Friday, March 11, 2022

Pull The Other One, It's Got Bells On It



 













So let me get this straight:

1) Poopypants and his minions have been teeing up the Russian invasion for months. OKAY.

2) Poopypants and his minions knew a Russian invasion was coming. They knew the Russian plan and order of battle weeks in advance, and even tried to get China to tell Russia we knew it, and that they shouldn't do it. OKAY.

3) Poopypants and his minions offered no concrete military aid that would make this invasion less likely, nor more difficult, knowing full well it was all but inevitable. OKAY.

4) Poopypants and his minions expected that the Russians would be all the way to the Polish border within 48 hours after it kicked off, and even offered Zelensky a ride out of Dodge. OKAY.

5) Nobody, not us, not Russia, and not even the Ukrainians, ever expected they'd fight the Russian army to a near standstill for two weeks. OKAY.

6) But now, Russia, the guys who invaded, the ones shelling cities for a week since their attempts at a military victory went all to shit, has suddenly discovered "secret biowarfare labs" in Ukraine, within the measly few miles they've managed to conquer after half a month. WAIT, WHAT?

Okay, Slick, so I'm supposed to believe that Poopypants and his minions did nothing to dismantle those labs and hide any evidence of their existence, despite knowing they would be overrun in a New York Minute by the entire Russian Army. Because...no f**king idea why they'd do that. WOOP!WOOP!WOOP! MAJOR BULLSHIT WARNING!

Okay, sure.

Just explain to the class how and why, exactly, somebody would shoot themselves in both feet, with a shotgun, seventeen times, and then start RELOADING to do it again.

Because that  nonsense is more plausible than this "Hey! Look! I just found biowarfare labs right next to Russia!"

I'll just wait over here while you get your slides and charts together to explain something so fucking jackassical, it would have to come from literally Gilligan, or from Lloyd and Harry in Dumb and Dumber.

Can't do that without shooting a moon rocket past the lowest depths of recorded human intelligence? And then saying

?







Gooooooooooooooooood luck selling that.

Waitaminute, the referee is running over and

"Total unbelievable bullshit! 50-yard penalty!"








Let's check the tape...

Oh, geez, no wonder there's a flag! Look at that guy in the backfield:








Another week of being bogged down in Ukrainian swamps and getting their asses kicked by partisans with Javelin missiles 24/7, and the Russians will find the guy from the Grassy Knoll in Dallas, Jimmy Hoffa's body, Jack the Ripper, and the Black Dahlia murderer. And 20 suitcases of missing Trump absentee votes from Atlanta, Detroit, Philadelphia, Phoenix, and Madison. And the one-armed man. And the elephant graveyard. And Nicole Simspson Brown's actual killer. And the Underpants Gnome. And the network exec who cancelled Firefly. 

It's more likely that Rosie O'Donnell becomes Miss America the same year Stevie Wonder wins the Indy 500 than it is that this story is anything but pure diaper spackle.

FFS, this is about as plausible as Saddam's chemical warfare production facility having a Sharpie-lettered cardboard sign out front that said, in English, "Baby Milk Factory".



BTW: Best estimates are that Putin has lost more troops in two weeks in Ukraine than the Soviet Union lost in 5 years (out of 10 total) in Afghanistan. The Russians haven't been dunked on that hard since men's basketball at the '92 Olympics.

30 comments:

JustinR said...

If I found the network exec that cancelled Firefly, I'd consider putting a Javelin into his house.

Anonymous said...

"Just explain to the class how and why, exactly, somebody would shoot themselves in both feet, with a shotgun, seventeen times, and then start RELOADING to do it again."

Afghanistan

Anonymous said...

They always do that.
Warehouse 13 is another one.
Real finger on the pulse of viewing America, right?

CC

Aesop said...

Nice try.

This would be on the level of moving the US president's summer vacation home to Helmand Province there, and hiring Dirka DirkaDirka Security.

And then inviting all the local tribal elders to weekly pig roasts.

Anonymous said...

Javelins are too precise in the damage they do. A Hellfire would be more appropriate, though just for the fuckheadedness of that decision, and on the possibility that such stupidity might be infectious, call in an ArcLight just to be sure.
John in Indy

kevinH said...

Lloyd and Harry inspire more confidence than the dementia ridden, drooling has been that never was right, and the intellectual light weight, most unprepared person in Govermant former hooker .

Robert said...

The model you reference in your posting assumes that our glorious rulers are rational actors with certain constraints on their behavior. It further assumes there is an exclusive choice between malicious and stupid that defines some of those limits.

"Pull the other one, it's got bells on it" very nicely states those assumed limits.

What if that model is incorrect?

Here is another model (Model B): Our rulers are malicious and many of them are stupid as well. They make major decisions purely to satisfy their own egotistical viewpoints. The logic of those decisions is the inner mind workings of sociopaths and psychopaths. The limits of what they may do or not do are way out of the range that normal people would expect.

To slightly misquote P.J. O'Rourke; "The country is their private whorehouse, and the President of the United States is the head towel boy".

They didn't know and don't care if their predecessors or other factions commissioned biowarfare labs in the Ukraine - or Wuhan, or Toronto, or New Jersey.

You said "I'm supposed to believe that Poopypants and his minions did nothing to dismantle those labs and hide any evidence of their existence, despite knowing they would be overrun in a New York Minute by the entire Russian Army. Because..."

Well, yes, you can if you subscribe to Model B. It is a logical consequence of the "malicious and stupid" postulate. Works well under the postulate that different factions do not know or care what the other factions are doing.

Also works well under the postulate that psychopaths believe they can never be caught or actually want to be discovered as a demonstration of power, since they believe they can never be punished.

Do I believe the Russians found American biowarfare labs in the Ukraine? Maybe they did. It seems more likely to me that they found ordinary biological research labs devoted to legitimate commercial projects and have exaggerated their findings for propaganda. But I cannot entirely discount their claims. The most effective propaganda is selective presentation of truth.

All models are false. Some models are useful within a limited domain of circumstance. There are absolute limits to what is possible in the real world. The limits of what is possible are not generally where we believe them to be.

In the fog of lies surrounding the war in Ukraine, I am prepared to be constantly surprised. I would not bet anything serious on the accuracy of alleged facts coming out of this theatre.

Aesop said...

I assume no such rationality nor limits.
But there are limits on how much stupid even a clowncarnucopia of f**ktards can accomplish, even if dedicated, motivated, and exuberant, and the postulated situation exceeds all possible limits reachable by humans.
And I've seen no cape-wearing supermen in this administration.

I'll freely grant they might could turn the Stupid Knob up to 11.
But not to Eleventy-eleven.

Jess said...

Considering the subterfuge, government agencies working independently, the lack of accountability, and the cabbage heads at the top, just about anything as stupid as not paying attention to actual events wouldn't surprise me. The truth is out there, but it will take over seventy years to come to light.

Howsdat said...

Apparently you are not aware of Victoria Nuland's testimony (question by marco Rubio) that there are Bio-warfare labs in Ukraine.

Doug said...

I'm usually with you on your insight, but is there anything the baked potato Biden has done that leads you to think the biolab thing is not just one more f'up? Honestly, this bunch of globohomo acolytes could f'up a steel ball. Granted, it's weird, but I'd believe Russia before ANYBODY in the US government (spit!).
Nevertheless, keep on calling out those assholes.

Anonymous said...

The stupid is strong with this administration.

Anonymous said...

Aesop, were you not inhabiting this solar system when Zhou Bai Den left billions of dollars' worth of military hardware for the Taliban to play with? I mean, that was REALLY stupid, and it was kind of hard to miss.
--Tennessee Budd

Hammer's Thor said...

Clearly, you cannot see the bigger picture here, which is the fact that all of this is just a distraction so that The Philippines can invade and conquer New Zealand. Even a caveman can understand that.

But seriously... "Okay, Slick, so I'm supposed to believe that Poopypants and his minions did nothing to dismantle those labs and hide any evidence of their existence, despite knowing they would be overrun in a New York Minute by the entire Russian Army. Because...no f**king idea why they'd do that."

Methinks thou greatly overestimate the intelligence of the administration and, more especially, poopypants. If I remember correctly, his progeny left a laptop filled with all manner of filth and debauchery at a computer store, under his own name, then just left it there. To be turned in to the FBI. I mean, THAT was a remarkable level of stupidity.

Considering the catastrophic amount of incompetence we have witnessed in just the last year (not to mention the malevolent intent) I find it at least a reasonable possibility that they could turn up the stupid to Eleventy-eleven.

Or else something else entirely is going on here, of which not only do we not imagine, we cannot possibly imagine. And I can imagine quite a bit.

The Freeholder said...

But will they find all those missing socks?

Aesop said...

@Howsdat,

Clearly you are unaware of the US rep. to the UN saying there are not any of ours there, period. So, Victoria Nuland is an idiot? Color me shocked.

Aesop said...

@Hammer's Thor,

The level of competence even half of this would demand would require putting Hunter Biden in charge of DoD (after handing him a 50# bag of cocaine), letting the coven of witches on The Spew run the State Department, and making AOC SecTreas.

There are no limits on stupidity in this government, but there are limits on the ability to do stupid things.

To believe this was possible, one would have to presume that everyone in the entire government, top to bottom, wall to wall, was as dumb or dumber than literal fungus, 24/7/365. One of them, sure. many of them, I'll even buy that. Every single one of them, since ever, and for ever? Simply not possible. All of D.C. would be in flames, and the entire district would have burnt to the ground long since.

NTTAWWT.

Robert said...

Your comment: "Simply not possible. All of D.C. would be in flames, and the entire district would have burnt to the ground long since." sets off my internal alarms.

I have all too frequently discovered that the limits on what is possible were not where I thought they were.

This has been another one of those times.

And finding that DC is in flames with the entire district burned to the ground looks like a distinct possibility to me of late. One Russian boomer off the east coast that survives long enough to get their missile doors open could do that.

Or the food riots that get started in DC next fall when the EBT system goes down for a week could do that.

Your suggestions on staff assignments at DOD, the Department of State, and the Treasury might get serious consideration in some quarters. Maybe we should not be giving them any ideas.

I do not want to test Fate by saying "that is impossible".

US sponsoring bioweapons labs in the Ukraine? After we pretty clearly gave money to the Chinese to continue the gain-of-function research at Wuhan? Yes, I believe it is possible that we did both of those projects and several other really nasty things as well.

I do not trust the Russian announcements on anything. It is the statements of our own government officials, and Un-sanitized records of the last 8 years that have me in high paranoid mode.

Aesop said...

With the two idiots on each side, any outcome is possible.
In the future.

But GoF in Wuhan? Fine.
But this nonsense proposes we'd fund GoF in Hong Kong, in Christmas 1999, and imagining the ChiComs would never find out about it.
Far beyond plausible, even if you accept an army of retards from sea to shining sea.

Occam's Razor leaves all that nonsense on the floor, as usual.

Michael said...

Interesting fact from 2010 interested in your take Aseop.

U.S. Sen. Dick Lugar applauded the opening of the Interim Central Reference Laboratory in Odessa, Ukraine, this week, announcing that it will be instrumental in researching dangerous pathogens used by bioterrorists.

The level-3 bio-safety lab, which is the first built under the expanded authority of the Nunn-Lugar Cooperative Threat Reduction program, will be used to study anthrax, tularemia and Q fever as well as other dangerous pathogens.

Those are indeed dangerous pathogens. And that lab is closely tied to Obama. Not only did it open during Obama’s presidency, but Obama was also a driving force behind its creation:

Lugar said plans for the facility began in 2005 when he and then Senator Barack Obama entered a partnership with Ukrainian officials. Lugar and Obama also helped coordinate efforts between the U.S and Ukrainian researchers that year in an effort to study and help prevent avian flu.

The same article explains that the initiative was part of the Nunn-Lugar Act which, in 1991, established the Cooperative Threat Reduction Program. The purpose was to “dismantle and safeguard large stockpiles of nuclear, chemical and biological weapons.”

Henry Cybulski said...

A couple of things:


WHO says it advised Ukraine to destroy pathogens in biolabs to prevent disease spread

https://www.reuters.com/world/europe/exclusive-who-says-it-advised-ukraine-destroy-pathogens-health-labs-prevent-2022-03-11/


But nothing to worry about folks; just some research into “anthrax, tularemia and Q fever as well as other dangerous pathogens”.

https://americanbuddhist.net/2022/03/09/flashback-obama-spearheads-biolab-in-odessa-ukraine/

Anonymous said...

I think the MSM and CONgress were stunned speechless when Vicky "Fook The EU" Nuland admitted that there were U.S. funded biological research facilities in Ukraine. I know I was.

Now we have a bit of a handle on why so many of the children of U.S. government elected representatives serve on boards of Ukrainian companies. The kids main job is facilitating the hush money laundering operations of the U.S. .Gov putting our borrowed government funds into the pockets of said representatives. You know, the 10% for the big guy. The Biden and Clinton crime families aren't the only ones. These people make the Mafia look like choir boys.

It's not much of a stretch to go from "biological research" to bio-weapon production. Just ask Fraudci. He's an expert and probably why he's virtually disappeared from the landscape after residing on the top of the heap for almost two years. He's probably in some other shit hole country standing up replacement "research" facilities.

...and now, since the warmongering MSM and the MIC have been unable to goad our government nor the EU into going toe to toe with the bear directly, they're upping the ante with poison gas attack rumors. Sound familiar? It's like they have a script or something that they think works to provoke war.

Nemo

BigCountryExpat said...

Aesop
Part of what you overlook when you say "To believe this was possible, one would have to presume that everyone in the entire government, top to bottom, wall to wall, was as dumb or dumber than literal fungus, 24/7/365. One of them, sure. many of them, I'll even buy that. Every single one of them, since ever, and for ever? Simply not possible." I'd have to agree with you
BUT
By the very nature of the critters of Sodom on the Potomac they have to have -some- intrinsic intelligence, however what you overlook, and I saw on the reg in my years of contracting (14+years) especially in the higher end of the rank/in charge spectrum (read the special executive services) the Borg Hive mind of active avoidance of responsibility. NO ONE NO HOW EVER steps up to the plate to claim ANY FAILURE no matter HOW miniscule.

Avoid, deny, pass the buck, avoid, deny, pass the buck, wash, rinse repeat. It's WILLFUL Ignorance. The left hand doesn't know what the right hand is doing, ergo sum, the left hand is held blameless when the right hand squeezes the detonator on Da Big One, or in this case authorizes the building of Bio Level 4/5 Labs in questionable locations. Then when shit gets exposed, the right hand of course, points to the left hand for securing funding for the Bio project, who then, LH states that it had NO IDEA that there was a weapons research aspect to it. Cut out after cut out, worse than the Mob and their false business fronts....

It's all about plausible deniability "Ain't mah fault Dewy"... and the general shitful shiftlessness of a whole bunch of retarded monkeys fucking footballs ad infinitum being Peter Principled in Promotion faaaaar beyond abilities...

Stupid is as stupid does...

Do yeah, they did it... they'll never admit it 'cos that's the way the game's played.
Jes' Sayin'

June J said...

I look at Victoria Nuland and sense the same evil lurking as I see looking at Hillary Clinton.

Nothing coming out of the swamplands or the media gives the impression of serious people working towards goals that benefit the American people.

Well, dammit, maybe we American people are getting our just rewards for freely joining the American Imperialism Party, both D and R factions. We merrily gad about the globe bringing war upon other nations in the name of some concept that has little resemblance to its original sense.

Not much left to be proud of to be American. And, yeah, as a veteran I believe that I have the right to be sorrowful of the sorry nation we have become.

Stones said...

At this rate, how many weeks till Ukraine liberates Moscow? It's not going good for Vlad

Aesop said...

Funny you should mention that...

https://raconteurreport.blogspot.com/2022/03/napkin-math.html

Profit Prophet said...

Apparently, there are bio-labs in Ukraine... oops

Aesop said...

Apparently, "bio labs" is not at all the same thing as "bio warfare labs".
Oops.

In case it escaped your notice, there are "bio labs" at every middle school, high school, and college in the United States.

And "moving the goal posts" is a 50 yard penalty, and forfeiture of possession.

Anonymous said...

Maybe someone should say
what we've all been thinking. I love my country, but I hate my government.

Noneedtobemean.

Aesop said...

It's not my government. ;)