The Real Ministry Of Ungentlemanly Warfare

Once upon a time, cannibals attacked a circus, and they caught a clown and ate him.

One cannibal said to the other one, "This tastes funny..."

I bring that up, because the local pro-terrorist sit-in at Penn was approached by Homer J. Doofus, and he filmed himself bravely goading them into threats of violence.

You can hear all about it at Divemedic's place.

The guy in the linked vids on X was a pure unmitigated idiot.

Smarter moves he could've done, but hadn't the wit to do?

Here are some things one or more motivated individuals might choose to do on their own:

Caveats: Obey the law. Follow all rules. Remove shirt before ironing. Do not taunt happy fun ball. YOYO: You're On Your Own. Big Boy Rules Apply.

A) Infiltrate

Hey, they've been infiltrating right-of-center rallies for years. Payback is a bitch. Get a couple of long-haired younger friends to "join" their noble cause. Make contacts. Shoot video. Map out the whole thing from the inside. See if you can trip to who all is funding and supplying them. Specifically, or generally. This is a tale as old as time, in the second oldest profession. It worked for Chico in The Magnificent Seven. Maybe text their plans to an outside contact, in time to thwart them. Afterwards, send a fully-detailed and anonymous briefing (who, what, when, where, how) - most obviously, one that doesn't lead straight back to your Benedict Arnold - to the local constables, the state police, and the feds. Maybe even Interpol, and other agencies as well. Oh, and send copies to people like James O'Keefe, Glenn Beck, Sean Hannity, et al. It's going to get picked up. And cockroaches hate light. 

Follow-up outrage and prosecution may follow. Give it a shot. "Guerrillas swim in the sea of the people." - Mao. So maybe poison their ocean for a couple of generations. Bonus points: Plant incriminating info in a burner phone (you know how to make one of those happen, right??) on one of their leaders that make it look like they're really the leaker, then sit back and watch the resulting struggle sessions and re-education as they fight amongst themselves.

B) Gather Intel from outside

[Pro Tip: Army and Marine snipers are far more effective - and lethal - with binoculars and a radio than they ever are with a scoped rifle. Learn a lesson there.]

Log movements. Identify faces. No one can maintain facial camo in public indefinitely. Especially that bunch of assclowns.

Figure out who the ringleaders are.

Note their response to trespassers. Who are the reaction teams? How many are there? Do they work shifts? Can they handle multiple threats at once? Especially at 3AM.

Follow as many as you can when it breaks up. Even if that's only one.

They all have to take a pee when they're at a restaurant, or take out the trash. Then they don't have a gang with them anymore. Be a real bummer if you did, huh?

C) Harass

Shoot fireworks into their encampment at all hours.

Release noxious agents from upwind.

Marine flares will travel a long way, and set things on fire when they hit, and they sell them everywhere. How interesting.

BB guns sting. I recall the DC snipers hiding inside an empty car trunk. Probably works for pellet guns too, with even less sound. Just saying.

Anybody who's ever played in the northern latitudes in late fall or winter knows paintballs can become frozen. And hurt like a m*****f***er when they hit. Head shots have been known to cause concussions and unconsciousness. Imagine what a crotch shot with a .68 caliber marble feels like. So knowing that, who needs rubber bullets? BTW, it's always winter inside your freezer. Hmm.

Slingshots are small, concealable, and readily discarded.

Chemistry majors can whip up some butyric acid. It'd sure suck if someone fired a water balloon filled with that sh*t-stink into that camp.

Or one filled with skunk scent.

Or just launched some rotten meat and fish, and turned loose a bunch of rats and such.

And waited for the skunks, possums, and 'coons nearby to discover things for themselves.

Feral dogs? Fuggedaboudit. Comedy gold.

Take a lesson from Samson: he turned wild foxes loose with torches tied to their tails into the Philistines' crops. What could be more appropriate to a camp of pro-Palestinians? Fresh out of wild foxes? How about cats? Roombas? RC trucks with glass jars of flammable liquids?Flaming bags of dog poo? Endless possibilities.

D) Sabotage

Most of these idiots asked for food, because they never thought of that. So send them some. Imagine a frat getting together to have 100 Big Macs (or Fake Meat. Or Tofu. Whatever.) delivered - after they all smear a little "special sauce", i.e. biological waste product (human sh*t) on them. Not enough to taste right off, mind you. But in 10 hours or so...it's going to get messy in that camp, and take the fight right out of them. Trust me on that. Some chicken entree by Chef Sal Monella is always a dish best served lukewarm. The myriad ways you could jack up "sealed" food containers is legion. Fruit, like oranges and bananas and apples, are easier still. All I'm saying, is imagine 500 people all on an acid trip at the same time. Or all trying to use the can 10 times an hour, between projectile vomiting spells. Gastroenteritis doesn't kill people as much as it makes them wish they were dead. Bon Appetit, commie pigs!

What, you think the cops don't send in a Valium-sprinkled pizza to barricaded suspects?

Grow up.

Speaking of the po-po, are they guarding the miscreants and enabling them? Might want to donate a case of specially-flavored water to them too. 

On the topic of human waste, those goons are sh*tting somewhere, and not in their pants. Find the portajohns. Block the service trucks, by any means necessary. Call around, and cancel their servicing. Drill holes in the portajohn holding tanks, so the contents go in one hole, and out the other. Sabotage the permanent plumbing in nearby buildings so they have no options there. The "occupiers" will get the blame for that move too. [Hint: women are far fussier about that than men. Ask me what happens when "somebody" shuts off all the flush valves in the women's dorm. All. Of. Them.] Win-win.

If you get real lucky, you may trigger any number of disease outbreaks in that encampment. Boo frickin' hoo.

Don't overlook the opportunity to pass out bottles of "hand sanitizer" that are just thinned out vaseline. Or cooking oil.

Let your imagination run wild with all the things that might be done to personal care products: toothpaste, mouthwash, liquid soap, shampoo, etc. Nota bene: Syrup of ipecac mixes with a lot of things.

Sucks for them if they didn't pay attention in the siege warfare section of history class, doesn't it?

Snow fencing? Be a real pisser if someone tied some marlin-grade monofilament to it, and the other end to a car bumper. And then drove away. Probably scatter tents and the campers inside ass-over-teakettle. Definitely gonna f**k up their circadian rhythms, i'n'it?

Can you get close enough to shoot water from a super soaker into the camp without getting swarmed? Swap the water for battery acid. That stuff eats through nylon fabric - like tents - with a vengeance. Burns too. Ask me how I know.

Find the sprinkler controls for that quad. Let your imagination run wild there.

Maybe you can find a crop duster who's not above using them for brushfire water drop practice.

Can't throw them out of helicopters? Learn from a M*A*S*H* episode: find one willing pilot, and drop a load of festering garbage onto them instead. At O-dark-thirty.

In short, be devious, cruel, and nasty, instead of stupid. 

Because let's face it: it was the Legion Of Misfits who decided to emulate tactics last seen at the Little Big Horn and Dien Bien Phu. The least you could do is teach them a historical lesson about forting up in the middle of hostile territory. The more hostile, the better they'll learn.

And FFS, stop making facecrack videos about it.

F**k me, Leftards?

No, Fuck YOU. Twice as hard, and no lube.

Remember: It's not funny until it's not funny.

Then it's hilarious.

I'm not telling anyone to go out and do any of this. No, really.

I have no knowledge of how the commies who were harassing the folks stopping illegals on the border in the early 2000s might have had their camps and campfires salted with OC and CS powder at 4AM, or how raw chicken livers might have been launched amidst them with slingshots at night, and game calls might have brought every pack of coyotes for miles to come sniff around right outside their tents until the Young Leninists decided to go back to town, because the border wilderness was a bit too wild to be good little communists in.

And I'm not telling anyone to go out and do anything. You have agency. I just submit the preceding "for informational purposes only".

Because I'm expecting that college kids and others will have the wit to figure this sort of thing out all by themselves, on their own. 

I mean, sweet suffering Shiva, the Hayduke "Revenge" books have been in print since the 1970s, Edward Abbey wrote The Monkeywrench Gang in 1975, and Animal House came out in 1978. So WhyTF should the eco-terrorists of EarthFirst! have all the fun?!?

But I'm absolutely expecting the laughs and memes afterwards will be epic.

And if any of this had you clutching your pearls in shock, you're part of the problem, not part of the solution.

OTOH: If you've got so little as a handful of dedicated fellow @$$holes to join you in this quest, you should be able to half-ass that into your own A-Team, and take charge of any campus AO, until Team Fascist starts crying like little bitches.

And remember, kids: lest anyone think this sort of thing is beneath their dignity, recall that many of the guys who showed up from Lexington to Concord Bridge got their start dressing up as Indians and pulling a prank on 342 cases of tea. Mighty oaks from humble acorns grow.