Attention To Orders

 h/t B at Middle Of The Right

We hereby award this day the FAFO Medal with gold star device, to one Douchebag Garcia, formerly of San Antonio, TX , car thief and felon in possession of a loaded weapon, shot by his theft victim while attempting to avoid apprehension for his crime, after the vehicle's owner tracked him down, finding Douchebag sitting in the stolen vehicle in question, and ordered him at gunpoint to get out of the vehicle and await the arrival of the local police.

Douchebag, desiring no such annoying outcome to his criminal enterprise, then produced a weapon of his own and shot the vehicle owner, wounding him for his efforts, whereupon Douchebag became a bullet sponge for the owner's far more accurate and voluminous return fire, absorbing thereby an unknown quantity of lead proceeding towards him at a high rate of speed, and with an unknown number of friends of the lethal projectile(s) arriving concurrently, as well as getting his girlfriend-accomplice shot critically in the exchange for bonus points, while managing to rapidly achieve room temperature himself shortly thereafter. Huzzah.

For getting shot, Douchebag Garcia rates the FAFO Medal, and by happily dying of wounds received in the exchange, the gold star device is additionally authorized.

His butthurt brother, Jose Garcia, unfamiliar with the rules of FAFO, is rectum-clenchingly upset that Douchebag's grand theft auto and attempted murder became a capital crime, but the San Antonio TX police chief, where the shooting occurred, has already declared Zero Fucks will be Given on behalf of Douchebag, who was killed both lawfully, and in a praiseworthy manner, saving the citizens of the state of Texas any further expense for such now-superfluous niceties as incarceration, trial, and imprisonment for this or any other future depredations on the citizenry thereof.

And to the vehicle's owner, wounded in the apprehension, we officially commend him for his actions, wishing him a rapid recovery, and godspeed in his future life. The local authorities should formally commend him for his actions, and reimburse him at least a celebratory box of replacement ammunition for his efforts. Dulce et decorum est.

"Nice shootin', Tex!"

If there were more crimes like this, there'd be less crimes like this.