After more ship collisions in the past year than in the previous twenty, the US Navy is having a problem.
Current and past US Navy crews, driving agile, high-speed Burke-class destroyers like McCain and Fitzgerald, which can accelerate rapidly and turn in short radii
are being told to beware of the dangers of plodding sea cows like Alnic MC,
Dunce caps, dark glasses, and white-tipped canes for the Navy crew in these safety briefings is optional.
But clearly, the Seventh Fleet has recruited blind people for radar operators and watch-standing bridge lookouts, and retarded kids to staff the CIC for some time.
Navy sources declined comment, because all their line officers were at mandatory diversity and sensitivity awareness training lectures.
Commissioning the Diversity-class destroyers USS Stevie Wonder, Ray Charles, and Jose Feliciano would seem to be the obvious next step.
The planned new class of ships (sorry, no artwork available yet) will carry no radar, guns or weaponry, but will include onboard childcare, hot tubs, a 50% female crew, and mandatory differently-abled and LGBTEIEIO crew staffing.
Also no portholes on the bridge, but an extra-wide ramp in the stern for taking on gender-fluid seamen.
Next week, the Navy Department will be commissioning another sequel to McHale's Navy.
Doubtless as a training film.
For the record, both GM1 Ermes Borgnino, pictured above, and the Princess Cruise Lines ship Pacific Princess have hit fewer ships and killed less of their own sailors, lifetime, than the US Navy's Seventh Fleet has accomplished in just this calendar year.
Way to go, flag commanders!
216 admirals for 239 commissioned ships (including one Nork-captured
And some of you thought Admiral Peter Peachfuzz was just a cartoon character.
The US Navy has been slashed by 40-50% since the high-water mark of the Reagan years.
So just for the helluvit, let's fire 70-100 admirals from grades O-7 to O-10, and see if that helps things out any.
Assigning them in permanent reserve status to unnofficial state militia fleets like the Cajun Navy wouldn't be a bad thing either. Provided those admirals were willing to start at the bottom, and work their way up from cutting bait.