Sunday, October 9, 2016

Special Sunday Bonus PSA

         How To Tell If You're A Hysterical F*cktard

Here is a link to the Model Penal Code: Model Penal Code
Here is a link to find your state's actual penal code:

Nota bene, a careful perusal of all crimes from Arson to Violation of Privacy, and everything else conceivable to the finest legal minds in America, is contained in one or both places. Also laid out are all the elements necessary to demonstrate a crime has been committed, or would be hypothetically.
Notable by omission in every case is the specific action "wearing a clown costume".
It isn't a necessary element; it isn't a separate criminal act per se; it is not an additional criminal enhancement to any other crime.
Neither is wearing a business suit, tuxedo, bunny rabbit pajamas, a pink ballet tutu, a Dracula outfit, or zombie makeup.

That's because wearing a clown costume, in and of itself, is - wait for it - LEGAL just about everywhere. If that reality kicked your ass, stop reading, put your head between your knees, take some deep breaths, perhaps splash some water on your face, and wait until the dizziness passes, before continuing.

In fact, the only outfit you can be wearing that offers criminal sanctions, or additional enhancements for other crimes, is being (falsely) dressed as a police officer.
(Just ask world-class drama queen Kim Kardashian.) This is because, like Kim, over time, while virtually nobody has actually been victimized by clowns, ballerinas, vampires, or the undead, literally hundreds to thousands of people are regularly victimized by fake (and real, for that matter) police. As Casey Stengel said, "You could look it up."

So strictly speaking, you'd have better legal standing for attacking a police officer on the grounds you thought they were fakers than you ever would for so much as reporting someone guilty of no more than wearing a clown costume.

What this all means for the brick-stupid, is that if, at any point in alleging a crime has been committed and explaining your subsequent actions, you pull out the specific descriptor "and he was wearing a clown costume", you are
a) a Hysterical F*cktard, and
b) about to spend some time as a guest of the state, in an orange jumpsuit and no shoelaces sort of way.

If, in recourse to describing some allegation of hypothetical or actual criminal conduct, by anyone, at any point in time, you refer to "and wearing a clown costume" as though it had added any forensic or intellectual weight to your argument, you are
a) a Hysterical F*cktard, and
b) in serious need of psychological intervention.

Here is the website to get help:
Online Help Center of the American Psychological Association

Don't be a Hysterical F*cktard. Get help.
And stop persecuting people in costumes that scare you.

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