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| They promised the Moon. They delivered a Moon Pie. Half-eaten, with the frosting melted off. If you'd bought a horse as lame as this DoJ, you'd shoot it in the head. Out of pity. |
Best cut from the soundtrack of 1984's Streets Of Fire, a way-ahead-of-its-time neo-noir rock and roll fairytale directed by Walter Hill (voted #1 in best use of busses crashing in motion picture history), ably lip-synced in this video by the movie's faux do-wop group the Sorels. You can see the song by actual artist Dan Hartman here. The movie sadly flopped, but this track from the penultimate scene in the movie rode all the way to #6 on the Billboard charts.
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| One is reminded of nothing so much as Lincoln's quote to McClellan about the Army Of The Potomac: "If Pam and Kash aren't going to use the entire DoJ for anything important, I should like to borrow them for a few months..." |
Paul Simon's single from his fourth studio album released in late 1975 went all the way to the top of the charts in early 1976, becoming his only Number One as a solo act. A simple tune, people overlooked the fact that he came up 45 ways short in the lyrics.
Former Fleetwood Mac member Bob Welch put out a solo album in 1977, which spawned a couple of hits for him. This is one of them, which hit #14 on the US charts.
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| Anybody: Did someone slip meth into the drinking fountains on the three days a year your goofy legislature meets?!? This is the kind of crazy shit I expect from Sacramento. Karma's a bitch. |
We haven't checked, but we're pretty sure Trump himself had been charged with 84 counts of everything under the sun under various legal shenanigans in any dozen kangaroo courts by Day 84 of Mr. Fraudulent's Reign Of Lawlessness, if you're keeping score at home. (We give a modicum of shrift to the argument that it's harder to build good cases if you're going to have to assemble, ya know...bona fide evidence.)
We hate to throw shade at USAG Bondi now that someone, somewhere, finally found a crime or three they could prosecute (one wonders if they needed both hands, a map, and a rear view mirror to find their own asses), but at this rate, they'll barely crack 50 arrests before POTUS is termed out in 2029.
As Mr. Churchill once remarked, "This isn't the beginning of the end, but at least it's the end of the beginning.
To the short bus of US attorneys and investigators who apparently populate the bulk of the DoJ:
Moar, harder, faster, you gang of glacially slow (and we mean that in every possible sense of the phrase) buffoons. Stop licking the windows, and get cracking. But thanks for finally pulling your heads out of a dark, fetid place, and getting on the job.
And minus-ten style points for not perp-walking both judges in front of banks of news cameras.
Pour encourager les autres.
In case no one suspected it, we've been on a long-overdue vacation since last week, puttering around the homestead, and will continue to be for the balance of this week, except tomorrow we travel towards the distant horizon. This makes about three such interludes in the last 25 years, so we think we're entitled.
We just finished a superb pasta e fagioli and slab of exquisite lasagna, which we'll be sleeping off presently.
Best wishes with whatever you're up to at the moment.
Expect this site to be untouched for the next week or so. Back in 1200 miles or so.
I'm sure there's plenty of Easter music up today. I'm still going with this Queen/David Bowie masterpiece, from 1981, which peaked at #29 in the US.
h/t WRSA
Look, kids, while our love of unbridled caveat emptor capitalism is exceeded only by P.T. Barnum's (from whom the header quote sprung), anyone who buys "fuel thickener" for nearly $250/jug might as well take the family cow along too, to get some Magic Beans..
The traditional recipe for homemade napalm is 50/50 gasoline (any octane will do) and ordinary liquid dish washing soap. Palmolive retails for about $25/gallon, a savings of about $220 over the Magic Goo pictured above. You can substitute styrofoam for the soap in a pinch, but more stirring is required, it works better with diesel or fuel oil, and the quantity is arrived at by getting to the right consistency during the process. Every several gallons, dump in a jar of metallic (aluminum will do fine) ordinary craft glitter, which particles serve as condensation nucleii for the flammable glop. (If we have to explain condensation nucleii to you, you're already not tall enough to work at this lab bench station).
As the XL-18 flammenwerfer Throwflame sells (and don't get me wrong: mad props to them for making that beauty) boasts a capacity of 3.3 gallons, that's about $5 worth of regular unleaded, and about $35 worth of dish soap, and a few bucks for some glitter jars at the craft store. Which would only leave you with $200 still in your pocket by not buying the Magic Glop, above. But you do you.
We understand Throwflame's desire to part you from 245 bucks, but if they do so successfully, your 80 IQ is its own reward. And you're probably not bright enough to be playing with flammenwerfers in the first place. (Well, once maybe. But probably not twice.)
Suture self.
But the feckless Attorney General of the United States has been in office since February 25th, and still not one single arrest, anywhere, despite nearly a decade of lawless conduct by multiple federal officials, and entire agencies, including most of the FBI.
Not. One. Single. Arrest.
Maybe, when they find her, someone should get Pam Bondi and the next 87 officials in the DoJ, who've had literally years to start these cases before Trump's re-election, their own seeing-eye dogs, to help them find their own asses, as even with both hands, an anatomical chart, and a rear-view mirror, they seem to be ill-equipped for even that low-level tasking.
I know we hire the 80 IQ folks for cops in general, and the lower end goes to the FBI, but if DoJ would do the same thing, their efficiency and productivity couldn't help but shoot upward like a rocket launch. The current crop make kids on the short bus seem like rocket scientists by contrast.
And BTW, no Epstein client list either.
Nada. Zip. Bupkus. Niente.
Usually, to achieve the level of incompetent fucktardery the DoJ is demonstrating flawlessly every single day, you have to be a congessweasel, at least, or a reporter for ABCNNBCBS.
Think how betrayed Trump loyalists and convicted felons, like Peter Navarro and Rudy Giuliani, must feel about taking one for the team, and the 47 administration not being able to even piss their pants in reply after three months' time. The lack of action shows them one and all as total shitbags who should go home and kill themselves if they can't get their shit in one bag and get things rolling by now. This is beyond scandalous. It's treasonous.
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| If you're keeping score at home, this makes three US AGs, lifetime, Trump has appointed, all of whom have disappeared, never to be seen or heard from again. Weird. |
h/t WRSA
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| For most people, the penny will drop about five minutes before the 2026 mid-terms, which is only about 22 months too late. Trump, OTOH, has until about the end of this month to start making this right, or de facto admitting it was all just so much b.s. And there are no do-overs here. Either we have laws, or we don't. If we don't, the next president will be more like Negan from The Walking Dead than George Washington, regardless of which party wins. So, is Pam Bondi real, or just a face on a milk carton? Why can't Trump ever find an AG who actually wants to do the f**king job?!?!? |
Number One in the Hot 100 of Top Secret! in 1984, sung by Nick Rivers himself, Val Kilmer. RIP.
h/t Borepatch
We first saw him in Top Secret:
Then he doubled down on his comedy chops with Real Genius:
Then got all serious on us as Tom "Iceman" Kazansky:
Took a turn as the hero in Willow:
Played the only good FBI agent in Thunderheart:
Then blew everyone away as The One That Got Away in Heat:
"Young man, you confuse the size of your paycheck with the size of your talent.
I'm going back to my trailer. Please have someone come and get me when all of us are ready to get back to work."
The set got pin-drop quit as Brando walked off set, because when Marlin Brando tells you that you suck as an actor, you suck as an actor.
h/t WRSA
Discuss in comments the odds that Hegseth already knows that answer.
And after that, the over/under odds he'll do anything to fix that longstanding boil on the military's ass, under the theory that victory in battle is their primary mission.
Step One: Anyone who can't perform their service branch's PRT/PFT to the current male standard is given the same number of weeks as they have years TIS to either meet the male standard, or be separated for the good of the service.
There's no Step Two necessary. Combat doesn't grade based on gender.
[Pro tip: I wouldn't be holding my breath for that small amount of obvious common sense, even from Hegseth. #Notevergonnahappen]
{Nota bene: We said "tits" rather than "a pussy", because if we started picking on people in the military packing that gear, it wouldn't just be the women we'd be talking about, and a quite large number of them would be in the O-7 and above ranks. #Fireallthegeneralsandadmiralsforopeners.}
h/t WRSA
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| Anonymous memester: Award certificate available in stall #3 of local men's room. Wipe for picture. |
As usual, WRSA has a great collection of memes today, as it does most every day. And as usual, the one in the left half of the header is not one of them. The better ones, OTOH, are much better. This one never should have made the cut.
We suppose math is not the creator's strong suit. This is what happens when Common Core drop-outs try to meme.
If you post enough memes from other people, you're going to keep scraping the bottom of the barrel. In this example, we have the Trifecta Of Stupid:
1) Not remotely true. (Srsly? Three names: Mao. Stalin. Hitler. Israel doesn't even make the medal round.)
2) Thus not effective, except as a dog whistle for people who see JOOOOOOOOOOOOS! everywhere, including under their own bed. JDS is real.
3) So sadly pathetic that the memester responsible (too chickenshit to sign their work, as always) had to hijack another protest, and use a black man to carry the KKK's water for them. Apparently it's not as good when someone in a white pointed hood is holding the sign so childishly altered. Who knew? Award x2 multiplier for Bad Photoshop.
We wouldn't bother recognizing such retarded children artworks, but those fish in the barrel aren't going to shoot themselves.
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| Coroner's inquest rules that the injuries were self-inflicted. |
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| The good news? The dynamo they hooked up to Walt's grave will power the studio for the next 100 years. |
h/t WRSA
Now do one for the rest of Europe, including Ukraine, on who thinks Russia is trustworthy, honorable, and peaceful. As opposed to just being the Mexico of Europe, except with nuclear weapons and a desire to re-form the former Soviet Union.
Funny how the most stridently anti-Russian countries are all right on Russia's border, including all the satellite republics they keep attacking to keep as part of that country.
Go ahead, we triple-dog dare you. Show it.
We'll wait over here while you work out where Baby Duck Trump has his whole head completely up his own ass, and can't remember anything that happened from 1946-1991, while he bargains another country away as if they have no say in the matter, and then tell me how many other current U.S. alliances are going to survive the next 20 years.
Then tell the class about who the last four or five countries were, who bargained with Russia to divvy up someone else's country like they were Monopoly cards, and tell the class how that worked out all around in each case.
This should be entertaining.
For the Common Core grads: History - still a thing.
But hey, keep on siding with Russia and Hamas in preference to countries that oppose both, and tell yourself you're on the right side of history and common sense.
I'm still trying to recall the last world leader who was allied with both the Arabs and Russia, but I'm betting some people's historical ignorance - or deliberate blind eye - did Nazi that one coming.
{To the Usual Suspects: -10 points and a stiff-armed salute - but no space - for every knee-jerk "Joooooooooos!" response in comments. Mine your underpants as expected, and live up to all my expectations.}
8 US Code 1324:
(A) Any person who---
(i)knowing that a person is an alien, brings to or attempts to bring to the United States in any manner whatsoever such person at a place other than a designated port of entry or place other than as designated by the Commissioner, regardless of whether such alien has received prior official authorization to come to, enter, or reside in the United States and regardless of any future official action which may be taken with respect to such alien;(ii)knowing or in reckless disregard of the fact that an alien has come to, entered, or remains in the United States in violation of law, transports, or moves or attempts to transport or move such alien within the United States by means of transportation or otherwise, in furtherance of such violation of law;(iii)knowing or in reckless disregard of the fact that an alien has come to, entered, or remains in the United States in violation of law, conceals, harbors, or shields from detection, or attempts to conceal, harbor, or shield from detection, such alien in any place, including any building or any means of transportation;(iv)encourages or induces an alien to come to, enter, or reside in the United States, knowing or in reckless disregard of the fact that such coming to, entry, or residence is or will be in violation of law; orshall be punished as provided in subparagraph (B).(B)A person who violates subparagraph (A) shall, for each alien in respect to whom such a violation occurs—(i)in the case of a violation of subparagraph (A)(i) or (v)(I) or in the case of a violation of subparagraph (A)(ii), (iii), or (iv) in which the offense was done for the purpose of commercial advantage or private financial gain, be fined under title 18, imprisoned not more than 10 years, or both;(ii)in the case of a violation of subparagraph (A)(ii), (iii), (iv), or (v)(II), be fined under title 18, imprisoned not more than 5 years, or both;(iii)in the case of a violation of subparagraph (A)(i), (ii), (iii), (iv), or (v) during and in relation to which the person causes serious bodily injury (as defined in section 1365 of title 18) to, or places in jeopardy the life of, any person, be fined under title 18, imprisoned not more than 20 years, or both; and
By my reading of the above statute, federal judge Boasberg, in attempting to hinder the deportation of violent criminal aliens, and continue to harbor them in the United States, has committed about 50 serious federal felonies.
As there is no "king's X" provision allowing federal judges to commit serial felonies in the course and scope of their employment, President Trump should direct the Attorney General to send federal marshals to arrest Judge Boasberg. and refer him to the appropriate US Attorney for prosecution under this section of federal code.,and under as many counts as pertain directly to his rulings.
That should keep Judge Shitforbrains too busy to issue any more jackassical rulings or injunctions, and expedite his impeachment for cause and removal from the federal bench, on his way to federal Supermax.
Start charging federal judges for the crimes they're committing, and this bogus lawfare being directed at Trump will disappear like ice cubes in a sauna. For that matter, tasing a couple and dragging them out of federal court by the hair should curb their enthusiasm for recent shananigans in about 0.2 seconds.
And be delightful to watch.
It's high time the rogue members of the federal judiciary learned about the limits of their power. With a smartly-applied choke chain, and a cattle prod to the rectum for encouragement.
h/t WRSA
Before losing his mind and converting to the religion of jihad, Yussuf was known as Cat Stevens, and he put out some truly excellent pieces, including this 1974 cover of a Sam Cooke original. Stevens' version outdid the original, peaking at #6 in the U.S.
h/t WRSA
I say we be good sports, pay them 250% tariffs,
and tell them the swap is still a bargain for us at twice the price.
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| Well-played, President Chamberlain. The last time someone pulled off a diplomatic coup like this, Czechoslovakia found out they didn't really need the Sudetenland. And that worked out so well down the line, for everyone. |
h/t WRSA
It is finely engraved toilet paper.
Neither you, nor the world, is going to be very happy when everyone catches on to this timeless truth.
Take appropriate precautions. Or repent at your leisure.
h/t WRSA
