Even Stupid People Can Grasp This

Science Really Is A Bitch Like That

h/t Liberty's Torch

So, today, we read this latest bit of scientism and Globull Warmist theology, excerpted over at Fran Porretto's place, and hailing from that bastion of scientific accuracy, TIME Magazine :

The problem with MDIs is not carbon dioxide (the most common greenhouse gas), but rather methane, which represents a far smaller share of greenhouse emissions, but a much more powerful one, with up to 84 times the heat-trapping power of CO2. Even the least polluting inhaler was found to emit methane at levels equal to up to 10 kg (22 lbs.) of carbon dioxide into the air over the course of its 200-puff lifetime.

Fran was more worried about what this means for the next target of the Warmist Cult (asthmatics), but I was more struck by the breathtaking scientific stupidity it takes to pen such thorough-going codswallop.

I realize that J-school grads spent about four minutes in science class back when they were 8 or 10 years old, and probably even less time adequately learning how to do math beyond the second grade level, but this level of ox-stunning professional jackassical stupidity is simply beyond the pale.

Listening to most all of the media attempt science and math is like giving a class of retarded kids the keys to a lot full of heavy construction equipment, only less responsible. When you can get better scientific understanding from MAD Magazine than TIME Magazine, the latter is charging too much per issue, and should be printed on Charmin to provide some bare utility.

Point of order, kids:

Humor me for but a moment.
An asthmatic's MDI weighs 4 to 6 ounces.
Including the metal container.

Now, I realize the Globull Warmist Cult Religion makes Scientology appear to be on a far firmer foundation with regard to both religion and science, by contrast, but physics being physics, and the First Law Of Thermodynamics being kind of a bitch when it comes to pulling matter (or more precisely, energy) out of your tailpipe, I put it to anyone with an IQ north of 75:

You can't get 22 pounds of methane out of a 6 ounce inhaler (nor the "functional equivalent" of 22 pounds of CO2, nor anything like), no matter how much handwaving you try, no matter how many goats' entrails you read, and no matter how many virgins you sacrifice to the Globull Warmist Volcano. Not even if you're Rumplestiltskin, and can spin straw into gold.

It's simply beyond ridiculous, skipping right to recockulous.
In fact, the recockulous meter is pegged all the way to the peg beyond Level 11 of Ludicrous on the dial, and cannot be measured with existing instrumentation. Even with the nitrous phlogiston boost and a flux capacitor operating the hyperdrive on pure dilithium crystals.

In short, 22 pounds of methane weighs, y'know, 22 effing pounds, you lying jackholes.
This is why the English language cleverly uses different words for 22 pounds, versus for 6 ounces.

And even if we granted TIME's "84 times" stat, the entire MDI would have to be a solid BLOCK of methane, with no room left for plastic, metal, other gasses, and - not to put too fine a point on it - ASTHMA MEDICINE. So, you can believe TIME Magazine's recockulous claims.
Or your lying eyes.

And FTR, you emit more methane than "the equivalent of 22 pounds of CO2" into the atmosphere every time you turn on a natural gas stove, between the time you dial up the gas, and when the pilot or electrical spark striker sets it on fire. You go figure out if it's more likely there are more gas burners than asthmatics on the planet.

(And if you guessed the next line of Warmist Climastrology is that "Cooking food is killing the planet!", go to the head of the class.)

In actual fact, every human being emits more methane than is contained in an MDI every time they fart, and the average human breaks winds 10-20 times a day (no matter what your wife or girlfriend tells you). Even more if you eat beans and herd cattle.

Which leads the Climastrology Cult to really be about global genocide, to save the planet.
Just like you suspected.

If this obvious scientific and linguistic reality is news to anyone, they should beat their heads against a solid rock wall until the matter makes itself clear.

Which leads us to ask of TIME Magazine, in particular their so-called editorial staff (where Science is concerned, going back only to about Edison's invention of the light bulb, if such were possible):

No other explanation accords with reality so handily.

Thanks for your time.

(Thermodynamics, asthma, math, Blazing Saddles, and Charles Laughton all in one post: this job ain't for amateurs, kids.)

We're Stealing This Immediately

h/t Pirate's Cove

Climastrology: From the same foundations of science that gave you such
wizardry as alchemy, phlogiston, phrenology, Evolution, and eugenics.

We had not heard the appellation "Climastrologist" used before, though apparently it is in common use on the indicated site.

But we like it so much, we decree its use henceforth to the boundaries of our realm, whenever such usage is indicated. Pure lexicographical genius, right there.