"O Hell No!!!

That's a 6/6 on the Iglesias Scale

It's unclear if the contestant was confused, and thought the contest was "Miss As Big As Alabama"; was looking for the circus sideshow hiring office; or just wandered into the contest by mistake while looking for the buffet.

But American Miss Pageant officials: Your pageant is broken, and your Alabama judges are blind, drunk, high as fuck, or all of the above. Apparently, they didn't learn a lesson from the bankruptcy of Sports Illustrated after they lost their collective minds last year. Possibly because their editorial staff all moved to Alabama to judge pageants.

I don't care if she "has a great personality". If the only place you fit in a crew cab pickup truck is inside the bed, you don't belong in a beauty pageant, you belong on a weight loss fat farm pulling a wagon loaded with hay bales around a field, while the teamster dangles a cupcake in front of you hung from the end of a pole, until you can sit on a folding chair without turning it into a yoga mat.

It's not all bad for her, though. Hormel and Jimmy Dean are said to be in a bidding war to make Miss Land Whale the spokesmodel for their pork products, Dubuque is rumored to be coming out with their new Canned Ham On A Popsicle Stick in her honor, and the American Heart Association is basing next year's "How To Have A Heart Attack By 30" campaign on her.

Unfortunately, she'll have to travel to the national pageant by train, since no passenger aircraft are currently rated for her, while cargo airliners would have to use tie down straps to secure her to a cargo pallet to get anywhere by air. National pageant officials are already calling engineering firms to get an upgrade on the stage construction requirements.

This is what happens when you embrace psychotic delusion as "the new normal", instead of slapping the sh*t out of total morons spewing fluent nonsense.