Wednesday, May 10, 2017
WASHINGTON DC (Aesociated Press) Shrillary Milhous Peron was rushed to Georgetown University Medical Center yesterday evening with a severe case of whiplash and a wrenched shoulder. Aides for Evita said the former Secretary Of Graft was injured when evening news broke about the firing of FBI Director Comey, causing her to spin around, go rigid, and collapse at home like a sack of potatoes. Once thrown into her van by Secret Service personnel, and after a brief recovery at a friend's apartment, she was able to return home, and there threw her shoulder out after the initial injury while packing and rushing to get to a flight to a country with no US extradition treaty.
In a shockingly ironic turn, former director Comey was subsequently admitted to the same hospital on returning from his trip to Los Angeles, for emergency removal of a size 11 boot from up his rectum somewhere north of his diaphragm.
Spokespersons for the medical center said they expect a complete recovery for both patients, but that Comey's injuries were the more severe, as the boot impact may have caused a serious cervical strain, because Comey's head was rather unfortunately already shoved in his rectum as well.
"The good news is that the shock and impact have fortuitously dislodged his head" said one surgeon involved in the case. "We fully expect to discharge Mr. Comey once his eyes get used to daylight again, and his lungs are strong enough to breath normally. If this hadn't happened when it did, the spinal curvature would likely have become permanent."