Thursday, November 18, 2021

Phil's Luck


If any of you are regular visitor's to Phil's Busted Knuckles blog (and if you're not, fix that), you know what I'm talking about here.


So there I was, ranting away t'other night on the keyboard, when suddenly there was a loud BANG! downstairs, and the sound of a firehose. I could hear the water rushing through the pipes, and thought it must be a neighboring suite, but being seated near the duct for the bathroom, I could also detect the sound was apparently coming from my bathroom. As I wasn't using any appliances in the bathroom downstairs at the time, I was a tad concerned.

Descending tout de fucking suite, I arrived at what could only be described as the screaming nightmare of every current or former submariner: water blasting into the space at ludicrous pressure, uncontrolled by anything whatsoever.


From the supply line somewhere underneath the porcelain throne. 

Quick as a flash, I flipped the cut-off closed. No dice. Standing ankle deep in cold water, I couldn't see that the reason the water continued was because the supply tank was also draining back out through the supply line, which was why shutting off the stopcock alone wasn't making the flow stop.

But having been here some years, I also made a point of knowing where the master water cut-off was outside, so out I dashed, and flipped that as well. When I returned, blissful silence, but again, only because in my absence, the supply tank had finally emptied itself. Inside the room.

I also remembered that the management company's two hired plumbing flunkies, Goofus and Doofus, had done exactly one thing right in their just-before-COVID replumbing of the building I was occupying: they'd installed a whole-house cutoff upstairs. So I went up, accessed that, and threw it for good measure.

Then went out to turn the rest of the building's water back on, and ponder my next move(s).


Elapsed time: maybe three minutes. Now I returned to the scene of the catastrophe, and started bailing and bucketing water into the john, before it soaked through walls, etc. It was about a bathtub's worth, and the rest I set upon with all the spare linens I could locate.

Now with time to think, I explored the source of the problem.

About two-plus years ago, Goofus and Doofus had come through, and re-piped (so to speak) each unit. Why, the management company and God alone knows. The new supply pipeline they'd installed hangs two feet lower, robbing that much useable space, and creating another attic headache in what was once almost all useful storage space.

Then installed the afore-mentioned drop line with individual cutoffs, connected to not new copper plumbing, but out of sheer cheapness and laziness, PEX lines. To which they'd attached new through-wall supply lines for toilet, sink, and such, but which, unlike the '70s-era original plumbing, now had shiny new individual point source cut-offs, enabling plumbing changes at whim by tenants or management.

So looking at the now empty toilet tank, I noted that the supply line from wall to flush valve was hanging as limp as Grandpa's johnson, completely detached from the wall cut-off.

After unscrewing it from the tank valve, I was looking at a virtually pristine stainless-reinforced supply line, without anything wrong.

Oh, except for the wall coupling end having become completely effing detached from it, after the joint blew apart.

I found the nut still attached to the supply valve at the wall, and unscrewed that. And found that the brass intake valve was sheared off completely at the nut, hence the sudden blast of water into a small room.

The (ostensibly brass) part was thinner, in actual fact, than gum wrappers I've unwrapped from Wrigley's gum. The shiny still-new label identified the supply hose as - wait for it - made in fucking China.

Aiyeee! Backstabbed by goddamned Chineseium bullshit pot metal masquerading as solid brass. My grandmother's ass. The aluminum on my military dogtags was thicker than was the wall thickness of whatever cheap copper- or brass-plated bullshit this was made, which is how it failed in under two years.

And a glance at the clock let me know the time was conveniently a couple of minutes after even the late-night hours of WallyWorlds had shuttered them for the night, so I had to wait all night until the next morning to secure a replacement hose, and a back-up spare.

See if you can guess how many times that night I needed the necessary plumbing the minute it was no longer an option.

And, come the dawn, only to find that the exact replacement was made of the exact same chineseium bullshit. Same story at Lowe's. Same story at Ace. And two local builder's supply outlets.















Chineseium? EVERYWHERE???Oh, F - - - !!!!!

Mind you, the spiral galvanized steel crapola that was here when I moved in pissed me off royally, but even that sorry old crap had lasted twenty years without a dribble, while this brand-f**king new supply line had full-on failed spectacularly in less than two years' time. Apparently, just for the helluvit.

So after no choice but swapping in a new version of the SOS, and a new toilet tank valve, because removing the old one revealed it sorely needed replacing, I can now only wonder when the next submarine damage control drill will occur, and whether it'll be the supply line, the stop-cocks, the PEX tubing, or some as-yet-undiscovered secret flaw in Goofus' and Doofus' ass-crack apprentice plumbing work.

(And yes, the sales receipt, the five-year warranty, and all associated materials are now zip-locked safely above the mean highwater mark, and any future damages will be handled by attorneys.) I'm seriously considering re-doing the bathroom floor to a height of six inches, including the lower door sill, in swimming pool gunite, covered by new tile, and with a porthole-style nautical door with knee-knocker surround. Yes, I'm serious.

The only happy accident - definitely not Phil's luck here - was that this happened while I was literally sitting right on top of the disaster when it happened, rather than freshly asleep, to find myself floating in a new lake the next morning, nor at work for a twelve-hour shift, and arriving to find the front door had been fire-axed open, after the neighbor's sheetrock was carried away in a wall of torrential flooding, or even worse: out of town for a few days, only to watch my disaster featured on the local news from somewhere else. 

This one is a cloud still floating somewhere off Catalina Island.

And the plumbers were hired by the same management company for the property who hired Julio, Hose-A, and Hose-B Roofers, whose ass-tastic work required removal of three sheets of roofing plywood from my roof, and a complete reroofing of the entire complex, within a year of when they reroofed it all, and about fifteen years after diligent efforts with roofing patch on my part after move-in had completely sealed my roof completely leak-proof, only to fail in multpile places within months of the new job, by the new assholes. (Did I mention the management company is a bunch of dumbass chicks who couldn't change a light bulb, and probably couldn't even manage a decent fake orgasm, let alone coordinating basic property maintenance or competent contractors for any property in the entire state, including a trailer park in Slab City? Anyone looking for a job that's about to be vacant, PM me for a hot lead.)

I cannot wait to build my own place from scratch, and never again depend upon the competency of the notably incompetent. But in the meantime, a sump pump and a flood alarm with cellular text notification are in my things-to-do queue.

And fuck anything made in China, sideways, with a rusty chainsaw, and Michelle Obama's dick.

28 comments:

Anonymous said...

you need to find a old school plumbing supply house. where real plumbers go for their shit.
but it hard to find any thing NOT MADE IN CHINA ANYMORE !
it was the epa that drove a lot of companies out of the country.
used to be you changed a hot water heater every 10 or more years, now like every 5 years if your lucky.
we need to restart making stuff here again.

Justin_O_Guy said...

, I can now only wonder when the next submarine damage control drill will occur,

And will you be home.

Richard Gilbert said...

Sir, you've got a gift with vocabulary...
Chinesium is the real pandemic indeed..
Mike obambams dick made me lmao...

CTX44912 said...

Just a note about keeping receipts in a waterproof bag-after I had done something similar.
I noticed after a few weeks or months (can't remember exactly), that my receipt had been printed using "disappearing ink". I pulled out the receipt for a warranty replacement to discover that my saved receipt was nothing more than a blank piece of paper! I'm willing to bet that the ink was also a cheaper Chinese concoction of who knows what?
I now copy/scan my receipts just to be on a "safer" side. YMMV, however.

Aesop said...

Point noted.

BILL said...

Yep, SOS in my town in Wyoming,same cheap crap, Oh and don't forget the circuit breakers all have the same lot number and do not trip for your safety. We have been sold out by Americans.
Oh and do not forget the new Boiler and associated piping the goes with it. That popping noises is not hot water it the everyliving liner foot of steam line you had installed by NON-licensed boilermakers. BOTTOM LINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Americans sold out everything.

Serfs we are.

Jess said...

Much of the foreign stuff is not only cheaply made, the materials are substandard. The worst I ever encountered was trying to run some new water supply pipes off a 4 inch welded steel supply pipe. Everything was good, until I realized the 2 inch galvanized foreign pipe wouldn't thread. The threads would peel off before the die completed the tapered thread.

I called the boss, he called the supplier, the pipe was traded, and the problem disappeared.

C said...

I feel your pain. I'm wracking my brain trying to figure out how to build a house that will outlast any future grandchildren. Hard to do with today's selection of materials and contractors.

Borepatch said...

I once owned a house built in the 1940s - the plywood used on the foundation pour were then used for sub flooring, and the pipes were all copper.

Different world.

Phil said...

Hate to see anyone else having to suffer through what fate has made abundantly clear is a personal challenge to see just how many skills I can acquire in the least amount of time, otherwise known as Damage Control.
Sounds like you were indeed lucky to have been home when the shit storm broke at least.
I hear you with the cheap Chineseium plumbing shit also.
I have replaced the valves in one toilet here twice in the last yer, most recently two months ago and I heard the fucking toilet running already again just last night.
Must have been sympathy pains.
My advice would be to get on line and look up Industrial Plumbing parts dealers and find you a real Brass valve.
And a life jacket...

Anonymous said...

Most receipts are printed using a thermal print head on heat sensitive paper, so the only consumable is the paper. However, the h/s coating on the paper gradually resumes its original state.

June J said...

Ah...submarine school. The simulator emergency blow was nothing compared to an emergency blow from test depth!

Yeah, ya gotta find a real plumbing supply store to get the good stuff. Most jack-hole plumbers and contractors are too lazy to go anywhere except Home Depot or Lowes.

Anonymous said...

I have run into paper-thin "brass" fittings before, one of which collapsed when tightened.

The kicker was some that were beautifully anodized... aluminum. Looked just like shiny-new copper. And thin.

note: you do not want aluminum fittings in residential water lines

Since the local hardware stores have drastically reduced their plumbing inventories, I have to resort fo eBay or Amazon to get what I used to consider basic plumbing items. Some of what comes in is absolute crap. And even if the vendor makes it good, it's a hassle and wastes my time.

--TRX

Anonymous said...

> disappearing ink

It's usually some kind of "thermal paper." But yes, it fades to illegible after a few months in most cases - ambient temperature and humidity seem to be more important than time. Anything important, you need to take a picture of it.

--TRX

Anonymous said...

> you need to find a old school plumbing supply house. where real plumbers go for their shit.

We have those in my area, and electrical supply houses too. They apparently do such a roaring business they can tell ordinary people to fuck right off; they won't sell to you unless you have a resale tax number *and* an account with them.

--TRX

MacArch said...

if you can drag your fingernail across the receipt and it makes a line it is probable thermal paper, and will fade with time or exposure to heat and light. Think of old time Fax paper.

Toirdhealbheach Beucail said...

CTX44912 - That is actual due to thermal printers, which are pretty much everywhere in the customer service industry. It is the same in the biopharmaceutical industry - and yes, they make copies of the printouts for exactly the same reason.

Anonymous said...

any receipts you get that you'll need later - copy with an ink printer, or scan it into a computer file. lots of receipts are printed on thermal paper, so they're gone as soon as they are room temperature just about.
and don't leave Homie the Depot or Blowe's and put 'em on the dashboard of the truck - they won't make it to lunch.
Original Grandpa

Will said...

Bus Grease Monkey (u-tube) lives in a 1947 GMC Greyhound bus, and traveled around to customers until the covid crap stopped that. He replaced a brass elbow or "T" fitting on his air brake system a bit over a year ago, and it blew apart on the highway right quick. Chinesium grenade. Required a quick dive for a shoulder that wouldn't block traffic as the spring brakes began retarding forward motion.

A recent Chinesium find is the self-adjusting shower valve. Apparently the flat rubber type washer that seals the valve seat swells with temperature increase. Turn it on to get the hot water heading to the bathroom, and by the time I get ready to step into the shower, the water has stopped running. Crank it open some more, and then play with it until it reaches equalibrium. Their replacement washer package is made in Taiwan, and a test in hot water shows no change in dimension.
This is an aftermarket replacement company, the oem valves are hard to find in stock, and don't have problems.
Forgot about the first Chinesium problem with them. That washer is held on with a shoulder screw, so you can torque it so it doesn't come loose, or damage the rubber. Guess what type of screw they DIDN'T come with? That screw isn't stocked in the hardware stores, but I have saved some from prior shower valve replacements. (always hoard odd hardware)

Bear Claw Chris Lapp said...

"Americans sold out everything".

Bill it was the unamericans in goobermint and greedy corporations that sold us Americans out. It will only come back when necessary, I hope our children are prepared. I have purchased or printed a lot of the books recommended on the blogs for that very purpose. Youtube won't be around forever and computers die.

Yep chinesium every where it's all their is. Receipts every where are of the same nauture they are burned on the paper and yes less than a year are faded that's why I have them emailed and printed when I can and copied when I can't.

15 years on third hot water tank including original. Toilet flushing devices atleast twice and have a new set now going in before the relatives show up next week mostly due to mineral buildup and clogging.

Home depot has a 500 gal. potable water tank. Got one a few years ago for rain capture to water garden. Alternate use of course, the water that is if necessary. Should a gone off grid years ago but I'm sure the wife would not agree.

Some have become soft, hard times will make strong men to create good times again. Wish I could be there to see it all happen alas at my age probably not. Good luck and God speed Aesop and to all us rascals.

Bear Claw Chris Lapp said...

ps Those low flow shower heads can be improved by busting out the little plastic restricter in it. Youtube videos available.

Bibliotheca Servare said...

Damn. That sounds like a barrel of fun. Substandard plumbing work is an expensive nightmare. A good plumber/plumbing company is worth his weight in gold. More, really.

About PEX: I genuinely love copper, and used to be very suspicious/disdainful of PEX, but... it's actually great stuff, when used properly. Fewer solder joints, fewer joints and fittings in general, and it usually stretches before cracking if water in it freezes, among other nice features. Copper is king for a reason, but PEX is a more than adequate...court jester? Queen? First councilor? I won't be getting rid of my solder, torch, or supplies of fittings anytime this century, but I'm happy to have added in a supply of PEX fittings and crimping tool/rings etc.

Bibliotheca Servare said...

Did I say soldering iron? Or torch? Electronics on the brain...

Nick Flandrey said...

After the Texas freeze last year my bucket of random fittings and short lengths of pipe became very useful.

My wife surveyed the neighborhood at my request regarding whose pipes broke and what they were made of.

The overwhelming response was copper. They split long ways making a really big flood. Galvanized steel cracked too, mainly at elbows. CPVC cracked, especially where the glue was left on the pipe or fitting and weakened the plastic.

The only failures with pex seemed to be fittings freezing and cracking, mostly elbows iirc.

My issue with pex is that rodents will eat it and flood your house. Happened to my neighbor twice.

n

soapweed said...

All piping components have their Achilles heel. Copper type L or K,is king when soldered with silver bearing soft solder, or better yet with silfos.... except when it freezes. Same with steel pipe. The beauty is that copper and steel splits can be hard silver soldered[brazed w/45 %] back together again as when a hot water/chilled water coil freezes up because of dumbfuckery. Seemingly, the often used newer polymer type piping systems use rubber gasket surfaces/ o /or quad rings which take a set eventually and leak. [Thusly is the need to re-o-ring chillers periodically, or from time to time,even a space shuttle.] For water, not oils, a good solution for extreme duty is TOP quality heater hose with poly barbed fittings using gates clamps or bandit bands. Even then, low point drain downs are needed as brass ball valves will freeze if piped at a low point. And yes, I've used this hose on potable water since the 1980's in outback applications.

Monsoon Matriarch said...

Had our bathroom remodeled, then remodeled the master bedroom ourselves. Six months later, while we were out of town, an expensive Chinese plumbing fixture went ‘splody’ in the new bathroom. Neighbor discovered it when he brought in the mail. Four plus inches of water filled the whole house. We came home to our floors and carpet on the front lawn. Due to delays from the plandemic, it took eight months to get somewhat back to normal. I just got a call from the lab that the insurance company used to check the faulty plumbing fixture. Looks like I get my deductible back. I wonder how much USAA is getting back.

Ken said...

I've been a professional plumber more than 20 years now, and the quality of plumbing materials and fixtures has steadily declined during that time (although the decline has accelerated especially rapidly the last few years). Tolerances on threaded parts have gone to shit; pieces don't screw on smoothly. Cosmetic and functional defects. Brass fittings with pinhole leaks. So frustrating it makes me want to change careers some days.

John Wilder said...

We have multiple moisture alarms. They never go off when things leak.