President Cockholster

Yeah, I said it.
Got a problem with that?

Wait, let me set the stage:

(ROMPER ROOM) After praising the work of Attorney General Jeff Sessions in fighting against gangs, Trump  President Cockholster addressed the question of opposition from the State of California directly:

They [the MS-13 gang] actually have franchises going to Los Angeles. We’re getting no help from the State of California. I mean, frankly, if I wanted to pull our people from California, you would have a crime mess like you’ve never seen in California. All I’d have to do is say, “ICE and Border Patrol,  let California alone.” You’d be inundated — you would see crime like no one has ever seen crime in this country. And yet, we get no help from the State of California. They are doing a lousy management job. They have the highest taxes in the nation, and they don’t know what’s happening out there. Frankly, it’s a disgrace. The “sanctuary city” situation, the protection of these horrible criminals — you know it, because you’re working on it — the protection of these horrible criminals in California, and other places, but in California, that if we ever pulled our ICE out, and we ever said, “Let California alone, let them figure it out for themselves,” in two months, they’d be begging for us to come back. They would be begging. And you know what? I am thinking about doing it."

Do the citizens of this country look like a bitch?

 

Dear President Cockholster,

If you have time to contemplate that kind of passive-aggressive pansy-assed weak-sauce crybaby bullshit, why not stop giving the MIA alleged-Attorney General Jeffie Sessions a tongue bath for a minute. Instead, direct him that if California officials are aiding and abetting illegal immigration, they are to be arrested by federal marshals and dragged to federal court in orange jumpsuits, handcuffs and chains, there to be prosecuted for their crimes to the fullest extent of federal law, and held in custody until trial, as they are an overwhelming likelihood and grave risk to re-offend pending those trials, endangering the citizens whose laws you and he are sworn to uphold. I had hoped maybe they covered this part of the job for you at some point between Election Day and the Inauguration, but there was a lot going on, and perhaps you were sick that day.

It would take about...two such CA mayors and police chiefs sentenced to federal prison terms, and the rest of the chickenshits hereabouts would suddenly be falling all over themselves to comply.

And anybody in CA state government from the lowest CHP beat officer all the way to Governor Moonbeam who lifted so much as a finger to interfere by following the state's illegal sanctuary laws could be thrown in the slammer alongside the original pair, for conspiracy.

So instead of throwing a wet-diaper hissyfit, either do your job, and tell Where's Waldo HeadUphisOwnAss Sessions to start acting like the actual Attorney General of the United States, and enforcing federal laws, or fire his incompetent ass and replace him with someone who can find his own ass without needing both hands, a map, and a mirror; or just go back to sucking your own thumb.

If any of this was too fast for you, read it slower.
If you need clarification, last I checked there are only about 500,000 lawyers on the federal payroll who answer to you within 10 miles of where you're sitting, and who could be consulted about how federal laws get enforced. AG Sessions should try doing that, if only for the novelty of the approach.

You might also recall that when the Governor of Arkansas had some difficulty reading the US Constitution in the 1950s, President Eisenhower helpfully sent the entire 101st Airborne Division over to Little Rock to read it to him. You could do the same thing at, say, the Los Angeles County Main Jail, and perhaps up in San Francisco, and maybe Sacramento too, and I assure you, the effect on compliance with federal law there would be so rapid as to be astonishing.Try to remember that you're the President of the United States, and maybe act like it from time to time, instead of sounding like some cocoa-sipping manchild sitting in your footie pajamas, thwarted by the retarded governor and legislature in California.

Best wishes on the scavenger hunt for your missing balls and spine. I think you're going to need them before this administration is over, so I hope they turn up soon.

Sincerely, Aesop

UPDATE - From comments:
But Aesop, "Trump often proposes things he has no intention of doing." - Anonymous


For which musing, Trump needs a rhetorical bitchslapping for such recockulous passive-aggressive posturing. And probably an actual one.

Once you're sitting in the Big Chair, you don't get to muse about turning over 10% of the citizenry of the US to outright brigandry, to "teach them a lesson", in a fit of infantile pique and bureaucratic impotence.

AFAIC, if the Congress decides to pursue a recommendation of impeachment for willfully and deliberately violating the "equal protection" clause of the Constitution, I'd be on the side of the prosecution in that case, RFN.
If Trump does that, by so much as one overt act, involving as little as one official, he deserves to be thrown the fuck out of office on the spot, so hard and fast his ass doesn't hit the steps between the Senate chambers and the street.

This is openly, publicly flirting with treason by a sitting president, and if the AG had his head out of his ass and his balls where they belonged, he'd have issued a public press release the same day to that exact effect, and dare the President to either fire him on the spot, or else suggest Trump pull his own head out of his ass, immediately.

Anyone as stupid as Trump to say that isn't just musing out loud, he's toying with the republic, and trifling with US citizens' lives.

I'd stand in front of the Resolute desk in the Oval office and tell him that to his quivering face.
He's a shitbag for even letting such a thought slip his lips, and anyone in the speechwriting staff who approved those remarks should be fired on the spot and barred from any government service or position of public trust for life, right this minute.

Hopefully, after a four-star public flogging by the House Government Oversight Committee from the likes of Reps. like Trey Gowdy and Co., after being tag-team fucked up at length for 3-4 days, until his bloody carcass looks like someone thrown into a tiger cage naked with a pork chop tied to his neck, on nationally televised hearings on the matter, covered 24/7 by every network in the country, including the Wrestling Channel.
Just to drive the point home, and only because tarring and feathering followed by public flogging around the fleet isn't an authorized punishment in the Federal register.

Those are American citizens and US territory he's talking about "punishing" with outlaw terrorist criminal gangs' predations for his amusement, and my patience for joking about that sort of horseshit runs pretty goddamned thin.

He'd motherfucking better not do one whit of that, unless he wants CA secession to go from pipe dream to actual Civil War heart-attack reality, and become turbo-charged with 99% of the populace here, in about a NY minute.

You want an actual Civil War, this is how you get a Civil War.