Saturday, March 16, 2019

The State Of Stupidia

Warning: Smarter than actual sales help.
Hole in head optional.

Myself, at the local chocolatier's establishment yesternight:
"I'd like half a dozen thingamajigs, please."

Retarded Minion of Stupidity employed by said chocolatier:
"How many thingamajigs would you like?"

"Half a dozen, please."

Retarded Minion, now looking thoroughly bumflustercated:
" many would that be?"

Myself, thankful that Retarded Minion is juuuuuust barely beyond range of a polite roundhouse slap to the side of the head sufficient to loosen fillings:
"That would be six thingamajigs, please."

Retarded Minion, flooded with obvious relief at being freed from further mathemagical distress and consternation:
"Ah!...Yes, six, got it."

Gobsmacked: Not only an actual thing, but frequently also the solution to the problem.

The bill for the thingamajigs was then announced as $6.96, whereupon I handed her a $5 bill and two singles, and I swear for a moment it looked as if she was going to have to take off her shoes to count, and failing that ploy, be forced to use her lifeline to call the engineers at NASA to correctly calculate that she owed me 4¢ in change thereof.

Which is by way of noting that she was old enough to vote, and English-fluent, but that clearly second grade mathematics had completely kicked her ass, and she should be beaten with a stout rod until she could master the fundamentals of basic math.

That the common phrase "half a dozen" baffled the blistering fuck out of her suggests that the manager there is similarly a lackwit in urgent need of a new job in either the custodial maintenance or street-level recycling industries.

Retarded Minion's (undoubtedly Common Core public education) teachers, to the last one, should be horsewhipped until their flesh is ripped off and the bones show, and then put up against a wall and shot.
Slowly, starting at the toes, and working up to more important parts.
Put in charge of the firing party, I should make them each count the rounds as they were fired.

I swear to Buddha, I'm going back there tomorrow, and if she's still employed there, I'm going to pay her with $2 bills and $1 coins, just to watch her head explode against the walls.

And these sorts of fucktards are going to get $15/hr in a couple of years?
The economy will collapse. Civilization is doomed. You read it here first.

Ron White was wrong: I can fix this kind of stupid, but you've got to allow me to use a big enough hammer.

At any rate, a couple of more of these incidents, and I'm going to abandon all civility, and start going full-on As Good As It Gets on these morons, to reduce them to tears as a policy, and sport.

Related: Peter runs into similar distress at the local hospital.


Tactless Wookie said...

A, Not only do these fuckwitts vote they even win Congressional seats.

We are doomed. Dress accordingly! :-D

15Fixer said...

Yeah buddy.....

JC said...

I carry and pay with cash as a rule. But the pain of receiving change from these useless f**ktards is starting to wear me down.

After seeing the latest from "goodbye America(in a photo)" I'm ready for the shooting to start.

I'm old, I won't last long, but a bit of satisfaction should take a bit of the sting out of it.

Anonymous said...

Not apropos of this post, but it's a topic you've written on before:

Yesterday during the on foot portion of my commute in NYC I came up behind two military folks (probably National Guard since NYC uses them for security in bus and train stations), one male, one female, both wearing fairly large packs. The guy looked like he could go all day, standing straight, walking easy. The girl looked ready to collapse, hunched over, swinging arms with floppy wrists, and her boot soles slapping the sidewalk like each step she barely avoided face planting.

No way she'd arrive at her destination capable of fighting, and the guy would probably get killed too. And this while on the march in lower Manhattan in nice weather, not in rough terrain in pouring rain

Mark D

Anonymous said...

Just imagine if the bill is $10.95. You hand the "clerk" $21.00.(a twenty and a one)
They are totally lost. "Why did you give me a dollar bill?" So I can get a ten back. "I can't do that" etc. etc. etc.
And heaven help them if the register dies.
We are doomed. LOL

Wxtwxtr said...

Those who were in charge of designing and implementing and continuing her Propaganducation knew EXACTLY what they were doing.

So when civilians commence an act of war ...

James M Dakin said...

I worked retail for twenty years, in management. Luckily, I was mostly working with an older generation and the only issues were coming up short at the end of shift from excess speed ( the non-counters didn't last long anyway, and were few as they tested for math at hiring ). The real idiots? Behind the desks in corporate. With diversity hiring, I imagine those folks are even worse now. Meh, no worries. Soon the retail stores will be so few they can be selective hiring again.

Jim Scrummy said...

Anyone under 18 working the cash register I will cut some slack, because I was there at one time, and was slow and methodical since it was my first job. 18+, very little slack is given at the register, because I was there at one time, and no slack was given to me. But I am a generous type, at times, and will fix honest mistakes for cashiers, it's a karma thing.

I always remind myself that I don't have the time to fix stoopid for other people. I only fix the stoopid in my chillins.

Grog said...

"I swear to Buddha, I'm going back there tomorrow, and if she's still employed there, I'm going to pay her with $2 bills and $1 coins, just to watch her head explode against the walls."

That's the most amusing comment I've read this week, thank you, and if possible, please include pictures of said ignoramus before and after the cranial ejection.

Anonymous said...

"my wife is 'traded...she flies planes now"

Idiocracy cometh.

Eskyman said...

Some years ago, I was in line at a supermarket when the power went out. After a moment the manager, an older lady, went down the line of checkout cashiers & manually opened their cash drawers, so that customers with cash could check out.

Unfortunately none of the checkout chicks could add or subtract, so it was wasted effort. They depended on the register to tell them how much change to give and were not capable of figuring it out themselves, nor could they believe a customer who did the math for them, like I tried to do. You'd have thought I was speaking Greek about calculus for all the luck I had!

The manager was the only one capable of making change without a calculator, the other women acted like what she was doing was incomprehensible. After a few minutes more I left, and left all my intended purchases too.

Orvan Taurus said...

And if you have any of those half-dollar, pardon, 50 cent coins...

Aesop said...

Someone at work I told the tale to put the cherry on the cake:
"You should order a baker's dozen this time...".

I'd forgotten how much soda burns coming out the nose.

DAN III said...


Your fable re: Retarded Minion does not surprise me in the least. In my former job I dealt with new Army enlistees. I will provide ALCON two examples of the ignorant,young American adults that exist today in fUSA:

1. Doing some paperwork on a new troop before me, I had need to enter his middle name in the database. His information only provided his middle name initial, "S". I asked him his middle name. "Steven" the future warrior replied. Seeing as there are a multitude of ways to spell "Steven", I asked him how do you spell Steven. His response" "I don't know. I never use it."

2. One day I am issuing new, combat boots to five future mercenaries. I ask them all if they know how to wear boots. All five reply to the affirmative. Mind you now, new issue boots are issued unlaced. New troop has to install his own laces before wearing the new boots. Continuing, I see one Einstein glaring awkwardly at his boots. Laces dangling from the top most eyelets. Lo & behold, this clown was trying to lace his boots from the top down to the bottom ! This guy was attending college. He was a 20 year old, 2nd year engineering student ! Better hope this guy never designs or supervises the building of a bridge.

I could provide more examples of today's outstanding, young adult Americans. The two provided examples of Amerika's future "leaders" should suffice. They supplement your sad story of a poorly educated and sadly, ignorant, American.

May God have mercy on what remains of fUSA.

beau said...

the 'education system' has worked splendidly for those whose objective is to transform this nation. the fruits are now coming forth. the malleable dumbed down ignoramuses will be continually manipulated until the full glories of socialism are firmly entrenched upon this debauched land.

"Give me four years to teach the children and the seed I have sown will never be uprooted." vladimir linen

billrla said...

Next time, go for the knock-out blow and request a baker's dozen.

Don't forget to ask for a free sample.

billrla said...

Doh! (or, more aptly, Dough!) I missed the previous post re: baker's dozen.

SiGraybeard said...

Back in the early days of the Internet before the web and browsers, much interaction was via bulletin board-like newsgroups. We're talking about 1990.

I ran across a story of a guy trying to use a $2 bill in a Taco Bell and the droids behind the counter telling him they couldn't accept it. All the while, he's wondering why they can't accept legal tender US currency. The employees eventually call the security on the guy who ends up just as perplexed as the guy trying to buy his food.

And the net being what it is today, I just found it, or as close as I can recall it being to the original

The more things change the more they remain insane.

tarotmaster said...

Please tell me that was an immigrant from a metric system country at least?

Anonymous said...

Hey Aesop, front page at zerohedge... not bad.


of course it would be nice if they linked instead of copy pasting with attribution.

Anonymous said...

Why on earth would you want to buy any food item from such an establishment? If the staff dealing with actual customers are this stupid, the staff in the back rooms are likely even worse. Sanitation? A joke! The clerk's befuddlement at the word "dozen" was your clue, which you missed, to void the entire transaction and GTFO.

Dinochrome One said...

Damn! I used to love See's Candies. At the shop at Tyler Mall in Arlington, CA, the ladies behind the counter LOOKED like Mary See; white hair, wire-rimmed glasses, sweet smile, wise eyes. That was 1967. (Let it go, Rob.)

Babka&Bolts said...

I tried to buy a package of valves at an Autozone store, but one of the two valves in the package was missing. The price was $11.99 for the package. The salesgirl stated she would take 10% off the charge because one of the two items was missing. I protested. She could not understand that I wanted to pay only $6.00 for a $12 package when half the contents were missing.

Max said...

Burger King, Machine told her how much change to give me. Girl couldn't add coins up to 27 cents. Gave me a dime and two nickels. Had to ask the manager to give me my change when she got hot about it.

AB.Prosper said...

hah. I know more than a few degreed engineers who are dumber than a stump, can barely do math and are there as diversity. Even ones that aren't are often desk jockeys and like most city folk have never worn lace up boots . As the population has gotten more urban and more from broken homes and we have a more complex military to run , its gotten worse and this ignores the diversity some of whom can I assume at least soldier

Still lack of good engineering is understood as often as not those jobs outsourced these days and a lot of people who would become very good engineers have to find other ways to earn a living since the job they'd is now either in India or been given to a diversity hire or an H1B. And god help you if the H1B with hiring authority, no White will ever work there again

As far as a fix, its going to require a willingness to use boot and lots of it along with a willingness to make an example of people who did this kind of thing.

Making schools for example work on merit alone would basically require commissars to make sure that the rules are followed and corruption is punished

Its not a pleasant notion thinking of Federal anti corruption monsters in every public school but until divorce reform and trade control works its magic in a couple of generations , you'll probably need it

The best solution otherwise is to leave home schoolers alone.Your kids, your rights and the boot is not for people but intuitions. Good luck getting your guys to remember that though

Noah Bawdy said...

That reminds me of this classic Pearls Before Swine and the "Super Stick O' Smartness"

Anonymous said...

@ SiGraybeard

Your two dollar bill reminded me of an actual case where kid in school tried to use one to pay for his lunch. They said it was counterfeit, and actually called the cops. Finally they called the kid's grandmother, who had given it to him.
Talk about nuts.
I still have a few. Maybe I'll try to pass them.

Anonymous said...

Bought an item at our local Wal-Mart a couple of years ago - on sale, 10% off regular price. The thirty-some checker could not figure out, 1) the discount and 2) once the manager had to step in, how to figure the actual price. I thought the guy (about my age) in back of me was going to die from laughing ....... me? I was dumb founded (somewhat of a pun there) and didn't know whether to laugh or get pissed off ......... strange times ...........

Anonymous said...

I recently had the misfortune to work with a young lady, who on first impression was bright, witty, charming, etc. She was a recent college graduate and dumber than a stump. She couldn't drive: mumsy and daddy had already bought her at least a half-dozen cars that she continued to pile up. She also couldn't tell time with anything but a digital clock/watch. She once asked me for the time and I said something like. "it's a quarter till" and she said just tell me the time. So I showed my watch, oops, non-digital. She couldn't read it. So I finally had to tell her that it was 8:45 or whatever. And these people vote and breed. Well, I presume that they vote. Who knows?

John said...

I must confess that my spelling has been going downhill for years. Even since I first succumbed to the lure of clicking on the right mouse button over the wavy red line. After years of not bothering to back up and retype the word correctly, I find myself unable to remember the spelling of far too many words.
On the tablet I started to use the voice dictate, until I found out that every word I uttered was being stored in the great vast cloud of Google in the sky.
We're being replaced by machines in so many ways already why help them create a perfect replacement even faster. If you ever run across me and I sound OK but can spell perfectly, it's not me it's a Googleclone.