Get A F***ing Grip

Dear Conservatives,

Take a deep breath, boys and girls.
I have some news for some of you. Brace yourselves.

Shrillary Clinton lost the 2016 presidential election.

Wait, it gets worse.

President Trump (which sounds better every time I say it) was sworn into office as the 45th President of the United States, by the Chief Justice of the Supreme Court, on the steps of the U.S. Capitol, at noon, January 20th, 2017. (As foretold by the prophecy.)
Hopey Dopey left office, without pardoning Shrillary, and he's now just another unemployed former president, free to golf 365 days a year, forever, and safely ensconced at the absolute bottom of every presidential ranking for the next EVER.

The more perspicacious out there may possibly have heard some of this already, and be coping with the news as well as can be expected.

For the rest, teddy bear hugging may be appropriate for some of you now. In extreme cases, you may need some soothing music, in increasing dosage:

There now, feeling better? Good. It's about to get even scarier.
Trump undid eight years of HopeyDopey's executive orders in about an hour.
He's named some good to great cabinet picks, and a sterling SCOTUS nominee.
He's going to build the border wall.
And on and on it goes, like a tornado, leaving ruin and destruction in its wake.
In this case, of the entire Democrat Party.

And in response, the Left is in epic diaper-shitting frothing insaniac meltdown, because they lost an election. And they've been hyperventilating and losing their shit over reality for something like three months non-stop.

This past week, in response to news that Milo Yiannopolis was going to speak there, the Special Snowflake Brigade of the Free Shit Army, along with the Crack Suicide Squad of the Judean People's Front, smashed windows and set fires in Berkeley, on and off the campus. (Be still, my beating heart!)

And this news has some out there wanting to call up the reserves, spin up the alert bombers, and go to DefCon One. After you change your shorts.

WTF, srsly?!?

Imagine the news in London in 1940:
Hitler Bombs Berlin
The London Times' subheadline would have read
Churchill sending emergency resupply of avgas and bombs to Luftwaffe for second sortie.

Sweet suffering shiva, instead of BMWing (that'd be Bitch, Moan, and Whine) about this, and wondering why nobody rushed to arms to thwart this grave threat to the republic, the proper response should be to immediately send funds for airfare, and book Milo to speak at Harvard, Yale, Princeton, Georgetown, Vassar, Oberlin, et al, while simultaneously sending comic book training manuals on Molotov cocktails to the commie and anarchist student groups there, along with cases of empty beer bottles and jerry cans of racing fuel.
(Rommel, you magnificent bastard, I read your book!)

And if you can book Milo at CNN, The Spew, The Daily Show, and whatever Colbert is doing, along with alerting the mob and sending the supplies in advance, I'll kick in a check myself.

That is the only thing anyone should be doing.

You want to do more PT, double-check your supplies, get trained individually and as a neighborhood group? Go ahead on; it's a good plan regardless of the recent lunacy.

But worry about this rabble amounting to much more than comedy relief?
Hell to the No!

Let the Looney Left tear itself to bitsy pieces, and sandbag yourselves in with beer, pretzels, and popcorn, and after the Superbowl, settle in to watch these antics until the idiots run out of cannon fodder, or energy. Because they're the funniest damn thing I've seen in ages.

They lost an election, FFS. You'd have thought someone found a dirty fork at a restaurant or something.

So grasp that Trigglypuff is not 300 feet tall and coming to eat your children.

Learn how to piss on your enemies severed heads (at least rhetorically), and shit in their breakfast bowls, with a hearty laugh and a happy grin on your face.

And then, do it again tomorrow, because you can.

But please, ixnay on the anicpay.
And don't rush out to counter-protest with the jacktards, because most people won't be able to tell you apart from them.
And they'll be right.




Update: For those actually living IN the city where such festivities break out (though if we're talking Berkeley, the obvious question is "FFS, Why?!?"), we suggest a trip to this thoughtful piece by Tom Kratman:
Riot Control: How To Stop A Riot
Myself having lived through two major all-city events, I can attest the wisdom of the piece.