Tuesday, January 30, 2024

FedGov, Abbott, 25 Governors, And Every Media Outlet Are Full Of Sh*t

Don't take my word for it, based on years of firsthand eyes-on at the border.

Check out the video on X, shot on-location in Texas, showing you that this entire manufactured kerfluffle is just one giant bullshit scam, by both sides of the Uniparty:

Video Link

Multiple gates, 2 minutes' walk from Shelby Park, wide open, unmanned, unmonitored.

How much harder do peoples' noses need to be rubbed in this before the penny drops, and the lesson is learned?!?

Once you can see the hook, FFS, stop taking the bait.

There isn't going to be any "showdown" at the border, and Bozo Abbott knew that before he lifted a finger. He doesn't have to fold, and those other GOPe governors jumping out of the clown car have no worries either, because they're not doing anything to change things. They're only pretending to "do something". This is a PR flak's wet effing dream: all payoff, and no consequences. Pretending to do something is also the only thing government pulls off consistently.

Illegal immigration continues unabated, 24/7/365 from San Ysidro to Brownsville, and they're coming by the trainload every day. 

UPDATE via video on 2/1:

This is nothing but kabuki security theater, by the same people who gave you the unconstitutional Patriot Act and the @$$clowns of TSA instead of actual airline security, and killing actual terrorists.

Twenty-two years to get this lesson down, and people are still fucking it up by the numbers.

Give a holler when Abbott seals the entire TX border (Also Known As When Hell Freezes Over). Until that happens, this entire made-up fake-news hairball is all piles of bullshit, sprinkled with hopeium and fairy dust.

Change my mind.

Monday, January 29, 2024

This, x 2000 Miles...

 h/t WRSA

Dept. Of We Told You So

This pic, times 2000 miles of southern border, plus every single official U.S. Port Of Entry, all of which has innumerable illegal alien dickheads streaming through unchecked, unvetted, and unhindered, 24/7/365, all with Gov. Abbott, the TX DPS, 25 GOP governors, or fuck-all ANYBODY doing Jack or Shit to stop it.

While everyone salivates over the kabuki standoff at Eagle Pass bridge/Shelby Park.

Big fucking whoop-dee-doo.

Just. Like. We. Told. You.: You're being flim-flammed and bamboozled, with your eyes wide open.

UPDATE: Courtesy of Anonymous in Comments below, here's video from the pic above:

Border Video From Eagle Pass

Like. We. Told. You.

This entire "border standoff" has been a Washington Generals™ production.

Sunday, January 28, 2024

Sunday Music: Sweet Home Alabama


Lynyrd Skynyrd's signature rock anthem from 1974, peaking at #8, and an unmistakable middle finger aimed right at whiny bastard Neil Young (and deserving of the rock Hall Of Fame solely for that). Turn it up.

Saturday, January 27, 2024

Emperor Stumblefuck Poopypants Ist Dithers...

Maybe the plan of His Imperial Impotence and his puppetmasters all along was to withdraw from Texas like he did from Afghanistan, removing Texas' electoral votes from the 2024 election equation, and cementing his re-election victory.

Friday, January 26, 2024

Show Notes

You're playing this:

How nice. But you should be playing THIS:

Kindly quit screwing around, and get back on the same page as the rest of the orchestra.

Pay Attention, Please

Emperor Poopypants may be just the senile @$$clown to kick off a shooting civil war. 

We live in hope.

His moronic incompetence has been his defining personal characteristic, even before he lost what was left of his tiny mind. Then again, he could just waffle until a suitable "Look, squirrel!" moment, and slink away from direct confrontation over one small and insignificant stretch along a 2000-mile border as porous as chicken wire.

The bigger issue in the Texas kerfluffle is that Poopypants and FedGov can waffle on the piddling park concertina slapfight, because at the end of the day, it just forces illegals to walk through the official border crossing gates, which are already welded open, and where federal minions welcome all comers with no background check and open parole.

If Abbott and Texas' next move isn't to throw razor wire up around the official border checkpoints and the CBP holding pens everywhere in Texas as well, and keep it there 24/7/forever, they still manage to pull defeat out of the jaws of victory on this.

Letting the feckless Feds march de facto amnestied illegals right into America anyways gives TPTB their Little Rock schoolhouse moment, and they'll dunk on it, rub everyone's noses in it, and dance on Abbott's lap afterwards, laughing their asses off the whole time, and rightfully so.

Somebody in the [R] Powers-That-Be better address that 800-pound gorilla in about a minute, or the current thing is all just a fart in a hurricane.

If the GOPe plan is just to have everyone watch the hand the magician is waving, we all get fooled again.

Big Smile! Big Smile!

 When he's right, he's right.


Thursday, January 25, 2024

Stolen Elections Have Consequences

 h/t (and lifted wholesale from) WRSA

That would be 52% of the states in the republic, if you're keeping score at home.

In today's echo of History That Was, Emperor Poopypants has elected to play the part of the Redcoat commander, marching on Lexington and Concord. We await his arrival at Concord Bridge with no small amount of glee.

Twenty-five Republican governors (so far) have issued a joint statement calling out Emperor Poopypants' dereliction of duty and refusal to uphold the Constitution, by allowing the unmitigated invasion of the United States through Mexico, and supporting Texas' position on self-defense unequivocally.

"Word to your mother, Joe: If you fuck with one of us, you fuck with ALL of us."

No word on how hard Vermont Gov. Phil Scott's arm is being twisted to make this unanimous among the 27 (R) governors, but if you're in the neighborhood, you might hear shoulder bones cracking.

At least 17 of those states have sent material support and/or their own NG personnel to assist Texas in staunching the flow of illegals into America. This has now snowballed beyond the point where TX Gov. Abbott can easily self-sabotage it, even if he's the squish-spined WEF pawn many have claimed, and events are taking on a life of their own.

The bleeding due to Biden's cleats through his dick continues unstaunched, and it remains to be seen whether he thinks it best to run up the white flag, or try to go all Tiananmen Square on Texas.

And just to pile on, Texas' Lt. Gov. Dan Patrick threw down the gauntlet to FedGov, essentially telling the entire federal lash-up, "If you feel froggy, jump!"

This leaves the illegitimate regime with only two choices regarding their ongoing turpitude: turn tail and run like hell away from this, or open the ball on a civil war. We eagerly await their decision there. It's what we call a "heads we win, tails you lose" kind of deal.

And if anyone on Team Illegal Invasion, particularly FedGov, thinks they somehow have the other twenty-four states on their side at this point, they've got another thing coming.

The last time something like this happened was early in 1861.

Stock up on canned goods, and go deep on popcorn and beverages. There may be a whole lot of job openings in the federal job market soon.

Field Music: Strike up an appropriate air!


Captain Nemo, eat your heart out. 

Hmmm. A private luxury submarine, capable of 4-week journeys. Selling for "only" AUS$3B (So $1.98B U.S.).

Figuring a nominal speed of "greater than 40 knots". No worries about sea sickness. Laughs at storms. Winter at the polar ice cap; summer at the Great Barrier Reef; Tahiti, the Caribbean, Mallorca, and the French Riviera in season. Fresh lobster and crab nightly. Parties and dancing on the stern casing topside on calm nights.

1) Hell of a way to avoid paparazzi.

2) Coolest bug out ride ever for the apocalypse.

3) And of course, no one would ever use this to smuggle drugs, terrorists, arms, or people past the coast guards of 150 nations. Nosiree. Never happen. {OTOH, drop off a few dope loads "as a favor", and the loan note is paid off.} And of course, no one would get one of these and turn pirate. That'd be cheating. (Bonus points if you get Johnny Depp or Geoffrey Rush to dress up and play pretend captain. "...and really bad eggs...")

4) First sighting in the wild, even as CGI: Bond villain. Guaran-damn-teed.

Mongo like. But it still isn't going to be under my Christmas tree.

Maybe if I get 39 friends together, and we go shares. So then only about US$49.5M each.

If anyone gets one to review, give a holler.

Day By DOH!

not really Chris Muir's work, but it oughta be

Wednesday, January 24, 2024

Miracle Tech Announced

h/t Wilder podcast 

This gets even funnier if, in your head, you can
do it as Mitch Hedberg. Or Larry the Cable Guy.

Dept. Of National Sabotage


¡Que Lastima!

 h/t Lone Star Parson

That Escalated Quickly

Texas Gov. Abbott Suggests SCOTUS Self-Fornicate.


Conservative Treehouse: Texas Gov. Abbott Declares state is under invasion, and will therefore do any goddamn thing they see fit to do about it, regardless of the FedGov's ceaseless attempts to aid and abet that invasion.

Short version:

Dear Mr. Chief Justice Roberts: 
Here is a shovel. Yonder is a pile of sand. Behind you is your ass. Some assembly required. Isn't the Tenth Amendment a wonderful thing?
Love and kisses, the Governor of Texas

 Go long on popcorn and beverages. This is getting interesting.

Side note: I know locals have already declared Abbott another Vichy Republican. I note purely for informational purposes, that this current showdown is how people become vice-presidents. Trump has already supposedly decided upon his running mate for this campaign, but has not announced that selection.

This invasion (and that's exactly what it is, and was intended to be!) is the kind of lightning-rod issue that could make for a steal-proof national landslide. I'm not getting my hopes up, but the shit-fits that will be taking place in DC over this are probably biblical right now.

Ruger: Screwing The Pooch. Again. Harder.

 h/t Commander Zero

Courtesy of CZ's excellent blog, we learn Ruger has noticed an obvious gap in their product line, and unfortunately, in typical Ruger fashion, has once again rogered their pet dog. This is so common thereabouts, the ASPCA puts them out as "information only" bulletins.

We don't reflexively hate Ruger, unlike the way HK hates us. We have a number of products made when they - accidentally or on purpose, we're not sure - stopped thinking with their heads up their asses, and made a fine weapon. When they get it right, they get things very right.

This is not one of those times.

Cdr. Salamander (IIRC) dubbed the Navy's LCS "Little Crappy Ships". In that spirit, we present to you, Ruger's Little Crappy Carbine, in, as CZ drolly put it, .45 AARP.

Shaking my head over this...thing. First thought: "And Ruger steps on their junk again." But I repeat myself.

Ruger having the wit to make this on their PC Carbine platform would've been just fine. They excelled on that one. As I noted at the time. More than once. But in the immortal words of Captain Rex Kramer, "That's just what they'd be expecting us to do."

The only thing this left-handed attempt is better than, is nothing at all. Allegedly.

And I've still got my vintage Marlin .45 Camp Carbine, thankyouverymuch.

Probably still would have wanted to get one of these (assuming such might ever be possible here in Califrutopia) but which is highly unlikely given that by not making this on the PC Carbine platform, just looking at the picture, this thing already checks three or four boxes (folding stock, protruding pistol grip, >10 rd mag cap, muzzle brake/flash hider...wonderful! Why not just cut to the chase, and make it full auto, with grenade launcher, flamethrower, and a permanently attached suppressor built in?!?) any two of which make it it a Califrutopian "assault rifle", meaning the @$$holes in Sacramento will want any version legal for sale here to require depot-level disassembly to reload, negating the entire point of making one in the first place.

I'm sure they'll make a California-compliant version in a couple of years that's a single-shot bolt action, or some such stupidity.

If they'd built it as a PC .45 Carbine (or, wonder of wonders, simply product-improved the Marlin Camp Carbine they now own the rights to), as any foole could have told them to do, it could have gone on the shelves unscathed tomorrow.

's okay though, it's not like we're only 10% of the entire firearms market in the country or anything.

I'm surprised they didn't invent a proprietary magazine for it too, that sells for $97@ for extras. How they resisted that bit of bog-standard Ruger idiocy is a mystery for the ages.

I can hardly wait until they get around to fornicating up a Marlin lever-action in .45LC. In 10 or 20 years, at their current pace. They'll probably make it require a proprietary tube for feeding, and hold 4 rounds. Or else belt-fed, with a bipod. That way, they can piss off cowboy action shooters and Marlin lever-action fans in one fell swoop.

I know Bill is dead, but his block-headed stupidity and market tone-deafness lives on at the company he built, and seems to be dug in there like herpes. Every once in a great while they claw their way free, but then the weight of decades of "We've always done it this way" practice drags them right back to 1980 all over again.

Hoping Ruger won't screw the pooch every chance they get is like rooting for the Cubs, or voting for Republicans and expecting to get smaller government.

Thanks for living up to all my expectations, Ruger: never missing an opportunity to miss an opportunity. I fart in their general direction.

"NUTS!" : 2024 ed.

 h/t Odd Job

Tuesday, January 23, 2024

Be A Shitweasel Among Men

"Hey! Black-robed jackasses!! Yeah you. Tell the class how
that brilliant Dred Scott decision worked out. Anybody...?"

Dear Treasonous Traitors: Fuck You. Strong Message Follows.


SCOTUS rules Texas may not stop illegal invasion from Mexico.

Since SCOTUS has ruled - beyond and against any legal reasoning worthy of the name - that the U.S. Constitution does not apply to Texas, Texas should ratify that decision and return the favor, in spades.

There should be consequences to ruling a state is outside the protection of the Constitution under which it joined the republic.

All representatives of Texas outside its geographic boundaries should be recalled to the state forthwith.

1) How many divisions does SCOTUS have?

2) Texas should arrest on the spot any federal agent attempting to cut, remove, or displace any obstacle Texas has erected within the state's boundaries, or otherwise thwart prevention by Texas of the criminal invasion of their state, and hold any such arrestees without bail indefinitely, for insurrection and treason.

3a) Any of them who are current residents of Texas should be prosecuted to the fullest extent of Texas law, in batches if necessary, and imprisoned in the state's penitentiaries forthwith, for the entirety of sentences received, without any possibility of leniency or parole. If a court decides on the death penalty, a ten- or twelve-place scaffold should suffice, to save time. Pour encourager les autres.

3b) Any of them with residency outside of Texas should be held without trial until the U.S. re-establishes diplomatic relations with Texas. Outside, behind barbed wire, in their underpants, 24/7.

3c) Any military personnel who attempt to enter or leave their bases should be similarly interred as in 3b, but given normal treatment under the Geneva Convention in lieu of formal treaty. 

3d) Any personnel attempting to leave military reservations within the state under arms, by land or air, should be exterminated with extreme prejudice, and those bases seized and occupied. As long as they stand down and remain neutral and unreinforced, they should remain unmolested as is. Any act of war upon Texas from such installations in any manner or to any degree voids any such guarantee. If they elect to road march on foot out of state territory, unarmed, and leaving all vehicles and equipment behind, they should be given parole and safe conduct to the state's borders. Any future return to the state under arms subjects them to immediate execution upon capture.

4) Any other federal agents, officers, or employees, lifting so much as a finger in assistance of the treasonous, seditious, and criminal conspiracy to aid and abet the invasion of the state of Texas, from within the boundaries of the state of Texas, should receive the same treatment. Tears that would be shed over any death, let alone massacre, of federal agents attempting to interfere or resist, anywhere: zero.

5) If the federal government refuses to halt this invasion, and wants to provoke a Fort Sumter moment against Texas, I suspect Texas would only have about 100M volunteers flocking to their side to take a free shot at Uncle Fuckyou within hours of declaring same, and the refugees fleeing the Mexican border region southward wouldn't be safe very much north of Cancun by the end of a month's time.

6) Some of the volunteers would start right in where they already are, and then the idea would spread immediately to about 37 other states. When the Green Zone shrunk to the District of Criminals and a handful of blue hive cities, the pro-invasion lobby would really have both tits in a ringer, and things would get interesting worldwide, in a Chinese curse sort of way.

7) Since the U.S. has not only abdicated even any ersatz border enforcement, and is now not only aiding and abetting criminal border violation, but actively preventing the several states from doing anything to stop it, Texas should take over the entire border from the Gulf to New Mexico, close it in perpetuity, and institute a "shoot-on-sight" policy forthwith. The state's DPS should then begin round-ups and imprisonment of criminal illegal aliens whenever and wherever found within Texas, and imprison them side-by-side with their former co-conspirators, outside, behind barbed wire, in their underpants, 24/7, for a term not less than 1:1 for the entire period of time they have illegally resided in the Lone Star State. If they wanted to come to Texas illegally with such fervor, they're fully entitled to enjoy the weather there outdoors in January (and every other month) unhindered.

This is what happens when you pretend an unarmed and non-violent panty raid on the US Capitol is an "insurrection", and then double- and triple-down on that fairytale, by sponsoring a criminal invasion of the country for two years.

Here's hoping Texas doesn't roll over and take it in the pants, and instead has the backbone to decide to send Emperor Poopypants the bird with both hands on this here and now, and triple dog dares federally employed criminals to wade face first into this propeller. This is where we find out whether Texas is all hat and no cattle, or the real deal.

It's clearly an idea whose time has come.

P.G.T. Beauregard sends his compliments.

Related: In response to SCOTUS ruling, Texas NG installs more razor wire at the border.

Sunday, January 21, 2024

R.I.P. Jeb DeSantis Campaign

Called the hell out of that one.


You've had your fifteen minutes, Governor. Go back to Florida and f**k with Disney, and leave presidential campaigns to serious candidates. And sincere mad props for taking a sizzling parting shot at Jeb Haley's campaign on your way back to Tallahassee. There could be a DHS directorship in your future...until the coming election gets buggered harder than the last one.

Sunday Music: Lonesome Loser


Number 6 hit single from 1979 by the Australian band named after the Little River. And dedicated to the current governor of Florida.

Saturday, January 20, 2024

Be A Man Among Men

Tough times for the GOPe.
Boo frickin' hoo.

Stick With It

h/t CW @ daily timewaster

Gear - Do It Right

 h/t Zero

Commander Zero brings up the topic of match safes, including this fine example.

But it still needs work.

We respond:

The problem is that the lazy bastards designing these things don't go the full way, and have the wit to place the striker (or a pair of them) in a separate O-ring sealed screw-on compartment at the other end that's NOT where the matches reside, but bean counters are invariably penny-wise and pound foolish when it comes to making gear properly.

Public domain, bitchez:

First guy to take that idea and run with it gets my cash for the product.

BONUS: stick a mirror on the inside of the match end, and mount a decent button compass on the outside of either end, and a built-in shrill whistle at the other one, and go for the grand slam of survival implements. Lanyard loop with a woven paracord necklace or bracelet. What should be mounted on the outside long axis is a small bar of magnesium stock on one side, and another striker for metal edges. Both user-replaceable, like Swiss Army knife toothpicks and tweezers. Make the safes out of both anodized aluminum in a rainbow of colors, and alternatively a solid brass version, for maritime environments, and those things will be passed down for generations, fly of the shelves, and get bought by the metric shit-ton by Uncle Sam's survival equipment cages, gear whores, and Top Tier operators.

Once REI and Bass Pro find out about them, you could retire just on the royalties and live quite comfortably.

DOUBLE BONUS: Make a matching single CR123 light with a pill safe at the end for water purification tabs (perhaps a stackable pair of compartments for a second pill item (anti-malarials/Immodium/whatever*), and a built-in nylon-lined spool for 50' of snare wire (or fishing line, or both) as a matching companion.

Victorinox, Gerber, and Cold Steel should be writing this down verbatim if they had a small clue.

*(Make compartment #2 deep enough to alternatively hold a couple of silver dimes, or 1/10th oz. gold coins. Not included as OEM, obviously, but user-selectable.)

Chances anyone with the means will actually do this are about 1%, but I'll happily be proven wrong by buying them if anyone ever finds a clue and does it.

{Please, don't anyone refer me to the half-assed cheap chinesium plastic Stansport toy, or most of the similar Coghlan's crap. 

That's exactly the $5 cheapskate dreck that pisses me off. Build or find what I'm talking about, the right way, to last, and get back to me. "Good enough", for personal survival, usually isn't. "Buy once, cry once" is.}

Friday, January 19, 2024

The Wall Always Wins

And it's getting cold out there. 

Seen on a dating site:

Off To The Fun Show


In their ceaseless efforts to expand the intrusive reach of their one-party tyranny and use the U.S. and state constitutions as ass-wipe, the banana republic government of Califrutopia banned gun sales on state property, effectively killing several gun shows in CA on land controlled by the state.

This included the OC Fairgrounds in Costa Mesa. Which not only pissed off the citizenry, that city (who'd happily take the land over from the state in a heartbeat), and hundreds of vendors. It also got the state sued in court. Successfully, as it turned out.

Califrutopia lost. (Huzzah!) The state's chances at the Ninth Circus aren't looking any too good in light of Bruen, and several other decisions, but pending their inevitable foolish appeals, the shows cancelled since last year are now back.

I'm off to validate my existence, undergird capitalism, and strike a blow for liberty.

Not so much for actual guns (still incurring a 10-day wait hereabouts, and I'm not short any of those already), but for all the other associated (and the totally non-related) accessories, geegaws, and what-not at the show.

And to flip a giant middle finger at the fucktards in Sacramento. Again.

Back later.

Keep Poking That Bear

 h/t WRSA

Thursday, January 18, 2024

An Open Letter to Target (formerly Dayton-Hudson) Corp. re : Le Boutique Targét

Attention: Target Corporate Retail Merchandise Manager
{CC: Store Mgr./Merchandise Mgrs.:
Store #XXXX
Store #XXXX
Store #XXXX
Store #XXXX
Store #XXXX
Store #XXXX
Store #XXXX}

Dear silver-medal discount retail kings,

I take virtual pen in hand because it seems you - individually and/or collectively - need a wake-up call about the state of your business.

I write, not about your atrocious corporate policy of grooming children and sexualizing them at an early age with your dreadful LGBTEIEIO agenda, nor even to chide you for the fact that most of your establishments look perpetually as if they had just been pillaged by swarms of Vikings and Visigoths rampaging through the aisles mounted on herds of wildebeests and rhinocerii fed on a diet of methamphetamine and PCP. No, this is about nothing so controversial nor obvious.

And before we get to the crux of the matter, let me start off with a compliment. Your Mondo Llama line of acrylic paints, the entire rainbow of 63 of them (not counting the chalk shades) are simply excellent, and a superb value for the money, providing all the quality necessary for a host of artistic endeavors for less than $2/bottle, when one doesn't need to spend nor obtain commercial artist-quality tubes of the pricier stuff. I frankly couldn't be happier with the product line, and bonus for you, it's one of your store-brand lines.

Having said that, I'm not writing to criticize you now, but rather to offer my heartfelt condolences.

I offer them for what must be a constant source of despair at every level, for the simply abysmal level of illiterate, color-blind, downright stupid and lazy so-called associates you must be forced to hire to stock your shelves.

Is someone holding a gun to your personnel managers' heads when you hire such a shiftless bunch of incompetent retards? Should we call the police? Is it a federal law we need to raise the hue and cry about which requires you to employ such an all-around bunch of lackadaisical doofusii, and entrust them the incredibly complex task of - horrors! - putting things on the shelves where they belong??

Tell us how we can help you; we're here for you.

I ask because - just spit balling here, not telling such a huge corporation how to run their business, mind you - I have a wee suspicion that if you could somehow put the right colors of paint where they're supposed to go, you'd, y'know, SELL MORE OF THEM. Crazy, right? Let me know if I'm wildly out of line there with such rampant speculation.

I can only commiserate with you because not only are the plainly visible colors of the Mondo Llama paint bottles not an actual clue for the people who're entrusted every week with stocking them in the right spots, but because the names of each color are written in English on both the shelves, and the bottle tops. Almost like if someone could read English, let alone look at the flipping colors of paint inside, they could actually work out which bottles go in which place on the store shelves. Every. Single. Time. Mirabile dictu!

Do your employees need an emotional support animal to help them discern colors? Would putting a giant See-N-Spell on all store shelves help them to get all 63 colors in the right places? I'm baffled.

I just wanted to let you know that, to the extent the colors are correctly located in the stores I CC'ed in on this communication, it's because I take about 2 minutes whenever I'm in one of those stores to straighten them out. You're welcome. I have a leg up on your employees, obviously, because I'm neither color-blind nor illiterate. Just in case you wanted me to check my non-retard not-colorblind privilege.

The pity for you is, you can't seem to be able to motivate any of your $15/hr. employees to spend less than a dollar's worth of your company time to do the same thing. That'd be...work! Icky!

Yeah, I suppose it's a little OCD. And I know, many of your other customers "help" you by putting things on shelves all over the store when they're too lazy to walk them back where they got them, but this isn't that. I know, because I continuously find three bottles of paint with your pick labels attached to the lot, all the same color, and all mis-located. At every store. Every time I drop in. Because that's how your flunkies stock them.

Maybe you could think about doing an Ishihara Color Blindness Test before you hire people. You could still hire the ones that are color-blind, and get some ADA cred and points; and then, just not ask them to sort items by color. You're on your own what to do about the ones who can't read (maybe remedial English classes for the Common Core high school grads?), and the lazy doofuses.

Apparently, to Target employees, any color of blue is
interchangeable with every other color of blue.
And if you can read the number in this test, it's also
evidently the average Target employee IQ.

Why do I get worked up about the fact that you have thousands of employees stocking your shelves who can't read, can't see colors, and/or don't give a damn? (Worst case for you, all of the above.)

Well, it's like this: Back in the day, when Van Halen (they're a rock band; maybe you've heard of them? You sell their albums...) used to have an infamous clause (#126) in their voluminous tour contract that there would be bowls of M&Ms backstage. But absolutely NO brown ones.

And if they saw a brown M&M, it was a breach of contract, and they could cancel the entire show, for cause, with full compensation owed.

Not because they hated brown M&Ms. Not because they were divas. But because they wanted to make sure, with tons of equipment, electricity, and pyrotechnics going off on a huge show, to ensure the safety of the band, their roadies, and their fans, they wanted a quick test of whether the concert promoters had read the contract and were following the rules.

It was a bellwether; a canary-in-the-coal-mine, if you will, to see if the people they were entrusting their safety to were doing their jobs.

And that's how I feel about the paint in your craft aisle. If you can't hire people that can get something that simple and basic right, how can you be expected to get anything right that's harder than that??

You guys have exactly three jobs: Stock the shelves, open the doors, and ring up the sales. (And let's get serious: you've tried to outsource that last one to your customers for years, and now you're shocked that one's blown up in your faces.) And if you now can't stock the shelves either, you won't have to worry about opening the doors for much longer either.

So I feel for you, both individually and corporately. Not to mention for your stockholders.

Waaaaaay back in the misty past, like many youngsters embarking on gainful employment, I started out in retail too. At a place called Sears, Roebuck, and Co. Maybe some of the older folks there remember them? At the time I worked there, they really were "where America shopped". They parlayed catalog sales into the premier retail establishment in the country. But they had technological myopia: they couldn't see the internet as the logical extension of their catalog, and you and everyone else ate their lunch, metaphorically.

You folks, with hundreds (1956, at last count) of stores in all 50 states seem to have lost sight of the idea that you're running actual brick-and-mortar stores. And that it's your bread and butter. You get the online aspect; but if your master plan is to be a smaller version of Bezos-mart, with less selection, you're well on your way to becoming the next Sears story.

I feel even sorrier for you when I consider how it got this way. Because as I learned from masters of the craft in the military, you only get the compliance with orders you inspect for.

So this means you not only have incompetent, slovenly, or outright incapable employees, you have nearly 2000 store managers and merchandise managers who frankly don't give a flying fig about this. If they even know about it, because they never check. You'll have to decide for yourselves whether their apathy or their ignorance is worse. And you're paying them for this!

At least your hired flunkies aren't so stupid or incompetent (...yet) they put the paint bottles in the candy or cake frosting aisle, but that's a pretty low bar, don't you think?

I'm not a stock market guy, but if I was, or even if I was invested in it, I think I'd be shorting your stock.

Maybe I've got it wrong. Maybe things are great at the other 1949 stores, and it's just every store within 5 miles of me that can't pull off such a simple task. Ever. Any day in the last several years. Anytime I've checked.

But, like I said, I'm not criticizing you. You do whatever you think best.

I just feel sad that you're paying huge numbers of people (and soon, even starting them out here in Califrutopia at $20/hr minimum!) to be so utterly incapable of doing the most basic function in retail: putting things on the store shelves. And they keep getting it wrong every day, and no one in charge - all hired by you - notices or cares.

But now, we can both live in hope: Me, that anyone in your entire corporation important enough to make a change cares enough to start running your business like a business instead of thinking it's going to run itself; and you, that if they did, I'd drop dead from utter shock.

Take No Counsel Of Your Fears

h/t Peter

The post title is taken from the private notebook of a young gentleman from California, then in his early twenties, while attending the United States Military Academy at West Point, a proud graduate of the class of 1909. You may have heard of him.

The advice is as sound now as it was then.

Tuesday, January 16, 2024

Vote! Moar! Harder!

Well well. Seems that, despite eleventy-eleven indictments for everything from overdue library books to wearing a bad hairpiece in public, Trump only beat every other GOP-lite candidate, combined, in the Iowa Cornbowl.

Fourth-place finisher Ramalamadingdong, who only trailed Trump by 43 percentage points (more than the tally totals of Jeb #2 and Jeb #3 combined), has ejected from further headfirst smashes into the brick wall, rolled over, and kissed Trump's ass, in the bid to become the next Veep running mate.

That worked for Kamala Kneepads in 2020. No word on whether Ramalamadingdong plans on stocking up on Chapstick to duplicate that feat.

None of that means fuck-all for the actual 2024 election. Team Poopypants' continued Keep-Him-The-Hell-Away-From-Live-Microphones-For-Another-Year strategy, a carbon-copy of the 2020 plan, points to the re-deployment of another massive Election Steal apparatus in 2024, except likely a necessary order of magnitude larger, to counteract what looks to be an actual 70-30 Biden drubbing, were a conventional (read "factual, free, and honest") election to be held this year.

It won't be.

My prediction of what happens in 2024 is a re-do of 2020: 

Biden "wins" again this time, improving on his 81M imaginary votes from 2020, with a final score of Biden 972%, and Trump 49%. Nothing to see here. Move along.

An actual election scares hell out of both parties, because they know who'd win that. Just like he did the last two times. They're morons, but they're not complete idiots.

The Deep State would hold a motorcade for Trump in Dallas the day he wins the nomination, and the GOP would donate the convertible for him to ride in before that would happen. The FBI and CIA can be relied upon to supply the Usual Book Depository Spectators, as they both have some wee experience with that sort of thing.

But in the meantime, the spectacle of Trump single-handedly upending the entire assembled crew of GOPe midgets, every single time it's tried, is heartwarming, in that it sets the poo-flinging monkeys from both wings of the Uniparty (that would be just about all of them) to digging in their diapers for more offerings to throw at President Trump, and highlights the desperation and blatant frothingly mad depths of shrieking hysteria to which they'll happily succumb, in their ceaseless quest to keep their jackboots on the neck of the American people.

The election season is merely kabuki theater in service of that end, despite the fact that it's proving as effective at stopping Trump from regaining the presidency as were rules changes in stopping Jonathan E. in Rollerball.

The real fun starts, in both instances, five minutes after the show is over, outside the arena.

Stock up on canned goods: both the #10 and olive drab variety.

You're gonna need them.

And maybe this time, ignore the media's attempt to usurp coronation rights of their selectee, contrary to all reality.

Sunday, January 14, 2024

The LeMay Theorem


We thought this ponder from Tam self-evidently obvious, and reference it for truth, as using multi-million dollar missiles to shoot down multi-hundred dollar drones is asinine beyond belief, despite the shrieking caterwauling objections from people who think Common Core is actual mathematics, and that the world's #1 problem is Joooooooooooooooooos!

But contrary to years of evidence to the contrary, at least one or two people in the Five-Sided A$$hole Palace realized that the correct answer to the Houthi problem wasn't expending scarce and expensive missiles from an under-supplied fleet, it was doing alpha strikes from aircraft carriers, and dropping metric fucktons of iron bombs on deserving jackholes, just like any other time since about 1943.

Some lackwit will always plaintively whinge "How many is 'enough'...?"

Well, Sh*t-for-Brains, here's your One-Step Cluebat For The Calculationally Impaired:

Q.: Are they still fighting? 

    Yes: Load up another metric fuckton of bombs, and sortie again.

    No: Success!

So simple, a caveman can do it.

Sunday Music: Walking In L.A.


No song screams 1980s New Wave more than this debut single from Missing Persons, with lyrics that absolutely ("totally, dude") capture L.A. culture (for some value of that word). It snuck on the charts for about fifteen seconds and hit #70 on the Hot 100, but despite a seemingly lackluster performance, it still crops up on radio playlists more frequently now than much bigger hits from the era. And yes, lead singer Dale Bozzio looked exactly like her album cover pic in live performances, as the quintessential example of "Own your niche". The past is always another country.

Saturday, January 13, 2024

The Beauty Of Physics

Sportsball: Au Contraire

h/t Cold Fury 

"Where have you gone, Joe Dimaggio?
Joltin' Joe has left and gone away..."

If MLB, or any other corporate sportsball, wanted to engage a new generation of sportsball fans, they'd show that by moving to change ticket prices by moving the decimal point one place to the left at every park in their leagues. Maybe even two.

I'm not griping about the recockulous salaries of the players, but in order to pay them, the sport - any sport - has soaked the fans to the point that going to a game is an exercise in pointless nostalgia about a sport made of entirely of prima donas, both on the field, and in owners' boxes, in a financial exercise for fans who show up in person that makes Disneyland seem like a non-profit effort. Taking an average family to a game, and buying everyone a hot dog, beverage, and bag of peanuts is currently an field trip that requires selling a kidney to finance, in order to watch multi-millionaire corporate pawns try to gin up enthusiasm for other corporations' paid sumo wrestlers. The only people who actually give a flying f**k anymore are Vegas oddsmakers, which is only fair, since they're the only ones with more at stake than the players or the owners.

Which explains why watching any pro sports nowadays has all the compelling allure of televising the trading pits on Wall Street. Give day traders hand weapons like swords and axes, and televise their fights, and you might find something people would truly enjoy watching, and at far higher levels of enthusiasm for anything happening between epically-long commercial swaths on TV. Truth in advertising?

"We now interrupt this forty-minute orgy of bad commercials to bring you five minutes of corporate sport."

A little too on-the-nose there? You betcha.

You might as well televise corporate board meetings, and let the underlings stage kabuki-theater knife fights or brass-knuckled dust-ups. It would be as compelling to the audience.

Nobody not criminally stoopid gives a wet fart about multimillionaire children playing a children's game for lottery-payout annual salaries. These are not "enduring examples of excellence", they're simply the highest paid racehorses and whores in society, albeit for demonstrable skills.

Frankly, I'd rather get a hot dog from a sidewalk cart vendor, and watch a pickup game at the local sandlot, played by any 18 total unpaid amateurs, of any age from pre-teen to retiree. The game is identical, the sportsmanship higher, and the stakes far more important to those on the field than anything happening at Corporate Sponsorship Monstrosities.

Eff Sportsball, for any value of that term. The main difference between pro wrestling and any version of Pro Sportsball is everyone knows pro wrestling is totally fake and ghey. Field of Dreams has transmogrified into Field Of Used To Be. There's hardly anyone under the age of 40 now who even remembers what it is they used to watch, unless they're watching Ken Burns' Baseball documentary. The sport memorialized in the docu-epic is deader than dinosaurs, deader than canned tuna.

To quote two other lines from popular entertainment:

"It's dead, Jim."

"Let it go."