Sunday Music: You Shook Me All Night Long

 

Dedicated to the pilots and ground crew of the 13th Bomb Squadron, in honor of their literally blockbusting magnum opus on their recent Southwest Asia field trip, comes this AC/DC Top 40 6x Platinum hit from 1980.

Sunny and Clear, With No Nukes Inbound

Ah, what a week.

Despite all the bad wishes and doom porn expended all over the blogosphere, no nukes are falling anywhere, and a lot of folks expecting the worst are really butthurt about that.

Even more folks got their white hoods and robes out of mothballs, and got them all wrinkled and dirty, for nothing.

Israel is satisfied Iran's nuke precursors are destroyed, to the point they agreed to stop bombing the Iranian f**ks back to the 6th century.

We're satisfied of that too, because we've seen the craters we put into their facilities.

Iran is convinced their nuke program is toast, to the point they agreed to stop dropping missile payloads on their favorite JOoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooS!!!

People are so discombobulated by Trump ending a war with one phone call, they've forgotten to tell us that Russia's still winning after a mere 1219 days, and counting. Final Victory: Any Day Now™, just like for the previous 1218 days. At this rate, just imagine how much harder they'll be winning on Day 2000! Or 5000!

That's pretty conclusive evidence that 7 B-2s and a couple of SSNs with Tomahawks and a case of the ass, can end a war in about an hour, or your pizza is free.

But cheer up, pessimists: The Democommunists are only behind in either house of Congress by a few seats, and Dopey Joe still oversaw a few trillion dollars' worth of dollars printed three shifts a day, seven days a week, for pretty much four solid years.

So relax, secure in the knowledge that sooner or later, something huge will eventually shit the bed, and make all your apocalyptic fantasies come true, and you won't have all that stuff stocked up for nothing.

Things can always get worse.

Government's only happy when it's fucking things up massively, and our government is catering the biggest Happiness Party ever imagined, to a metaphysical certainty.

It's just not That Day. Yet.

That's Gonna Leave A Mark

h/t Conservative Treehouse

In a 6-3 ruling (of The Sane Ones vs. Three Crazy Cat Ladies On Crack), SCOTUS has issued a blanket nationwide injunction on local Crazy Cat Ladies on the federal bench issuing blanket nationwide injunctions.

It should be called the STFU And Sit Your Stupid Ass Down ruling, as that is the clear intent, and the main effect will be to force crazy Democommunist appointees with fulminant TDS to stop seeking the headlines, and go back to deciding those boring cases that have the federal docket backed up about three presidents' worth.

The only pity here is that SCOTUS' latest ruling didn't come with complimentary tazer shots to the neck, and a ceremonial ass-kicking all the way to 30 days in the public stocks for the transgressors.

But at least a judicial dick-punch from SCOTUS has career implications.

Be A Man Among Men

"Opening available now!"

Trump 14, Poo Flinging Monkeys 0

"When you're in a hole, stop digging."
"Never pass up a good opportunity to shut up." - Will Rogers

Memo To Baby Ducks

Some of us remember "experts" telling us about how Iraq had "the world's sixth largest army", and how we needed "half a million body bags" for a ground war there.

And then watched the 72-Hour War finished up by two dozen A-10s on the Highway To Hell in an afternoon.

Take notes, shitheads. Clever readers may note certain trends.

Chances Iran stays smart, long-term: 0%, based on historical trends.

But them having the sense to quit while they're behind is a good sign that some learning has occurred this past week.

I Predict A Run On Midol And Tampons From Certain Websites...

Suck it, bitchez.

And Trump adds about another 30,000 scalps to the pile, from people that opposed him and got their asses handed to them.

And he did that in a weekend.

You'd think folks would have learned a lesson by now.

Calm Down! Get Ahold Of Yourself!

It's okay, stewardess, they speak Jive...

Lying With Half-Truths

 h/t WRSA

Today's unattributed soopergenius Biff Tannen Award-winner is the upper left panel of this work of Half-Assed Half-Wittery On Parade, which we have helpfully amended for your illumination.

You could look it up! FFS, this is even on Wikiretardica.

This is before we point out that the US spends $18.6Billion per day on itself, so that means Israel gets $1/person/day (and the US gets no oil embargoes nor gasoline selling for $7/gallon in return for that), and the US spends $54.79 per person/per day on its own citizens, including billions and billions annually squandered on Common Core education and healthcare for the shiftless lazy fucks of the nation, all paid for by the less-than-half of the US that actually works for a living, so fuck off with that "we're so neglected by our own government" commie bullshit, you innumerate and illiterate total jackass. Pull up your pants, spin your hat around, get a haircut, and get a job, and stop whining about other people. Or else move to Israel, and take a chance on a homemade rocket or an MRBM up the ass every day for 30 years. Give a holler when you can buy college and healthcare there (or anywhere) for $1/day, while you're up, as if that was ever possible. So, you can't even lie well with what you do put up.

And as usual, when you deliberately lie by only telling part of the truth, your meme smacks its face into the pavement like a passenger dropping out of an Air Pinochet helicopter ride.

We congratulate another bravely Anonymous Shit For Brains memester for another award-winning meme equivalent of LZ Hindenburg, and commend the earnest dipshit who created it to go back to school, and take another shot at the second grade, probably after getting rid of the Klan hood and robes.

It must be hell to own a computer, still have a mid-70s IQ, and put that mental prowess on display for the whole world to see, like walking around with no pants all day, completely oblivious to the breeze twixt your knees, and spewing half a wit as if it were a whole truth.

Rush Week

Another pledge is initiated into Yu Fuckded Upda

If Cats Had Thumbs...

 ...they could rule the world.

I don't care who you are, you probably need to see this today.

And Tom Cruise should see it, and maybe take home a little humility.

Sunday Music: Like A Rolling Stone

Released in July of 1965, barely four months into what would balloon into Mr. Johnson's War, in the heart of the civil rights movement, this epic 6-minute monster transitioned Bob Dylan from folk musician into rock star, and lit up a generation, rocketing to Number 2, and taking a place among the greatest songs of the century. Listen close, folks. This isn't just Dylan's mid-60s bluesy bile as the fantasy of Camelot morphed into napalming jungles. "When you got nothin' you got nothin' to lose." The song's message isn't over yet. You are seeing, and will see, this material again. "How does it feel?"

Another Biff Tannen Award Winner!

h/t WRSA

As proof of yesterday's post, we bring you today's Biff Tannen Award winner, and repeat a lesson some people are too stupid to know they're too stupid to know.

Comedy, by which we mean successful comedy, requires two things:

1) It must be funny.

2) It must be true.

When you bring neither, but try anyways, you're just the clown from the Volkswagen who kicks himself in his own ass, and falls flat on his face.

Comedy may happen at that point, but only at your own expense, because you're just a public jackass.

Much like the too-chickenshit-to-sign-it creator of today's ass-tastic meme-fail, by the galactically stupid.

When you resort to building a straw man to get to your punchline, you're about as unfunny as SNL and David Letterman for the last 10 years of Trump Derangement Syndrome On Parade.

I.e., not one fucking bit.

This is what happens when you lie just to get a laugh from Other Stupid People, because the smart people are laughing at you, not with you. You're Alec Baldwin, yelling about how bad guns are, then shooting your own director and DP on your own movie. Which is hilarious to most people, just not the way you intended.

That's what happens when when you substitute the jackassically deceitful set-up of "Because They Have Nuclear Weapons" for the truthful and accurate set-up of "Because They're Trying To Develop Nuclear Weapons".

Which wee bit of bull's eye truth-telling sucks the funny right out of that self-ass-kicking meme, and makes you look like the jackass moron you are for lying about it when you created the original.

Well-played, Anonymous Shit-For-Brains.

This is what happens when you learned civics from a Common Core curriculum, and got your current events news from Tik-Tok.

(We'll leave out that you tried to make it look, with the American flag, like the U.S. was attacking Iran at all, when in fact the current war is solely Israel's doing, because too much actual geopolitical reality at once might explode your eggshell-thin understanding of the world as it is in such a big dose at one time.)

Own your award with pride, Biff, and you can pick up the picture documentation of it on any roll of TP at the nearest men's room. Right after you wipe. And stop trying to make memes until you do some pull-ups, and can get your IQ up above 70.

Thinking Is Hard

 

Imagine you were any of 90% of the Internet commentariat, and imagine you were a total idiot (but I repeat myself).

Irrevocable Truths:

1) Nations don't have friends, they have interests.

2) Israel has nuclear weapons. (50-100, give or take.)

3) Iran does not have any, yet. Despite trying for 40 years. (Exploding nuclear scientists and Stuxnet virus aren't coincidences, in case that thought never crossed your mind.)

4) Iran has missiles that will reach Israel, and if they get so much as one nuclear weapon, you'll know it just about the time the weather in Tel Aviv hits 1400° F.

So, knowing only those four things, does it make more sense (for the Common Core grads: "Is it in America's BEST INTERESTS...") to let things get to #4, knowing that thirty seconds after that, 50-100 nuclear weapons begin their journeys from Israel to every Arab capitol from Tripoli to Islamabad, to every oil field in the region, and every Islamic holy site, starting with Mecca and Medina, igniting a world wide jihad and a Crusade in response in milliseconds, and sending the worldwide price of oil to $5000/barrel by 2PM that day? Probably inducing Islamabad to launch all of theirs, which in turn prompts India to launch all of theirs? (We will leave aside how much this would affect the nuclear responses of China and Russia, which would then influence the nuclear responses of Britain, France, the United States, and possibly involve North Korea, or what that would all mean for the Northern Hemisphere for the next 100-1000 years, for the moment.) 

Or would the world be better served (and more importantly, "Be In America's BEST INTERESTS...") if Tehran and Persian culture were returned to that delightful time when most of the country was lit by fat lamps, fed on goat meat and date cakes, and most of the population travelled by camel between desert oases?

Pick one or the other.

Show all work.

Given the choice between a world without Israel, or a world without Iran as it is now constituted, with all that each choice would necessarily entail, I vote for Iran returning to the stone age.

For but one example of the proposition, consider how marvelously a gentle nudge from civilization improved Japan's interactions with the world circa mid 1945-present, and moderated what had been centuries of militant religious fanaticism and xenophobia.

The UCMJ And His Commanding General Should Have A Word With Col. Jackass

People have been posting this news with outrage, but the sensible response should be loud cheering and the sound of popping champagne corks.

One can oppose Israel and its policies without descending into unbridled anti-Semitism and flagrantly gross insubordination. This jackass will be lucky to make it to retirement without a general court martial, and we yet live in hope that his CG convenes such. This happily relieved colonel's excretions were exactly such, and correctly recognized as that by his senior commanders, as well as being wholly incompatible with service at the highest and most sensitive levels of this (or any) administration's defense establishment. Huzzah.

Outside the restrictions of the UCMJ, well known and studiously ignored by Colonel Jackass, one may hold and express such rabid Jew hatred freely, but they should understand that to most people, the halo of froth around one's mouth is generally off-puting.

We wish former colonel Nathan Bedford Forrest our best wishes in his future (and happily) non-military endeavors, and our final hope is that his separation from military service comes from his last duty assignment, somewhere involved with the mess and maintenance operations of McMurdo Sound, Antarctica, until his inevitable separation from military service, unless the Pentagon finds both a spine and the command determination to bust him to private and saddle him with a farewell BCD or Dishonorable Discharge after a few months in the Military Correctional Facility in Leavenworth, KS, which he so richly deserves, thus zeroing out his future retirement and medical benefits.

Shitheads gonna shithead, but the military is no place to subsidize such shitheadery.

We hope he wears the boot prints on his ass a long, long time after his pending, inevitable, and richly-deserved separation from service.

Weather News You Can Use

h/t WRSA

Sic semper terroristis

Tell Us More

Quite The Poser There...

This is almost as big a mystery as why commercial music
folded when it went to all-rap, all the time

FIFY

 h/t  Rhea, WRSA

Gell-Mann Amnesia in full effect.

"But hark, what light through yonder window breaks..."

FIFY

h/t WRSA

Israel, while never admitting it, is largely acknowledged to have possessed nuclear weapons for 50 years or so. To date, they've never used one, and haven't provably even tested one.

By contrast, you'll know the day Iran gets one, because it will go off at the head of an Iranian-launched missile headed for Tel Aviv. Which reasonably enough, Israel's government considers unacceptable.

To this point, the only thing they've done wrong is to not nuke Tehran proactively. And maybe a few more cities in Iran, just to make the point unmistakable. They may yet do so, and would be no more despised if they did so than they are now, and yet they restrain that response, rather than risk a wider, and perhaps inevitably global, nuclear conflict.

And every time they spank Iran, a dozen Arab nations, and the governments thereof, hand Israel cash, prizes, and sincere thanks, backchannel or under the table, because they want a nuclear Iran even less than Israel does.

Iran has been the bleeding ass sore of the Middle East since 1979.

We should have been flying Arc Light rounders to their cities from Diego Garcia hourly for the last 50 years, but we've been too chickenshit to man up and do what's both deserved, and long past necessary.

Israel lacked the ability to do what they did yesterday as anything but one-way suicide missions, until they were sold US KC-135 tanker aircraft during Obozo's administration.

Israel can't wait until after there's a mushroom cloud overhead to act. It's an existential luxury, and asinine to expect it of them. So Wikileaks should either STFU, or quit the charade by just putting on a pointed white hood, and get their true feelings out in the open.

They could be that stupid once, but to stay this stupid perpetually is the calculated and deliberate act of someone maliciously hoping they could see all of Israel smoked under a rain of nuclear destruction, partly as wishcasting, and secondarily as a shout out of affirmation to their fellow mouth-breathers worldwide.

Like the internet was short of that at any point since it started existing.

20-Dimensional chess move: while Trump's hands are clean in Israel's strike, one consequence of it now has Iran cutting off drone sales to Russia, because they need them to attack Israel. So in one move Israel has cut the Houthi terror pipeline, yet again severely crimped Iran's nuclear ambitions (as if exploding nuclear scientists and Stuxnet viruses weren't enough), and taken some heat off Ukraine - supposedly by accident.

That's what diplomats and the E-ring at the Pentagon call a hat trick.