Tuesday, October 6, 2020

Here's Your Big Chance

Trump has Kung Flu. (Bummer for those of you who thought this was un-possible, but such is the price of delusion.) A) They rushed him to Walter Reed. Explain how this is exactly what they do every time the president catches "just the flu, bro." B) The Dumbocrats don't control the medical response, so feel free to explain how and why Trump is perpetuating this disease as a hoax, as if it is one. (When your head explodes trying to pull that off, feel free to get some toilet paper to wipe up all the sh*t it was full of.) C) He's doing well, and will in all likelihood (please, God) get over this with minimal impact. Like 97+% of those who caught it already have. Explain how they always do daily medical briefings coast-to-coast every time he catches a cold, gets a hangnail, or cuts himself shaving. Best wishes in those attempts, doomed to epic failure as they necessarily are. I'm sorry he got infected, despite some pretty stringent precautions. I'm glad he's doing well, and pray and trust that he will both recover completely, and kick the ever-loving sh*t out of the Hidin'/Kneepads ticket in upcoming debates, and the coming election. But neither sentiment does anything but confirm that this is really a thing, and it ain't "just the flu, bro", nor do anything but underline that you're far from done with it, even now. (Recall when we told you next Easter, minimum, while noting that anything better and sooner would bring nothing but shouts of ecstasy from this blog.) Then Google-search "European/Worldwide Second Wave", and get back to us. We have 200K fatalities (juiced or not, it's what we got to work with). WHO guesstimates - guesstimates, we emphasize - a worldwide penetration of this of no more than 10% of the population. (The @$$holes running NYFC and NYFS and running the city subways carefree 24/7/365 during the height of the outbreak there, and shoving infected patients into ill-prepared nursing homes were obvious over-achievers.) Do the math, and tell the class what a nationwide 100% penetration would tally to in the US, seeing as most states never got to even 5%, and then go back and look at our rosiest worst-case projections, if this had been met with zero response, from earlier in this year. Then, kindly STFU, as we already knew that answer before you did, and yet again, events have borne that out. To breezily quote no less an authority than President Jed Bartlett, "You were wrong. Just sit there and be wrong in your wrongness." Yet again, my epicaricacy knows no bounds.

16 comments:

Dylan J. Thompson said...

For some reason everyone now seems to think that because Trump got better enough to go home in three days, Kung Flu is therefore entirely a scam. No one applies their mind and remembers that Trump is made of iron, and literally received the best possible treatments and medicines immediately after diagnosis.

Once a mind has determined something, everything new becomes evidence for that conclusion. It doesn't look like the hopium bubble will burst for a long time yet, which probably means Easter 2021 is too optimistic.

Thanks for taking the time to smack around idiots once in a while.

jen said...

He's not as well as he was trying to let on. I counted respers in 40s, and definitely hiding panting after going up the stairs. Accessory muscles and nostrils flaring. Trying to put a brave face on the fact that he needs to be in bed.

Mike Guenther said...

I assume you meant 10 percent penetration in the US instead of 100 percent. That's still +/- 35 million people.

I tested positive, but never had any symptoms. My brother, on the other hand, had several underlying conditions and died from it after a month in the hospital on a ventilator and dialysis.

Personally, I think it's a crap shoot.

vanderleun said...

Dear Aesop, I love you like a brother man, but the double carriage return is your friend.

Make paragraphs so one can actually read the item. As it stands I just gave up on the already difficult to follow type on black. Many other will bail as well.

Hear me now or hear me later.

John said...

So, CoronaChan still has zero impact here in Modern Mayberry. Multiple cases in the few months (a few dozen), only a few hospitalizations, and no incremental folks have (thank heaven!) passed on.

There is (sort of) a mask mandate, but in practice it's ignored by everyone.

It's great to have you back, even for a single post!
-JW

Spud said...

Damn dude...sure wish you'd start posting again more regularly. Been too long son !

idahobob said...

Glad to see that you, your facts, and your wit are back!

Bear Claw Chris Lapp said...

Maybe it was his JFK moment.

ASM826 said...

I had to look up "epicaricacy". Now I will be looking for an opportunity to use it.

Angantyr said...

Good to see you posting again - we've missed you!

Crew said...

OK, now I think you are a charlatan.

President Trump destroyed the Corona Virus.

Aesop said...

@ Gerard,
I have zero, zip, nada, bupkus, control over the default settings on this bootlegged work computer access point. I wish it were otherwise.
And now even the archaic tablet access at home I was using is "no longer supported" by Google, Blogger, nor, apparently anything in civilization but ads, spam, and Amazon.
I've tried all my HTML-fu, including double carriage return, all to no avail.
I type my posts the same as usual, but this thing is a total PITA, and just slightly better than nothing. And I'm sneaking access in between dealing with actual psych patients, with one eye on the keyboard, and one on the (literal) roomful of crazies.
I feel your pain, but until I can get back to my former situation and blog HQ (you really have no idea), things here will remain a compromise. Given your recent experiences, I beg a wee smidgen of understanding for just a little while longer.

@ASM,
Epicaricacy is the word used by fluent English-speakers who eschew inferior German words smacking of pseudointellectualism. I unreservedly and whole-heartedly commend it to anyone's regular utilization.

@Crew,
No.
The virus will not be destroyed until Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks it.
But if Trump happens to still be shedding active virus near the Speaker's dais at the next SOTU address, so be it.

Landroll said...

If the Trumpster is still shedding live viri at the next SOTU address and Nasty Pelosi picks up a load, can this be all bad? I know, I know it is deplorable to wish ill health but what the hey, I am a deplorable.
Good to be reading you again. One of my Wuflu go to places.

Piercello said...

Aesop,
.
[CARRIAGE RETURN]
[PERIOD]
[CARRIAGE RETURN]
.
might be a useful para break option.
.
Glad to see you again.

OvergrownHobbit said...

Virus is real, the quarantine is a hoax. So since a half-assed quarantine is like being a wee bit preggers, why not live like free men instead of dogs, and roll the dice? Wishing you well and enjoying the salty posts, with or without the hard returns.

And wash your hands! 😁

Aesop said...

@Piercello,

Nice try, but no cigar.

Tried it.
It just puts periods into the wall o' text.