Friday, June 2, 2017
F*@#!%& Cheap Bastards - A Modest Suggestion
I buy the random electronic device.
Actually, tons of them.
Laptops, two DSLR cameras, three or four handicams, a pocket camera, a few dozen flashlights, a couple of pocket recorders, one hi-def digital sound recorder, multiple monitors, DVD/BD players, a game console, and all with any number of remote controls for same. And then the night vision goggles, laser range finders, red dot scopes, handheld GPSs, and GMRS/HT/SW/Ham radios in small armies.
And almost without exception, every single one of these marvels of 21st century technology comes equipped from the manufacturer, by malign fucktarderry, with the cheapest, shoddiest, shittiest, most-likely-to-explode-and-go-tits-up-at-a-critical-moment piece of Chinese SHIT batteries, pounded together in a yurt by Mongolian yak farmers from old wheel weights, saltpeter, and yak shit in the Chinese #37 A-1 Battery Company, Ltd.
WTBlisteringF, corporate cheapskate @$$holes?!?
It's like buying a Ferrari, and finding out they put the crappiest brand of tires from Madagascar onto $800K of sports car. Only stupider.
I've probably filled a notable portion of the local landfill with those shit-tastic pieces of Chinese Fail Fuckerry, mainly because of long experience with chipping exploded melted battery pus out of delicate and expensive devices every single time in the past beyond misty memory if I don't hurl the goddamned things as far from here as possible immediately after opening the original packaging.
JFC, you cheap bean-counting shitstains on a good company, try shipping Duracell, Energizer, or even Panasonic or Maxell/Hitachi name-brand batteries (perhaps you fuckwits have heard of them?), and tell the Who Flung Poo Asstastic Battery Company to pound their cheap worthless trash right back up the ass of the yak that shat it out before you bought them by the metric fuckton, and shipped them out in your products.
I mean, holy shit, it might add 79 cents to the cost of your $800 piece of electronic wonder, or cost you as much from the bottom line, while not making your customers want to force feed your CEO and board of directors consumer batteries using a 4-lb sledgehammer, up the tailpipe, until they come out your noses.
When the day comes I have terminal cancer, I'm taking a wrist rocket and a few buckets of the damned things to the local US HQs buildings of a number of, primarily Asian, electronics companies hereabouts (all well within a tank of gas) on a Sunday, and I swear to Buddha I'll be returning your batteries through all your corporate plate glass windows at about 200 FPS. Call it my version of free shipping.
I highly urge anyone in the SoCal area, even for a visit, to do the same, every time you visit.
Start a trend, maybe.
Perhaps when the cheap jackholes get the bill for American plate glass replacement, they can suddenly see their way clear through the yawning openings in their former glass palaces to buying actual functional consumer batteries for their consumer electronics.
It's certainly worth trying.
And yes, I feel better now.