) Do you have any wild idea how large is the Manhattan phonebook-sized OpPlan of "everything necessary to prepare your AO"?!? I'm serious there. Personnel? Intelligence? Training? Operations? Logistics? Communication? Civil Affairs? Vertical and lateral liaison? Operational Support? Friendly units? Enemy units? (Clever readers of a certain background may notice a familiar trend here.) Why on God's green earth would you spot ANYONE what has manifestly NOT happened anywhere in the entire nation, not even once, for even five minutes, despite all the signs it's overwhelmingly going to be vital for survival? FFS, they didn't have 5% of this in place just for the Capitol Rally/ZOMG Insurrection!!! on 1/6/21.

4) I've literally typed my fingers numb - and so have at least a baker's dozen others - for nearly a decade telling people they have NONE of that, and a decade later, most readers still have most of that nothing left.

Which is exactly the problem, and why you, assuming anyone has it, keep trying to charge off in all directions, before you even have a saddle or a horse. Or at least, the front half of one.

___________________

Michael,

That's only the fitting response to three lines into the first of five paragraphs you wrote, which minimal response is longer already than everything you wrote, and the only thing you've done in them is show how far from reality you're starting off, with only a metric fuckton of wild unfounded assumptions and vague generalizations. This is going to be like getting all the dove shot out of an entire sack of doves with just a single pair of needlenose tweezers.

All this while we're working this weekend.

To do your essay justice may very well be a task of days to weeks. Usually we fret a bit, trying to generate an average of a post a day. You've pretty much solved that for us for the entire month, even if literally nothing else happens in the world. But don't worry, Michael, you're worth it. At this rate, you've given us blog-fodder for at least the next week or two, give or take. Maybe multiple posts daily, some days. And I suspect you're going to get tired of reading what you wrote long before we get tired of responding to it. But it's going to have to be in bite-sized chunks, if only out of deference to the average reader's attention span and tolerance.

We almost removed the rest of your essay for now, because we're likely going to be halfway to the 4th of July from here before we get to the last of it. But we didn't want to deprive you of your moment in the sunshine, nor listen to cries that we took you out of context or edited you, so we leave it here intact.

Future installments may see us truncating it down to just the relevant section in each succeeding post, now that we've posted the entirety here.

Feel free to tap out at any time, otherwise we'll continue until the bitter end. You probably won't be able to help yourself from adding more here for a second bite at the apple, but we're going to get to the very end of your first diatribe before we start branching off into all the thickets and weeds you'll doubtless be adding to this original briar patch.

And there really will be some worthwhile points to make along the way, when you aren't busy jumping to conclusions.

Chess, Not Checkers

With all due respect to Matt Bracken,

we propose the US military pursue a less-retarded approach 

to the Eastern Med:

Erdogan is his own worst enemy, and Turkey needs to be saved from him, even at the choice of removing him from power and halting his futile pursuit of delusions of former grandeur.

This isn't 1960 off Cuba, and you don't stall until your only choices are bad and worse.

We're not there to intervene in the original conflict. We're the guys at the barfight with the sawed-off shotgun, keeping the original fight a one-on-one match-up.

Hamas bought their ticket; now let them ride that bull the whole eight seconds.

If that means Erdogan catches a bellyful of buckshot for interfering, so be it.

Literally no one will miss him by day after tomorrow.

Don't start nothin', won't be nothin'.

Point/Counterpoint

h/t WRSA

Right back at ya. That sword cuts both ways.

Meanwhile:

Believe your enemies when they tell you who they are, 

and what they want. 

Point: Counterpoint

 h/t WRSA

Just saying.

Counterpoint

from WRSA

Some witless wonder cobbled the above shit-masterpiece out of his underpants with an accompanying pic. (We note FTR that like our posts, everywhere, we sign our memes, unlike this happily anonymous douchebag. We triple-dog dare the gutless wonder who created it to claim it.) And then, WRSA posted it in their daily memedump this morning.

We also pity the inept old 80-IQ lackwit 1950s holdout who thought that was clever, and who yet pines longingly for the days when lunch counters and drinking fountains had "Whites Only" or "Colored" signs, the N-word could be uttered with impunity, and 60-year old men could be called "boy" when they loaded your luggage or shined your shoes, and we look forward to the day when the last living witness of that shameful period of American history is as dead as Jim Crow laws.

We respond on point thusly:

We are second to no one in pointing out that the multi-generational malcontents from among a bare 13% of the population are responsible for a vastly outsized proportion of violent crime in this country (and have been thusly for decades), along with various other corrosive influences on the foundations of the republic, to the point we've said that they should probably be given a final choice of either getting it together and learning to function in civil society, or get shipped back to the continent of their origin once and for all, non-voluntarily. Which would improve the mean IQ of two continents: the sending one, and the receiving one. We weren't speaking rhetorically.

But naked codswallop from the pinnacles of 1950s and early 1960s racism isn't going to get things done, and will only cement the worst aspects of American history as one's calling card in the minds of the unconvinced Normies in the middle. In short, it's like shooting oneself in the dick. Repeatedly. 

You lost that war three times, once in people's minds by 1861, once in 1865 - at gunpoint (your choice), and again by 1965 - again at gunpoint (your choice), to drive the point home for the slow learners. GTF over it.

Don't make us pull this blog over and come back there. You won't like us when we're angry.

And frankly, we all have bigger fish to fry.

You want to shout down the bankruptcy of "diversity"? There are much better ways to do it than using Bull Connor, George Wallace, and Lester Maddox as your shining examples.

Grow a bigger IQ, and take another whack at it that doesn't leave your testicles splatted all over your thigh, Anonymous Jackass.

Point. Counterpoint.

 h/t WRSA

All solutions are political solutions. Reference:

This is how you do "term limits" with 0% error possible.

Parry. Riposte.

Tam seems utterly convinced, due to "insider experts", that Twatter is imminently in danger of crashing and burning.

Alongside the minor malfunctions, the Twitter engineer believes that there’ll be significant outages on the horizon, thanks in part to Musk’s drive to reduce Twitter’s cloud computing server load in an attempt to claw back up to $3 million a day in infrastructure costs. Reuters reports that this project, which came from Musk’s war room, is called the “Deep Cuts Plan.” One of Reuters’s sources called the idea “delusional,” while Alan Woodward, a cybersecurity professor at the University of Surrey, says that “unless they’ve massively overengineered the current system, the risk of poorer capacity and availability seems a logical conclusion.” 

Meanwhile, when things do go kaput, there’s no longer the institutional knowledge to quickly fix issues as they arise. “A lot of the people I saw who were leaving after Friday have been there nine, 10, 11 years, which is just ridiculous for a tech company,” says the Twitter engineer. As those individuals walked out of Twitter offices, decades of knowledge about how its systems worked disappeared with them. (Those within Twitter, and those watching from the sidelines, have previously argued that Twitter’s knowledge base is overly concentrated in the minds of a handful of programmers, some of whom have been fired.)

Followed by patented world-class Tam-snark. Fair enough.

We repeat for emphasis:

1) How much excess capacity does Musk and Twatter require, once he whittles back the unwanted and unnecessary input of the 90%-of-Twatter-posting Wokebots?? Get rid of 90% of the traffic, and you can function until Hell Freezes Over on 10% of capacity, and hire talent long before it ignites.

But let's say he does run it into the ground. That begs the bigger question:

2) Who Cares??

Since Twatter was nothing but a wokebot fool's paradise, if all Musk accomplished was to buy the ginormous P.O.S., just to run it into the Lakehurst Naval Air Station and dock it exactly like the Graf Zeppelin Hindenburg: gloriously aflame, with the survivors tuck-and-rolling to safety while the smoking hulk of the superstructure crumbles into a memory, the response of about 60% of America would be "Hallelujah! There IS a God!".

3) What makes anyone think that the programming "institutional memory" provided by the hordes of fired SJWs is irreplaceable except by other programming SJWs???

I'm pretty sure that writing code is writing code, and if he outsources the whole silly enterprise to Bangladesh, and Silicon Valley starves to death this winter, the cries of delight from most of the country would remain "Hallelujah! There IS a God!".

Heads he wins, tails they lose. 

He either saves this P.O.S. on his terms, or runs it into the wall at 200 M.P.H., leaving poor Elon with only Tesla, unquestioned dominance of space transport for the next decade, and a spare hundred billion dollars or so to fall back on. This is not the catastrophe portended.

Pick on Fedora Jesus all you like. You're missing the point, and the only ones getting themselves into a tizzy over the fate of Twatter are the people who ran the bots, the fired woketard deadweight staff (but we repeat ourselves), and you.

Most people in America wouldn't have given two sh*ts if Musk simply dropped a Falcon Heavy module onto Twatter corporate HQ "by accident" the day after he bought it, because they rightly regard most social media as both unconscionable revelation/intrusion into one's private life and/or a colossal NSA Trojan Horse, plus a waste of bandwidth to begin with.

It's Musk's toy to play with now. If he succeeds, the naysayers look foolish. If he slams into the ground and leaves a smoking hole, the people who hate the naysayers cheer. And at that point, the people carrying water for the woketards' jeering are hard to distinguish from the whiny woketards themselves. Just saying.

Let him play with his toy. Even if he smashes it. It's what his toy means, i'n't it?