Saturday, May 25, 2019

Things That Make Me Go Hmmm; and Grrrr!...


















...and pretty much thoroughly piss me off at the same time.

A national hot dog company we shall not name used to sell their product in a resealable ziplock pouch, because some of us don't eat eight hotdogs at one sitting, and we don't like the green ones we find when we put the open package back in the fridge for a few days. Then, some eager halfwit flunkie trying to make a name for himself in the marketing department took that feature away. So now, we buy zip lock baggies to fit, and the hot dogs of a different brand as punishment to the idiots who "improved" something that worked as designed. Feeling bright now, jacktards?

When we stop there, why do the counter idiots at the drive-throughs put onions on the mustard and onion dogs as if they were free by the ton, such that more onions fall off into your lap than go into your mouth, try as you might to avoid that, but then backwardly apply the mustard with an eyedropper like it was actual gold, and coming out of their own paltry paychecks? Were their parents never married or something, or were they just bred and fed on lead paint chips?

What corporate retards at Levis, Wrangler, Dickies, et al, decided that it would be a good idea to make a beautiful, simple, functional actual real leather belt, rather than some plastic synthetic "leather-like" piece of $#!^, and then screw up the execution by cheaping out to save 50¢ on the whole thing by putting on some half-assed buckle with a pot-metal cross-bar that will catastrophically fail the very first time you wear it (ask me how I know this), instead of a solid hunk of brass buckle that will function flawlessly for a lifetime, and still be around when your grandkids find it? {Word to your mothers, retards, I have a local leather store that sells solid brass buckles, I own a rivet kit and heavy duty sewing awl, and I can thwart your cheap-$#!^ nonsense in about twenty minutes, and make a belt that will outlive me, and you. But I shouldn't have had to do that, should I? You @$$holes.}

I get that the Fourth of July is coming up in a paltry six weeks, and it sneaks up on retailers with a tedious predictability every 365 days. But why in blistering f**k does any retail genius think that they should start making cupcakes that far out, as though we were going to start stockpiling them over a month and a half in advance?

Whose brilliant idea was it at the FDA and frosting companies to make food coloring for icing that's indigestible, to the point that you make Technicolor turds in brilliant blues, verdant greens, and blood red that would make a hospital lab assistant pop their eyes wide open if it were submitted as a sample?

And while we're on the subject of red and blue, who decided, long about 1992, to flip-flop the party colors? Democrats have always been the Reds in this country, and Republicans have always been Blue. I live in a Red State, complete with the hammer and sickle most days, not a Blue one anymore, and not the other way around. Did they really think no one would notice, or that we'd stop associating communist-lite with the real thing, just because they changed the color scheme that was in play from about the late 1860s?

And so goes another Saturday.

Bring back corporal punishment for such stupidity: make companies hold an open house annually, and have a designated executive on hand for the bitch-slapping to commence.
We'd be a better people and a better country for it.

17 comments:

SoylentGreen said...

Amen. And which flaming t*rd decided to leave the two extra belt-loops off the back of my pants about 20 years ago? Pants are one thing I can't make.

Old NFO said...

I just buy Galco belts... Every 20 years, whether I need them or not! :-)

Anonymous said...

Hot dogs in packs of 8, buns in pack of 6 or some kind of mismatch like that

Beans said...

Anonymous at 3:12 - the extra 2 are for either the dog or for an expected 25% failure to stay on the grill or not be burned to a crisp rate. Maybe. Dunno.

As to jeans and belts, yeah, exactly. I want to buy a belt when it's worn out, not when the fake layers separate. Thank God for Tractor Supply, where they sell real belts!

Anonymous said...

The dems were the ones who 'decided' the red vs blue thing - for the exact reason you cited and the feckless republicans did their usual go along to get along cave in.

Ned2 said...

Sounds like you need a good medium rare ribeye.
Or a mouth watering elk roast.

James M Dakin said...

I thought the 4th of July cupcakes were the old Memorial Day ones, with the plastic "4" stuck on :)

Cederq said...

Boy, someone pissed in your Cheetos today... I have to agree with ya, and where in Dante's green earth did they come up with alligator teeth to hold suspenders on trousers? One uses buttons, not clips that tear the hell out your hemline, fricken haberdashery companies.

Anonymous said...

Cederq, I bought a bunch of aftermarket suspender rivets for just that reason. They work just fine until you squat down the first time. Worthless pos.

yachtsecurity said...

I thought it was just a Mandela Effect thing on the Dem/Rep color scheme. Didn't realize it really happened.
And a pox on the non-ziploc loving geeks.

DAN III said...

Aesop,

You do a post-dump review of your turd color(s) ?

Aesop said...

When they're cerulean blue, "that sh*t ain't right".

John said...

The Chinese are masters of somehow making a incredibly thin veneer of leather over wet cardboard and calling it a belt, and charging $19.95 for it. Usually shows damage the very first time you wear it.
If you need a dress belt (and don't fall for the "Made in Italy" scam) and you're not paying more that fifty for it, it's crap.

Anonymous said...

Dillon Precision sells a GREAT gunbelt. My old DP sourced belt finally gave out after 18 or so years. They say it's the last gunbelt you will ever need. I guess that depends on how long you live, but it really IS all I wanted in my new belt. It's robust enough to hold my sidearm in close to my body and the buckle is real brass and substantial. It cost about $70 + shipping and well worth it. Add in a new holster from Craft Holsters and EDC carry gets a lot more comfortable. (Try finding a holster for a Gen 1 Steyr S9. It's like looking for performance enhancement stuff for a Studebaker engine. It seems pretty well made. I'll know with the passage of time.)

Re: Technicolor turds - There ought to be something you could do with those. Ask the commentariat for suggestions.

_revjen45

Bear Claw Chris Lapp said...

Roger that on the belts. After about 4 uses started falling apart around the buckle hole I was using. Got the call about my belt ordered 2 months ago it was in thank goodness. Will pick it up Tuesday. My favorite new cuss words, "cheap chinese shit". Read the NFO's story about buccee's visit, I was their a couple weeks before for my very first visit. I marveled at all the cheap chinese crap, my family was with me. Some is local I am sure but wasn't going to check.

geoffb said...

The color system which was decided by the media back when they first started doing election coverage in color. It was to switch the color of the Incumbent presidential Party every presidential election.

1992 Incumbent Party [R] is Blue
1996 Incumbent Party [D] is Red
2000 Incumbent Party [D] is Blue
2004 Incumbent Party [R] is Red

2008 Incumbent Party [R] was supposed to be Blue but that would have been bad for Obama so the whole system was locked in at [R] is Red and [D] is Blue from then on. And since there hadn't been a "[D] is Red" election for 12 years they got away with it.

Rollory said...

Red is the color of courage. Blue is the color of loyalty.

I'm fine with it.