Tuesday, February 15, 2022

Change The Branch of Service Name to United States @$$ Clowns

 














It was brought to my notice that in yesterday's post, in some people's minds, my "picking" on a humble E4 in the Air Farce, due to her lowly rank and status, and her being subject to almost everyone higher than herself, constituted an egregious case of "blaming the victim".

Au contraire, pussies.

When last I attended Uncle's Summer School For Wayward Teenagers, my camp counselors took pains to impress upon a young lad-like Aesop a few wee salient points of military business.

Starting, about 3 seconds after my feet hit the footprints, with the observation that I and my fellow inmates were all fully and happily under the bosom of this quaint bit of legal arcana known as the  UCMJ, including this little bit of military jurisprudence:

"Though not specifically mentioned in this chapter, all disorders and neglects to the prejudice of good order and discipline in the armed forces, all conduct of a nature to bring discredit upon the armed forces, and crimes and offenses not capital, of which persons subject to this chapter may be guilty, shall be taken cognizance of by a general, special, or summary court-martial, according to the nature and degree of the offense, and shall be punished at the discretion of that court." - 10 U.S. Code §934, AKA Article 134 of the Uniform Code Of Military Justice (1951-present) {emphasis mine - A.}

They also rammed home the novel observation that the UCMJ wasn't like the Pirate's Code (really just guidelines, rather than an actual code) but was rather something which they really rather considered the,... y'know, actual enacted law of the Republic governing all military conduct for every swinging Richard and Lucy (mind you, this was back in the hoary days of yore when there were only two genders, by act of Congress) present for duty in every branch of the US military in all branches, plus at least three service academies, for all ranks from E-1 to O-10, inclusive.

Crazy, right?

So the first thing young private Aesop, let alone one at the exalted rank of Lance Corporal (what one would call an E-3 in my branch of an actual military service, as contrasted with the Air Farce) would have observed, rather than wearing the offending jackassically retarded fenestrated face diaper, would have been something like the following:

"Staff Sergeant, as a long-serving member of a military band, my ability to appear in the uniform prescribed at the time and place specified has been noted and rewarded by two prior promotions, so my military appearance and discipline are not a question at issue in what I'm about to say. ["Rieben, pay attention now, this is the way to gripe."] Clearly, asking me to wear a mask with a gaping hole where my piehole lies is not a lawful military order, seeing as it makes me look like a total jackass, makes this unit look like jackasses, and therefore makes you, our officers, our entire band, and our entire branch of service look like jackasses, under the provisions of Uniform Code of Military Justice found in Article 134 and enacted in 1951, I must therefore bring it to your attention, and must, in strict and full obedience to the regulations which govern my conduct and that of the entire military, under the laws of the United States of America, expressly refuse to wear any such jackassical fenestrated face diaper at any public performance of our unit.

Of course, should you and any or all members of my chain of command exercise your option to dispute my contention and cite me for failure to follow this order, and charge me for violations of the UCMJ in this refusal, I look forward to making my case at a court martial, with the full public airing and attention this matter deserves, and I submit myself wholeheartedly to any such further exercise of military justice and discipline."

That's how you do it.

And that would have been the first and last time the matter was ever heard of again, because if there's one thing NCOs and officers in the military dislike, it's shining the sun-like spotlight of attention on their own fuck-ups and shortcomings, and having their noses rubbed in their own piss, literally and figuratively, just before the rolled-up newspaper of senior command attention is thwacked smartly upon their noses or asses.

They could transfer me to the band in McMurdo Sound Antarctica (even if that made me the entire ensemble); they could recategorize my MOS as a shit-barrel combustion specialist; but they could not take away my rank, pay, or privileges, let alone my self-respect, by forcing me to knuckle under to such a jackassically beclowning uniform requirement as they did with Senior Airman Kissass Shitforbrains, and the entire Air Farce Bonehead Bugling Twat Detachment, as seen above.

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." - Eleanor Roosevelt

I would furthermore note, for the edification and enlightenment of those to whom the experience of military service is as foreign to them as Chinese calculus and Vogon poetry, that during that selfsame Summer Camp, lo these many summers ago, they also inculcated rather forcefully, the following military traits that have been considered a wee bit important down to the rank of E-1 basic trainee shit-gargler, in every branch and military, going back to the Greek phalanx.

I will list them, and then score my response's score, with SrA SFB for contrast immediately afterwards, on a scale of 0-10:

                            Aesop        SrA SFB

Bearing                 10                0

Courage                10                0

Decisiveness        10                0

Dependability        10                0

Endurance            10                0

Enthusiasm            10                0

Initiative                10                0

Integrity                10                0

Justice                    10                0

Judgement            10                0

Knowledge            10                0

Loyalty                    10                0

Tact                        10                0

Unselfishness        10                0

That's the difference between being a lackwit kissass automaton, and being the kind of service member who puts the country, the unit, the mission, and their fellow service members, ahead of themselves, and doesn't just "go along to get along".

In a perfect world, Sr. Airman Kissass Shitforbrains would have been charged under Article 134, and knocked back a stripe, for her conduct in subjecting herself, her unit, and the entire Air Farce to further ridicule and contempt (as if they're short of @$$clowns already).

Every NCO in her chain of command, up to Sgt Major of the Air Farce, would be reduced an escalating number of stripes, from 2 to all of them, at each ascending step of the pyramid, for failure to note the problem.

Every commissioned officer from her detachment commander to General of the Air Farce would similarly receive a minimum one grade demotion apiece, and be awarded a permanent letter of being ignorant career-polishing ass-kissing fuck-ups, in their respective Officer's Qualification Records. Requests to immediately resign their commissions would be entertained with alacrity.

And then they and SecAF and SecDef would be dragged before a special hearing of the House Armed Services Committe for a public spanking with a rolled-up newspaper, and sentenced to fifteen days wearing a red clown nose and floppy clown shoes daily, to drive the point well-home.

As it is, they wear those now 24/7/365/forever, and it's hard to imagine a bigger bunch of unmilitary @$$clowns in American history than the current bunch of brasshole fuck-ups.

If you're keeping score at home, the example of this ding-a-ling is every bit as egregious as the Navy sending out seagoing rustbuckets, and crashing into slower civilian ships, and the Army graduating open communists from West Point, failing to execute deserters and traitors in time of war, and marching male ROTC cadets around in red high heels (and not a single one of them having the balls to openly defy and ridicule their derelict command staff for doing it).

This exact happy horseshit is how you get drowning recruits in a swamp at midnight, My Lai massacres, Tailhook, and Abu Ghraib shenanigans. And it needs a good week-long dick-kicking, with steel-toed boots, every time it's observed, until the pain hurts everyone at every level from the offending unit to the senior service member commanding, with every step they take, until they feel it in their bones, and remember it until the day they die.

In Caesar's legions, they'd have been executed at swordpoint in front of massed ranks, or flogged with cat o' nine tails, pour encourager les autres.

And given the opportunity, the veterans of the Air Farce from when it was the Air Force, who served honorably, and with valor and distinction, in multiple of our country's wars, would doubtless like to do no less to SrA SFB and the entire Air Farce posse, top to bottom, until blood ran hip deep through their wing of the Five-Sided Puzzle palace, and on bases around the world.




16 comments:

Borepatch said...

This post deserves to be engraved in the finest Italian marble and then have the letters gilded.

Anonymous said...

"...when there were only two genders..."
Sorry to differ with you, Aesop, but there were no genders then, at least for humans. In those days they still spoke English (I know, I was there too), and humans didn't have genders, words did. Humans were of one of two sexes, male or female. Quaint, eh?
--Tennessee Budd

Anonymous said...

The military has been fucked for a long time. It's why I don't belong to any veteran organizations or hang out at the VFW, I can't stand all the go along to get along punks who insist on pretending it was an honorable organization.

FredLewers said...

It ain't just the military that's FUBAR Anonymous...
The vast majority of western civilization is well and truly screwed. The Republic is done. The flush lever got activated by various progressives over a century ago. It's been slowly swirling for a very long time. The appearance of it swirling faster is because there's less Republic to pass through the trap on its way to shit hole third world status.
If my analogy is unclear, next time you take a leak observe how the fluid dynamics play out and if you're in doubt about the accuracy of my analogy, please try to unflush the toilet to save a turd... I've never been convinced that actions can be undone to avoid unforseen consequences. At this point in time the Canadians are several steps ahead of America in the long difficult dog back to true liberty.
We've been shown up by the Canadians. Ponder that folks, the Canadians...

FredLewers said...

*long difficult slog (please feel free to edit my typo Aesop. FRL

John Wilder said...

A fisking for the ages. Yet working with logic and honor is hard when all you have to do is go along, get along, and virtue signal your Surrenderhorn all night long.

Tnhunter said...

As an Air Force veteran from a time when it was the USAF, I am appaled and ashamed of what it has become, a feminized shell of itself. No true discipline, politically correct bunch of yahoo's. Thr father of this SRA should be ashamed of her actions in permitting this further debasement of the Air Force and making a laughing stock of the military community. I have come to the point where I advised against any young person to enlist in the military. Why knowingly make a fool of yourself

Anonymous said...

If, as you wrote, you would have threatened to enlighten all above the rank of your next higher to the jackassery of the pie hole mask, you would have been assigned permanent guard duty on the midnight to 4 am shift, followed by KP on the 4AM to 8AM shift, followed by the expectation that you would perform whatever assigned duty of the day, like swabbing the barracks decks and cleaning the head with a toothbrush, to the highest standards. Every failure to meet standards, and your next higher would be a master a finding the smallest overlooked detail and/or inventing overlooked details, would have resulted in further assigned duties until you had no time to sleep, do laundry, keep yourself and your bunk and locker squared away or shit. This treatment would continue until your attitude was adjusted. Ask me how I know.

Nemo

Aesop said...

1) It wasn't a threat. It was an invitation to piss up a rope.
2) Scars are the price you pay for character and integrity. Ask me how I know.

"Never mud-wrestle with a pig. Always remember, the pig enjoys it."

3) I've also seen "Fuck me? No, fuck YOU!" played out firsthand, before a live studio audience. The E-3 won.
https://raconteurreport.blogspot.com/2008/11/busting-lt-at-cg.html

Unknown said...

I'm shocked it's not been changed to Airperson yet, though it's probably in the works. Also, it should still be the Army Air Corps.

Aesop said...

I like Air Fairies. It's Non-Cisgender Diverse. And it's aeronautical.

Anonymous said...

As a retired AF Colonel I always enjoy reading the rants of those lower-ASVAB-scorers, sadly stuck serving in the "legacy services," who envy the life of good-deal TDYs, nice single-person dorm rooms, and lack of "camping" opportunities.

Please go on, but hurry because the room service at my TDY hotel is due soon and that medium rare steak won't wait while you try typing another rant after you put your fist through the wall of your 50-man barracks (the 1940's called and they want their dorms back).

As for the band playing Airman, I'm sure she didn't design the damn face thing, she just has to wear the uniform that she's supposed to wear and show up on time (90% of a successful first tour in the military). If she would have refused then the nice old retirees (some of you?) wouldn't have gotten to hear the pretty music. So stop banging your spoons on your high chairs and bash the Russians or Chinese, not the poor AF gal playing music at the VFW. Go Air Force - Beat Navy!

Aesop said...

You labor under a multitude of misconceptions:
1) My ASVAB scores had even my own wing-wiper recruiters in tears of apoplexy when, with my 100th percentile scores, I demanded and got service in combat arms, in a primary service rather than a supporting arm, rather than being a sugar-coated technician.
2) You mistake brotherly inter-service ribbing with actual loathing and disgust for substandard performance and dereliction of duty.
3) SrA Kissass Shitforbrains and her entire misbegotten lashup can (and should) be replaced with this phenomenal new musical instrument from the 1980s, called a CD player, for a fraction of her monthly upkeep, several times her longevity, and more flawless fidelity to the endeavor undertaken. And unlike SFB, the CD player doesn't require lower physical performance standards, go to sick call 3 days a month, never shirks its work by falsely accusing its officers and NCOs of rape, and never refuses to continue working because it got pregnant. It also never mistakes itself for a warrior.

Anonymous said...

Writer reads your note on misconceptions, snickers, wipes steak sauce from corner of mouth with cloth napkin, snickers some more, counts flight pay, burps, grabs remote to watch an in-room movie at TDY hotel, and wonders why you hate military bands so much.

Seriously, lighten up on the Air Force, say thanks for enabling the ground pounder cake walk that was the 100 hours of Desert Storm "ground war/road trip to Bagdad," and refocus your rage back to the California commie-types, or the Russians or the ChiComms.
Also, congrats on the jab victory at your work. Nicely done. Praying I'm as lucky in my attempts at exemption requests (religious and medical).

Aesop said...

I have nothing against military bands.

The offending airwimp should join one.

Pretty sure all she's paving the way for is more pink-haired transvestites in the ranks, while cashiering more warriors.

Which is being accomplished by the exact Califrutopia commie types, Russians, and ChiComs you mentioned. Funny how that all works out, i'n'it?

But thanks for playing. ;)

The Overgrown Hobbit said...

Correct: In English there are 3 genders.