Friday, January 4, 2019
Part II: How To Actually Solve A Problem, and $ave Billion$
As promised to Borepatch, reference is made to our prior modest proposal, found here,
and formatted in conformity with his suggestion.
Rule #1: Can the person proposing the law state what they think the law will accomplish?
1. Upon initial conviction, drug addicts will have six months to go cold turkey from drug use. They will have a daily set of additional painful welts to remind them of the error of their ways. They will experience misery previously known mainly to inhabitants of the Gulag Archipelago, while cleaning the society they once befouled, and in conditions of extreme discomfort and utter disdain, while learning the salutary habit of honest daily work, possibly for the first time in their lives. This will drive home the point that they're not special, crime brings punishment, and that they've been very naughty, and no one thinks it's funny nor cute any more.
2. The second offense will drive the point home for the slow learners.
3. The third offense will acquaint them with the down-home penology of the Chateau D'If, and remove them forever from society, as if they had never been born. In some, it may induce madness, and in others, self-destruction, but in either case, under conditions of the society's complete and utter indifference, and mainly serve to bolster the population of pelagic predators and scavengers.
4. Those who harm others will be given the benefit of an immediate appeal to the highest court known to humankind, that of the Eternal Judge. A future lifetime here on earth, committing literally hundreds to thousands of additional predations and offences will be obviated.
5. Recidivism in case #3 or #4 will be 0%, in perpetuity. Lesser cases will obtain the cleanest streets and smoothest roads anywhere on the planet, while successfully inducing a non-zero number of miscreants to abstain from further experimentation with illicit mind alteration, acquainting them with the strict loving discipline of their missing or misguided parents, and freeing an unlimited number of persons from generations yet to be born from any further consequences from such foolish life choices.
Rule #2: Can the person proposing the law state how likely the law is to accomplish the goal from Rule #1?:
1. Under Case 1, the chance of re-offense drops to once every 181 days.
2. Under Case 2, the chance of re-offense drops by another 181 day period.
3. Under Case 3, the chance of successful lifetime cessation of the behavior reaches 100%.
4. Under Case 4, the chance of re-offense drops to 0% in perpetuity.
5. To be sure, chain-making will and stripey pajamas will become viable industries, and ankle calluses will become a social stigma. But most drug users will be located either in a small, dark cell; at the end of a chain; or in Potter's Field, and certified to be performing useful work in the best case, and no further mischief, to anyone in society, in the worst case.
6. Like that formerly offered by pirates and highwaymen, military and police forces will be assured of a constant, if dwindling source of target practice, whilst the merest appearance of drug use domestically will become societal anathema. This may cut into rock music somewhat, but the foremost practitioners of same are getting pretty scarce and long in the tooth anyways, and no form of music stays in vogue forever.
7. Traffic will be lighter, enforcement costs will drop, and the only needles found on city streets will those from sewing enterprises. Police, fire, EMS, hospitals, jails, courts, prisons, and mortuaries will deal with a fraction of their former volume in drug cases. Vigilance will always be necessary, but the expenditures and excesses seen in recent decades will recede into history, and the commensurate reduction in expenditures will be a welcome civic relief. The military will no longer need to screen ten or twenty applicants to obtain one person who can pass a urinalysis screening.
8. You will see vastly fewer addicts in society, and if you see one today, you can be assured you won't see them tomorrow. There will be roughly as many active junkies in Central Park, NYFC, for example, as there currently are elephants living in the trees there. The incidence of Hep C in society will drop to that of polio, and the only crap found regularly on sidewalks in Frisco, L.A., or San Diego will be from pigeons.