Easter Sunday Music: Jesus Has Risen

Humor Is Timeless

 h/t CW

And generally, about 10 years old.

'Bout Time To Change The Name To Flop & Drool

 h/t Mike

The concert t-shirts have attached bibs, and the whole thing ties on in back. When the tours are sponsored by Depends™ and AARP, it's almost time to stick a fork in it. I'm thinking that the guys who died in plane crashes years ago were the lucky ones.

Even A Broken Communist Is Right Twice A Day

Take Notes

h/t Briggs

Happy Anniversary

Exactly 80 years ago tonight, 600 POWs accomplished one of the most daring prison breaks in history, tunneling and blitzing 76 men out of Stalag Luft III.

Do as you like, but I know what's showing on the tube hereabouts tonight.

Sunday Music: Fat Bottomed Girls

 

Because they make the rockin' world go 'round.

FAFO

Oh, boo frickin' hoo. Shoulda been done 50 years ago.
With flamethrowers.

This, right here. Angus nails it in one take.

This is "Don't start nothin', won't be nothin'." when the volume is turned up to 11 on the geopolitical stage.

And for the Fucktards out there (you know who you are), this isn't "genocide", nor even anything remotely close to that. Words mean things.

To date, there appears to be no shortage of murdering Arabs on the planet, nor will there be even if every Egyptian Arab inhabitant of Gaza is erased from the planet in perpetuity. More's the pity.

What you're looking at is not genocide, it's consequences. Gravity, working.

You're getting to see what the Third Punic War looked like, and the reason Rome never fought a Fourth Punic War.

The Carthaginians behaved ever afterwards, because most of them were busy rotting in peace.

Gaza delenda est has quite a nice ring to it. Nota bene  how quiet and circumspectly well-behaved the Jordanian Arabs in the West Bank have suddenly become since last October. Pure coincidence, undoubtedly.

Perhaps it will catch on every time another group of goat-humpers thinks they're going to murder their way to Paradise.

The idiots who cheered on and elected Hamas to lead them, and passed out candy every time they killed another innocent victim anywhere on the planet, are now finding out, in exquisite detail, that 72 virgins or not, the fucking they'll get isn't worth the fucking they're getting.

Dulce et decorum est.

Related.

50% Score = F

FIFY

 h/t cw

As found:

Corrected:

Another One

He's Not Wrong

And speaking of thieving, only an Irishman could steal every scene he was in, in a movie about a famous Scot.

And just one more for the day:

Sunday Music: Carolina In My Mind

 

Some musical works are just instant classics, and further words are superfluous. This is one of those pieces.

Snortworthy!

 h/t Odd Job

I laughed until I cried.
From the pain in my sides.

If They'd Only Known Dept., Pt. II

 

No points for guessing how it's going to work out here,
as the Turd World streams into the country at
unchecked flood rates.

If They'd Only Known Dept.

h/t cw 

I almost hated to fool around with these classic posters. Almost. But I couldn't help but touch them up a bit, with some 20/20 hindsight.

Bitchy McCuntface, This Is Your 2024 Wake Up Call:

h/t Mike and divemedic

If the Leftards ever see actual violence, it will be as a slapping sensation in the forehead, followed by eternal darkness and silence, as their corpses crumple to the ground.

NTTAWWT

Narrative Whiplash

h/t WRSA

When somebody's bullshit narrative whips around on itself 180°, so fast that they first step on their junk with cleats hard enough to make it bleed, and then continue so rapidly that they run right up their own ass headfirst, they have suffered a catastrophic Narrative Whiplash.

Usually that kind of thing hurts:

Or at least, it ought to.

Some of the more obvious previous historical examples are things like "We had to destroy the village in order to save it", "Globull Warming/GlobullCooling/Climate Change/Weather", "White hispanic", and "We can't afford $4B to build a wall, but we can afford $200B to take care of an army of illegal aliens".

Occam's Razor says that when you sound crazier than a shithouse rat, and have to flop around like a live fish in a frying pan to try and contort delusion into reality, you're done, and it's best to just admit you were full of shit all along, fess up to being caught at it, and slither away without adding further embarrassment.

Today's A Good Day To Be Somewhere Else

With a forecast today for 71°, the sun will be shining, the birds out, and there's not a cloud in the sky. 

Feel free to amuse yourselves with the free ice cream from anyone on the blog list over on the right. We have a whole lot of nothing to be doing today, and none of it involves a keyboard anytime soon. Back when we feel like it, or everything closes for the day.

If It's Boeing, I'm Not Going

h/t cw

Important Tip

 h/t cw

One of these two memes is completely made up.

The important tip is: Don't Believe Everything You Read.

FIFY

 h/t Irish

Slowly At First; Then All Of A Sudden...

 fifteen minutes in the future...

"Crypt Keeper" Tour? "Zombie" Tour? IDK...

 h/t IOTW report

Reminder

Sunday Music - Bad Girls

 

About the only memorable Don Felder solo effort after the Eagles went on their 14-year hiatus, with a totally 80's video worthy of the effort, from the guy who gave you the opening riff of Hotel California (both the classic studio track and Hell Freezes Over acoustic versions*), and whose guitar virtuosity drives this whole track as well.

*{enjoy the acoustic version link - probably the best version of this song they ever did live - while it lasts. The Eaqles/Geffen Records kill uploads of it almost as fast as they can play whack-a-mole.}

A Few More For The Pile...

These things are everywhere you look.

And just for a change of pace...

Can't Believe CA Let This One Get Away

 h/t WRSA

Prop Tart

 

Exactly as we told readers about a day or two after this happened, the guilty party was found so by a jury in about two hours of deliberations. This could have happened two years ago, without anyone in NM law enforcement or prosecution even breaking a sweat. Which begs the question of how they couldn't figure this out then, and go to trial with the obvious answer a foregone conclusion. [Hint: Because BFEgypt D.A.s wanted to stick it to a big-name actor, to "make their bones", whether he was guilty or not. Johnny Depp trial watchers, stop me if you've Amber Heard this one.] 

The bigger crime is noted above: Halyna Hutchins is dead forever, in a tragedy that was completely avoidable with any two brain cells, if only they'd been used; but this incompetent crackhead is looking at only 18 months, max. Only if she gets the maximum, serves every day, and gets punched in the face and beaten to a pulp daily by the other prisoners, does this approach anything like justice. Even then, it's probably too light a sentence.

Her cohort, serial on-set weapons fuck-up and now-retired-for-life 2d A.D. Dave Halls (who couldn't get a job making rubber dog poop commercials in Hong Kong anyways after this incident), scored a sweetheart plea deal with the D.A. and walked away otherwise unscathed after pleading his total criminal incompetence and dereliction as well, admitting he didn't do anything he was supposed to do as Reed's assistant, including making sure Baldwin's gun was harmless and loaded only with harmless dummy rounds, which he's already admitted in open court he didn't do.

The two of them should both be spending several years in prison for this, minimum. But won't, because the Albuquerque * {my mistake} Bumfuckistan D.A. makes Halls and Gutierrez-Reed look like seasoned professionals at their jobs by contrast with the assclowns prosecuting crimes in New Mexico.

So, with the two people solely and entirely responsible - actually, as well as by custom, practice, and black-letter rules - for ensuring what happened should never happen, and found not just actually but legally and entirely criminally negligent at their jobs, the D.A. still wants to proceed with trying to assign guilt on real-life fucktard Baldwin, apparently for being an actor on set with a prop weapon, which the script for the scene being rehearsed called for him to point and fire (with blanks) directly at the camera. (For Common Core grads, that's called doing your job.) If he'd been twirling guns and pointing them at crew members at the craft service table, there'd be an argument for gross negligence. But when you're handed what you're loudly and clearly told is a "cold (i.e. unloaded) gun", by the people in charge of ensuring that's exactly what it is, in order to rehearse a scene where you draw it, point right at the camera, and fire, and rehearsing doing that, alleging anything but being an actor doing his job is going to be a tough row to hoe.

Short of demonstrating his knowing complicity and deliberate direction of the negligence of Reed and Halls, or proving he brought and loaded the live rounds himself, which not even the tinfoil conspiracy theorists have yet attempted, the only way for the D.A.'s office to get there from here is via a gross miscarriage of justice. Which seems to be their exact intent, with the single-mindedness of Captain Ahab.

Either way, it's a win-win: either justice wins, or Baldwin goes to prison. I come down on the former choice being the much better outcome, but I'm not unsympathetic to those who'd like to see Baldwin taken down for being such a loudmouthed ignorant world-class anti-gun asshole for all those years. Other than that whole "innocent people shouldn't go to prison" thingie. You do you, and I'll do me, and we'll see who sleeps better at night. Let's hope none of us have to see how you feel when an outspoken pro-gun actor has a similar case someday*, and you find yourself having gajillions of anti-gun Leftards making your case for you. Like. They. Will. The death involved isn't worth the "I told you so" for anyone.

When a production hires people to do a job, and they knowingly don't just shirk it, but in fact knowingly and deliberately violate virtually every single written rule and regulation for firearms and ammunition on set, and then hand a live loaded weapon to an actor after telling the entire crew it's harmless, finding the guy they handed it to guilty is like blaming the Chief Engineer in the engine room of the Titanic for the ship's sinking.

Given the unmitigated jackassery since the incident by NM officialdom, nothing would surprise us at this point, other than them finally having the sense to drop the case, declare victory, and call it a day.

*(What...? You thought no one working with guns in Hollywood would set up someone on "our" side to get tit-for-tat if Baldwin goes down? They're setting themselves on fire, literally, FFS. Re-think your premises, and tell me if you'd rather live in Rule Of Law Land, or Kangaroo Court Partisanville. Robbespierre or Pol Pot v2.0 awaits your decision. Howzat working out for you with POTUS 45...? Asking for a few hundred million friends and neighbors.)

Jeb Haley Campaign Commercial

Haley's campaign has released a new campaign ad, which summarizes her run to a T. Chika-chika.

They're having a bit more trouble with a campaign theme song; they've narrowed the choices down to either this one or this one.

Secret Service Code Name: Miss Gulch

But it certainly explains why we hear the same piece of music in our own head whenever we see or hear her. Perhaps we're not alone there.

But trading a broomstick for Air Force One is going a bit far for any party, we think. (For starters, how would Shrillary and Gin Hag Pelosi get around?)

And congratulations are in order. Jeb Haley secured a "W", winning the votes of the District Of Criminals.

Yet again, just a coincidence that she got all the Flying Monkeys in the Dark Castle to vote for her, right?

Riiiiight.

It's not like she's the swampiest swamp creature burped out by the GOPe since McCrazy or Mittens, or anything.

Nope. Nosiree. No RINOs to see here.

Bonus points to whoever if someone throws a bucket of water on her to see if she melts, though. That'd be epic.

Another Biff Tannen Award Masterpiece

 h/t WRSA

Behold another classic violator of Rule One of Comedy, and by extension, memes:

Comedy requires Truth + Humor

Somebody thought they would take a found picture of a convoy fail and jack it into their idea of brilliant commentary on the ongoing New Mexico clown show related to the shooting on the set of Rust.

Two problems, Lackwit: you failed to make a meme that was either funny, or true. That's like taking two swings at the same pitch, and getting charged with two strikes by the umpire: a rare feat indeed, for anyone not in a Bugs Bunny cartoon.

You thought it was funny, because you thought it was true, but that's why delusional psychotics make such poor stand-up comedians: they're the only ones who get their own jokes.

Yes, we know they didn't actually shoot up a truck with a loaded tank in the pic. It was just a truck that had an epic meltdown.

But we'll spot you taking something that didn't happen and pretending it did as comedic license.

So, let's flesh it out, and fill in the cast of characters, to make it at least true, and see if it's funny.

In the scenario you imagined, Baldwin would be the actor playing a tank gunner. Experience with actual tanks: zero.

The scene calls for him to pull the trigger and "send it", on a tank with no live round loaded.

The loader, in this scenario you've concocted, would be blue-haired millennial retard and half-assed armorer Hannah Gutierrez-Reed, who (oopsie) accidentally-on-purpose put a live tank round in the breech. (Haw Haw! How droll!) And then Second AD Dave Halls, who's already admitted being a criminally negligent fuck-up, plays the part of the tank TC, who tells Baldwin, from a dearth of any tank knowledge himself, "It's cool, Alec. The tank isn't loaded. Go ahead and pull the trigger, chief." to Baldwin.

Which Baldwin then does, and in your meme, blows away the truck pulling the load and blows a tank-round-sized hole in the driver, played in real life by former DP and newly-surprised see-through sieve Halyna Hutchins.(Ho Ho Ho! What an absolute scream!).

So even when we give our memetard a mulligan on the Truth part, all that's missing now is the Funny.

Bummer.

Okay Slick, this is a burn on total tank rube Baldwin...how, exactly?

What you've really done is illustrate in one bonehead balloon how utterly retarded any case against Baldwin is in real life. Mad props for making the defense case in one picture, but we're guessing that wasn't your intention in any way, shape, or form.

How do you do this the right way?

Let's consult maestro John Landis for a few moments.

Comedy master-class, right there.

And no, no horses were actually killed in the making of that scene. Which is the whole point.

But if one HAD been, the culpable party wouldn't be Flounder, Shitforbrains Meme Fuckerupper.

It would have been the person who loaded the gun, even with blanks. And possibly their assistant. And probably Director Landis, not the actor someone handed a nominally harmless prop to.

Doubt that?

Check out who was put in the dock when the same director dropped a helicopter onto Vic Morrow and two kids on Twilight Zone: The Movie a few years later, and turned them into filet-of-actor sushi. (And yes, Landis unfortunately got off, and he got away with manslaughter times three, and the bulk of the blame was shifted onto the SFX guy, for "just following orders", despite the fact that TPTB on that shoot deliberately broke about twenty safety rules (stop me if you've heard this one), and deliberately set the scene up to kill people, which it did. But it would have been beyond retarded to try and pawn the blame onto Morrow, for doing what he was supposed to do, as an actor, in the script, and per the director's instructions. That's what prosecuting Baldwin is equivalent to.)

Proving yet again why all the "Get Baldwin" frothing is exactly nonsense spewed by ignorant assholes. Baldwin's a great actor, and a total piece of shit as a human being. And the karma and career suicide, not to mention carrying around the guilt for life because he was still the one holding the weapon that shot two people and killed one, this whole tragedy has and will cost him is epically well-deserved. Only Shakespeare himself could write a better comic tragedy. But the one thing Baldwin isn't, is criminally culpable, in any way, shape, or form, no matter how annoying and distasteful that is to anyone. Facts are stubborn things.

Lastly, nota bene, the original meme in this instance is unsigned. Wisely so.

Come on down, Anonymous Dumbass, own this Masterpiece of Meme Fail, and proudly claim your Biff Tannen "Make Like A Tree" Award, for spectacularly stomping on your dick with golf cleats while attempting comedy. Tom Wilson would be proud of you.

And you've earned it.

Clown World: Top Of The Heap

 h/t to JW's comment

Sunday Music: Scarborough Fair/Canticle

We thought, along with the people who made it a #11 single in 1966, that Scarborough Fair/Canticle by Simon & Garfunkel was the most beautiful piece of modern music we ever heard, both when we first heard it over 50 years ago in the soundtrack to The Graduate, and still think so now. And as much as we treasure their original studio version, it may even have been improved upon by this live version with the addition of singer Andy Williams, hosting his own TV show in 1968, and joining the duo to make it a trio.

From An Endless Convoy Of Bottomless Volkswagens...

DNC 2024 Strategy Unveiled

 h/t cw's weekly serendipity

Memeography 101

We note today on the latest WRSA edition of memes that CA shared that he'd created a meme in about 5 minutes on imgflip.

We didn't think this knowledge was arcane enough that it needed to be shared, but for those who need it, we offer a brief tutorial.

Memes started here when we dedicated ourselves to the task of flinging as much sh*t as humanly possible against the douchebadges who arrested an ER nurse in Salt Lake City for refusing to violate the U.S. Constitution, state law, police and hospital policy, medical ethics, and sheer common sense, by refusing a completely illegal demand by Officer @$$hole to collect illegal evidence as a job-jacked medical minion of the state, from an unconscious person, not suspected of any crime, for said Officer Asshole, and his overbearing supervisor, Lt. Shitforbrains.

We are rather pleased that whatever small contributions we made contributed to Lt. Shitforbrains' eventual demotion, and Officer @$$hole becoming an ex-police officer for life, and hope he's enjoying the winos as an unarmed night shift security guard duty outside the local Circle K, or greeting the hoi polloi at WalMart.

He still deserves a daily kick in the balls for being one of the biggest dicks ever inflicted on the planet, but there are limits to what we can accomplish in a day.

But as a happy serendipity, we now get to create many of the pictures that accompany our posts, which breaks up the monotony of a wall of text, underlines and emphasizes our efforts, and most importantly, when we nail it, travels far and wide, flinging sh*t at idiocy far beyond the pages of one humble blog.

We may have put some words in Mr. Churchill's mouth,
and/or removed a digit from his hand. Sic transit mundum.

When (if) it's good, we might cost some folks a keyboard due to spit-takes. 

When it's better, other bloggers we enjoy pick it up and distribute it to an even wider audience.

When we're very lucky, it exceeds our wildest hopes, travels around the world over and over, and keeps coming back to us from other sources.

Which effort, incidentally, was when we started tagging them. It pisses us off when people use our creations without attribution. We still make $0 per meme; it's the principle of the thing. Some people are douchey enough to scrub it out, but fucktards gonna fucktard.

But in the grand scheme, we are not the World's Foremost Memester. Nor even in the Top Ten. We're probably in the top 1% of the anglosphere, in our niche, but even that's an enormous club. But we're definitely doing our part, and pulling our weight.

And there's a simple fact: None of us is smarter, or funnier, than all of us. And we see your comments, here and elsewhere. Some of you truly are some funny m*****f*****s. It was a commenter here that, AFAWK, dubbed the China Syndrome "Kung Flu". We were the first one to start memeing that, and in less than six weeks, it went all the way to POTUS, during a televised White House Press Briefing. We're particularly happy with that.

And if we can do it, so can you. And many of you ought to. We read somebody say something really good, and the wheels turn over, and it becomes a meme. Or we see a pic, and a caption or three spring immediately to mind. So for those of you who still haven't bothered to learn this arcana, we humbly offer the following brief treatment of how to do it yourself, so that you and your efforts can take their rightful place amidst internet lore, and add another hundredweight tub of flung sh*t to the edifices of Libtardia we'd all like to bring down.

First Iron Law Of Comedy:

Comedy requires Truth + Humor.

This rule cannot be broken without abject failure. Go back and read that again. Anybody can say funny things, or make funny memes. But if it's factually bullsh*t, you've faceplanted in front of the entire internet. That's generally behavior you're supposed to be lampooning, not aspiring to. Write that one on your hand, lest ye forget.

There's no law that says your meme has to be funny. (Thank a merciful deity.) But funny or not, it has to tell the truth. If you're not a Libtard, that shouldn't be hard.

But when you ignore this principle, you deserve all the scorn thrown at you. Which you're going to get, believe me. And you're an idiot. Which, like being dead, is something everyone knows, except you.

Outside of that, the sky's the limit.

You can simply tell the truth. In a time of lies, telling the truth is a revolutionary act.

You can meme a famous (or obscure) quote. From life, media, culture, iconic movie lines, whatever.

You can find a great picture and put your line(s) over it.

You can put words in the mouths of great men. (Try to make the satire obvious from space, please. See the second meme below the header.)

You can add your own captions to totally separate and unrelated events. Just like the lamestream news does 24/7/365.

If there's already a classic meme, you can re-invent it in your own style. Maybe yours is funnier, better, or more original.

Knock yourself out.

How To:

You have multiple options.

First off, you can use the Paint program that comes with about every computer sold. I do.

Generally, that will let you cut-and-paste and crop images as well, .bmps, jpegs, pngs, etc. (I have to translate the new WEBPs into jpeg or pngs with mine first to play with them, because it's old.) Use whatever works. The Paint programs usually allow you to add text too, in colors, with a choice of fonts. But there are some text limitations, which we'll discuss presently.

Learn it, love it, live it.

If you want to go Grand Master Class, you can rent Photoshop, and there's no end of what you can do with the pixels you create.

So go forth, find, and make your baseline masterpiece.

But you probably don't have (nor want) the bandwidth to host people clicking on that image 24/7/365. Like you hope they will.

But image-hosting sites do, generally for free. You may have to sign up, and provide some breadcrumbs to who you really are. Get over it.

As CA noted, you can do it through imgflip. I use IMGUR. There are many others. And you can also flip through Know Your Meme's catalog of what's already out there.

Most sites let you load a raw picture, and include that as or in a post.

I use that a lot for finished product, or bare pics I haven't futzed with at all. More on the former in a minute.

But, if you want to add their version of text, usually in just one font, you have to select the "make a meme" option, or something similar.

Which means before you upload that pic to add your text, look at your picture.

If the text can go on the pic and still get the point across, great. Type it in, and you can make it bigger or smaller to suit the space. Less is more, and bigger is better. Some people are looking at this stuff on their phones, FFS.

But if the text is going to kill the pic, you might be better off adding some black or similar-color text bars, top, bottom, or both, to contain your verbal efforts.

Do that in your paint or photo editor software.

A safe way is to make them way too big, then crop the excess away after the text is in place.

Again, more on that momentarily.

If you didn't need to crop anything, once your text is where you want it, CHECK FOR TYPOS. Looking like an illiterate f**k doesn't help anyone, and there's nothing more frustrating than making a killer meme, and finding out you mis-typed a word in your creative rush to the presses, and now have to start all over again. (Ask us how we know.)

Once you do that, and save it, your meme is done enough for prime time. Whichever site you're using provides a link you should cut and paste, to save it, display it, or share it around.

But, if you need to crop it, open that link, re-save the picture (imgur compresses everything down at this step), and put it back in your paint or editing software.

Blow it up to the original (or larger) size. I recommend 1000 pixels wide, minimum.

A good default for landscape is 1280 wide and 700-900 pixels tall. Your pic editing or paint software will generally let you specify one parameter, either height or width, and then enlarge the other one to scale, so you don't get a funhouse mirror distortion.

Crop any excess of your image out, especially any overslop text bars.

You can also cut pieces out and move them at this stage to center them visually, and make a better presentation. Do that, as necessary.

Signing Your Work

Once our product starting getting legs, we began cropping out "made in imgur", which always popped up at the right lower corner, and replacing it with a suitably small but readable "made by Aesop" tag, usually by adding a sacrificial neon green bar on the bottom edge big enough to contain Imgur's tag, knowing we'd whack it out at the final stage. then re-sign it with our own tag.

1) Because we want credit for our best works, and

2) because we own what we write, good or bad.

We figure we're already on twenty lists of Undesirables anyways. Get over that, too. That ship sailed the minute you logged online. And we also know some douchebags will try to crop our signature/watermark out, but that can't be helped. Sign it anyways, and make them work to be douchebags.

Sometimes (see above) we'll move our sig up, or flop the pic sideways, to make it harder to crop out. Some people/software let you put it anywhere, make it a semi-clear watermark, and/or slant it to match pic contours, or whatnot. Up to you.

It's also a couple of extra steps. but we feel it's worth it in the long run.

When it's literally picture-perfect, re-save it, and upload it as a simple image to the same image site, and save that link. (We'll usually kill the earlier working copy, both to save our time and host bandwidth when searching through old ones, and avoid the existence of dueling images. We may save the raw image to re-use for other memes*. Dealer's choice.)

Imgur, for example, has a library of about 50 certain pics that lend themselves to a million uses.

Sean Bean's "Brace Yourself", Gene Wilder's "Tell Me More", Office Space's "That'd Be Great", John Krasinski's whiteboard from "The Office", Steven Crowder's "Change My Mind", Picard and Riker's double facepalm, etc. etc. The list is endless, limited only by your imagination.

Throw in some bare facility to jerk around the right pixels, and you have a world of endless possibilities, limited solely by your own talent and imagination.

Now you have the bare tools to make your own memes in Shop Class, with any one of 500 billion images on the internet.

And with the endless clowncarnucopia of AI sites that will whip any picture from the ether at your whim, there's no limit to what Wrongthink mischief you can wreak on civilization, from pictures not yet even created.

If you can type, and work a mouse, you have the skills. If you're not on the Left, you have the requisite brains and sense of humor they lack by the metric f**kton.

Go forth and become the sh*t-posting memelord you have inside you, and help us tear the Libtardian behemoth down, and burn it to ashes. Or just crack up a few of your friends and neighbors. Civilization is in desperate need of both just now, and you may be the David that fells Goliath.