Friday, November 22, 2019

Well, That Escalated Quickly...

h/t Small Dead Animals

Tesla: Our cars are safe.
Anyone who disagrees with us will be whacked.

A @tesla whistleblower discovered a "thermal runaway" risk

Tesla fired him, harassed him, and phoned in a fake shooting threat under his name. @elonmusk personally berated him by email.

And then several @tesla drivers were killed in vehicle fires.
So, your guy tells you your product could burst into flames and kill customers.
Instead of thanking him for looking out for your interests, and fixing it to save actual customers' lives, you fire him, malign him, SWAT him, and try to get the government's minions to whack him for you.

(Oh, and you still ignore your customers going up in flames like eggs cooking off in a microwave.)

Greedy corporate pothead lunatic.
Corrupt head office.
Lethally defective product.
Official corporate shenanigans.
Attempted murder.
Serial manslaughter.

This is movie-of-the-week film fare that just writes itself.
And in the spirit of the 37 (at last count) versions of Law and Order, I think it's time to phone the writers of Breaking Bad, and bring out the pilot of their new :Corporate Version.
(Art Buchwald Coming To America Warning: if they do, and it's a hit, all I want is 0.1% of the gross, in perpetuity. Have your lawyers call my lawyers, and we'll do lunch.)

Still no word on when the engineers who made Uber's self-driving cars, which also kill people, but never thought of telling them what to do when a pedestrian walked in front of the car will be perp-walked to jail in handcuffs for reckless endangerment and conspiracy to commit manslaugter.

Somebody, please, get Ralph Nader his walker, and get him into court.
This nonsense makes the Corvair kerfluffle look like small potatoes by comparison.

So I guess "too big to fail" includes killing people and setting them on fire, for modern-day robber-barons.

Perhaps quietly whispering "If this car fails because of your negligence, I'll come back and kill you, your entire dealership, and their combined families, slowly, painfully, and if possible, in front of them all" into the sales manager's ear, before you drive any newly purchased car off the lot, might be in order. It's kind of like the guy who grabbed his dentist by the family jewels before he'd drill, and promised him that any pain suffered would inevitably be a mutual experience.


Anonymous said...

Musk's latest failure with the not large ball bearing proof glass on his new truck that looks some pre-adolescent's idea of futuristic design was just proof that this guy is NOT the sharp tool in the shed he pretends to be.

You'd think that SOMEONE on the design/test team would have thought to test the glass in situ before doing it front of a live audience, BOT NNNNOOOOOOOO.

Not to mention that the battery is reportedly located under the passenger compartment making it another self immolating roving death trap, similar to the other models in Tesla's line.


Anonymous said...

Kate at Small Dead Animals is a daily read, just like AOSHQ and Aesop.


Anonymous said...

The Corvair thing was bullshit; this is NOT