Showing posts with label cretin. Show all posts
Showing posts with label cretin. Show all posts

Friday, October 7, 2016

Special Snowflake Alert

h/t to WRSA


Apparently, the submission bar to get published in The Hill has been lowered to include those who flunked out of grade school (which, for most liberal rags, probably puts them in the top 10% of their own bell curve).

But you don't have to take my word for it. Go check out this frightful piece, from one Jeremy Streich (my suspicion is that is was supposed to be Jeremy St. Reich, purely based on the editorial point of view espoused, but I digress) wherein the author supposes that we can collapse the Second Amendment with some clever legerdemain, and all will be right and happy in Wonkland again.

The theme is flatly ridiculous, and I would happily fisk the piece on its demerits, like the wee fact that even repealing the Second Amendment would do nothing to revoke the natural right it assumes as a given since the dawn of history, thus doing nothing to advance his asinine quest to de-weaponize society, but it doesn't even get far enough intellectually to even deserve that.

Little Jeremy is clearly a Special Snowflake, whose mommie hung his dirty diapers on the refrigerator and told everyone they were art, but clearly he can’t even pass a Common Core math class. One salient excerpt of the wit and wisdom on parade:
“Here’s a harrowing fact: a recent poll unveiled that the
citizen to firearm ratio in the United States has reached
nearly 1:1. What’s worse? These weapons fall within the
grasp of merely one-tenth of the population – that is roughly
30 weapons per owner.”

Uh, no, lumpkin. That would be roughly 10 weapons per owner. That’s what the clever mathematical fraction “one-tenth” multiplied by a 1:1 ratio means. Maybe you were sick that year in math school, but trust me, that’s how it works.

The facts are that somewhere around half of all households in the US have a firearm (assuming, generously, that the other half didn’t lie when surveyed), the ratio is vastly beyond 1:1, and some of us are unbelievable over-achievers with regards to firearms ownership from what is probably more like a 20:1 or 50:1 actual numerical ratio of guns:citizens.

If that’s the best argument the f*cktards editing The Hill can grunt out, maybe they should firstly, wipe themselves up behind, and secondly, change their masthead to The Litterbox. And then promptly scrape some sand over this particular nugget, before the smell gets noticed.

And then send the author to bed in his footie jammies, with no hot cocoa. At least until he can pass a fifth grade math lesson.

Tuesday, December 9, 2014

Sierra Leone: Caught You, You Lying Mofos!

 
(click to embiggen)

FREETOWN (UK Guardian) - They send in surveillance officers to investigate homes where there have been deaths. They don’t get too close. “They do a clinical assessment from afar,” says Parkinson. It’s all run with military precision by the Sierra Leonean army. Grim scorecards on whiteboards are positioned around the room – the cases, the treatment beds available and the bodies.
Burials of Ebola victims recorded week-by-week.
Burials of Ebola victims recorded week-by-week. Photograph: Sarah Boseley
“For the last five weeks we have buried every body reported to us the same day,” says Parkinson. “But yesterday we left 43 bodies because the burial teams had not been paid.”
It keeps happening. Sometimes it’s the burial teams, sometimes the nurses and sometimes the ambulance workers. All are supposed to get extra danger money. Nobody seems to know whether the government can’t pay, won’t pay or is just bureaucratically bogged down. Whichever, it causes deadly delays. Two weeks ago, burial teams dumped highly infectious bodies – local people claimed as many as 15 – in the street outside a hospital gate in Kenema in the east of the country to make their point.

Nota bene that from Oct 24 - present, Sierra Leone has reported less than 600 Ebola victim deaths to WHO, as reflected in their stats column on the bottom of this Wikipedia page .
But as this snapshot from Sarah Boseley, author of the diary linked here recorded, Sierra Leone's Ebola crisis center recorded over 2600 burials by their own burial team members during this exact same time frame.
And, the story goes on to note, people are reportedly wandering off into the jungle to die, which persons aren't reflected in the burial numbers anywhere.
"People are afraid to report their numbers to the government. They are afraid to call the helpline. They are afraid they will be taken away to treatment centres and never see their families again. There are reports of people disappearing into the forest because they’d rather die with their family than be taken into a treatment site.”“It is a puzzle. We don’t know what it is. It is not a low death rate. It is probably the labs aren’t able to get swabs for all the dead bodies,” he says. That means they can’t be sure Ebola was the cause of death.
And there are many hidden deaths. “We have evidence that less than two-thirds of burials are being reported,” he said.
So they don't test the dead bodies, they simply cart them away post haste and shovel them under, same day.

Liberia is "solving" their crisis with a pencil eraser.
Sierra Leone is "solving" theirs with shovels.

Neither approach will do anything about Ebola, except insure it continues to spread in wider and wider circles.

So those 600-odd deaths? We have photographic evidence that the number of reported burials are 5-6X that many, and half as many again aren't being reported at all.

If we change Sierra Leone's death report numbers in accordance with that knowledge, we get an additional 4000 dead people, which brings their numbers much closer to reality as observed elsewhere. Then factor in the number of people who just wander out and die in the jungle (which ensures that the virus reservoir in the wild will be well-stocked for decades once various critters tear into the corpses).

And the lying m******f*****s sitting in those centers, their Western accomplices, and the morons in the media stand right in front of the tally boards they know to be lies, and just stare at them like deer in headlights, and can't seem to figure out what's going on.

Yeah, it's a real poser, you jackholes.

Thursday, November 20, 2014

Walls and F**kheads




So, apparently, according to this enormous jackass, putting up a border wall, and telling people they can't just come here any effing time they want, is bad.

No, not just bad, it's the exact moral equivalent - he says this - of the East German VoPos putting up a wall to keep people in and shooting people for trying to leave communist East Germany and get to free West Germany.

Really, he says this in public, on the Internet. It beggars belief in literacy and common sense, if not history.

But I'll play along, arguendo:

1) How much pot, heroin, meth, and cocaine were the good people of East Germany humping into West Germany daily across that wall, by the 20-Fritz human mule train, back in the day?

How many of them were a plague on West German hospitals, schools, courts, prisons, and the social safety net?
How many times did they hold rallies and wave the East German flag, and demand to be given full rights, beyond what even the West Germans enjoyed?
Anyone? Beuller? Beuller...?
I ask because apparently, this news has yet to reach pundit Marko, or at last far enough up his back end to get to his head.

2) So explain to me when Mexico, and the rest of the goddam teeming Third World who would merrily come here, was partitioned off from the USA like East Germany was from West Germany in 1961? I'll wait while you explain that one.

3) Exactly where in the Constitution did we give the right to come here, flout our laws, bilk our treasury, destroy our educational system, and rob, rape, and kill our citizens to anyone who manages to hop, skip, jump, or tunnel their way here? Take your time looking it up; I've got a copy of the whole thing right here if you need help finding that section.

4) What's your home address, Marko?
It's only fair, because about 8:02 PM EST tonight, I want to publish it on the Internet, and invite the first 1000 swinging Ricardos to come camp on your lawn in perpetuity, sit on your couch, and drink your beer. Because if you want to stop them, you're the effing SS. (Not so funny when the armband is on the other bicep, is it, dickweed?)

I'm sure it feels nice to bootstrap yourself some unearned moral superiority about being so free with everything else in this country that you didn't build (but which you don't seem too shy to have adopted) but it kind of pales into insignificance when we note that you have a front door, with a locking latch, a deadbolt,  maybe a dog, and no doubt the desire to defend the same with a weapon (and if not that then certainly the hair-trigger response to scream for the local constables to do for you what you're probably too chickenshit to do for yourself).

And if you aren't willing to cough up your sustenance, and give until it bleeds, you're just another socialist in sheep's clothing, loudly proclaiming about "the rule of law for thee, but not for me."
"I’ll never be a fan of walls and fences, no matter which way the barbed wire on top is pointed."
I'm calling bullshit on all of that festering pile of self-righteous dung.

Prove me wrong:
Take your front door off its hinges.
Leave the keys in your car.
Open your business' front door, and leave it open and unattended all night while you sleep. Go down to the local constabulary and demand that the cops empty the jail and let your people go.
Take a bulldozer and tear a new gate at the local prison.
How about it, there, you hypocritical lying bastard? I'll bet you're a big fan of those walls and fences, aren't you, you sniveling socialist scum?
Anything else you've said or would say on the subject from now until Hell froze over is belied by your two-faced, four-flushing, mealy-mouthed crap-spewing on this topic.
(Ask Marco Rubio how that ploy works; or maybe Sen. McCain. They could tell you stories...)

I'll wager any amount you could name that none of that will happen, because you're so full of shit on this your eyes must be brown.

I live in a state where, because of precisely your sentiments, 33% of the prison inmates, 40-50% of the court cases, 66% of the babies, the loss of 100 hospitals, and the entire collapse of the educational system from 1st to 49th place has been because of the unrestrained influx of the tsunami of illiterate peasants and criminals you'd happily make not just legal, but mandatory. One would think that reality might have given you pause, long before wages stalled, unemployment skyrocketed, and the average family's purchasing power has slipped backwards for going on two generations now, ever since Teddy Kennedy opened the gates in 1965.

But all that's news to you, Baby Duck. Because while you were staring mesmerized at the Berlin Wall coming down, you were too bumfuzzled to draw intelligent conclusions from the event. Like the one, for instance, where you note that people were fleeing the side of the fence where all their shit belonged to the government to give away to everyone else. And since it's evidently escaped your hawk-like gaze and manifest perspicacity, that's exactly the result you'd like to see inflicted upon us HERE by your brainless position NOW. So hey, thanks, because there was somehow a pressing shortage of liberal asstardian socialism on the Intarwebz. So thanks for pitching in to help us out!

You could crap stupid non-stop for a year of Sundays, and still not boost your IQ to the point where you'd be worth pissing on you to save if you were on fire.
So please, pull your NIMBY head out of your ass, suck in some oxygen, and come back to this when you can figure out which way is up.
In the meantime, either start your charity at home, with your house, and your money, out of your wallet, or STFU.
Who is going to machine-gun unarmed men, women, and children trying to cross that river and climb those fences?
That'd be me. I'll even work week-ends at straight-time rate.
You want to see an ammo shortage, give me one Ma Deuce, and I'll stop all illegal immigration to the limit of range and traverse.
You put 2000 of them on the southern border, and there won't be any illegal immigration north of Brownsville.

But there's no need to go that far. 
I'm all for easy and bloodless: what say we start by rounding up the first 20M we catch here, and shipping them the fuck back to wherever? 
Tell them not shooting them this time is what we call "Amnesty".
Next time, the gloves are off.
(If you want to first have them helpfully shovel snow for six months in the winter, and spread hot asphalt for six months in the summer, while living in tents - just like Ebola quarnatinees, and US serving troops! - while wearing pink boxers, and feeding them nothing but green bologna sandwiches, just to drive the point home, we can talk.)

Try it my way for six months, (which would be the first six months it'd have been tried since the 1950's) and let's see how it works out down the road. You start raiding the business that start with "A" on Monday, "B" on Tuesday, and by Wednesday noon, you wouldn't be able to get on I-5 southbound south of Seattle or I-35 southbound south of St. Paul, and the delay to cross the Mexico border would be measured in days, for a month.
Unemployment here would drop to functionally zero, wages would rise, the US economy would be booming, and Mexico would be in revolution by the end of the month: I call that a grand slam.

If 80M Mexicans (or anyone anywhere else) loves America so much they want it too, here's a nifty idea: they kick their own bastards out, adopt the U.S. Constitution's provision in their country, and rock on with their bad selves! I'm spit-balling here, but I'm pretty sure even John Effing Kerry would leave skid marks to the Western Union office to congratulate and welcome any such country to the ranks of freedom in about 0.2 seconds, and we'd probably set records in granting them the best trading terms and defense treaties in existence for as long as they lived like that. We love the idea so much, we didn't even copyright the Constitution. I'm pretty sure there are enough people who could translate who ALREADY live in those countries, if that's what they wanted. Anybody could copy it and adopt it, anywhere, anytime! (As a matter of fact, from time to time there's occasionally even some chance of some of it breaking out in this country, when TPTB aren't looking!)

But throw open the borders?? That's ludicrous and asinine.

Maybe they didn't explain this clearly enough at your mail-order immigration green card school, but being left alone starts with leaving them on their side of the fence, unless they want to get a visa, visit, and then go back before it expires, like people do in hundreds of other countries going back to time out of mind.

Not letting everyone come rummage around here, loot the place, and ship it home, like they'd do in your fantasy from time out-of-your-mind.

I am reminded of nothing so much as this apropos benediction from Martin Luther:
Your words are so foolishly and ignorantly composed I cannot believe that you understand them.

Tuesday, November 11, 2014

World's Biggest Putz

 

And in NYFC, where that title truly means something!

So, Doctor Doofus is released, and in a manner worthy of jackholes everywhere, completely avoids any personal responsibility for his own jackassery in spreading chaos and panic to the entire Big Apple, and putting nearly 400 fellow New Yorkers on Ebola monitoring protocols for three weeks:
 “My early detection, reporting and now recovery from Ebola speaks to the effectiveness of the protocols that are in place for health staff returning from West Africa.”
No doubt Doctor Dickhead would have been detected, reported, treated, and recovered even earlier if only he hadn't
a) ignored his original symptoms for two days
b) trotted his stupid ass all over the Five Boroughs for two days, thus
c) exposing 357 or so other people to a deadly pathogen because of
d) his reckless disregard for public health and safety, and
e) his total failure to inform the police and health authorities, who
f) only learned of his infectious travels hither and yon after
g) querying his financial and subway pass records because he
h) never bothered to inform those authorities of his contacts.

Thanks a lot FUCKHEAD, you're a credit to people everywhere with shit for brains, and hopefully the NY Medical Board has a spine and some balls, and will be revoking your license to practice medicine for the next decade or so, until you come to Jesus, 'fess up, apologize, and spend some thoughtful time digging ditches, you selfish bastard. Hopefully the D.A. will look into criminal charges, and the 357 people inconvenienced by your antics will be helping themselves to every cent of your income for the rest of your life for the mental anguish suffered as a direct consequence of your failure to use any shred of professional judgment or common human sense. 

Walk tall, you embarrassment to your profession, and all humanity, and here's hoping the first fifty people you exposed meet you and kick you in the crotch, hard and repeatedly, while bystanders point and laugh, as a proper down payment on what you so richly deserve.

Apparently this is one of those instances where M.D. stands for
MONUMENTAL DUMBASS.
 
Now go to Home Depot, buy a crowbar, and see about popping your head out of your ass before you hurt yourself.

Saturday, October 25, 2014

Dear NYFC: Who Left The Bag Of Idiots Open?


The preparedness of New York City officials and workers to deal with Ebola has once again left much to be desired as a hazmat team sent in to decontaminate the apartment of Craig Spencer, the first person to contract the deadly virus in the city, was seen leaving his apartment with sealed barrels, but wearing no protective gear. The men were photographed exiting the apartment without gloves, face masks, or anything else to protect them as they loaded the barrels with possibly contaminated goods into the back of a truck.
Please, by all means, go to the linked DailyMailUK article for the multiple photographs of this Clowncarnucopia of Fail.

Especially moving are the shots with numerous Big Horseapple bystanders wandering through the procession, faces buried in their smartphones, tweeting to their crosstown pals, in total obliviousness to walking through a hazmat cleanup. (The one small orange cone wasn't really a lot of help there, either.)

I didn't think it was possible to make the folks in Dallas pressurewashing the vomit look brilliant by comparison, but once again NYFC takes the cake:
that city's collection of 60-IQ assclowns puts every other city's 70-IQ assclowns to absolute shame.

Walk tall, you bunch of public school dropouts. You are, beyond any doubt, the stupidest collection of morons ever assembled in one place in all of human history. It's only a wonder you don't all require iPods with a twelve-a-minute loop tape to remind you to breathe 24/7, and if you hadn't mastered the use of your elbows, your knuckles would certainly drag on the ground. Thank God you had the surgery to remove the prehensile tails, or you'd never have gotten your pants on.


 

Tuesday, July 29, 2014

Absolutely Fabulist

Video
“I’m not a military planner,” Hillary confesses, “but Hamas puts its missiles, its rockets in civilian areas, part of it is because Gaza is pretty small and it's densely populated.”

Note to the former First Wench: weapons' storage in and launch from schools, religious buildings, and hospitals, and using children to dig tunnels for attacks as well as having explosives strapped to themselves for deployment as "not-so-smart-bombs" are all international war crimes.
Generally, someone with an IQ over 80 and a law degree (which are not necessarily co-requisites), let alone anyone who's served as a US Senator and as a US Secretary of State is supposed to know these facts without needing recourse to a three-day refresher briefing, crib notes during commercial breaks, or a hammer upside the head by way of reminder.


This is not a person seriously running for president, unless it's under the banner of the Ringling Brothers Party, and whose limousine will be a Volkswagen with 27 other clowns.
Evidently, like Gaza, her head is pretty small and dense as well, and with a similar level of common sense: i.e. none.


{Note for the terminally stupid, including the subject of this post:
A cursory 2-minute search of no more than Wikipedia and GoogleEarth, at minimum, would reveal that the Gaza Strip is over 139 square miles, replete with copious amounts of uninhabited fields and open spaces for storing weapons, as opposed to bunkering them in and under mosques, schoolrooms, and hospitals, or among any civilian populace whatsoever. Thus we note that when one lies reflexively, and as effortlessly and unconsciously as drawing breath, it becomes a difficult habit to break.}

h/t to DailySurge

Tuesday, May 13, 2014

March Of The F**ktard Pengiuns

"The Carson City Council gave preliminary approval this week to an ordinance that would target anyone from kindergarten to age 25 who makes another person feel "terrorized, frightened, intimidated, threatened, harassed or molested" with no legitimate purpose."

As Casey Stengel used to say, "You could look it up."

Aside from how much fun this will make next Halloween, when every cranky old SOB in Carson holds an entire garage full of kids hostage under citizen's arrest for criminal violations, a few other thoughts come to mind.

The day the dipshit council in Carson passes that law, I'm going down to the LA Sheriff's station in Cason to swear out a complaint against anyone over 18 and under 25 who voted for those sh*theads, because those kids scare the hell out of me. With no legitimate purpose.

And if you or anyone you know lives in Carson and votes, I just want you to know you're a bunch of mentally deficient uber-retards with delusions of adequacy.
Feel free to serve me with a writ anytime. Oh, wait, too late, I'm over 25.

That also includes every one in the city of Carson up to and including the age of 95. You're all dumber than a box of rocks too.

Because, you little horde of f*ckwit penguins marching in lockstep towards the Holy Monolith Of Stupidity that is your god, it evidently escaped the notice of both you and your civic guardians, that there's this teensie little thing called
the First Amendment.

Perhaps some of you may have heard of it.
It says that Congress can make no law restricting the freedom of speech.
Then along came
the Fourteenth Amendment,
which the really astute among you may have heard incorporated those rights to citizens of the several states.

This means this asinine exercise of tyranny is Constitutionally prohibited.
So please, cite me. I've always wanted to own my own city, even if the inhabitants have the brains of a stegosaurus.
Collectively.
But damn. I'm over 25. Still too late to come after me.
Deputy Barney Fife will have to content himself with trying to ticket people old enough to graduate with master's degrees for being mean. With "no good reason". I wonder, does one (or all) of them bitching out the jackassical city council there count as a "legitimate purpose", or not??

But it's nice to know they let the First Amendment apply once you become 25.
That's mighty white of them. In the meantime, the first kid they cite under this law is going to Stanford Medical School, courtesy of the taxpayers of Carson who voted their gaggle of council dipshits into office.

And the next time some soopergenius in Carson decides to write an ordinance, it would probably help if you'd have elected only people with an IQ less than three standard deviations below the mean average. (You should look that up. It isn't a good thing.)

Populating your city council with unredeemable morons isn't going to work out well, now or later, and the sooner some bunch of you all stumble over that fact and pay attention to it, the sooner you can start beating your civic f*ckwits into paying attention to the sorts of things within their scope of practice, like potholes in the streets and such.

Perhaps if you could get your would-be leaders to stop licking the windows at city hall and marveling at the wonder that is the smell of their own farts, they might be induced to pay attention to such pedestrian fodder, and leave the despotism to banana republics and socialist paradises half a world away. It would also probably help if you'd stop them from eating the jars of paste on their desks, what say? Additional money could be saved if you stopped holding umbrellas over their heads while it rained to stop them from drowning when they stare up at the raindrops with their mouths agape.

By the way, you're all ugly, and your mothers dress you funny. And not in a humorous way, except to those of us watching your city's clowncarnucopia of fail.

At this point, you're making the City of L.A. look bright by comparison, and their city council wise and thoughtful, which is no small achievement.
Kindly knock it off.

If anything I said hurt your pwecious feeeeeeewings, learn a lesson, you pre-literate cluster of thumb-sucking litter-box leftovers.
So grow a thicker skin, a bigger brain, and realize civilization's job isn't to shield you from feeling like the monumental jackasses and morons you all evidently are.
Stop being an entire village made up of idiots.

Or at least, if you're going to keep it up, move to Santa Monica, where no one will likely notice.


P.S. If you work for the City Attorney's office in Carson, or worse, you are the City Attorney for Carson, and you weren't dragged out of the last council meeting where this was preliminarily approved screaming at the top of your lungs that the council was a bunch of incompetent morons who'd be sued from here to Hell for violations of Constitutional law, (not to mention common sense) please kill yourself, with all due haste, and if possible, by hanging yourself from a public overpass. At least your death will serve a better example to your profession than your squandered life, so you won't be a total waste of skin and oxygen before you die. Anything less would be far too little, too late.

P.P.S. If the residents have secretly changed their city's first name to "Johnny", and this is really a tribute to the king of late-night comedy by way of the funniest joke you could play on yourselves, I apologize. Well played. You've insured that the funniest thing on late night for the next few nights will be Carson, for the first time in decades. High-O!

Sunday, April 27, 2014

Why The Monkeys Rage

Low Information Jackholes: case in point
Anonymous Jim Klein said...
You're hopeless on the big issue until you offer a full retraction, but maybe you'll share with your readers a more accurate rendition of the legal aspects of the land.

Ever hear of the Statute of Frauds? It's more than 300 years old. Because of that, we KNOW that Bundy was not a tenant as you wrote. You cannot produce a clear document spelling out that tenancy; therefore according to Law, it does not exist.

With regard to the title of the physical land, it belongs to either the US or Nevada. I don't know and it doesn't matter. Bundy had an estate in the grazing rights superior to either. How do we know this? Because nobody had claimed those rights prior to his ancestors and nobody made a timely claim that those rights are anyone's but his.

This is what it MEANS to create an estate in something; it's what property IS. Absent a State statute to the contrary, an estate is created just like that...one takes something without value and creates something of value. The created value is the creator's property. The fact that there is no specific statute addressing estates in grazing rights, doesn't mean that they can't exist. That would be like saying computers don't exist because the government never explicitly granted their existence. And in the case at hand, no statute to the contrary exists.

So the grazing rights WERE his and his family's all along. Now that may render the charging of fees and so forth an illegal taking in the first place, but that's a rather separate issue.

In fairness, if the fed offered value as compensation for the SPECIFIC taking of those grazing rights, then at least they'd be in accordance with the Fifth Amendment, with the question of whether or not that compensation was "just," a matter for civil procedures. I don't know and I doubt you do either, and the compensation would have to CLEARLY note that the money was compensation for the exact property of the grazing rights in the land. Otherwise, the Statute of Frauds applies and the compensation was for something else.

And even if every single element of the Law were against him--which they're not, since they're for him--it still wouldn't justify strafing and napalming. I'll let you figure out why, and maybe that two minutes of thinking will motivate you to do the right thing, and fully retract.
April 27, 2014 at 12:21 PM



Sorry Jim, but the big issue IS the legal aspects of the land.

That is what makes Bundy a thief, in the same aspect the difference between teller and bank robber is which end of the gun you're standing on.

The land is where Bundy was never more than a tenant, having leased the land in question for grazing without a peep for decades himself, exactly as his father did beginning in 1954, long after that land first belonged to the U.S. government, up through 1992. One pays for that which is not his, and Bundy and his ancestors paid for federal leases on land they never purchased outright, because they never even lived there before 1948, and the BLM had jurisdiction over it since 1946. Whoops.

They did this under the auspices of the Bureau of Land Management in 1946, successor to the US Grazing Service in 1939, which arose out of the General Land Office going back to 1812, 36 years before the land in question was acquired by the United States Government. So clearly, the value of the land and the rights to graze on it were not valueless, and seen as having value by the US government some great number of decades before Bundy was in the picture, in fact before he was even born. Looking no farther than Wikipedia:
The Bundy family purchased their farm outside of Bunkerville in 1948; the farm would serve as headquarters and base property for their ranching operation, which began in 1954, on federal land. They had moved to the area from Bundyville, Arizona (near Mount Trumbull). Cliven Bundy's father, David Bundy, was born in Bundyville in 1922.[90] David Bundy had married Margaret Bodel Jensen of Bunkerville, and after starting a family in Arizona, they purchased their property outside of Bunkerville in 1948.[44]
 
Cliven had argued in court that his "Mormon ancestors began working the land in the 1880s".[91][92] This argument has basis in Cliven's maternal grandmother's ancestral line, but not among his paternal or other maternal lines. Cliven's mother's father, John Jensen, was born in Utah, but her mother, Abigail Christina Abbott, was born in the Bunkerville/Mesquite area. Abigail Christina Abbott's parents, both born in Utah, were among early settlers of Bunkerville/Mesquite in the 1880s; this includes lines from the Leavitt and Abbott families. These early families moved in and out of the area on several occasions, and polygamous marriages meant some wives and their families were kept in different towns. As such, there is no continuous line of family births and habitation in Bunkerville/Mesquite from Cliven Bundy to the few ancestors who settled the area.[44]

In 1993, he ceased paying to renew his grazing lease, but without removing his cattle, making him a trespasser. He continued to do so, and admitted all of this in sworn depositions, despite losing two cases in federal district court in Las Vegas, under the insane contention that somehow a non-existant Nevada had title to lands that belonged to the federal government in perpetuity since Mexico signed it over in the Treaty Of Hidalgo in 1848. The Territory of Utah was formed shortly afterwards, and the Territory of Nevada  was formed out of that some years later. QED.

Now, did you want to actually talk about the land's history of ownership or were you just making chitchat?

Since you admit to agnosticism on this point, perhaps you should spend the four seconds it would take to look it up, since repeating seventh grade social studies, this time with a passing grade, is probably too much to ask. It's all readily available facts in the public domain.

The thing about creating an estate is that you actually have to have the title to the property in question. Bundy has nothing but chutzpah; the feds repeatedly demonstrated his claims to be nothing but tinfoil-hattery, and lacking any substance or standing, he lost both cases in about as long as they took the clerk of the court to type them up.

Notably, he had no problem paying the money for leases until 1993, when the owners of the land, the federal government, changed the conditions under which they would allow him to use it. The nerve of the actual owners trying to tell lessees what they may and may not do on property they don't own, and never have! Because they didn't tell him what he could do on his ranch, they told what he couldn't do on their land, and that was when Bundy decided to stop renewing his lease. This isn't government expansion, it's mere stinginess on Bundy's part that they were squeezing off the government teat he and his family have sucked on since at least 1954. Boo frickin' hoo.

Had you the wit to have read the ruling, the second case further demonstrated that Bundy's herd had now grown and spread out over not only the lands he ceased to lease, but onto new trespass lands upon which he'd never grazed, because he'd never leased them, nor had his family, ever, period.

This is all public record, so you're either illiterate, lazy, or deliberately being stupid. I could give odds upon which is most likely...

As for all that, you're right, it wouldn't legally justify strafing and napalming him.
Fortunately, I never argued that it did.

I also didn't argue that the multiple criminal counts against him including taking up arms in opposition to court orders would justify it in law either.

But that's what makes dealing with people like you so much fun. You don't read, you spew.
I did type that "in my humble opinion" the feds would be so justified, but you can't discern a private opinion from force of law, as evidenced by your own ramblings against common sense contrary to the law, which correspond exactly to Bundy's.

But the reality is, the feds are neither going to strafe Bundy's herd nor napalm his home with him in it. More's the pity.

But what they are likely to do is thrown a net over him in the very near future, so that he can continue his lunatic cries from somewhere inside a deep dark federal hole, while they round up his cows and sell them for Big Macs. And if he decides the lemon is worth the squeeze, he'll get killed resisting. Just like Dillinger, or Bonnie and Clyde. If not, he'll die broke and in prison. And either way, they'll probably seize the small ranch and whatever other real and personal property he does actually own, and then credit his bill against a generous fair market price, removing him and his heirs from that land in perpetuity.

Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.

And during Round Two, I hope they similarly apprehend anyone who shows up to help him obstruct justice, and if they offer resistance, I hope they kill them too - mainly to save court costs and time.
You and the Lunatic Fringe can't tell the difference between thieving lunatics, and people with actual grievances and a legal leg to stand on. So when one of the latter comes along, other people won't be able to tell the difference between principled resistance to actual government tyranny, and a mob. People like you are the reason John Adams defended the British troops involved in the Boston Massacre, and got them acquitted.

"Facts are stubborn things, and whatever may be our wishes, our inclinations, or the dictates of our passions, they cannot alter the state of facts and evidence." - John Adams, 1770 Boston Massacre trial 
You're arguing against reality. Good luck with that tack.

And as you aren't even putting your ass on the line in the desert, you aren't even willing to back up your lunatic assertions with any risk to your own skin.

THAT is why I wish the feds would napalm Bundy and strafe his herd, because cases like this give idiot anarchists an excuse to agitate for a war. And we need more of that like we need a dose of the clap. It's the lunacy of Timothy McVeigh, except without even the semblance of personal commitment.

Like most of your ilk, you're content to chivvy others onwards, in this case a senile old thief, and the Headless Chicken Posse, but without having the personal honor to back it up with anything but your own desire to foment a riot.

There's a word for people like that, it rhymes with "Howard".

Some people have feds pointing guns at them because they're just terminal fuckwits.
That's Bundy to a "t". One doesn't suck at the federal teat every day of their life, and then have a coincidental epiphany on Big Government when the feds change the deal. Bundy's just a crook upset at his slice of the loot.

Call back when you find someone who isn't a multi-decade thief from the taxpayers, to the tune of millions of dollars, before you prop another lunatic up as some imaginary folk hero of the would-be revolution. And recognize that not everything the government does is absolutely evil, and not everyone who opposes them is worthy of even moral support, let alone fifteen minutes of notoriety.

Until then, you should probably get back under your bridge, before the feds drop a house on you.
Or at least stay where your sophistry passes for brilliance.

But hey, thanks for helping make my point about people who spew without knowing what they're talking about.

I'm sure the administration minions are really broken up about getting the 147 active members of the Lunatard Army frothing to support a crook like Bundy, and marginalizing and parodying themselves, for anyone with a brain, and all the world to watch. You're doing their job for them too.

Maybe spend your Sunday catching up on old news, cupcake.
And have a nice day.

Thursday, April 24, 2014

Low Information Jackholes

Media pundits have lovingly trotted out the evidence that the lunatic Left is populated by room-temperature IQ retards who spout party-line rhetoric with knee-jerk predictability like good little brainwashed communists.

Okay, of course they do, well-played.

Now comes the tale of a lying thieving insaniac multi-millionaire, and the mirror is pointed the other way.

I refer to one Cliven Bundy.

For those who haven't paid much attention (and that would be 85-95%, based purely on direct interactions) Cliven Bundy is not Robin Hood, he's a robbing hood.

To set the scene, Bundy's family has owned a ranch in Bumfuck, Nevada, since the 1870s .
UPDATE: Since 1948. As Casey Stengel said, you could look it up.
Note that approximate date, you'll see this information again. They also paid the federal government for cattle grazing leases on adjoining federal land they never owned outright. This will become important too.

The farm passed from Bundy's father, to Cliven Bundy, somewhere about the 1970s. Who continued to pay the federal government for those adjoining annual leases, until 1993. Because at that point, the feds, via the BLM and EPA, had determined that in order to protect a tortoise, they needed to limit the number of cows that could be grazed on the federal lands in the area, to include the specific lease that had been renewed with the federal government every year for about twenty years before that point by rancher Bundy.

Ignoring the fact that he didn't own the land, he was just a tenant, he claims that the feds' decision to set terms of use on their land violated his rights to do whatever in hell he wanted, because evidently the tinfoil under his cowboy hat was too tight.

After several years of non-payment of his traditional lease, by 1998 the feds noticed his cows were grazing on federal lands, without their owner having any right to be there whatsoever. Doubtless after several lesser enforcement actions, like a visit, then a letter or twelve, they did what federal agencies do: filed suit in federal court seeking judgement to tell him to GTFO. Surprising no one with a brain, Bundy lost.

His entire argument was that the feds didn't own the land, but the court noted the finding of fact that the land in question had been ceded from Mexico to the United States (nota bene, not to the Territory of Utah, nor to the later Territory of Nevada eventually carved out from amongst the lands of the Territory of Utah, since in 1848, neither such Territory existed), and that therefore Bundy's whackdoodle contentions that the feds didn't own the land, didn't even pass cursory common sense and rules of settled law going back to about Hammurabi.

The feds set a trespass fine of $200/head/day, going back to 1998. Come some years ago, after dickering, arguing, cajoling, and such with Bundy, during which time he admitted and stipulated that the cows were his, they were on federal lands, and he would round them up, he did no such thing. The feds even offered to round them up for him, and hand him the money for the sale. (FYI, a head of cow goes for in the neighborhood of $5K@).

When all this failed, the feds once again went to court, obtaining in July of 2013, another federal summary judgment, affirming that Bundy and his herd of over 600 cows were in fact trespassing on the lease he hadn't paid for the use of since 1993, as well as now spilling over to new lands he'd never leased, at any point in time, in perpetuity.

The court found his claims that the land wasn't the feds' were prima facie nonsensical, granted the feds the right to seize the offending herd on federal land anytime after 45 days from the July 9th 2013 federal district court judgment (that would be August 25th, 2013 and following on my calendar), and the right to seize any future trespassing strays in perpetuity.

The feds waited another nine months, and finally, having had enough of Bundy's 20 year theft of government resources, acted to seize his cows, in obedience to federal law and the order issued by the federal court.

Whereupon Bundy wet himself, vowed to oppose the feds with force of arms, vowing not to be taken alive, and whilst fondling firearms. Ignoring the latter-day domestic terrorism violations, that right there is about 5 specific federal felonies on the federal books since the 1800s. Put there by such evil over-reaching oppressors as John Adams, Thomas Jefferson, and James Madison. (That would presidents Number 2, 3, and 4 if you didn't buy a program at the front gate.)

Then Bundy called upon the Whacktard Legions to join his jihad of stealing from the feds, because Mom, Apple Pie, and the Flag.
And they came.

Bundy has racked up, by a rough count, a potential fine of over $650,000,000 in trespass fines, besides the price of the unrenewed leases, if we look at 600 cattle x $200 fine per head per day x 365 days x 15 years. That's from 1998-2013.

His cattle herd, at market price, is worth perhaps $3,000,000 dollars.

So:
1) He is a multimillionaire, not some oppressed pauper, and
2) He's going to come up a little short on paying his fine.

There's nothing wrong with being wealthy per se, provided you come by it honestly. But when you pretend to be some poor working man put upon by Evil Uncle Sugar, when in fact you've enjoyed three or more generations of government handouts in the form of grazing leases from the same hand you're now biting, and secondly by stiffing the government for even that pittance for the last two decades, you aren't a working man, you're beyond morally challenged, you're a straight-up working thief. And crying for help when the cops have you by the scruff of the neck for that thievery is chutzpah the size of Texas.

Enter "our" side's fucking retarded legions.
Bundy cries "Big Government! Help!" (That would be the same Big Government who three generations of his family paid for those leases without a peep until 1993, and the same Big Government whose teat he was content to suck on as recently as the Clinton administration) and the dog whistle of insanity draws them like moths to a bonfire.
The Headless Chicken Posse ignores that the feds are simply enforcing, ever so gently and slowly, federal law on federal lands in compliance with the permission of the federal court, which has found against Bundy every time they've offered an opinion, and which even the lunatic 9th Circus Court refuses to overturn. (Of course, this will offend the strident lunatics and anarchists among us, who think the federal government should be non-existant. But usually they're too busy fapping to Ayn Rand's picture to bother anyone.) 
They ignore that they're violating about 27 federal laws, felonies all, in furtherance of the criminal enterprise of a multimillionaire who's flouted federal law with the impunity normally reserved for indicted Democrat congressman and Columbian drug lords. 

IMHO, at this point, the feds would be entitled to strafe Bundy's herd with attack aircraft, and napalm him inside his own house for threatening criminal violence towards agents attempting to end his twenty year and $650M thieving run.

I wish they would, and would happily cheer them on if they did, despite the fact that I think the federal government is bloated beyond metastasis, stupid beyond imagining, and on its best day, merely vile and loathsome.

Because Bundy is that wrong, that criminal, and that overdue for a good dose of comeuppance.
And all of this information is readily and easily available about 2000 places on the internet, for those with any modicum of wits and a yellow belt in Google Fu.

But instead, "our" pundits continue to whip the rabble into a froth against the federal government enforcing the laws against thieves stealing a national resource from every taxpayer in the country, because Barack Obama is evil.

This is the same shit we decry when black juries acquit black defendants who murder and rape black people because The Man Done Been Keepin' Us Down.

And of course, we can depend upon this administration to enforce the law as written, because that's what they've always d...wait, never mind.
Because we know that having found the Poster Child for crazy right wing gun-toting anti-government criminality, they want those visuals and the multiple news stories to go away, because midterm elections are coming and they don't want to see more stories like...wait, never mind.
Because Interior Secretary Sally Jewell, AG Holder, and His Nibs, Emperor BHO the First, aren't hardcore acolytes of Saul Alinsky, and would never read his Rules for Radicals, follow them in lockstep, or keep pushing situations that favor them over and over, because that's not how they roll since...wait, never mind.


"Ridicule is man's most potent weapon.

A good tactic is one your people enjoy.

Use different tactics and actions and use all events of the period.

The threat is more terrifying than the thing itself.

Maintain a constant pressure upon the opposition.

Pick the target, freeze it, personalize it, polarize it."
                                          - Saul Alinsky, Rules For Radicals

That's about half of them, right there.

And now comes Bundy, spouting racist nonsense that would warm the hearts of the KKK, and the quickest way to get trampled would be to stand between any one of his public supporters, and the nearest exit. People haven't moved this fast since the LZ Hindenburg tried to land in New Jersey, on their heads. And clearly, Bundy's fifteen minutes are about up.

The last time there was someone on TV this stupid named Bundy, it was on Married With Children. Which, unlike this round of silliness, was at least occasionally funny.

So if you're one of those idiots who's been chanting "Bundy good, government bad" shame on you.
If you're one of the fucktard legions standing in the desert with him, please attempt to suck-start your pistol or shotgun, and up the overall IQ of the planet, let alone our side.
And if you're one of the dipshit pundits who's been cheering this silly horseshit on, please stand next to one of the fucktard legion members when they're doing that.

You're the problem, not the solution to it, and you'll figure it out about ten minutes after you piss away any chance of winning a landslide in the upcoming midterms, and the rejuvenated Democrats in Congress announce a sweeping pushback of firearms laws because of all the terrorists in the desert, you stupid mouthbreathing morons. And doubtless you'll be the loudest whiners at that turn of events, with a suitably silly look on your face.

There are any number of actual cases and causes to oppose oppressive over-reaching dictatorial government actions.

Pay attention now:

THIS IS NOT ONE OF THOSE CASES.

GOVERNMENT EXISTS TO SECURE RIGHTS, NOT CEDE THEM TO CRIMINALS.
YOU'VE BEEN A VERY NAUGHTY BOY.
STFU, AND GO HOME.

AND STOP PLAYING WITH YOURSELF, KENT.



All this is, is a senile sumbitch caught robbing the bank, and bitching that there's a fed trying to put handcuffs on him and haul him away.

Gravity works. Boo frickin' hoo.
 


Update:
Equal time for the easily bamboozled...

Evidently it's "wealth envy" to note that someone is prospering from theft, and has been doing so for at least twenty years. My apologies that in this case, the perpetrator's first name isn't Congressman.
Nonetheless, a crook is a crook is a crook.
Sane people get this.
If you have a rational counterpoint to make, feel free.

For the rest, let us know when you'll be storming the Bastille to free all the income tax cheats. But if your only mission venturing here is to hurl your feces, be sure and dig around the corners of your cage. That way when you're done, you'll have a clean place for the other monkeys to sleep; no sense wasting a trip.

Friday, November 8, 2013

The Tip Of The Assberg

This topic just won't go away, apparently because it's a Cornholeucopia of Fail:

Border Patrol Doing Vaginal and Anal Exams Without Warrant

If you're keeping score at home, that's the third such story in as many days, and I can state categorically that I'm not having to look inside anyone's anus to find them. Evidently no one told a number of guys with badges that "assclown" is a pejorative term, not an appellation of the level of professionalism to which one ought to aspire.

Look, let's try this slowly, and in small words for those of the law enforcement ranks who apparently took the training on the Constitution at the academy via internet courses they cribbed the answers for:

In any situation where you wouldn't, as part of the course and scope of your employment, be entitled to walk around with your hand casually inserted up into any bystander's bodily orifices as they go about their normal business, any such search of same absent clear and compelling grounds, with the requisite warrant from competent authority, based on clearly articulable probable cause, is an illegal search.

Knowing this, and doing it anyways, is sexual battery under color of authority, especially when y'all seem to be getting off on doing it, and serially addicted to the procedure, both of which are rather serious violations of civil rights, not to mention perverted, disgusting, and grounds for horsewhipping in at least 57 states, or should be.

So just for the hell of it, maybe the rest of law enforcement could act like the victims here were their friends and family, if you want the rest of us to act like you are ours every time some knucklehead takes a shot at you.

Otherwise, there isn't enough attitude and body armor on the planet to protect you from the backlash that's coming.

The fact that you've trumped the TSA should have been your first clue that you've gone so far off the legitimate law enforcement reservation that it can't be tracked with existing technology.

So seriously, get your hands out of our asses, and your heads out of yours.

Sunday, May 26, 2013

Rescue 911

The following is certainly not addressed to every reader, only an unfortunate few. So if the shoe fits...

Whether at work, shooting the breeze with others on these Intarwebz, or looking over the paper, the nightly news, or any combination of all of the above, a certain pattern emerges.

It's what I choose to call the
RESCUE 9-1-1 Theory
which is expressed under the following immutable equation:

Intractable forces of nature + Gross human stupidity = Melodrama & Tragedy

It is, as 12 seconds' notice will document, the entire story arc of every episode of the show, Rescue 9-1-1. And at least 75% of my job at the ER, and maybe 80% of the evening news and the newspaper, and 99.99999% of the Darwin Awards.

Some classic examples, from among hundreds of thousands, are
Cat V hurricane + retard in a small boat = ???
Rattlesnake in the yard + unattended 1 yr. old toddler = ???
And so on.

Being logical, I would thusly undertake the following excursion into examining this problem.
Accidents (all types) account for more deaths than anything but heart attacks, cancer, respiratory diseases like TB, and strokes. They're number 5 on the annual Top Ten, and have been for, well, just about ever. They kill 3 times more people than suicides (which makes the Top Ten), and four times more people than gun violence against others (which doesn't).

So looking at the formula that describes the phenomenon, there's only two things with any bearing on it.

Option One, the Unicorn Option, is to figure out how to undo the forces of physics and nature. Best wishes with that, and keep the Nobel Nominating Committee apprised of your progress.

Option Two, the DUH! Option, is far simpler, even for people who score less than 400 on their SATs.

Don't be a ginormous jackass.

Things like not surfing tsunamis, not hand-feeding sharks and grizzly bears, and other sage advice, come readily to mind.

A famous drill instructor, that everybody ever in the military had, said, "It's easy to be hard, but hard to be smart." By which he meant, stupid grows in humans like leaves do on trees.
Which explains his second pearl of wisdom, "Remember, there are no stupid questions, only stupid people."

So, if you want to avoid being a newspaper item, a TV episode, one of my patients, or a really funny story on the Darwin Awards website, don't be that guy.

I realize that many of us, if not all, are descended from the two members of the Cro-magnon tribe, known as Dances With Retards, and her mate, Runs With Scissors.

But despite the default position of your DNA, you - and all of us - can swim upstream against the tides of our own stupid, by not eating a bowl of stupid, and then doing something monumentally stupid.

So do that.

Unless it's really funny, and I either get a hilarious blog post story, or a kickass YouTube video of it in my queue, and dibs on the rights to write it up for the Darwin Awards.

In which case, I request that to properly honor the spirit of that accolade, you don't breed.

Monday, April 1, 2013

Oh Dear

Despite our best efforts, and a generous supply of bon homme, we seem to have stepped on our tackle.

Subsequent to receiving a number of hits hereabouts from the "Get Off The X" forum* about one of my posts, I registered and logged in. Found the linking post, and thanked the author for the kind words and linked attentions. (Because, ya know, posting stuff on these Intarwebz is such the avocation of the timid, shy, and retiring sort, and I really get depressed when anyone actually reads it. That's why I hide it here, on the Internet, accessible in every country but Yemen and North Korea.)

And in the course of looking the place over, and sociably joining in where I felt it was warranted, I seem to have unintentionally stepped in some dear little heart's personal hamster chow, and managed to upset the hobgoblins of his personal sense of propriety.

It was an honest mistake: I was commenting on a post addressed To Whom It May Concern (I know, I'm such an @$$hole to butt in like that) soliciting opinions, and compounding my error, actually gave one.

WTF was I thinking?!?

And of course, having received kind words and good response from one forum member elsewhere, expected that perhaps such rather commonly courteous behavior would be universal.

(Okay, that last was inexcusably stupid, really, and no crocodile tears. Shame on me.)

And of course, the ever-helpful Bridge Trolls of the Internet, or in this case, the Boss Troll, helpfully jumped up and down, ran around the room, and like most Pomeranians who think they're a Pyrenees, promptly pissed all over himself, the topic, and everything within range of his bladder, including yours truly, to ever so helpfully mark his territory.

And then, in the manner of a true Ubergeek checkers tournament, it was ON, bitchez.
(Never try to trump someone who donates a pint of Smartass twice a month at the Red Cross.)

After about the 4th back and forth thereabouts, in which the Silverback Pomeranian pissed on himself yet again, in case anyone bereft of nasal receptors missed the scent of his wet panties thus far, another uninvolved kind soul had the decency to send a PM, and not only wish me congratulations for my prior efforts, but let me know that certain individuals there, like on other boards, seem to feel a special mission to "jump in" newcomers, especially by throwing out the toilet-paper roll length of their Intarwebz "Offishul Expert" creds (particularly when bluff, bluster, blowhardry, and b.s., combined with an inability to reason logically or respond civilly aren't enough to prove their inate superiority to us lesser dumbass mortals.)

My thanks to the person for that backstage whisper.

But in fairness, when someone gets in such a hissyfit, and aren't nearly as brilliant as they imagine in their own minds, I like to let my inner child out for a bit, if only to tune up my paddleball skills.
Juvenile? Pointless? O Hell yes. But entertaining on a 3-day weekend, and not as undignified as getting a magnifying glass and looking for an anthill.

But it's a workday now, and time to remind myself of the lovely sentiment I once received, underneath a picture of a "special" child, arms and legs caught in mid-flail, tongue pointed sideways, and finishline tape breaking at the moment of the picture across his numbered chest, captioned thusly:

              Internet Arguments
                       Are like competing in the Special Olympics.
          Even when you win, you've only beaten a bunch of retards.



> Sigh<
Yeah. Point noted.




*(Which forum, despite the one notable exception, seems to be a lot of decent folks.)

Saturday, March 16, 2013

Read This Until You Get It

I know, with the 24 hour newscycle, and the endless rotation of stories that suit the agenda of Damning The Things The Liberal Media Hates intersects so nicely with Ratings, Ratings, Ratings Until Our Heads Explode, that lately certain stories pound you on the head until you think you have to opine.

Rule One of Having An Opinion: Make sure it's an informed opinion. Take it to the library and read to it, maybe get it a cable subscription and learn a thing or two, before you turn it loose in the city unaccompanied. Sort of precisely like you'd do with those other supergeniuses of Western civilization, your teenaged offspring. Until that point, resist the urge to prematurely launch.

And I know that some people mistake having earned certain letters after their name with The Right To Think For All Those Great Unwashed Stoopid People Over There.

So whether you're a doctor, nurse, professor, butcher, baker, or candlestickmaker, I would counsel that before you let your mouth, or your fingers, run away with you, you steadfastly avoid plopping out opinions that, much like your smelly socks, ought to be kept to yourself on Some Weighty Topic. Because usually, they just stink, and you embarrass yourself.

My case in point:

"I'm a really bitchin trauma nurse who's seen too many shooting victims, and if only people had to see what I saw, they'd set the Constitution on fire and melt all the guns down for scrap, just like I want to do. But they haven't, so they're not as smart as me. You don't need any gun I don't like for anything that isn't absolutely criminal."*

When you spew that much non-sequitr magical thinking childish psychotic nonsense out in one breath, you aren't speaking as a nurse (or a doctor, professor, etc., etc.). You're speaking purely as as a fucktard jackhole, and you've just wasted the few brain cells that your body hoarded all those years to maintain a pulse and respirations, and shot them right out of your ass. In front of the entire Internet, forever.

Unless you think that once someone had seen enough diabetic patients, they should be allowed to discuss banning Twinkies and Ding dongs.
And that once someone had seen enough rape patients they should be able to demand all men surrender their penises.
Or that after seeing enough drunks, we should re-enact Prohibition, or that enough MVA patients would justify banning all cars. Because, really, who NEEDS anything faster than a skateboard, unless you're a criminal, you frightened stupid babykilling kitten-stomping loser??

That's the level of retarded jackassical thinking we train 3 year olds out of, and which we document as proof of psychosis in crazy people.

If guns bug you, there's a far simpler solution: don't buy any. By no strange coincidence, that approach is also entirely legal under the Constitution. You can even tell your friends that in the realm of being a victim, you've elected to surrender, rather than risk being able to defend yourself against someone younger, bigger, stronger, and meaner. And to make sure all your family members are equally helpless, including children and infants. So if you don't have the moral resolve to announce what a cowardly jackass you are, don't try to ascend the mountain of your own imaginary moral superiority, and tell everyone else to follow your example, or worse, declare fiat ex cathedra that you'll just do all their thinking for them, based on your superior global omniscience.

"Medical misadventure" and pharmaceutical mistakes by doctors and nurses kill 10 times more people annually than all 300,000,000 guns in this country, going back to probably Jamestown Colony. Shouldn't we ban doctors and nurses then, because really, who needs a doctor more than once a year? And why should doctors be allowed to see more than 15 patients a week? Only a criminal would want to give them access to more victims.
I'm sorry you were sick the day they covered logic in school every year from about 10th grade to your Ph.D., but it doesn't work like that.

And such monumental jackassery is exactly the reason the Founding Fathers of this republic made sure that the closest you came to directly voting for anyone was to elect a bare 1 congressperson, thus ensuring that at any one given time, almost 49% of the brilliant "people" would be soundly ignored in each district, and up to 49% of the congress would be ignored in the capitol, on every issue, on every vote, forever. And they saw this limit on your would-be dictatorship as a feature, not a bug.

So next time you great a great idea, and you want to hear it echo because of its pure brilliance, go to the local big box hardware store, buy a galvanized bucket, put it over your head, then launch into your tirade, and drown out the sound of the rest of us with the cacophony of your own awesomeness.

Both you and we will be properly ecstatic at the results that step will guarantee on future results.





*Lovingly edited and paraphrased so that you'll never find out the actual identity of the intarwebxz Soopergeneyus who plopped that nugget out, while carefully paraphrasing every thought so that you, gentle reader, got the full impact of the author's self-evident rhetorical brilliance.

Saturday, December 22, 2012

The Ballad Of Jim Klein

Everyone who posts on the internet risks the inevitable curse of the hobgoblins of stupidity who infest the web like maggots on roadkill. Conceit is God's gift to small men, but I find it continually annoying that the first screw that comes loose in their heads is universally the one that holds their tongue (or in the case of commenting on blogs, their typing fingers).

So as my homage to one persistent little pseudo-intellectual simian who would probably bask in the glory of this little collection of verse, while being wholly unable to apprehend its precise fit to him, I sincerely dedicate the following ode to a rectal abscess:

There once was a man named Jim Klein
Who ranted for line after line.
Insanity spewed
In rants long and rude
And buckets of piss, moan, and whine.

Jim Klein's apprehension of words
Was likened to that of most birds
Having brains oversmall
But cacophonous call
They would spread profligate, like their turds.

When undone by the logic of others
Raised not by baboons but by mothers
Jim would scrape out his pants
And fling feces and rants
Demonstrating that chimps were his brothers.

Though remonstrated by one and all
It affected Jim hardly at all.
He'd redouble his yapping
Like one hand's futile clapping
Then just sit in his diaper and bawl.

He abated his efforts a smidge
Like a troll grown homesick for his bridge.
He occasioned slight shock
Crawling back to his rock
As an idiot recalled to his village.

One might think other laddies and lasses
From his absence would cry in great masses.
Alas, rather, not
For if everyone shot
Every horse, there'd be still horses' asses.