Today's unattributed soopergenius Biff Tannen Award-winner is the upper left panel of this work of Half-Assed Half-Wittery On Parade, which we have helpfully amended for your illumination.
This is before we point out that the US spends $18.6Billion per day on itself, so that means Israel gets $1/person/day (and the US gets no oil embargoes nor gasoline selling for $7/gallon in return for that), and the US spends $54.79 per person/per day on its own citizens, including billions and billions annually squandered on Common Core education and healthcare for the shiftless lazy fucks of the nation, all paid for by the less-than-half of the US that actually works for a living, so fuck off with that "we're so neglected by our own government" commie bullshit, you innumerate and illiterate total jackass. Pull up your pants, spin your hat around, get a haircut, and get a job, and stop whining about other people. Or else move to Israel, and take a chance on a homemade rocket or an MRBM up the ass every day for 30 years. Give a holler when you can buy college and healthcare there (or anywhere) for $1/day, while you're up, as if that was ever possible. So, you can't even lie well with what you do put up.
And as usual, when you deliberately lie by only telling part of the truth, your meme smacks its face into the pavement like a passenger dropping out of an Air Pinochet helicopter ride.
We congratulate another bravely Anonymous Shit For Brains memester for another award-winning meme equivalent of LZ Hindenburg, and commend the earnest dipshit who created it to go back to school, and take another shot at the second grade, probably after getting rid of the Klan hood and robes.
It must be hell to own a computer, still have a mid-70s IQ, and put that mental prowess on display for the whole world to see, like walking around with no pants all day, completely oblivious to the breeze twixt your knees, and spewing half a wit as if it were a whole truth.
As proof of yesterday's post, we bring you today's Biff Tannen Award winner, and repeat a lesson some people are too stupid to know they're too stupid to know.
Comedy, by which we mean successful comedy, requires two things:
1) It must be funny.
2) It must be true.
When you bring neither, but try anyways, you're just the clown from the Volkswagen who kicks himself in his own ass, and falls flat on his face.
Comedy may happen at that point, but only at your own expense, because you're just a public jackass.
Much like the too-chickenshit-to-sign-it creator of today's ass-tastic meme-fail, by the galactically stupid.
When you resort to building a straw man to get to your punchline, you're about as unfunny as SNL and David Letterman for the last 10 years of Trump Derangement Syndrome On Parade.
I.e., not one fucking bit.
This is what happens when you lie just to get a laugh from Other Stupid People, because the smart people are laughing at you, not with you. You're Alec Baldwin, yelling about how bad guns are, then shooting your own director and DP on your own movie. Which is hilarious to most people, just not the way you intended.
That's what happens when when you substitute the jackassically deceitful set-up of "Because They Have Nuclear Weapons" for the truthful and accurate set-up of "Because They're Trying To Develop Nuclear Weapons".
Which wee bit of bull's eye truth-telling sucks the funny right out of that self-ass-kicking meme, and makes you look like the jackass moron you are for lying about it when you created the original.
Well-played, Anonymous Shit-For-Brains.
This is what happens when you learned civics from a Common Core curriculum, and got your current events news from Tik-Tok.
(We'll leave out that you tried to make it look, with the American flag, like the U.S. was attacking Iran at all, when in fact the current war is solely Israel's doing, because too much actual geopolitical reality at once might explode your eggshell-thin understanding of the world as it is in such a big dose at one time.)
Own your award with pride, Biff, and you can pick up the picture documentation of it on any roll of TP at the nearest men's room. Right after you wipe. And stop trying to make memes until you do some pull-ups, and can get your IQ up above 70.
It's evidently going to be a full day of this sort of happy horsesh*t, cleaning up after a whole weekend worth of silliness.
We cheerfully announce yet another brilliant sub-80-IQ Biff Tannen Make Like A Tree™ award-winning meme/post*:
We have just a couple of questions for PatriOsareinLackOfRectalContrOl
(FIFY, slick, given your propensity to shit all over yourself like this):
1) Please inform the class regarding health statistics from Haiti as having been considered accurate and reliable since...when, in recorded human history, exactly? Please show all work on this.
2) You have noted a large expat Chinese population on that half of the island of Hispaniola, and copious numbers of potentially-infected outsiders arriving into that accursed Caribbean sh*thole, have you...?? Again, show all work.
So maybe, after staring at the chalkboard until someone sneaks up on you with the 2x4 of Knowledge and cluebats you back into reality, take a shot at explaining a couple dozen other possible explanations for this imaginary "Haitian COVID miracle". You tripped over it at the start: "This is absurd." Then you picked yourself up and stumbled off and over the Cliffs of Insanity.
RFK is a functional retard at many things. So, evidently, are you.
Best wishes on finding a crowbar to pry your head out of deep up your own ass, and enjoy your Biff Tannen "Make Like A Tree" Award™, with our profoundest compliments. And thanks a pantload for nailing down the left side of the IQ bell curve, soopergenius.
The photo ID assuring all and sundry of your prize-winning intellect can be obtained after wiping up and before flushing, at any men's room stall in the nearest municipal transport station.
*(Strictly speaking, the massive brainfart-in-question began its life as a post on X/Twatter/whatever. But once it gets screen-shotted and posted standalone, it becomes a meme, thus eligible - in this case, overqualified - for consideration for the BTMLAT Award. -A.)
Anonymous memester: Award certificate available in stall #3 of local men's room. Wipe for picture.
As usual, WRSA has a great collection of memes today, as it does most every day. And as usual, the one in the left half of the header is not one of them. The better ones, OTOH, are much better. This one never should have made the cut.
We suppose math is not the creator's strong suit. This is what happens when Common Core drop-outs try to meme.
If you post enough memes from other people, you're going to keep scraping the bottom of the barrel. In this example, we have the Trifecta Of Stupid:
1) Not remotely true. (Srsly? Three names: Mao. Stalin. Hitler. Israel doesn't even make the medal round.)
2) Thus not effective, except as a dog whistle for people who see JOOOOOOOOOOOOS! everywhere, including under their own bed. JDS is real.
3) So sadly pathetic that the memester responsible (too chickenshit to sign their work, as always) had to hijack another protest, and use a black man to carry the KKK's water for them. Apparently it's not as good when someone in a white pointed hood is holding the sign so childishly altered. Who knew? Award x2 multiplier for Bad Photoshop.
We wouldn't bother recognizing such retarded children artworks, but those fish in the barrel aren't going to shoot themselves.
For the Common Core grads in the audience, the United States has had the same enemy in the Middle East for the last 225 years and counting. That's virtually the entire time the United States has been a nation. You could look it up. Some of it may even call to mind a line from a familiar tune. In many cases, such as today's Assclown Extraordinaire, and Biff Tannen "Make Like A Tree" Award winner, by having someone smarter than them Googling it, and reading the basic information to them aloud, hopefully with many helpful pictures when the words get too hard.
Plumbing the depths of internet stupidity is impossible with existing technology. And every day, another earnest retard advances the flag another dozen fathoms deeper.
Well done to our latest deep-dive champion, Facial Plantedness, Oxygen Thief First Class, and our pick for Earnest Retard Of The Day.
WRSA has posted some great memes today, as they do every day. This example is not one of them. It IS a new winner of the Biff Tannen "Make Like A Tree" Award, for Stupidest Meme Attempt We've Seen. So we have helpfully FIFY, by appending the right half to it, below.
The enemy of intelligence is not your friend. And Guilt By Association is a logical fallacy.
This is also why we always sign our efforts. Someone anonymously posted a 60-IQ masterpiece, which WRSA picked up, and that creator is totally not getting the stupidity credit for it they richly deserve.
We cut off and screened out the ownership bars on the meme we boxed in red above to spare calling individual names. Suffice it to say you've probably seen it recently. The implication is that it's used to fake (_fill-in-the-blank_) photo ops.
Um, no.
1) Hot tip for retards: The VC-25/747s converted into the current versions of Air Force One have the 747's distinctive nose-end hump. The 707, above, doesn't. The interior of the current model is also about eight feet wider than a 707 fuselage. So any faked photos, taken inside or out, would be obvious to even Stevie Wonder, from space, FFS.
2) The former Air Force One 707s (including the front fuselage section, above) are still classified for obvious national security concerns. The 707 at the Reagan Library is only there "on-loan", and security on it is still overseen by the Secret Service.
3) The staircases and entries on the current version look absolutely nothing like the old version's entry.
4) I can only think of 57 reasons military units and the Secret Service might want to retain that fuselage, inside an intensely secure location like Camp David for everyday protective detail training, hostage rescue/counter-terrorism training, planning and walking through medical emergency response, etc. ad infinitum.
We could continue ripping this dippy meme, but these points alone should suffice to show why someone would have to be snacking on leaded paint chips to come up with it.
If any of this was news to you, go ask your parents to explain why you're not tall enough for the internet.
And to the creator of this jackassical meme, as the most recent recipient, own your Biff Tannen "Make Like A Tree, And Go Away" Award, and walk tall among midwits.
Better luck next time.
If anyone's going to bitch about "fake and ghey", the actual fake has been the guy walking up the steps of the real presidential 747 for the last 4 years.
Today's prize-winner bit Mike at Cold Fury yesterday. Ouch.
The giveaway: In 1866, the year when this imaginary SCOTUS decision quote purports to hail from, there were only 36 states, not 50. Nebraska became #37 in 1867. (Oh, and word to your mother: there aren't even 50 continental states, even now. Apparently you were sick the day they talked about Hawaii being a group of islands in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. We're pretty sure SCOTUS clerks knew all that even in 1866. You're really on a roll there, dipshit. Walk tall.)
The second half appears to be some jackass' commentary, but it takes a decision and then drags it far beyond what was actually stated, and tries to write laws into being that don't exist, and turns a "may not" into "making war". Little illogical leap there, cupcake?
This is what happens when Common Core grad fucktards try to meme, because they're too stupid to do two mouseclicks and find out how many states there were, or whether they're "continental" before squatting and plopping out this sort of effluvia onto the internet.
It's time for a reminder from our 16th president:
We haven't seen anything so patently stupid and full of shi...er, rose fertilizer as the header meme since some WH flunkie plopped out Obozo's fake "birth certificate" online, cut-and-paste filled in using a font not invented until this century.
Step forward, Anonymous Meme Fucktard, and claim the Biff Tannen "Make Like A Tree" Award, and wear it with pride. Along with the obligatory ceremonial dunce cap, jackass.
Behold another classic violator of Rule One of Comedy, and by extension, memes:
Comedy requires Truth + Humor
Somebody thought they would take a found picture of a convoy fail and jack it into their idea of brilliant commentary on the ongoing New Mexico clown show related to the shooting on the set of Rust.
Two problems, Lackwit: you failed to make a meme that was either funny, or true. That's like taking two swings at the same pitch, and getting charged with two strikes by the umpire: a rare feat indeed, for anyone not in a Bugs Bunny cartoon.
You thought it was funny, because you thought it was true, but that's why delusional psychotics make such poor stand-up comedians: they're the only ones who get their own jokes.
Yes, we know they didn't actually shoot up a truck with a loaded tank in the pic. It was just a truck that had an epic meltdown.
But we'll spot you taking something that didn't happen and pretending it did as comedic license.
So, let's flesh it out, and fill in the cast of characters, to make it at least true, and see if it's funny.
In the scenario you imagined, Baldwin would be the actor playing a tank gunner. Experience with actual tanks: zero.
The scene calls for him to pull the trigger and "send it", on a tank with no live round loaded.
The loader, in this scenario you've concocted, would be blue-haired millennial retard and half-assed armorer Hannah Gutierrez-Reed, who (oopsie) accidentally-on-purpose put a live tank round in the breech. (Haw Haw! How droll!) And then Second AD Dave Halls, who's already admitted being a criminally negligent fuck-up, plays the part of the tank TC, who tells Baldwin, from a dearth of any tank knowledge himself, "It's cool, Alec. The tank isn't loaded. Go ahead and pull the trigger, chief." to Baldwin.
Which Baldwin then does, and in your meme, blows away the truck pulling the load and blows a tank-round-sized hole in the driver, played in real life by former DP and newly-surprised see-through sieve Halyna Hutchins.(Ho Ho Ho! What an absolute scream!).
So even when we give our memetard a mulligan on the Truth part, all that's missing now is the Funny.
Bummer.
Okay Slick, this is a burn on total tank rube Baldwin...how, exactly?
What you've really done is illustrate in one bonehead balloon how utterly retarded any case against Baldwin is in real life. Mad props for making the defense case in one picture, but we're guessing that wasn't your intention in any way, shape, or form.
How do you do this the right way?
Let's consult maestro John Landis for a few moments.
Comedy master-class, right there.
And no, no horses were actually killed in the making of that scene. Which is the whole point.
But if one HAD been, the culpable party wouldn't be Flounder, Shitforbrains Meme Fuckerupper.
It would have been the person who loaded the gun, even with blanks. And possibly their assistant. And probably Director Landis, not the actor someone handed a nominally harmless prop to.
Doubt that?
Check out who was put in the dock when the same director dropped a helicopter onto Vic Morrow and two kids on Twilight Zone: The Movie a few years later, and turned them into filet-of-actor sushi. (And yes, Landis unfortunately got off, and he got away with manslaughter times three, and the bulk of the blame was shifted onto the SFX guy, for "just following orders", despite the fact that TPTB on that shoot deliberately broke about twenty safety rules (stop me if you've heard this one), and deliberately set the scene up to kill people, which it did. But it would have been beyond retarded to try and pawn the blame onto Morrow, for doing what he was supposed to do, as an actor, in the script, and per the director's instructions. That's what prosecuting Baldwin is equivalent to.)
Proving yet again why all the "Get Baldwin" frothing is exactly nonsense spewed by ignorant assholes. Baldwin's a great actor, and a total piece of shit as a human being. And the karma and career suicide, not to mention carrying around the guilt for life because he was still the one holding the weapon that shot two people and killed one, this whole tragedy has and will cost him is epically well-deserved. Only Shakespeare himself could write a better comic tragedy. But the one thing Baldwin isn't, is criminally culpable, in any way, shape, or form, no matter how annoying and distasteful that is to anyone. Facts are stubborn things.
Lastly, nota bene, the original meme in this instance is unsigned. Wisely so.
Come on down, Anonymous Dumbass, own this Masterpiece of Meme Fail, and proudly claim your Biff Tannen "Make Like A Tree" Award, for spectacularly stomping on your dick with golf cleats while attempting comedy. Tom Wilson would be proud of you.
No, not a fishnet-stocking lamp with the glow of electric sex.
Today's Biff Tannen Award Winner:
Also known as How To Tell Me You Saw None Of These Movies Without Telling Me You Saw None Of These Movies.
To the creator of that turdwaffle: Well done. You have earned your Biff Tannen 'Make Like A Tree Award', with magna cum laude turd lump clusters. It also comes with a week's supply of petroleum jelly, and earnest hopes that, at some point, you lube up your other end, and pull your head out of it.
For any Common Core grads out there, we re-iterate the Golden Rule of Comedy:
Comedy = Humor + Truth
Audience, see if you can guess which item Professor Faceplant left out of this meme.
Here's a hint, from the cast of the above flick:
This is consummate professional actor, Canadian Henry Czerny. He plays the double-dealing back-stabbing CIA professional upper-level bureaucratic apparatchik with incredible precision, as he's done against Harrison Ford as Jack Ryan in Clear And Present Danger, and against Tom Cruise as Ethan Hunt in multiple Mission Impossible movies for 28 years now.
In the movie from which the meme was lifted, and the shots above, he's Eugene Kittredge, not just a CIA guy, and in the latest edition he's the actual Director of Central Intelligence, IOW the kingshit CIA person at the top of the whole festering dungheap.
Spoiler Alert!
Tom Cruise's Nathan Hunt, OTOH, and his IMF band of merry mischief-makers, are the exact folks Czerny's always backstabbing since the first outing, and whom he's seen explicitly double-crossing in high style, as well as hunting down specifically throughout this latest flick.
Trying to paint the IMF as "the CIA in the movies" is roughly about as retarded as trying to make Macaulay Culkin the villain in Home Alone. It takes a special kind of cultural tone-deafness to paint the IMF as "the CIA", coupled with a total unfamiliarity with any one of the MI movies to date. As in "never saw one of them in your life".
Which wins kudos for most ham-fisted meme fuck-up we've seen in weeks.
Yet again, well-done! Have you thought about working for the Biden Re-Election Campaign?
Don't quit your day job, Bozo.
Pottsreborn should have left this attempt in the pot. And then jiggled the handle until it went down.
Anyone can make a meme that doesn't land. No crime there. But no one should make one so bassackwards it plops, and leaves an odor of epic fail.
Actual movie CIA agents portrayed as good guys aren't hard to find: any version of Felix Leiter, or John Krasinski's Jack Ryan could have been selected with less trouble than swinging a dead cat. So this poor choice was stupid and lazy.
The idea for the meme was great. Rockstar, even. The execution was Special Olympics - Did Not Place.
Somebody get that AncientIdiot guy a tourniquet for his junk, once he gets his cleats out.
This week's Biff Tannen "Make Like A Tree" memery fuckup award goes to whatever midwit functional retard owns the Ancient Wisdom &c. X account involved in the exchange pictured above.
Because only someone with a refrigerator interior IQ could pick such a handle, and be thoroughly unfamiliar with the naked idiocy of what they just burped out.
Word To Your Mother, Fuckwit:
Any dipshit so blissfully ignorant of a basic tenet of military science that's been around for 2,500+ years, and studied by every student of the military arts, including budding young professionals at such places as West Point, Annapolis, and Sandhurst unto the present day, and who has adopted the handle "Ancient Wisdom", has broken the Internet Irony Meter, and stands possessed of a level of fucktarded stupidity impossible to measure with existing instrumentation.
That the military intelligence arm of a country outnumbered roughly 100 to 1 on all sides would pay homage to that tenet of basic military science in their motto is about as surprising as finding ice cubes in your freezer.
That someone should think it a curious thing alien to military art and science, and yet bloviate far beyond the constraints of their humble IQ unimagined even by Messrs. Dunning and Kruger is about as surprising as finding that person's head up their own ass.
That anyone thinks anyone's CIA-equivalent agency practices anything but deception, 24/7/365/forever, and always will, is to bankrupt the value of the word moron, and beggar belief in the existence of the human mind itself. How anyone can be that stupid, and still somehow draw breath and suck food to survive is a medical miracle in its own right, but not in a good way.
Well played, egregiously developmentally delayed example of Fucktardus internetis.
Here's your prize, Ancient Jackass:
We have a feeling the hardest part of this feature as an ongoing thing isn't going to be finding candidates every week, it's going to be narrowing it down to the single most-deserving winner.
We hereby institute the Biff Tannen 'Make Like A Tree' Award for egregiously stupid failed attempts at humor and/or memery. This is our first winner.
The person who bought this abortion, and photographed it and posted it to the internet (probably the same dipshit) where BRM found it, just advertised to the universe:
a) Their gullibility for buying such a piece of codswallop
b) The fact they never saw the movies
c) Their utter cluelessness
d) Their overweening desperate desire to be geek hipsters, even burning money in the attempt, but without investing the five seconds of time needed to earn actual cred.
Dr. Sheldon Cooper would mock them for hours.
The colloquial title for such an ostentatious display of such a Grand Slam of Fail is "fucktard".
Well-played, Loser: Grand Master Class.
And to whatever gross ignoramus makes that toilet lid/decal:
Not counting the news outlets or websites along the full range of accuracy and veracity, I follow multiple actual individuals' handwritten blogs. (Bot news aggregators don't thrill me.) Looking them over, many are current serving or former military and a couple are some variation of high-speed low-drag elite forces ninjas. Or just funny as all. Because life without humor is just despair. So in other words, the same folks I trusted in the military not to wet the bed, sh*t themselves, or otherwise run around like headless Nancys, are the same folks I trust on the interwebz, for demonstrating pretty much the same trustworthiness and circumspectly responsible behavior. Color me shocked.
Comments are fully moderated, due to idiots and trolls. Grown up discussion here will appear just as soon as I have the time to push it through. ANONYMOUS UNSIGNED COMMENTS WILL BE AUTO-DELETED WITHOUT MERCY, and the url added to the spam filter, or mercilessly mocked at the bloghost's sole discretion. If you're too chickensh*t to come up with an alias for online purposes, you're not tall enough for this blog. Pick a name, and stick with it, and you're good. Get cute, and you're wasting your time and my electrons, and your masterpiece will never see the light of day. No warning shots will be fired. If you can't maintain decorum and polite behavior, I won't toy with you, I'll squash you. If one of your comments disappears, YOU f**ked up. If all of them do, it's time for you to go. Disagree with the points made, on the merits, and you're good. Go after me personally, or other commenters, and your comment will never see daylight here. My tolerance for skirting the line is at absolute zero, and will remain there. Don't f**k up.
