Friday, October 17, 2014

Welcome To Oppositeville

Things here are a little different from what you may be used to.

In Oppositeville, Ebola is hard to catch.
But one tiny "break in protocol" and you can catch it.
In Oppositeville, you can't catch Ebola on the bus.
But healthcare workers exposed to it shouldn't ride public transport.
In Oppositeville, people on the same plane as an Ebola victim are at "almost no risk" of getting the disease.
But the person who had it "shouldn't have flown".
In Oppositeville, shutting down flights from West Africa is "not on the table".
Putting exposed persons on the "No Fly" list is.
In Oppositeville, there's no need to send troops to the border.
But plenty of need to send them 5000 miles away amidst a deadly plague.
"Any hospital" in Oppositeville can care for Ebola patients.
And then that patient dies, and the infection is doubled in exactly three weeks.
In Oppositeville, the treatment protocols are always perfect.
And when they're followed, people get infected anyway.
In Oppositeville, the guidelines are tested and flawless.
Until they're actually tested, and so flawed they're immediately all changed.
In Oppositeville, "we know how to control Ebola".
We just don't know how to get that information out to anyone.
In Oppositeville, we spend $10B for biohazard emergency preparedness.
But the hospitals don't actually buy any $5 hazmat suits to use.
In Oppositeville, we spend $100K to clean up an infected apartment.
But no one knows what to do with the hazmat in the ICU.
In Oppositeville, the hospitals are on Ebola training like a laser beam.
Starting with making Ebola training optional.
In Oppositeville, safety of staff, patients, and the community is their highest priority.
Actually showing their staffs what to do is their 5,297th priority.
In Oppositeville, it's such a crisis when a man gets into the White House that the head of the Secret Service resigns.
But when a man walks into the nearest ER, and exposes hundreds of Americans to his deadly isease, it's nobody's fault, and no one has to resign.
In Oppositeville, a dozen or so CDC investigators can track down hundreds and thousands of Ebola contacts within days.
But thousands of ICE agents can't find or deport 11M illegal aliens in 20 years.
In Oppositeville, we can't get one Marine out of Mexico, right next door, after 6 months.
But we can get 500 of them into Liberia, on the other side of the world, in 6 days.
In Oppositeville, we can't build an oil pipeline that would help the economies of Canada, our largest trading partner, and those of six U.S. states.
But we can keep the air pipeline going to save the economies of Liberia, Guinea, and Sierra Leone, even though the main thing they bring us is infected Ebola patients.

This is the mayor of Oppositeville:

This is his chief medical advisor:

This is the newest benefit of Obamacare:

And this is what they're planning to bring us next:
You might want to consider moving to Realityville.
Your call.


David Hamel said...

Hey Aesop.
Love your writing.
You bring a bit of well though out gallows humor to a very frustrating situation.
I retired from medicine (PA in the ER) this year after 30 years in.
My how things have changed and certainly not for the better.
Keep up the great work - I look forward to further installments!

Anonymous said...


The very end of that had me laughing hard enough so that my abs hurt...

"Mayor of Oppositeville"... LMAO!!

At this point, what else can you do but laugh?