Boston Tattler circa 1775 - by special correspondent:
"(BOSTON - April 18 - Final) Correspondents to this journal have learned that owing to complaints from numerous loyal Tory subjects in Boston, Charleston, and vicinity, regarding their extreme unease and fearfulness about the steadfastness and mental soundness of their friends and neighbors in Middlesex County, General Thomas Gage, His Majesty's Military Governor of Massachusetts Colony, has issued an extreme risk protective order, ordering the surrender of all armaments by the inhabitants of that district, they being alleged to be no longer trustworthy with such devices, by royal decree. Sources report that Lieut. Colonel Francis Smith will depart westward with a detachment from the 5th Northumberland Regiment of Foot sufficient to serve this writ on the unhinged and aggressive inhabitants of the area, and compel them to surrender their weapons. As always, should any rebellious colonials wish to contest this seizure by due process in His Majesty's Courts afterwards, the customary pace of His Majesty's justice can be expected. One unnamed officer at Genl. Gage's headquarters is said to have remarked, "No subject of His Majesty needs such fearsome weapons of war as a cannon, nor a Brown Bess musket and bayonet. Ordinary fowling pieces for sustenance and defence of their homes from highwaymen and savages should suffice. If they need anything else beyond that, that's why His Majesty's troops are present here in the colony. And as ever, we are only a few hours distant by dispatch rider, should any serious trouble occur."
The Tattler looks forward to a full report on the expedition upon their return to Boston, expected at last report to be sometime tomorrow afternoon."
"Play stupid games, win stupid prizes."