Wednesday, July 17, 2019

Our Most Embarassing Federal Jobs Program

We mentioned this incident in passing in last week's series, specifically at the tail-end of Part III (relax, Gentle Readers, we're done with the topic per se), but the incident went viral, and it deserves a fuller exploration. 

Coastie courage and bravery: 5 stars.
Coastie common sense: 0. Out of a possible 10. (I may even be giving them too much credit, at that.)
One or two outbound AK rounds from the conning tower, and we're recovering wounded men down, in the open sea, with 50 pounds of tactical gear on them.
That'll turn out well.
And probably giving their families an empty coffin, just to make the cutter's captain look good, and buff up the seizure stats for WMSL-755 Munro.
For no other good and sufficient reasons.

Geebus Crispies, Puddle Pirates, if you're going to get that tacc'ed up, how about you give your boarding crew an M-203 per boat (or even an "obsolete" M-79), and a bag of HEDP rounds (this is mainly 1965 technology, BTW), lay off about 50-60 yards, and do some 'splaining to Capitan Pinche Cabron about maritime law, and the universal signal to "heave to".

If perchance the conning tower and pilot explode in a pink mist, and the crew, vessel, and contraband ship too much water, very unfortunate.

Next problem.

And as someone on the Interwebz whose name/blog escapes me noted at the time, perhaps someone should introduce to the Coast Guard small craft crews those remarkable inventions from about 70 years ago, known as loudhailers and bullhorns. (That would be NSN 5830-00-412-9206, and about 40-60 bucks with free shipping on Amazon now.) They have to beat yelling over two vessels' full-out engines across 50 yards of open ocean, we suspect. We're even pretty sure they even have them on most cabin cruisers nowadays, so maybe someone at DHS could find the lads a spare $60@ and buy up a few dozen of them, and pass them out. They might come in handy, again. Just saying. 

OTOH, a couple incoming 57mm rounds from the cutter to the conning tower and aft engine compartment, and the Coasties can sail away, and let the semi-submersible become fully  submersible, once; get rid of just as many drugs; and save us the ongoing costs of a trial, room, and board for five expendable narco-douchebags.
Make that official policy, for national security reasons, and it ceases to be fun for Pedro and his compadres. Boo frickin' hoo.

The subs, built for about $1M, are single-use disposable, because as noted, they bring in 200X their cost in profits for every successful trip. Sink them, and they cost us about $500 in ammunition, a few grand in bunker fuel, and the targeting crew hones their gunnery skills.

Better yet, leave the surface ships out of this, have the spotter/obs aircraft drop a Mk54 up their ass, and let the cutter continue routine maritime patrol. No chase, no jumping onto moving narco-subs, no bother at all. A splash, a flash, and a hole in the ocean. One and done. Victory barrel roll, and off to find the next one, or back to base for cold beer and hot women at the club.

Have the cutter find the mother ships out on the open ocean, the ones who provide them with refuel facilities on their long doglegs to the US Pacific coast.

(In fact, why we aren't finding, tracking, and taking those ships out with our remaining SSNs, simply for the practice, is an open mystery. It's no more complicated than putting pirates and drug smugglers into the same category under international law, and declaring open season on them: they may be killed wherever and whenever found, by anyone, without penalty. Being outside the law means being beyond its protection, in toto. Sauce for the gander.)

Problem solved, permanently.

Either way, recidivism for Capitan Pinche Cabron and the crew of the barco Mierda: 0%, forever.
And the cartel is out $1M in boat, and a quarter billion in dope, in about a minute.

Let civilians sign up to go out and hunt them with their legal civilian .50BMGs and fresh Letters Of Marque, and the waiting list for slots will be full through next December. And you'll never find a president more likely to sign them than this one.

Like I said, x1000, we're not fighting a War on drugs, we're running a federal jobs program.


Glen Filthie said...

Unsporting. C’mon - any sportsman of any merit will need a trophy.

Bring back the harpoon!

jerseygirlangie said...

A second or two from a good old 20mm Oerlikon would do the job nicely !

Aesop said...

If only the Coasties had Oerlikons on their cutters, that would work.

And I thought of harpoons too, Glen. Ideally, punch one through the fiberglass hull, then tow the suspect vessel 200 miles back into port at full speed, behind the cutter. Bonus points if it's done sideways, or the hull fails, or it simply fills with seawater and sinks in the process.

I'd even be okay with just running them over and continuing on.
If they grow gills, well and good.
If not, probably not so much a good idea in the first place to build a craft that always travels deck awash.

Every time they apprehend one of these things instead of sinking it on sight, it's a mission failure.

June J said...

The post’s suggestions make too much sense for the government to do. Alas, another progressive victory of stupidity over common sense.

Anonymous said...

This is a Law Enforcement Mission, and is being fought by Law Enforcement Rules. Their job is to bring in the poor misguided criminals and seize their illegal drugs. They cannot do it the way you propose, even if it is safer for the Coasties, and more effective.

This is the same problem we have when we treat Islamic Terrorism as a Law Enforcement Issue, and not as an attack on the people of the United States and Civilization by soldiers of an enemy ideology and lands.

I guess the 30,000 dead addicts (and how many hundreds of thousands non-addicts hurt by them before they die) every year are not enough for the US to fight for using every tool available? Then again, if we ever solved even most of the drug issue, how many people would have to find a new career? There is lots of money available every year for people to not solve the problem, just keep it "manageable."


Aesop said...

No, we've stupidly chosen to pretend it's a law enforcement mission, 200+ miles out to sea, and surprise, surprise, Capitan Pinche Cabron wasn't inclined to pull over for the red lights and siren. They're damned lucky that the crew of barco Mierda didn't respond with gunfire.

If the Coasties aren't going to use the weapons on their ships, save the money and take the goddam things off, and hand them ticket books. Maybe direct them that the approved method is to say "Stop! Or I shall say 'Stop!' again!"

Perhaps the gold-braided jackasses in charge will have a good excuse when Seaman Dumbshit is sporting a largish hole in his ass where his liver used to be, the next time some E-3 retard tries this sort of fuckwittery on the high seas.

His officers should be flogged, and he should be forbidden not only operable weapons, but also sharp objects, pending a re-test on his ASVAB intelligence score.
"Puddle Pirates" was supposed to be a mildly pejorative term, not their organizational SOP. These are just assclowns with boats, and a collective IQ lower than what they scrape off their hulls.

Lord of the Fleas said...

Let civilians sign up to go out and hunt them with their legal civilian .50BMGs and fresh Letters Of Marque, and the waiting list for slots will be full through next December. And you'll never find a president more likely to sign them than this one.

Sadly, issuing Letters of Marque is the job of the Congress, not the President. And this bunch of assclowns can't bring themselves to enforce the laws within the country's borders, never mind at sea.

Anonymous said...

If the so-called "war on drugs" were ever won it would be a disaster for many groups in the U.S. from the Coast Guard to private prison operators. Think of all the police budgets, lawyering, bribe taking, jailing, rehabilitating, counseling, banking etc. that would go away. The "war on drugs" is never meant to be won, only fought. Most of society loses but there are big winners too.

Too many people have an intere$t in keeping the charade going; The Government pretends to fight and the cartels pretend to lose (occasionally). It's all good for the people involved especially at the top who profit directly or through careers in Government. The private contractors providing fuel and gear to the Coast Guard are in favor of the war, just so long as it never ends. The DEA announces: "The biggest haul ever, 10 million pounds". The news gets an heroic story to report with the correct heroes and villains, the lawyers and police get their overtime, too.

What happens to all the drugs confiscated? They are supposed to be destroyed but for every 10 pounds seized how many ounces end up being sold again?

NE Heretic

Unknown said...

The coastie jumping on that submersible was kitted up as though he got the invitation for the costume party wrong.

Anonymous said...

When I saw that clip a few days ago I thought it was ridiculous as well. Wtf? Drug boat won't stop after being repeatedly told to? Fire a shot over the bow. Still won't? Rake that motherfucker up one side and down the other with 50 cal or whatever the the coast guard carries until it burns or sinks and call it a day.

Works for the invasion boats in the Mediterranean and Florida Straits too.

Anonymous said...

All of the people in charge who make decisions about what to do or not do could stop this drug traffic in no time at all, just like the "refugees" in the Mediterranean. The decision makers at the top, of whom there are damn few BTW, know all about 20mm, .50 cal MGs, M60s, M203s and all the other weapons, all of it's available today for use.

The people who make policy decisions don't want the drug war to end, just look like they are fighting it for public consumption. This is the same whether it's Republicans or Democrats, there is too much money involved.

NE Heretic

(I believe the M60 is not used by the Army now, I guess I'm showing my age)

Anonymous said...

"Stop! Or I shall say 'Stop!' again!"

That's gold Jerry! Gold!

Rodulf said...

I am ex-USCG law enforcement and was heavily involved in drug enforcement. ANYTHING about our illustrious War on Drugs should be looked at with extreme skepticism. Frankly, the Coast Guard lies as much as the rest of the government. PR stunts abound. The name of the game is public perceptions.

ADS said...

Lord of the Fleas, I think many if not all States' constitutions authorize the governer to issue letters of marque

Eskyman said...

Y'all have missed the easiest and most fail-proof method of all, for stopping this illegal drug trade.

Simply post signs saying "This is a Drug-Free Zone" on buoys, and these criminals will have to find another way of smuggling drugs!

If you don't believe it will work, just ask a Democrat, they'll tell you! And look at the success this program has had in schools, preventing shootings... oh wait

Anonymous said...

Or just use our current subs and train on live targets... or just call the navy. They're rather good at running headlong into other ships, might as well be the drug smugglers (and not like their reputation will suffer).

Anonymous said...

Yeah, props to the Coasties for courage, but common sense is lacking on all levels (because I'm sure he wasn't the one to make the call that the boat needed to be boarded). What my Dad used to call "More balls than brains". Of course if they'd sunk the boat some piss-ant would be complaining about how all that coke got the fish stoned or something.

Sink the drug boat and machinegun the survivors in the water. Or just leave them for the sharks. Crabs gotta eat too.

Mark D

The Freeholder said...

I'm all in favor of the "Shoot, Sink and Shut Up" methodology. I also realize that it'll never happen until our entire political class is removed from power and never allowed near the controls again.