Thursday, April 25, 2019
Movie Review: Avengers - Endgame
WATCH THIS SPACE.
Not a tease.
I went to catch a late night premiere, so I could have something up early Friday. No dice.
Ten different screenings between 10PM and 12:30AM were completely sold out, except for 2-3 seats in the frontmost row.
Not desiring to spend two hours in back-killing contortions just to look up Ironman's nose, I'll catch an early show tomorrow.
If tonight's audience turn-out is any indication, after a months-long drought of craptastic offerings, this weekend's box office for this flick is going to be yuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuge.
I should have an after-viewing write-up between noon and 1PM PDT Friday, early enough for anyone thinking about it to make a decision for the weekend.
And no, I'm not giving you any spoilers.
So, it turned out the first 10 showings in the morning were sold out as well.
I can count sold out shows in the last 10 years on my thumbs.
Go long on Disney stock this season. Between this, and StarWarsLand (or whatever they're calling it) opening at Disneyland just before Memorial Day (nice going bozos: you had three years' lead time, and you still couldn't get your crap together for a 5/4/2019 May The Fourth Be With You opening?!?), the Mouse is going to be rolling in acres of cash like Scrooge McDuck by the 4th of July.
First, a couple of tips:
Eat, and take a potty break, before you go. And don't buy the bladder buster-sized drink. This flick is every bit of 3 hours, start to finish.
Second, when the credits roll, split. No, really.
There are no teasers, no easter eggs, no nothing. Unless you want to see the crawl of the 4000 people it took to make a $300M movie. Don't worry about those folks; their checks all cleared 6 weeks to 6 months ago, when it was done in post-. When this one is over, it's over. Which is likely true for the franchise as well.
Stan Lee gets in his last cameo. (R.I.P., maestro.)
Everyone else is in this. Everyone.
They won't all be back. Which ones? Go see the movie.
If you've never seen one of the Avengers pics, don't start with this one. You're already twelve movies behind the curve.
If you have seen them, this one will be vastly more satisfying than the wholesale slaughter of characters at the end of Infinity War, which was nothing but an elaborate set-up for this slam dunk-fest. They had a lot of ground to cover with this one, and they only got caught milking it for pathos a few times. You will enjoy nearly every minute of this one.
So go see it, and enjoy the last good ride you're going to get.
If they make any more, rest assured some of your favorites are outta here permanently.
And Stan Lee is dead.
Which portends, if other franchise experiences are anything to judge by, with their usual hamfisted deft touch, the PC warriors at Disney are going to beat you over the head with Diversity! and GurlPower! from here on out. They mercifully kept it to a couple of token shots this time out. The next time around (and Hollyweird will milk a franchise until it's a dry husk, and then double down for half the budget), they will do to this what they did for Star Wars: i.e. destroy every tenet that made it great, and watchable, pee on your head, wipe their backsides with prior scripts, and then tell you it's what you have coming.
So enjoy what's probably going to be the last great ride in the Marvel-verse in forever, before Kathleeen Kennedy and the Disney tone-deaf SJWs get their moldy little fangs into this franchise, rip the guts out of it, and make it sound like a script brainstorming session between Ellen, Oprah, and TheSpew, because they can.
This is your last chance.
My rating: One Last Hurrah, No Encores