Chickens Gonna Chickenshit

People who live in Texas shouldn't confuse this for the state flag.

One good rant deserves another.

Mine is in response to the chickenshit screed in The Federalist by one Jesse Kelly, suggesting that there can - and should be - a relatively amicable and peaceful divorce, "before things get serious", among the several states.

This is his suggested partition:

My short reply is a phrase that starts with "Shove that", and concludes with "sideways, with a rusty chainsaw." I'll let everyone at home fill in the words I left out.

Now we can move on to the more detailed response. 
Let's get the ad hominems out of the way, just for sport, then move on to the sheer logical stupidity of the basic proposition.
Jesse's bio after the piece describes him as a "Marine combat veteran."
So one must wonder where he learned to surrender so gutlessly, with the effortless grace of the French Army in 1940, or neglected the Marine Corps holy writ in the Book of Armaments, the verses summed up by the phrase "Retreat, Hell!"
But being charitable, perhaps Mr. Kelly was actually in the air wing, or a REMF pogue.
Or simply has a yellow stripe along his spine a foot wide.
Or his parents never married.
One can only speculate.

His bio also describes him as a "former congressional candidate in Arizona", who "currently resides in the Houston area with his wife and two sons." So, paraphrasing the incomparable Mr. Laughton in Witness For The Prosecution, "Were you a carpetbagger then in Arizona, or are you one now in Texas, or are you simply a chronic and habitual carpetbagger?"

Houston, AFAIK, is one of the parts most of Texas apologizes to everyone else for (despite some residents thereabouts being absolutely splendid Americans), second only to Austin itself in that respect. And as Mr. All-Hat-and-No-Cattle Kelly apparently is not a native Texan, and likely not even a native of Arizona either, one can only assume that his attitude is exactly the sort of surrender-first/run-for-the-hills mentality one expects from exactly the sort of non-native carpetbagging nest-foulers that despoiled my home state of California, before fleeing to sunnier climes, to besoil them in similar fashion. Having ruined where they were, they can't help decamping at the slightest disappointment to greener pastures.
 
I defer to the words of my soulmates, Mr. Paine and Mr. Adams, in best summing up the sort of...person (I couldn't quite find it in me to say "man"...sorry, just can't strain the language that far) who so readily accommodates things by raising the white flag and taking to his heels, both rhetorically and, given the choice, in actuality:

"These are the times that try men's souls. The summer soldier and the sunshine patriot will, in this crisis, shrink from the service of their country;" - Thos. Paine

"If ye love wealth better than liberty, the tranquility of servitude better than the animating contest of freedom, go home from us in peace. We ask not your counsels or arms. Crouch down and lick the hands which feed you. May your chains set lightly upon you, and may posterity forget that ye were our countrymen.”  - Samuel Adams

These are hardly the bona fides to present in support of such a thesis, but exactly the sort one would be expected to have, to come to such a conclusion.


So much for the character of the plaintiff, Your Honor. Now we proceed to the facts of the matter.


Shock of shocks, Mr. Transplant Not-A-Texan makes sure to draw himself and his current domicile into the center of his Federalist Fantasyland.

New Mexico and Colorado might take some wee issue with those pretend-boundaries. So will Atlanta, Miami, St. Louis, New Orleans, Austin, and most of Phoenix. Wilmington, Charlotte, and Nashville will be rather grumpy too. Will Kelly just draw them into little tribal reservations, or just flee again, to an ever shrinking world, and relinquish more and more of Federalist Fantasyland to the burgeoning blue hordes?

After you've cut and run once, how many more lines will you draw before you find the gumption to step up and do something besides beat feet?

And what about half of California, Eastern Oregon and Washington state, all of Montana, Idaho, the Dakotas, Kentucky, West Virginia, most of Illinois that isn't Chicongo, half of Michigan, Indiana, Ohio, the vast middle of Penntucky, upstate New York, New Hampshire, etc.? How will they feel about Kelly cheerfully relegating them to being a permanent minority bitch for the fucktard Leftist minions to whom he'd cast them? Which is why this sounds like nothing more complicated than "Let's you and him fight."

This is a guy who sounds like he'd have been happy to be on the RMS Titanic, but only if left in charge of throwing people out of the lifeboats.

He's also utterly clueless about how Texas and Florida are purpling up nicely under the same onslaught of illegal immigrant hordes that have flipped CA from (R) to (D) in my lifetime. How will he feel when some jackass jasper in Omaha decides next year to give his Texas homestead back to Mexico, lock, stock, and barrel, and leave him on the wrong side of that divide?

Good luck with that plan when the last chopper leaves the roof, you myopic fucktard.

Sorry, chopper's full. Try the next country, halfwit!

Then he tries to drag in history, in an utterly historically ignorant attempt to tell lie us that "borders move all the time".

Really?
Tell me how the map of Britain looks now, vs. in 1600.
Oops. Exactly the same.
How about Spain?
Same story.
Portugal?
Same.
France?
Same.
Switzerland?
Same.
Japan?
Same.
You know what changes?

Empires that crater into the ground.
And former colonies whose borders were drawn by fuckwits half a world away with no respect for ethnic, linguistic, and sociological polities. (Look that word up, Kelly, it's in the dictionary. A Dictionary is a book that defines words. A book is a bundle of pages full of words. If I have to keep breaking this down for you beyond that, you're not tall enough for the Internet.)

That is why there's a Czech Republic, and Slovakia, where Czechoslovakia used to be.
It's why the Balkans are the definition of balkanization. (Another word for those epically ignorant of geo-political history to become conversant in, especially if they're going to take a hand at nation-building as if the earth were their sandbox.) It's why Iraq was, is, and always will be a basket case. It's why Africa is every bit as tribal now as it was in 1000 A.D., or 10,000 B.C.

What also makes a difference, is knowing enough history to know that countries that coalesced into nation-states (look that phrase up too, genius) earlier, like Spain, France, and England, were forces to be reckoned with, whereas later ones which didn't pull themselves together until much later (Germany, Austro-Hungaria, Italy, etc.) have a spottier record at pretty much everything, except losing world wars.

You want to see how this country stacks up, in reality, rather than Kelly's Federalist Fantasyland?

 

Doubleplusungood bummer for Kelly and his sophomoric twaddle:
He's probably in the top map, not the bottom one. Some decent hunks of his current state certainly are.
(Embrace the Suck, buddy. Guess you and the family get to live in Bantu Land, huh?)

I guess all of the bottom against all of the top strikes you as a "hopeless battle", huh Snowflake?

(BTW, that's mainly counties; in reality at the voting precinct level, the areas on the top map are even smaller than that represented there. Hugely so, in many cases.)

And about that whining about "losing the cultural war"?

"If you believe in God and limited government, here are the entities that now proclaim their hatred of you in full view of the public: The Democratic Party, media, Hollywood, the public education system, and now even corporate America. The GOP may have the House, Senate, and presidency, but we have completely lost the culture war."

Allow me, Mr. Kelly, to summarize your position into a picture worth a thousand words:

By the way, if you're going to drag God into this, ponder the significance of Malachi 2:16, and maybe huddle up with a pastor or a decent Bible commentary when you hit the part that says

"For I hate divorce,” says the Lord, the God of Israel..."

Get back to us on that. I'll wait. Then let's see who it is hating God in full view of the public.

Meantime, give a holler when you actually win a seat as one of the 545 Deciders. Or write a TV show. Or write a bestseller. Or make a mainstream movie. Or teach a college or high school course. Or run a corporation. Or do something, anything, in the Cultural War for which you and 98% of the so-called Right have been MIA for 60-100 years, besides notice the spackle in your diaper is uncomfortable, and start to cry about it on the Internet.

Which means, to be frank, that you have a lot more in common with these @$$holes

than you do with these guys:

But hey, you can't be all bad, and I don't want anyone to think there's no redeeming value in you as a person, or even the piece you wrote. After all, you once upon a time made it through MCRD, just like me; and I didn't see any typos in your piece. So you're already two points ahead of 95% of the internet, right there.

But you're nowhere close to being ready to suggest these kind of "solutions", especially with all the tears and snot running down your chin.
There's another Marine combat veteran who'd like a word with you:

So maybe start by running down the white flag, and re-thinking your basic premise. Then learn some basic world and national history, and then think with your head instead of your feet. Then come back at this thing sounding more like a "Marine combat veteran" and a by-God Texan, and less like some hipster in skinny jeans with a pink Mohawk and a nose ring at the Starbuck's across from UT-Austin, or on Melrose Boulevard in West Hollywood.

This country ain't perfect. Far from it. And with that, it's still only about a metric fuckton better than the second-best country to live in on the planet, as anyone who's seen any amount of the rest of the world can attest.

Don't believe me.
Do what Bill Whittle suggested in Rafts. Go down to Key West, and tell me something:

Well, ask yourself what it would take to give up your home, your country, your family and all your friends. Ask yourself how desperate you would have to be to sneak out in the night, and strap your family – your grandmother and infant son – to a collection of inner tubes lashed together and set out in the dark surf across 90 miles of shark-infested water in the dead of night, hoping against hope to make landfall. We can all agree, I think, that that kind of desperation could only be driven by a fairly passionate first-person opinion of such things. Surely this goes beyond what you or I would do to win a map argument at Starbucks. 

So. Go up on deck, get out the telescope, and answer one simple question for me and for yourself: 

Which way are the rafts headed?

Go down to the Rio Grande and tell me which way people are crossing. Go to any international airport and see whether Americans are fleeing, or foreigners are arriving by the shitload. (Yes, a lot of that is exactly the problem, but bear well in mind that it's also true that there are a lot of real Americans out there who just didn't happen to be born here. Here are three:
1
2
3
And those are the easy ones, without even looking very hard.)

And if you got your little jellyfish-spined wet dream, what makes you think the people in Soyland wouldn't push right into your borders and take over more, and more, and more, and more of your cake , like they do, so that in two, five, ten, or twenty years, you'd be right back where you are now, with less resources, friends, and likelihood of ultimate success? That never occurred to you, did it?? Brilliant, right there. Effing wizard.

The Founders deliberately made it hard to even try what you think could be accomplished "peacefully, bloodlessly", by making it as difficult as possible. It was just their way of making concessions to the fact that all government could go bad, and that all human beings will try to do stupid stuff, short of requiring a sign be placed on the yet-unbuilt Capitol:

But just because that actual sign isn't there, doesn't mean people like you shouldn't act like it was posted there anyways.

Because the biggest problem I have with your suggestion, besides the sheer stupidity of it, and the actual hot Civil War 2.0 with the included rivers of blood and stacks of corpses which would ensue in 0.2 seconds if you even attempted, let alone achieved, what you say you want to do, is this:

It's worse than merely sophomoric fuckwittery:
it's utterly and simply un-American.

Like the kind of un-American that should have had you standing tall and sweating under lights in front of a congressional Star Chamber interrogation on national TV.

Or better yet, as in fiction, had your passport torn up in front of your face, and had you condemned for life to live on a ship perpetually at sea, and never able to call anyplace your homeland, until you died.

We're talking Benedict Arnold levels of un-American.

Because when it gets right down to it, I love this country very deeply. Obviously, one helluva lot more than you ever have. So much so, that even with the fucktards bent on destroying it, and working their asses off their every waking moment to turn it into the kind of Turd-World Shithole it would inevitably become, like every other dictatorship and communist attempt in recorded history, I'm not willing to give up one single square foot of ground in these fifty states to those sonsofbitches without shedding blood, and I'll be damned if more of it isn't theirs than mine.

(You want to cut Puerto Rico and Guam loose on some future July 4th, we can talk; but I want to keep the Virgin Islands right where they are - after a good cleaning. Everything else on the flag stays right where it is. Period.)

Too many people fought, bled, and died to put every one of those stars on that flag.
Every one of them a better man than you, manifestly.

If keeping them there strikes you as too hard, trot your weak ass down to the nearest international airport terminal, and buy yourself a one-way ticket on Crybaby Airlines for Some Fucking Where Else.

If you want a country, strap a stout 2x4 to your back, take your balls out of their jar, and get busy fighting for it.

Otherwise, fuck off smartly, and STFU.
You're just a dose of crabs on the body politic, and your pathetic mewling is about as welcome as a crying baby at the movies.

Consider this target serviced.