|I'm thinking that thousands of years in the future archeo-anthropologists |
will determine that "the Hairless Ape species went extinct shortly after
they ran out of these round thingies to sharpen their primitive tools..."
You can tell a company is run by absolute morons, when they have two 50' aisles of garden implements, including axes, hatchets, machetes, hoes, pulaskis, mattocks, cultivators, shears, etc., not to mention about thirty different types of gas and electric chainsaws, weed whackers, lawnmowers, and all manner of high-spendy, gee-whiz devices for rendering excess shrubbery into compost at the speed of dollars.
But cannot, for love or money, be bothered to stock (nor even have a dedicated space to peg them) so many as even one $10 Lansky puck, pictured above, nor any equivalent device, with 120- and 280-grit sides, for sharpening damned near anything with an edge, probably longer than you'll be alive on the planet to use it, even if you're 2000 miles from the nearest power outlet or gas station, and which even works at night, next to a campfire! Mirabile dictu!
Three different big-box retailers, stores bigger than Noah's Ark, two with actual store help who knew what I was describing without a crayon sketch and a YouTube informational video to make it clear to them, same story. Zip. Nada. Bupkus.
"Hey Pops, maybe you could ask your manager to create an aisle labelled Common Sense or maybe even 1960? It'd give you a place to stock incandescent bulbs and normal-flush toilets, right next to the metal screw-in Jerry-can spouts. Just a thought..."
Short those companies' stocks, because both their hardware managers and their general managers obviously couldn't find their asses with both hands and the pole off a pruning saw, with 10
wetbacks document-challenged day laborers from the parking lot to help them, and a three-day head start.
Fucking clueless incompetent morons.
Found it the fourth place I looked, saving me the PITA that is anything Amazon, at Mr. Drucker's* mom-and-pop hardware store in downtown Hooterville, in about 15 seconds, right next to the axe bin, where they've probably been for 40 years. Still got last year's retail price on them too.
But then, I figured civilization - at least as far as intelligent life and IQs above 80 - was doomed when they started printing "Remove Shirt Before Ironing" on the care tags.
Just saying. Now I've got some sharpening to do.
Probably time to get a self-powered grindstone wheel, too, now that I think of it. While I still can.
*Not their real name, or real location. Also not to be confused with Mr. Haney's Snap-On Mobile Tool Truck either.