ass-dollar (n.) 1. Any piece of currency received in change so worn out and raggedy that the recipient rightfully concludes was almost certainly stored up some prior owner's tailpipe at some point in time. e.g. "I got two ass-dollars in change at the drive-thru."
Having received far too many exemplars of the type, we herewith officially coin the term. Use it widely with our sincerest benedictions. They have apparently overrun the circulating bills to the point that the Treasury Department no longer finds it convenient to remove them from circulation.
Just one more indicator of the true state of civilization, and its continued slippage towards mud-hut Turd World status.
Don't even bring up the actual value of same over time.
You know that Voltaire quote about paper currency always returning to the value of the paper? What happens when it costs more to print the dollar than the dollar is worth? It's not like they can go to a cheaper alloy, like the zinc pennies we've been using since the mid-80s. The cost of the paper in the dollar has to be going up - they're forcing it to.
ReplyDeleteIf you add enough zeros, that will take care of it - for a while.
ReplyDeleteThey've already crossed that threshold. The value of a $1 bill is already less, in real terms, than the cost to print one.
ReplyDeleteThe spot price at the moment I type this is $2621.48/oz for gold, meaning a US dollar in 2024 is worth 0.78¢ (i.e. about 3/4s of 1¢) compared to a U.S. dollar from 1837-1933 (an inflation rate of over 12,600% since 1933), while it costs the Treasury Dept. between 2.8¢ and 5.4¢ to print a $1 bill, per various sources, i.e. about 4 to 9 times the value of the bill itself in real terms.
They would provide more long-term utility if they were printed on perforated toilet paper squares, taking the meaning of "ass-dollar" to a whole new level, while preventing them being discarded in the streets after the inevitable future financial collapse, unlike Weimar reichsmarks, Zimbabwean dollars, or Venezuelan pesos.
Used to be this nasty game called Poop Dollar, whereby someone would wipe their rear with a dollar bill, post-crap, and leave it shit-side up on the sidewalk. Then wait for the opportunistic pedestrian to pick it up, notice the stain, give it a smell. At that point it's one of two options for them, drop it in disgust, or more often than not, pocket it. Queue the laughter.
ReplyDeleteI've always called those "hobo" dollars with the implied understanding that they were covered in filth. Bad enough.
ReplyDeleteIt hadn't occurred to me they'd been stored in it. Thanks for painting that picture.
Jeffersonian
Is it true that there was a country once where the way to tell counterfeit money was that it didn't run when it got wet, unlike the real thing?
ReplyDeleteThere are always ways to make money (paper or coins) more cheaply...
Jonathan
I will gladly take all those ass dollars off your hands.
ReplyDeleteToo late. They're always the first ones palmed off on other people.
ReplyDeleteAss pennies. Upright Citizens Brigade. Classic episode.
ReplyDeleteI don't know about today, but in 1990's Nigeria, use of a wallet was a rare thing. Bills were just wadded up and stuffed into a pocket, (or wherever...) and became ass-naira in short order. That money really stunk, as in actually smelled bad. There were billboards showing a man holding a wallet with clean, crisp bills, next to a wad of filthy ass-naira, as if to show how it should be done. Didn't work...
ReplyDeleteWhich explains this phenomenon: the more we import the Turd World here, the more we become it.
ReplyDeleteWorking at a convenience store in the hood, during warm weather the cashiers routinely receive Sweaty Boob Money. Those are the bills that the overweight welfare queen rolls up and stuffs into her bra to buy lottery tickets and Newports. Everything else paid for by EBT.
ReplyDelete