This is somewhat troubling: Sensitive personal details relating to almost 200 million US citizens have been accidentally exposed by a marketing firm contracted by the Republican National Committee.
But hey, seriously…
This was data mined from all sorts of sources.
You’d lie to a pollster, right? RIGHT?!?
Go by the local bookstore.
Collect 50 magazine blow-in subscription cards while you browse.
From political and religiously slanted periodicals, when possible.
Sign up for the magazines using your own name.
No middle initials.
At 17 real addresses you never lived at, all around the country.
Mail them in.
Next month, do the same thing for 5 people randomly selected.
Forward all your junk mail shit to those addresses.
Ideally, by responding to it using those addresses.
(And if you can’t figure out how to pull the same thing off online using dead end g-mail and yahoo addresses, you’re not tall enough for that ride.)
Going on vacation?
Out of state?
Go to the DMVs and post offices there. Get voter reg cards.
Get the local voter reg lists.
Re-register random strangers to different political parties than what they’re signed up for.
(Wear gloves. Don’t get caught. The Democrats have been doing this for decades. Of course it's illegal. So is deleting 30,000 official e-mails, and putting beyond-Top-Secret classified material on an unsecured private server. Beiss mich.)
Likely outcome: suddenly, everyone has to show ID to register to vote, or cast a ballot. Boo frickin’ hoo.
And people are registered to all sorts of strange parties.
Go to the local college or university.
Get a graduate name roster.
Get addresses all around the country that match the names, from the White Pages online, etc.
Register them all for the Denny’s Birthday Club.
As senior citizens.
Send $5 to each of 13 religious organizations. All different than yours.
And three atheist organizations.
And the Flat Earth Society, and the Church Of The Flying Spaghetti Monster.
And the NRA, and the ACLU.
Get three mail drops. Prepay them for six months.
Forward just your junk mail to the first one; forward all mail from the first one to the second one; all mail from the second one to the third one, and all mail from the third one to the first one. If they’re in different, but neighboring, counties, so much the better.
Get some cheap burner phones. (Quantity optional.)
Use them, and a prepaid cash gift card from Visa or MasterCard. Give one of the new phone number(s) out, with your name, every time you’re asked for a phone number that’s nobody’s goddam business, and order different inexpensive oddball crap to yourself.
At each of the 17 addresses you don’t live at.
Bonus: Use Amazon.
Send yourself Mein Kampf at one address, Mao’s Little Red Book at another, Shrillary’s It Takes a Village at a third, and Barry Goldwater’s Conscience Of A Conservative at a fourth address, and so on. Get the cheapest crappiest used copies listed.
Send your liberal acquaintances conservative books, in their own name.
Ditto, vice versa, for a few conservative friends.
Send some gay magazines to anyone annoyingly religious, esp. Muslim.
Take those bogus yahoo and g-mail accounts, and post rants on every political website in the spectrum. Daily Kos, HuffPo, TownHall.com, Brietbart, and so on.
Think any obnoxious online jackhole, but with multiple personality disorder. Argue with yourself from different accounts.
Don’t forget Facey book and Twatter accounts. Be the Randy Quaid fan from hell in Major League 2, on social media. Try to offend everyone. Hashtag and “at” sign the known universe.
Lecture mouthy celebrities etc. for not being libtard enough. Make them hate their own causes, their own side, and get them to STFU and dance.
For maybe 200 bucks, you can so f**k up data miners, you’ll be listed at a dozen or more addresses you never lived at, and half a dozen phone numbers you won’t ever use, and be registered as belonging to every political and religious group on the planet. If 100 people did it, then did it to half a dozen random strangers, data mining them would be like looking for a needle in a wrecked auto junkyard, with a metal detector. Blindfolded.
Take some of the unused minutes on the burner phones, and call the embassies of every foreign state with terrorist groups. And terrorist front groups in neutral countries. And UN charities. Link their stuff to your online alter egos.
Leave some time on the burner phones.
Then leave them in public places like courthouse payphones, subway stations, railroad stations, bus depots, downtown cab stands, and casino slot machines.
Before you drop them off, switch the activation cards around.
Now the NSA is chasing Haqqim Appu, Swedish nuns, Shaquisha’s aunt Maisey, some random homeless bum with 27 psych holds, and teenagers from a downtown high school, and trying to tie them to ISIS, Victoria’s Secret, Justin Bieber porn, UNICEF, and inmates at the county jail.
If you have to get a supermarket (or any other) loyalty card, give them a fake name, fake address, and fake phone number: from three different real people, from the local phone book. Get multiple cards from the same chain, from different stores. Use them in rotation.
Feel free to get some more of those cards in the names of your elected representatives.
Use those cards to buy your porn and booze.
Post plastic-wrapped kilo bricks of oregano and baking powder to local politicians. From their political rivals.
And to the DEA from both of them.
Return address in Mexico, Bolivia, or Columbia.
(Bonus points if they’re from the offices of flaming Lefty eco-libtard groups.)
Rent a car the same as the one the local mayor, sheriff, chief of police, or the most special pain-in-the-ass politician(s) in your area drives. Make a set of stick-on cardboard plates, balls-on-accurate, with the right letters/numbers.
Run red light cameras in neighboring cities at 3AM. Park illegally in front of whorehouses, massage parlors, porn or marijuana stores, and get parking tickets. Go for the handicapped spaces. Call yourself in to the meter maids if necessary, mid-day.
Send the parking tickets to the local TV stations and newspapers.
And in case you never read Hayduke’s Revenge books, any time someone asks for a Social Security number that’s none of their goddam business, Richard Nixon’s number is 567-68-0515.
And there’s also a list of more Social Security numbers online, for Kurt Cobain, Walt Disney, etc.
Knock yourself out.
Screw the whole idea of tracking anyone’s digital life right in the butt, until it bleeds. For less than the price of a cheap handgun.
Corrupt the source data so hard it’ll never walk straight again.
And please, stop being lazy, and pay cash for your stuff, to the maximum extent humanly possible.
Privacy invasion game over.
I worked on a movie once, where one of the behind-the-scenes workers was a total dick to everyone. Because that’s what he was.
The sound guy quietly collected subscription cards from everyone on the show, for three months. Didn’t tell them why.
When the production company put out the crew list, he started filling them all out — for Messr. Dickhead.
For every publication known to man: lesbian magazines, dog and cat magazines, the Pennysaver, and about 200 other rags.
The last day of production, he mailed them all in.
Four years later, the dickhead was still fighting the mountains of shit that landed in his mailbox every day.
Another guy signed his vicious ex up for every dopey drawing at every mall and trade show he saw. She was getting junk from the entire planet, and never figured it out.
Have fun with life, and stop taking it so seriously.