Saturday, December 21, 2019

Christianity Today: Shut The Hell Up, You Jackasses

In a half-assed, half-witted, and thoroughly embarrassing display of pulling its pants down and spanking its own asscheeks, formerly influential and currently so-woke-it's-gone-full-retard evangelical birdcage liner Christianity Today announced from its editorial page (if you can't get there, it's because it's so busy with hate mail the site has crashed) that President Trump should be impeached and removed from office. And shot itself in the ass with both barrels.

As the 347th guy to yell "I am Spartacus!" on this topic, they've stepped on the wedding tackle in so many ways it's difficult to count them.

Yet try we must.

Firstly, only someone suffering from tertiary Trump Derangement Syndrome (which is differentiated from tertiary syphilis only by what body part was inserted in what orifice; with TDS, it's one's head up one's own ass) would make such a pronouncement in public. Generally, with people in such a state, one makes pleasant noises and avoids startling them, until the appropriate men can throw a net over them and take the victim(s) to a place with soft music, soft food, and soft walls.

Secondly, had they the wits God gave Balaam's ass, they'd have noticed that all the hoopla produced by the much-ballyhooed impeachment circus produced not one single finding of objective fact in support of impeachment, nor articulated as many as one single articulable federal crime of any sort identifiable in U.S. Code, which goes by the clever title the law of the United States Of America, both of which salient facts are rather germane to whether impeachment was justified or even barely supportable. It is neither.

Thirdly, the chickenshit editor, Mark Galli, who ejected this screed from his nether regions has had months since the Mueller clown show, and weeks since the Schiff Show, during which he could have made his recockulous opinions known. But, as he's retiring at the end of the month, he chose to wait until it was too late to fire his ass, and play Ding Dong Ditch with this Flaming Bag Of Doggie Poo left on the White House steps, at the last possible minute. Bravely done, Mssr. White Feather. One hasn't seen a yellow stripe up the back that wide since Broward County Deputy Sheriff Scot Petersen was seen hiding outside a school and wetting himself while children were being shot. Great company you're in there.

Fourthly, one is reminded of nothing so much as the sage directive of General Frank Savage to the chaplain of the 918th Bomb Group:
"Your business is sin and salvation, and from here on out you will confine yourself to that theater of operations, CLEAR??"
What CT knows of presidential politics could be handily written inside a thimble with a grease pencil, with room to spare. They should, in the immortal words of Will Rodgers, "not pass on a good opportunity to shut up." But like Ron White, they have the right to remain silent...but not the ability. And now both the editor idiot-in chief and the magazine itself have their hindquarters flapping in the breeze instead.

Fifthly, if whoever runs their lashup could put such a pigeon-brained feather-head in charge of the operation, what kind of total sh*theads have they hired for the rest of the whole clownshow? Billy Graham founded the magazine, and on religious topics, it started out as a voice for religious mainstream conservatism. Now, by bare electoral math, their outgoing head jackass has absolutely alienated at least 50% (and probably more like 90%) of the subscriber base, and the only reason every Christian organization won't cancel their subscriptions tomorrow is because a goodly number of them are as bereft of reason and common sense as Editor Featherhead. Ask Dicks, Jillette, Chick-Fil-a, and the NRA how such biblically epic levels of tone-deafness play with your constituency. Then come back in six months and tell us how it's working out for you morons. If you're still in business.

Sixthly, if you're going to pull this sort of political crap, change your name.
You're clearly not an evangelical Christian magazine, let alone mainstream. Cut to the chase: join the National Council of Churches, convert, and worship the god-emperor, Pope Vladimir Fidel Mao the First, and kiss his ring to usher in the era of Marx and Lenin as god, instead of God playing his traditional role. I leave the last word on this point to Hugh Hewitt, in the earlier-linked WaPo editorial riposte:
"By injecting Christianity into that debate, Galli inevitably suggests (especially to the left, for whom it is convenient) that people of the Christian faith are, in fact, obliged to condemn Trump and support his impeachment. This is risible. It is irresponsible."
Finally, given the personal history of your founder (of your religion, not your fishwrap rag), CT of all people should be a little more sensitive and less inclined to railroad a man dragged in front of a kangaroo court on a dearth of evidence, and then throw him to the most vengeful and unhinged whims of his opposition, despite the fact that exactly like Pilate, "We find no fault with this man."

President Trump has violated no laws and committed no crimes, which alone should be reason for taking any stance but the asinine one adopted.
But I guess the allure of worldly approbation, and the shininess of thirty pieces of silver, outweighed all available impetus to common sense.

Let us know how that works out for you when the revulsion becomes pretty much universal, and the people whose favor you thought to curry turn on you because they hate all religion but the State itself.

In the meantime, in closing, we'd just like to offer you a few appropriate verses of scripture from the Gospels, and ask that you take them to heart. Better still, take them to neck. Yes, really.
God will forgive you. C'est son métier.

Matthew 27:5             Luke 10:37          John 13:27


Desert Rat said...

They can't abide Trump because he is "immoral". Which is true. But take a look at the men who have held the presidency in the past 50-60 years and all we see are adulterers, liars, traitors and degenerates. We've had Leaders of the Free World receiving blow jobs in the White House from unstable actresses, gangsters' molls and subordinate women half their age. Several of them have lied us into unnecessary wars costing tens-of-thousands of American lives and heaven only knows how many non-American lives. There are no words to convey the levels of mendacity and deceit used to convince citizens to accept terrible social and fiscal policies that are now delivering unmitigated calamity on every side.

Trump may be a scumbag but he has plenty of company. And he is not blatantly insane which places him as the sole rational choice for president when compared to the creatures who want to replace him.

Harbinger62 said...

And evangelical says to a liberal: “I’ll call you a Christian if you call me a scholar“.

I am not sure the origin of this quote. I heard it decades ago first. It certainly speaks to the willingness of some to compromise what it means to be a Christian ( someone who believes that Jesus is the son of God and has asked Jesus to save him from his sins) in order to gain the praise of some people(to be called smart or educated).

MMinLamesa said...

GOT-Damn dude, that was a fookin' great post. I read it 4 times and it got better each time. Wish to fuck I could nail shit down like that.

idahobob said...

I am an evangelical Christian and I trash canned CT years ago. It is sad that a publication of it's ilk has trashed the president and gone along with the communists that are screaming for Trumps head for no reason other than that he WON the election.
It is my hope (and prayer) that ALL, who call themselves Christian, dump that worthless rag, and so it goes into total economic failure.

Nori said...

On the plus side,those akin to Mr Galli are revealing their true nature on a daily basis.
That’s a very good thing.
Bonus points for their inability to be aware they’re unaware.

John Wilder said...

Can't add to that. Clapping.

The Gray Man said...

Yet another example of Christians (I am one) being on the wrong side of politics because they think being aggressive against enemies is equal to a sin.

God demands we behave aggressively against His enemies. Trump is no saint and I don’t even know for sure that God is using him, but he’s sure not our enemy.

ghostsniper said...

I saw that chickenshit piece of fuck foam Galli on one of the Sunday morning political shows yesterday. If I didn't know already who he was I could have assumed he was a 1960's used car salesman. He was wishy washy in word and was harshly intimidated by the female hosts questions. I was half expecting for him to get up and leave in tears. Was just over on the CT site and they have doubles down on the asshattery. They need to burn.

Gordon Scott said...

You had me a bit confused with the "Jillette" in the list with Dick's. I know Penn Jillette is an atheist and sometimes a jerk, but I wasn't aware of what he might have said.

Then I realized you meant "Gillette." That's definitely an autocorrect!

Aesop said...

I meme to misbehave: