Friday, June 22, 2018


Greetings, pinche norteamericanos, from the failed state to your south!

Well, Peter at Bayou Renaissance Man is rightfully concerned that this year's Maximum Leader likely winner - Comrade Obrador (and I mean Comrade in exactly the way you might suspect) - in the Clowncarnucopia Of Fail that is Mexican politics for the last two centuries, i.e. pretty much every waking minute the country has existed as its own national (or should that be notional?) entity, is promising to take up the cause of their cruelly oppressed campesino migrantes everywhere (but especially here).

“And soon, very soon — after the victory of our movement — we will defend all the migrants in the American continent and all the migrants in the world,” Obrador said, adding that immigrants “must leave their towns and find a life in the United States.”

He then declared it as “a human right we will defend.”
Unless they defend it better than they defend their northern border, that's not really much to worry about.

Pay no attention to the fact that this year, cartels have already murdered 110 (and counting) government officials, and that anything that threatens the BILLIONS of US dollars wired back home to mamacita from her family members working in Los Estados Unidos is pretty much like threatening to cut the country's jugular with an airplane propeller rotating at speed. That's just a pure coincidence.

Peter even offered some prognostication, and some advice that's good pretty much 24/7/365:
"If Mr. Obrador follows through on his threat, the Wall won't be anything like adequate.  Minefields, barbed wire, Claymore mines and robotic weapons turrets will be more like it.  There won't be any other way to stop what will be, in effect, "human wave" attacks on the US border.

If it comes to that, I'm likely to be very grateful that we have President Trump in charge, and General Mattis as his Secretary of Defense.  At least they won't hesitate to defend this nation's sovereignty.  If Clinton had won, she'd simply roll over and surrender.

Better brace yourselves, folks.  This could turn nasty.  Oh - and if you live within a couple hundred miles of the border, stock up on firearms and ammunition while you can.  You may need them."
It's probably not really as bad as all that.

Like looters in riots, you only have to shoot the first one in the head.

That generally takes the wind out of everyone else's sails, and they find other options, most of them centered around not getting their heads all exploded, and staying home.

And in the modern social media age, we don't even have to kill anybody; just post a picture of one such notional border crosser, with the bullet hole SFX'ed right into place, send out the tweet, and let ripples in the electronic pond do the rest.

As Calvin said to Hobbes about the monsters under the bed,
"They lie. I lie."

And if Obrador wants to be the shortest-term president in Mexico in a century, and see what Shock and Awe regime change looks like from the pointy end, he's going about it the right way.

Of course, neither the CIA nor the Marines are shy about dropping in personally to liven things up for him right at home, if necessary. There's even some history to that effect, IIRC. Something about "the halls of Montezuma", or somesuch.

So keep yapping about bringing us "the mother of all immigrant hordes", and see how that plays out for you when the jets don't even need a carrier, they can just stage out of Miramar, Davis-Monthan, and Lackland. The guys at Whiteman can pretty much get to Guatemala and back on less than half a tank.

It's also often pointed out that Mexico City and Cancun are closer to Dallas than is Washington DC.
Word to su madre: so are the 1st Armored and 1st Cav Divisions, and opposed by the entire might of the mighty Mexican Army, both brigades, they'd be eating burritos in the capitol NLT Tuesday luncheon. Wednesday if they stopped for gas and some tourist snaps along the way.

It'd never get that bad, though. We'd just sanitize a five-mile wide corridor along the border, push everybody south of it in perpetuity, sew it silly with landmines, and sit back and call in the occasional artillery mission.

I mean, it's not like we've got an entire military that's fought two desert wars for pretty much 12 of the last 18 years, and pounded multiple countries' real estate and armies into so much kindling, mainly for practice,or something. Oh wait, we've got that.

Course, we'd probably have to sort everyone here, for national security reasons, and the detainees could look forward to long hot summers in football stadiums while the background checks were processed.

Probably be a booming market for other kids from minority 'hoods to get the newly vacant jobs at Taco Bell and Mickey Ds.

Call that toss in the air, idiotas.

But really, isn't one Alamo, one San Jacinto, and one Chapultepec enough already to last everyone for a few hundred years?

But the biggest risk isn't that some blowhard idiot in the Palacio Nacional manages to egg us into squashing their pissant failed state. It's that after we do it, some jackhole do-gooder in D.C. would want to try to fix the damned thing, as if such were even possible, rather than building The Great Wall Of Trump from the Gulf of Mexico to the Gulf of California, with or without a miles-wide buffer and a few million land mines, just to keep everyone honest.

And then we'd be saddled with the only possible national albatross capable of making Puerto Rico or Gaza look like well-run operations by contrast.

I would relent on one condition: everyone registered to vote Democrat here has to move there for 20 years or so, to show us the glorious possibilities of socialism on a country-wide scale. Like D.C., Detroit, and Chicongo aren't proof of concept already.

I've elsewhere laid out my plans for Baja California: we keep it as a protectorate, like Hong Kong was, for, say, 200 years. The Pacific side as one long nearly 800-mile resort and vacation hotel strip that'd put Vegas and the French Riviera out of business in about a year. The Gulf Of California half as a pristine national park camping eco-preserve and whale breeding zone that'd make Greenpeace and the Sierra Club wet themselves with rapturous glee. Only native Mexicans get jobs there, anyone convicted of any crime is banished to the main country for life, and for every person employed there gainfully, Mexico remits as payment to the US one barrel of Mexican crude oil, per annum.

The profits of the zone get split 50/50 between Mexico and the US, and it's a federal territory, administered by a federally-appointed governor, under U.S. laws. If the guy doesn't make a profit every two years, he gets canned. If he does, he and his administrative team get a piece of the take. Maybe ½-1%, or something like that. You know, like every business in the Western world since about...ever. The US half of the profits get statutorily plowed back into infrastructure for the peninsula, like housing, schools, hospitals, etc. More jobs, better lives.

Violent criminals, and any drug cartel members, get the treatment that was customary during the Mexican Revolution.

It's always important to respect local precedents.

In twenty years, the rest of Mexico would be begging us to do the same thing, followed in short order by Central America. They'd vote it in. (Even faster, at that point, if we promised to treat the Democrats like cartel members, above.)

(Back before he decided to get all political, I always figured the guy to run the Baja Plan would be...wait for it...Donald Trump. Now, well...let's just note that regarding myself and nearly 63M of my friends and neighbors, GMTA. Now, he can hire the job out, if someone can get the State Department on the case to do something worthwhile for a change.) 

And the beauty of the U.S. Constitution is that there's no copyright; anyone else is free to try it, or any modified version of it, as they please. Every dope-smuggling law-breaking migrante you turn into a hard-working capitalist Bible-clinging rifle-toting homeowner and shopkeeper is one less family we'd need to build cages for at the border.

¿Comprenden, amigos?

(And before anyone asks, Canada would be even easier - but then, they're politer, and they can spell. We simply grant the Quebecois there unlimited right of return to Detroit, St. Louis, and Nawlins, in return for which their former province goes back to unilingual, we invite the rest of the country to unite with us, and we probably put 12 new stars on our flag and gain two additional territories, at which point Europe and the rest of the world can kindly Eff Off and leave North America alone, and we'll return the favor. The average IQ and per capita economy of the new uni-nation would increase, and the demographics of three of our most famously failed cities would even out, with a commensurate return to both sanity and their traditional roots, while increasing the local atmosphere, dining opportunities, and patois more than enough to compensate for any problems. It's not like Michigan, Missouri, and Louisiana aren't used to dealing with problem children already, for some time. There's no help for D.C. though, so the best thing to do would be to move the national capitol to from Washington to Ottowa or Montreal, which are both prettier and safer, and colder, which would incline those sent there to leave as rapidly as possible 8 months out of the year, and limit their predations on liberty in the rest of the nation quite handily. And it would help ensure that when things fall apart, the remnant in Formerly-great Britistan have a friendly place to land, come the day. The courts and Congress will have so much on their plates for the next 50-80 years, they'll have no spare time to oppress the native peasantry hereabouts to any meaningful level. Everyone wins.)

Otherwise, we're left with the status quo, which only proves what every dweller in suburbia knows all too well:
Your next door neighbors are a punishment from the heavens to make the company of the deadbeats and nutbags in your own family look sane and preferable by comparison.


Anonymous said...

I like the plan, Aesop. One minor point ref MexMil; look to the way the enforce their southern border. Sure, they'll grant through passage to folks passing through; but their treatment of folks otherwise would make Joe Arapaio blush.
LOVE the requirement for Party of Evil folks to reside down thataway.
Friend genned up a meme for wall bonds today; Gold him I'm game.
Boat Guy

Reltney McFee said...

Uh, sir: one minor quibble. Those of us who are alumni of Mordor On the Detroit River refer to it as "Dee-Toilet".

Anonymous said...

Actually an attack on Mexico would be a disaster.

First off, once across the border Mexican border officials would strip the troops bare of their valuables, equipment and fine them for lacking health certificates before allowing them to pass.

After two or three days some of the duller troops might sample the local cuisine and drink the water. Count out about half of the ground forces with a messy and terrible aliment.

As the troops would proceed deeper into the interior they'd be ambushed by deadly iguana sellers and taco venders. Its hard to tell how many troops would simply disappear in the chaos.

Once they reached the urban areas the Mexican taxis would eliminate most of the survivors. the coup de grace would be the Mexican ambulance chasers blaming the Americans for the accidents, assisted by the ACLU and SPLC. Americans wouldn't believe what hit them and would go into shock when presented with the bills.

Finally the public would revolt as hundreds of thousands of Mexican teenagers claim the Americans gave them babies who are now Americanos-despite the fact that these women got that way 8 months prior to any invasion.

Then they start a counter offensive featuring looped tele novelas broadcast 24/7 into the USA. This would cause the complete collapse of civilization as we know it in the USA.

To mop up the last centers of resistance by die hard patriots the Mexicans would unleash their secret weapons.

Hordes of kids with balloons stuffed down their pants and a sob story followed by kids spitting out gasoline and igniting it against anyone unwilling to surrender.

Build the war, we can't stand against such an onslaught. No civilized nation could.

Anonymous said...

Think of the up side: it would take very little military effectiveness to create the foundation for a very attractive Southwestern Resort Environment, and once the herd of developers who were on the military's heels were turned loose there'd be no looking back. After all, there's already an army of ready-made waiters and maids in place, they just need some training and a little English language instruction.

Dealing with the drug cartels would replace our current in-country military training programs, and probably cost no more than what we're spending now. Civil engineering graduates would find instant jobs building resorts and making multiple courses for the annual Baja off-road races, and I'm sure the navy would welcome having warm weather Pacific port south of San Diego, and with full ownership by resort fiat we would no longer need a wall.


Aesop said...

@Anonymous 8:42P

Never confuse the US military in a war with a vanload of congressmen on a fact-finding junket, or federal agents on an advance planning trip.

Nothing like what you suggest would occur, because in a war, all those folks would be in one massive herd being driven southwards, if not at the speed of M1 tanks, then at the speed of seven kids pushing a shopping card full of their worldly goods.

Either way, solves our problems for two centuries or more, and after the Baja Plan is enacted, we subvert their failed nation from without, and they finally self-correct back to reality.

And the intransigent ones would quickly tire of both the border wall, and the Wall of Mexican Justice, based purely on prior national experience. They could always emigrate to Cuba or Venezuela, just to liven things up for the locals thereabouts.

RandyGC said...

No need to relocate DC. It's location is very appropriate for the seat of the Fed Gov (i.e. a fetid swamp).

Simply ban air conditioning in any federal building (exceptions for the national archives and the the Smithsonian) within the district.

Anonymous said...

My suggestion for an easily-implemented and economical plan for the border:
Everything within 200m of the border is a free-fire zone. Thus the militia could take up positions covering the zone without pay. As mentioned, it would only take one or 2 instances of the mojados not getting across the zona de muerto to get the point across. _revjen45

Anonymous said...

Thank you, Aesop, for your insightful take on world events with a bloody hilarious overtone.

SiGraybeard said...

There's a meme going around of Mad Dog Mattis talking about a border with Mexico. He says, "it would the scariest 27 seconds of my life". About sums it up.

SiGraybeard said...

should have been, "talking about a border war with Mexico".

Aesop said...

Couldn't find it, so I made my own.

SiGraybeard said...

I'd send you one if I had your address, but yours is just as valid as anybody else's. It's a meme, after all.

robins111 said...

I like your plan, and I'm Canadian, however, we'd like an opportunity to decorate a few hundred lamp posts with our liberal/socialists before it is finalized

Aesop said...

As you wish.

Jonah Kyle said...

The two most destructive enemies the US has ever had, and unless they are beaten, will destroy us completely, are:

1. Democrats (Media, academia Pre-K through post-doctorate, and popular culture included)
2. RINO's (Democrat appeasers)

Eliminate those two enemies, everything else you described is a snap.

Anonymous said...

That is an interesting comment from General Mattis. I would disagree. It will take a lot longer than 27 seconds. The Fifth Column in every major metropolitan area of Amerika will boil out of their barrios and favelas. Wholesale murder and sabotage will be the order of the day.
I was born, raised, and worked in SoCal for my first 55 years of life. I saw it disintegrate.
Keep in mind what happened during Rodney King. There were vanloads of Mexican looters(men and women) pouring into LA from the outlying areas of SoCal. While the bangers do the killing, the rest will do the looting. And, these folks look at the Cosmic-White Marxist, Prius-driving, Whole Foods-shopping lemmings as meat-on-the-table. General Mattis and the rest of the ignorant Neocons are clueless. Bleib ubrig.

Aesop said...

The range, at that point, will be hot in both directions, and those exact looting sabotaging hordes will happily be fair game for everyone with a rifle and the inclination.

It's a different world when the people formerly in check because law-abiding, realize there's no reason to observe Marquis of Queensbury Rules any longer, and that day will arrive concurrently with any such inclination to loot or undermine.

It's a tough war when skin color becomes your uniform, as one side found out to their displeasure at Rorke's Drift.

Scores get settled rather rapidly under those circumstances, probably enough to induce a demographic shift back to the historic normalcy of a century ago.
It's taken that long to let it slip by since the last lesson, and exactly in the same way on both continents.

Aesop said...

Oh, and you can pretty well count on everyone concerned letting them loot the hell and burn out all the Cosmic White Liberals from their enclaves, as a necessary purgative. They can move to San Franshitsco, or back to NYFC for all anyone in the rest of the state would care about their sudden problems. As the military gets no logistical support from Beverly Hills or Brentwood, it wouldn't hinder things much.

It will be about like Democrat fanatics bombing NYFC, and asking Texas to send help.
The Texans would send road maps. To the bombers.

This was why, in both instances, the tactic observed WRT South Central was to surround it, and let them burn down their own 'hood. Which they did.
And can't for the life of them figure out why they 've had to drive twenty miles to find an actual supermarket, for most of half a century, or else buy goods at inflated prices from Korean (and formerly Jewish) liquor store merchants.

Somewhere, I'm pretty sure my namesake wrote a short story about biting the hand that (literally) feeds you.
Something about a Gardener and His Dog, IIRC:

Unknown said...

Don't forget to identify and track all the mexican counselor generals and their families.. Check their security, it's not problematic...

DAN III said...


Here is the problem....YOU are not POTUS and/or SecDef. Your solutions to the invaders would be excellent if they would be implemented. Don't give that much chance happening. You also give too much credit to Mattis. What war did Mattis win ? Which BTW....seems to me was back in 1945. Even then the Russkis killed the bulk of Adolf's war machine while the Allies spent a bit of effort to quash the Nips.

While we war in the NWO quagmire of Iraq, Afghanistan, Libya, Somalia, Yemen, etc., etc., etc., for 25+ years we ain't seen the boys come home yet. If you could reincarnate Pershing and his adventures south of the Rio Grande 100+ years ago, fUSA may have a chance winning one. Otherwise your thoughts, while commendable and valid, are simply wishful thinking.

I would be enthralled with Patriotic fervor if your solutions would come to fruition. Unfortunately, you are not driving the train. And THAT is too bad.

Aesop said...

Anonymous said...

My suggestion for a new nations capitol to replace DC is either Kearney NE or Mobridge SD.

Haxo Angmark said...

Obrador and his shitskin invasives have nothing to fear:

the border is already

gone. And

Trump has seen to that.

Anonymous said...

Real result would be vertical integration of the drug business...

Aesop said...

They'd horizontally integrated at the local Boot Hill, more likely.
cf.: current Singapore drug lords