Tuesday, July 5, 2016

Just Saying

So, courtesy of the fair-weather friends and sunshine patriots who took French leave of CA since 1989, our unopposed communist legislature and senile has-been governor are trying, yet again, to tighten the screws on the hundreds of thousands of liberty-minded people here who've successfully skirted the jackassical regulations on "assault" weapons, to try, once again, and squeeze the handful of Jell-O and ban the things. (As if.)

Which worked out so well for them in 1989, and 1999, that there are now 10x or more AR-style weapons here after they tried to ban them than there were before.

(As a direct result, my car runs on the tears of decrepit old Diane Fineswine, brainless Barbara Boxer, and ghoul-faced Nancy Pelosi.)

Those continual efforts are about as newsworthy here as sunshine, because like rust, our state's communists never sleep.

But what long since became tediously tiresome is the constant refrain from out-of-state jackasses to the effect of:

"Why that's so outrageous, if I were stupid enough to live in a state with year-round sunshine, beautiful beaches, postcard-worthy mountains, plentiful jobs, and dozens of other conveniences, I'd move right out back to the snowbound tiny-minded shithole I live in now, because chickenshit."

I paraphrase, but only slightly.

Look, Assholes From Elsewhere, I'm calling you on your bullshit, once and for all, and will herewith Fisk it by the numbers.

1) Your lack of empathy for our plight is noted, and we happily return the favor, and will return the consideration aptly, when a similar fate befalls you there.
2) Our current troubles are in no small part in the first place due to exactly your toothless banjo-playing kinfolk there, who unhelpfully for my home state moved here, since time out of mind. Pray, look up the ancestral homes of "Californians" like Barbara Boxer, Nancy Pelosi, or the unlamented and recalled Gov. Gray Davis. Then pop off. I'll own the ones we've spawned, the minute you come collect your litter-box nuggets deposited here from elsewhere, m'kay?
3) The minute, no, the second you get your wish, and another wave of "Californians" follows your sage advice, and relocates to your little Paradise By The Outhouse, you immediately begin to ceaselessly BMW (Bitch, Moan, and Whine) about how "Californians" have befouled your nest, and now support there the exact same tomfoolery and chicanery you lament. (The fact that they are as "Californian" as Susan Sarandon, and are in fact merely another group of stateless gypsies from your own and other locales always seems to swoop unnoticed right over your foreheads, before, during, and after the fact.)
4) California contains merely two senators, and slightly more than ten percent of the Congress, yet the other 98 senators and 390 or so congresscritters can't seem to find why "illegal aliens" are a problem they should address, despite the so-called "anti-illegal immigration" party being in control of Congress largely unimpeded since 1994. So, how's that studied ignorance working out for those of you in the Other 49? Tell me, who all's standing outside your local Home Depot every morning at sunup?

In short, the reason CA is so fucked up has about 10% to do with CA, and about 90% to do with you, not least of which for the waves of liberal lunatics from your own climes foisted upon us here by the twin marvels of the miracle of easy air travel and the Defense Interstate Highway System, and the unparalleled invasion by ignorant miscreants from across our southern border. 

In return all we did was provide pretty much the bulk of the aviation industry, no small part of the space age, and the greatest market for the cars and other goods the rest of the country could ask for, while incidentally feeding the world. (And while noteworthy, I wasn't just referring to things like McDonald's, Taco Bell, Carl's Jr., or El Pollo Loco, but rather to the agricultural miracle that is CA's Central Valley.)

I therefore do not think I overspeak when I say I think you've gotten more than you fair share out of us, and we deserve better. Despite this, the churlish and uneducated continue to prattle about how we've so offended your nostrils that you'd rather not be within scent of us downwind, because you're so much smarter in Pigknuckle.

Fair enough.

I have a standing offer: You come get your toothless, banjo-playing kinfolk here, and drop your actual native Californians there at the train station, and I'll come and get them.

But let's be serious: Last I looked, and the current President's math notwithstanding (he's a foreigner, after all) there are 50 states. I expect most of you are pretty enamored of where you live, more so if ties of birth and family tradition give you reason to cling to your heritage and birthplaces. From what I've seen in my travels around the country in person (23 states, DC, and a territory, when last I counted), and vicariously (through film, TV, and internet videos) there is beauty and reasons to appreciate other places wherever you live in this nation, and I wouldn't gainsay you out of any one of them. There are also, for each person, any number of other reasons to not want to live somewhere else. Dulce et decorum est. Make your choices, and live your lives in peace with them. I will happily decry individual idiocies, even individual cities that have sunk to Third-World Shithole status - DC, Chicongo and Detroitistan, I'm looking at you - but would be loathe to tar any entire state and its inhabitants simply because its legislature had its head up its ass. To do so would be simply ridiculous and small-minded. There are good people everywhere, and I love this country so much I'm not willing to part with a bit of it, let alone over anything so petty as partisan bickering.

But if you have nothing else to bring to any discussion besides your virtue-signal cock-a-doodling about the superiority of your own choices, blind parochial provincialism, and blisteringly pig-headed ignorance of life in general, do the internet a favor:


We thank you.


Mike Bishop said...


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Aesop said...

Thanks Mike.
But by the time you get here, we expect to have the situation well in hand.
Appreciate the thought in any event.

Mike Bishop said...

Absolutely, brother.