"The Carson City Council gave preliminary approval this week to an ordinance that would target anyone from kindergarten to age 25 who makes another person feel "terrorized, frightened, intimidated, threatened, harassed or molested" with no legitimate purpose."
As Casey Stengel used to say, "You could look it up."
Aside from how much fun this will make next Halloween, when every cranky old SOB in Carson holds an entire garage full of kids hostage under citizen's arrest for criminal violations, a few other thoughts come to mind.
The day the dipshit council in Carson passes that law, I'm going down to the LA Sheriff's station in Cason to swear out a complaint against anyone over 18 and under 25 who voted for those sh*theads, because those kids scare the hell out of me. With no legitimate purpose.
And if you or anyone you know lives in Carson and votes, I just want you to know you're a bunch of mentally deficient uber-retards with delusions of adequacy.
Feel free to serve me with a writ anytime. Oh, wait, too late, I'm over 25.
That also includes every one in the city of Carson up to and including the age of 95. You're all dumber than a box of rocks too.
Because, you little horde of f*ckwit penguins marching in lockstep towards the Holy Monolith Of Stupidity that is your god, it evidently escaped the notice of both you and your civic guardians, that there's this teensie little thing called
the First Amendment.
Perhaps some of you may have heard of it.
It says that Congress can make no law restricting the freedom of speech.
Then along came
the Fourteenth Amendment,
which the really astute among you may have heard incorporated those rights to citizens of the several states.
This means this asinine exercise of tyranny is Constitutionally prohibited.
So please, cite me. I've always wanted to own my own city, even if the inhabitants have the brains of a stegosaurus.
But damn. I'm over 25. Still too late to come after me.
Deputy Barney Fife will have to content himself with trying to ticket people old enough to graduate with master's degrees for being mean. With "no good reason". I wonder, does one (or all) of them bitching out the jackassical city council there count as a "legitimate purpose", or not??
But it's nice to know they let the First Amendment apply once you become 25.
That's mighty white of them. In the meantime, the first kid they cite under this law is going to Stanford Medical School, courtesy of the taxpayers of Carson who voted their gaggle of council dipshits into office.
And the next time some soopergenius in Carson decides to write an ordinance, it would probably help if you'd have elected only people with an IQ less than three standard deviations below the mean average. (You should look that up. It isn't a good thing.)
Populating your city council with unredeemable morons isn't going to work out well, now or later, and the sooner some bunch of you all stumble over that fact and pay attention to it, the sooner you can start beating your civic f*ckwits into paying attention to the sorts of things within their scope of practice, like potholes in the streets and such.
Perhaps if you could get your would-be leaders to stop licking the windows at city hall and marveling at the wonder that is the smell of their own farts, they might be induced to pay attention to such pedestrian fodder, and leave the despotism to banana republics and socialist paradises half a world away. It would also probably help if you'd stop them from eating the jars of paste on their desks, what say? Additional money could be saved if you stopped holding umbrellas over their heads while it rained to stop them from drowning when they stare up at the raindrops with their mouths agape.
By the way, you're all ugly, and your mothers dress you funny. And not in a humorous way, except to those of us watching your city's clowncarnucopia of fail.
At this point, you're making the City of L.A. look bright by comparison, and their city council wise and thoughtful, which is no small achievement.
Kindly knock it off.
If anything I said hurt your pwecious feeeeeeewings, learn a lesson, you pre-literate cluster of thumb-sucking litter-box leftovers.
So grow a thicker skin, a bigger brain, and realize civilization's job isn't to shield you from feeling like the monumental jackasses and morons you all evidently are.
Stop being an entire village made up of idiots.
Or at least, if you're going to keep it up, move to Santa Monica, where no one will likely notice.
P.S. If you work for the City Attorney's office in Carson, or worse, you are the City Attorney for Carson, and you weren't dragged out of the last council meeting where this was preliminarily approved screaming at the top of your lungs that the council was a bunch of incompetent morons who'd be sued from here to Hell for violations of Constitutional law, (not to mention common sense) please kill yourself, with all due haste, and if possible, by hanging yourself from a public overpass. At least your death will serve a better example to your profession than your squandered life, so you won't be a total waste of skin and oxygen before you die. Anything less would be far too little, too late.
P.P.S. If the residents have secretly changed their city's first name to "Johnny", and this is really a tribute to the king of late-night comedy by way of the funniest joke you could play on yourselves, I apologize. Well played. You've insured that the funniest thing on late night for the next few nights will be Carson, for the first time in decades. High-O!