Two Is One, And One Is Dumb

Yeah, I know.

It's "Two Is One, And One Is None."

Meaning: Anything you have only one of becomes a single point of failure.

Because Murphy hates your guts.

My version, while pithier, is more accurate.

So you have two of many important things.

So...how well and how far have you thought that through?

Be honest.

Maybe (unlike moi) you live in Free America, and a CCW is easy to come by (or not required at all - yay, Constitutional Carry).

So - of course, duh! - you have a second G26, or thug-stabbing stiletto, or at least a second duct-taped roll of dimes, in case something happens to your primary one.

So you're good, right?

Natzsofast, Guido.

Look at EDC again.

What's your real everyday carry?

How about keys? A wallet?

You got a second one of those??

I'm not rich.

Nor a building maintenance supervisor.

But looking at my key ring:

Car remote fob.

Car key for other car. 

Front door key.

Back door key.

Office key.

Locker key.

Safe deposit box key.

Safe key.

Gun safe key.

Bike lock key.

Weapon carry box key.

Generic luggage key for briefcase and suitcase.

Mail drop door key.

PO box key.

Keyring light.

Stash capsule. (For spare $20, or your Rx pill(s), etc.).

Keyring pen knife.

I thought about it one day, and realized I had some spare keys.

But I didn't have a complete-in-every-detail duplicate-of-everything-on-the-ring EXTRA key ring.

Well, I do now.

And not in the house with the primary set, either.

Because that key ring would never fall out of your pocket while you were fishing. Fifteen miles offshore. At night.

(Like all your suddenly banned guns did, or will.)

Your cat will never bat them off the counter and behind the least accessible piece of furniture in your house.

Your dog will never bury them in the rose garden.

There will never be a hurricane, tornado, or 7 point earthquake where you left them on the top of the bedroom dresser, and in the morning, you couldn't find the dresser, or even the bedroom, anymore.

Let alone the darned keys.

Oh, HELL YES THEY WILL.

Ask me how I know.

I can check several of those boxes.

What about your wallet?

Forget the $10, $20, $50 if you lose it.

That's the smallest problem, every time, if it gets lost, stolen, mislaid, whatever.

But killing a day at the DMV for a new driver's license?

Kill me with a salad fork first, please.

A dull, rusty one.

It gets worse.

There's a professional license in there too.

And half a dozen gotta-have-em certifications.

My permission to buy-a-gun card. (Yes, really. It's Califrutopia.)

My CCW. (Because even though it's Califrutopia, I'm not stupid enough to live in a gun-free county.)

Both a yuuuge PITA to not have, or need to replace in haste.

Then 3 ATM/debit cards, two credit cards, 3 merchants' loyalty discount cards, and - oh, yeah - Uncle's Social Security card, without which I can't get hired 23 times a month on 22 different television or movie productions, because I have to fill out a new I-9 every time I pick up a one-day gig.

And a DoD expired ID.

And a medical insurance card.

And a dental plan card.

And even a passport substitute ID card.

And a shrunken version of an FFL.

All easily and quickly replaceable at 3AM on the Wednesday before the Thanksgiving 4-day holiday, 2500 miles from home, amiright?

And then we get into the other eleventy things in that wallet, even after the quarterly shredding of the no-longer-necessary-or-relevant detritus that accrues therein. 

Oh, and one of my favorite things:

In case you lose your wallet/cards, the toll-free numbers to report them are all printed on the cards.

Right on the back of the cards you lost.

Genius, right there, no?

Spot the Logic Fail in this plan

But you knew Kinko's/FedEx has color copiers, right?

And that your bank will issue you duplicate cards for free, just for asking?

So that if, say, your house burns down, you don't have to wait 72-168 hours to get a new ATM card, to buy a set of clothes, a tank of gas, replace a dropped transmission, and rent a comfy motel room for the night. Nor depend on the kindness of strangers to call you an Uber, so you're not stranded in BFEgypt on a Saturday, and your @$$hole bank shut off your credit, because even though you used your PIN-verified card to purchase a flight to BFEgypt, you didn't tell them you were going there, so they waited until you flew to BFEgypt to cut you off from all your wordly goods and chattels, but only mans the turn-it-back-on customer service phones M-F from 10-4, EST.

Ask me how I know this, too.

And see if you can guess why I have a spare wallet, down to the last detail, including a spare modicum of greenbacks, because 90% of the time, a color copy of your driver's license is good enough (for anyone but the White House gate guards, or Trooper Goober of the BFEgypt State Police when he's pulling you over for a good fleecing for the crime of driving while out of state), and most of the rest can at least be copied, so you have those toll-free 800/888 numbers handy to report loss before you've acquired a new bill for a shopping spree, courtesy of the guy who lifted your real wallet.

And that's just off the top of my head.

If you're going to be prepared, be prepared to deal with the simple stuff, before you worry about the Zompocalypse/black swan events. In the average person's non-Walter Mitty lifetime they're probably going to lose or mislay keys or wallet a lot more often than they're going to have to escape and evade zombie hordes and travel cross-country in a epic 3000 mile journey to a Bond villain lair.

My apologies if this is news to you.

So fix that, and see what else you can apply the wisdom of a belt and suspenders to in order to not be caught by life with your figurative pants around your ankles.