Monday, October 24, 2016
Comrade Hayden, R.I.H.
With all the bad news recently, I could not help but affirm my belief in a benevolent deity with the receipt of the happy news yesterday of the passing of anti-American traitor and all-around communist douchebag Tom Hayden. It's just a pity he didn't catch a 750 pounder from a B-52 fifty years ago while giving aid and comfort to North Vietnam, but we'll settle for yesterday's ticket-punching as better late than never.
One of the original Chicago Eight, manifesto writer for the SDS, former state representative of the People's Republic of Santa Monica, and one of the former spouses of Queen Douchebagette Jane Fonda, the loss to civilization of this leftist festering carbuncle on the ass of humanity is so negligible that it cannot be measured with existing instrumentation.
But the unexpected arrival of his final departure is hopefully a harbinger of the eventual (and imminent, with any luck at all) demise of Hanoi Jane herself. As we have already set aside funds sufficient to visit Comrade Fonda's final resting place, with a view to leaving something memorable on that future site that won't be mistaken for flowers, we think it only fitting to help water the grass on Hayden's gravesite at the next opportunity as well, if only out of fair play and equality. After all, there's a drought hereabouts, and anything we can do to help settle the soil and keep Zombie Tom from breaking out of his dirt napping site seems a worthy cause.
Alas, we will be unable to attend the funeral for Comrade Hayden, but rest assured that a note will be sent along expressing our entire approval of it coming to pass.
And I'll raise a glass to the old bastard, certainly roasting in brimstone, if only to load my bladder for a future visit to his final earthly address. Like most giant turds, his passing ought to leave people with nothing so much as relief and contentment.