6 Reasons Why The Left Needs To STFU About Guns

Last October, The Federalist ran an article entitled 6 Reasons Your Right-Wing Friend Isn’t Coming To Your Side On Gun Control . It was a noble, if lukewarm treatise on a long-standing problem. But definitely far too weak and namby-pamby about the problem. With events this month, they've trotted it out again. But it's still far too weak an examination of the problem.

Herewith, a much more incisive look at the problem, which isn't that there's no debate, it's that the lunatards on the Left try to have a debate in the first place.

The reality is, they shouldn't even be opening their pieholes.

And if you're a Left-wing lunatard, here's why you shouldn't be doing that.

1) You're Total Dicks

"You mentally defective mouth-breathing murderous pre-literate knuckledraggers just love a substitute penis, and live for rollicking in the still pulsing and spurting warm blood of fresh shooting victims, because you're a bunch of soulless bloodthirsty ghouls...blahblahblah"

And this is the opening sentence from Leftards whose dream one day is to grow up and work for the State Department, as noted in CNN's live lynching of the NRA last week in an audience of emotional teenagers, come to mine their pathos and deliver their collective 40-IQ brain droppings and diaper spackle in equal measure onto America as if it were holy writ.

When the beginning, middle, and end of every conversation on the topic is you airheads vomiting all the bile you possess, together with the massive chunks of common sense you were unable to digest (which, where guns are concerned would be all the common sense), you're not having a "dialogue", you're just binge-purging because you think you can and should. And we've already seen it, and could tell you what and how much Stupid you had for dinner last night, since forever.
Afflict someone who cares, and leave everyone else the hell alone.

2) You Don't Know What The Fuck You're Talking About

When your circus full of ignorant spew-monkeys rants endlessly about "those deadly accurate black thingamajigs with automatic clips which shoot 600 rounds per second with one pull of the trigger, and chainsaw attachment,  and the shoulder thing which goes up" you sound slightly stupider than Ralphie in A Christmas Story salivating over a BB gun, and not even as smart either of the lead characters in Dumb & Dumber. Trust me on this, the less you say about guns the less you'll be rightly ridiculed for getting everything you say utterly, totally, completely, endlessly wrong, forever.
Which is your default setting on things you don't understand. (Which would include things like law, human nature, predictable consequences, science, economics, and...hell, pretty much the encyclopedia from A-Z, inclusive.)

3) You're Ignorant, Stupid, Evil, Illogical, Lying Sacks Of Shit 

Smarter people than you - which is most of them - have tried (and tried and tried and tried and tried...) to help you bootstrap your monumental ignorance into bare competence, so we might at least all be talking about the same things, and make some headway. But you have the attention span of a gnat, and you're too busy parading your deliberate ignorance so you can spew your content-free feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelings all over everything, responsibility- and logic-free, despite how irrelevant to the discussion, life, the universe, and everything they are. Deliberate, willful, conscious ignorance goes by the helpful name of "Stupid".
And then when caught at that you double down on it, repeat it louder, and stick your fingers in your ears to block out reality, which is simply Evil.
Whereupon you then cut to the chase and simply start making sh*t up. On everything, but especially in regards to your rampant hoplophobia (n.: a psychotic, irrational fear of weapons). And your schizophrenia knows no bounds, as you first deride the police and government for having weapons and using them, then turn around and tell the Right that only the government and the police should have weapons. (Which worked out so well in the Soviet Union, post-Weimar Germany, the People's Republic of China, Hungary, Czechoslovakia, Cuba, Vietnam, Cambodia, North Korea, et cetera, ad infinitum.
You complain Trump is Hitler, then you want him to confiscate guns.
As a very wise sci fi writer once pointed out, "A lie is a very poor way to say 'Hello'."

4) You've Never Passed A Gun Law That Worked

You've had not one, not ten, not a hundred, but over 30,000 bites at that apple, and none of them do a damned thing to anyone inclined to insanity and criminal violence, because they're either crazy or criminals.
Funny how that part works, huh?
And nothing that's being proposed now, had it been in place, would have altered the recent shooting to the point of changing outcomes to even the tenth place after the decimal point.
Nor will it affect the next one either.
Gun laws only make life a PITA for the law-abiding, and those who are law-abiding aren't the ones shooting up schools. That would be 99.999991% of all gun owners, since forever.
And despite getting this wrong 30,000 times, you're all knee-jerk sure "just one more 'common sense' gun law" would finally crack the code, and unlock Utopia.
It never does, it never will, and you know that yourselves, but you don't give a damn, because since...ever,

5) You're Not Trying To Fix A Problem

"The definition of insanity is trying the same thing over and over, and expecting different results." - Albert Einstein
You guys don't want to solve gun violence. You know nothing you do can ever accomplish that, to a metaphysical certainty.
So absent complete a priori insanity on your part (which should never be ruled out), the only explanation which fits available facts is that you want the violence to continue (more! bigger! faster!) despite concealed carry laws (which you swore would lead to "orgies of Wild West*-styled blood in thee streets", which has never happened, ever) sweeping the nation over the last 30 years, and driving crime to the cellar.

In fact, you want to reverse and undo every single thing that has worked in that regard despite your hysterical gainsaying (e.g. three strikes, lifetime incarceration for habitual violent felons, and giving every law-abiding citizen access to the means of adequate self defense in every city and state).
You must therefore want both ridiculously higher levels of violence and bloodshed, and the complete disarmament of your political rivals.
In every society that pursues this, registration leads to confiscation leads to Kristallnacht leads to Auschwitz. We know this, the Founders knew it 240 years ago, and you know it now, thus the only explanation for such behavior is the grasping lifelong ambition and desire to rule as exactly the despotic tyrants we know you to be, based solely on direct experience and observation of you for our entire lives.
Anybody who's seen a  thwarted two-year-old knows your tantrum playbook before you even lay it out.

You want to rule over everyone else, despite a dearth of demonstrated ability to even run your own individual selves.

You want an endless Chain Of Being, with everyone else beneath you on the pyramid, and yourselves above everyone save some feverishly imagined god-king, as evidenced last by the monumentally incompetent manchild you inflicted on the country and the world in the previous administration, whose tears (you imagined) cured cancer, yet whose flaws were Grand Canyon-sized, and apparent even from geosynchronous orbit, to everyone but you.

And when enough of even your own people had enough of that, and sent you the exact sort of god-king you've tried to cycle into the ruling class, except from a position diametrically opposed to everything you hold dear, you've spent the last 15 months in a non-stop diaper-wetting rage-monster hissyfit. Which even your own side knows when they see it, and understands is the death knell of your hopes and dreams. Hence your shrieking desperation this time around.

6) You're Hypocritical Bastards

No guns for us, anywhere, if you had your way, but everyone and everything you guys like is currently protected by metric f*cktons of guns, carried by an army of hypocrites and their willing Only One minions. Just like celebutards spewing about globull warming, while driving 2MPH Ferraris and jetting around in fleets of globe-spanning private jet aircraft to lecture the proles on making sacrifices for your own special accommodations, you and your ilk are hearty believers in "laws for thee, but none for me" on a scale last seen in every communist shithole country since...five minutes ago.

So between DiFi's personal CCW when most Californians nor residents of D.C. can obtain a similar one, to Chuck U. Schumer's private armed bodyguards, to the goon squads protecting vacuous celebutards and their precious gated community compounds, you guys never plan nor do actually have to live under the consequences of the laws you would pass, and see no reason why that should even be remarkable or even considered bad.

Which is phenomenal in itself, because DiFi owes her entire political career to a gay lovers' tiff, which went pear-shaped, propelling her from a minor clown show functionary to mayor of San Francisco, which she leveraged into becoming a viable candidate for the US Senate, when she should have retired as a local Frisco Democrat dingbat toiling in relative obscurity unto this present day.

If it hadn't been for precisely a few well-placed bullets, she'd be the nobody for life she so richly deserves to be.

And then she has the nerve to pack heat in two cities - Frisco and D.C. - where the locals can seldom even have a firearm, let alone have any hope of getting permission to tote one in their handbags to deal with the local criminals. The ones other than the reliable (D) politicians, that is.

This is hypocrisy of the rankest stripe, and it smells from sea to shining sea, just like the rest of the silly excuses made as to why the peasantry should be unarmed, especially in long-term (D)-run outposts of civic squalor, like Chicongo, Baltimore, D.C., NYFC, etc. (BTW, I read the other day that 51% of all US murders annually occur in just two counties: Chicongo, and Los Angeles, both long-time Dumbocrat/No CCW for You strongholds), but the perfumed princes and their faithful and dutiful retainers there are always armed to the hilt as they go about doing Satan's business among their Deplorable inferiors.



Undoing even one of those reasons would blow your empty Leftard heads up like ripe watermelons on a hot sunny day, with fire from an AK-47.

Getting you to entirely abandon the reality of all six would be about as likely as the Mississippi River running backwards, or the water in the Niagara River running back up Niagara Falls from Lake Ontario and back into Lake Erie.

So let's all just agree that your ilk have nothing constructive or intelligent to say, based purely on two lifetimes' worth of anecdotal evidence in 100% of all possible cases, and you blowhard fatheads therefore just STFU, and cut down on carbon dioxide pollution by none of your side exhaling on the subject, anytime for the next ten centuries or so.

After that, we can think about a trial period, and then around 3018 A.D., we can see if you've gotten any better on things in the interim.




*{Option A: CNN's WH-airhead Jim Acosta reads this blog.
Option B: I can predict this nonsense cold, because their talking points never change.}

And now, a word from Sal the Agorist: