Surprise! The nearest Target turns out to be on your kids' back.
So, while undergoing some retail therapy yesterday, I found the following two hard-R flicks were cleverly located by Le Boutique Targét in the "Family Favorites" section of their video entertainment department:
Now look, as someone who doesn't have any children (at least as far as I know/yet), far be it for me to tell you the minutiae of precisely how to raise yours. But I think we can agree that sado-masochism and a non-stop (albeit hilarious) never-ending stream of F-bombs and exquisite gory slaughter probably isn't what Mr. & Mrs. Average had in mind for plopping little Jack and Sally in front of on a Saturday afternoon for some light entertainment and wholesome family fare.
In the immortal words of noted thespian Ryan Reynolds in the latter flick,
"What the $#!^ biscuit?!?"
To be fair, when I brought this little holiday non-sequitir faux pas to the attention of the manager on duty, politely and light-heartedly (because let's face it, this isn't a billion people dying of hunger), she not only agreed with my assessment that it was inappropriate, and also probably not what TPTB at Dayton-Hudson Corp. want to read about going viral on FaceSpace if I or someone with a lesser sense of humor found it and took a cell-phone pic, she proceeded immediately to the offending (literally) rack to relocate said fare to a more appropriate section of the shelving.
But you do have to wonder exactly what sort of Common Core-graduate left-edge-of-the-IQ-bell-curve stocking clerks they've hired who'd have plopped the videos there to begin with, without maybe, y'know, getting a second opinion from someone with a few spare IQ points, and a dollop more of common sense.
But maybe I'm expecting too much from a company that can't see why letting middle-aged cross-dressers with a tenuous grip on reality into the same bathroom as little girls might be a problem for most parents. Especially in states with must-issue CCW regulations.
At any rate, one video department is now a wee bit safer for letting kids be kids a little longer, at least until Rihanna and Pink release their new cover and music video duet of I Saw Mommy Whipping Santa Claus.
And for anybody dipshitty enough to even attempt to justify either flick as being suitable "Family Fare" in any way in comments, please tell me you're childless, have been suitably spayed/neutered, and prepare nonetheless to be mocked mercilessly and with malice aforethought.