Friday, September 16, 2016

Hot Tip For Drug-Seeking Posers

Dear @$$hole military veteran wannabees:

If you're going to try and sell yourself as a tragically drug-addicted PTSD-suffering veteran of the Vietnam War, you might want to either
B) Come up with a better birth certificate.

Specifically, when your date of birth reveals that you would have been aged 15 years when the Vietnam War ended, it's probably not a hot idea to try BSing your sad tale, laced with requests for more pain meds, by piggybacking it onto your tragic story of heroin addiction caused by all that heavy incoming fire and buddies blown away you suffered during your imaginary service there in such exotic places as Gang Bang Wang and Sum Dum Ly.

Especially when your nurse is a military veteran, with a keen lifelong interest in history in general, and military history in particular, and oh yeah, an older brother who spent the summer after high school ducking rockets on the DMZ in '67, and turning his parents' hair prematurely grey, until he returned home with all his original body parts and no extra orifices.

And you should probably ask for the hospital chaplain to visit you, to offer thanks to a merciful God on your behalf that it's both unethical, and against the best practices in the employee handbook, for me to give you the dick-punching you so richly deserve.

Save your Special Agent Orange resume for the other dope addict losers under your bridge. As a very wise person once wrote, "A lie is a poor way to say "hello".


Anonymous said...

Yes, he was VERY lucky.

My Dad would be approached from time to time by homeless folks in the Bay Area. One time I was with him in the City and some guy came up to Dad and said "I was in 'Nam, can you spare some change?" Dad peppered him with a few questions, and then to my shock (I was 10) Dad told the guy to go f*** himself and eat s***. I'd never heard my Dad talk like that before. After the guy scuttled off, my Dad gently took me aside and explained that that man had never been in Vietnam, and was doing a disservice to all the people who had served there and who needed help. Dad HAD been there for two tours. He was remarkably self restrained in my opinion, but it could have been because his 10 year old daughter was with him at the time. I'm surprised people are still trying to pull that BS today... and I don't ever give anyone claiming to be a homeless vet money - I do what my Dad did instead and give to the local chapter (not the HQ) of the Paralyzed Veterans of America.

Anonymous said...

I once had a homeless guy come up to me and say "Can you help a former member of the 82nd Airborne?" to which I replied "Oh, you were a Screaming Eagle?" to which he replied "Yes". The Screaming Eagles were the 101st Airborne, and any actual member of the Screaming Eagles would have corrected me on the point on the spot.

Suffice to say I didn't have anything for him.

Mark D

Windy Wilson said...

Mark D. Doubtless an actual member of the All American would correct you instantly, too.