Moar Winning

 

How many times can one guy cleat himself in his own junk?

Fresh from having to withdraw half of his invading armies from Ukraine after their failed bid to capture Kyiv, in order to reinforce the other half in the south, going into the fourth week of declaring victory in Mariupol, and the mysterious fire, explosion, and sinking of his capitol's namesake cruiser Moskva (coincidentally right after Ukraine launched two AS missiles at it), this week Vlad's forces turn their winning ways to a major foreign policy win.

After ostensibly starting the war because he believed Russia had the right to dictate Ukraine's foreign policy, and prevent them from joining NATO, because Vlad didn't want NATO right on the Russian border, his willful, ruthless, and wanton destruction of Ukrainian cities has led century-long neutral Sweden, and usual neutral Finland, to seriously consider formally applying to join NATO. Putting NATO forces right on the Russian border.

The last time in world history we saw a leader so ham-fistedly stupid about getting exactly what he didn't want, it was Saddam Hussein invading Kuwait, and getting himself ultimately hung after being pulled out of a hole in the ground, getting his country devastated by a decade-plus war fought in its streets and villages, and seeing tens of thousands of his citizens killed.

We're not entirely positive about this, but it seems pretty certain that Puton's closest adviser on how to succeed is Charlie Sheen.

And for bonus points, one of Puton's generals clarified that conquering Ukraine and dragging it kicking and screaming back into a restored Soviet Union wasn't the full extent of the plan, but that the next target would be to grab Transnistria and Moldova too.

Putting NATO forces on the Russian border.

That should definitely be a great way to calm the fears of NATO nations, and make them happy to welcome back their new peace-loving Russian neighbors.

The main thing thwarting this whole plan from coming to fruition seems to be the continued incompetence of the Russian army, who seems to have misplaced a couple of more generals at the front lines this week, for a total of nine senior commanders transitioning from animal to compost.