(BANKSTER BUTTINSKIS, MONEYGRUBBERVILLE) The American people lent $45 billion to Bank of America during the bailout. That bailout came with a hefty $100 billion guarantee against losses on toxic assets.
That money came from American taxpayers. It came from gun owners and non-gun owners.
But Bank of America has warned that it will refuse to lend money to manufacturers of “assault-style guns”. It had previously announced it was edging away from the coal business to fight global warming.
Be a real bitch if some folks started to shove slices of frozen cheese the same size as credit cards into BofA's ATM card slots, or caulk those suckers over, and epoxy or hard acrylic the keypads. Or just paint over the screens with black paint.
Be tough to figure out who did it at 3AM if they wore V for Vendetta or Obama masks too, huh?
Even harder if they sprayed over the ATMs' cameras too.
I bet someone with enterprise could hit 10 or 20 a night, and never get caught.
But I bet after 1000 or 10,000 or 100,000 ATM out of service calls, they'd see their way right the f*** out of the whole political arena, and go back to just being a bank, or shareholders would probably find a board who could figure out what business they were in.
Of course, that would be both naughty and illegal, so of course you wouldn't want to do that.
Especially if anyone was looking. Because you'd get caught.
It'd also be a real bitch if Congress were pressured by constituents - in an election year with primaries just weeks away, mind you - to remove FDIC deposit guarantees from any bank infringing on citizens' Constitutional rights, since government oversees those banks like a proctologist's tailpipe scope.
And if BofA has spare time for this kind of silly horseshit, it's clearly also time for the Treasury Dept. to call in the notes on those 2008 bailout loans. Tomorrow. In full.
And also, cancel any government business with those banks, and bar any future transactions with them by any government entity.
They could even forbid all direct deposits to them from any government payees, as a matter of government policy. And there's not a damned thing BofA could do about that, except go under.
In case anyone would rather call their Congressweasel, rather than stock up on frozen cheese, caulk, and epoxy.
But if you're a belt-and-suspenders kind of guy, ROWYBS.