Breaking - Marines Sickened After Opening Letter

(CAMP PUSSYPANTS MCB) Over 190,000 Marines have been puking non-stop since opening a letter on base, and most other ones, and finding it contained the new policies announcing that USMC Commandant, Gen. Whoa Neller, and his band of star-adorned fabulous fashion designers at HQMC have decided to lower fitness standards for Marines, and infantry officers in particular. 

 "I can't believe this. What's next? Making us wear red high heels and pink panties like the Army? I might as well have joined the Coast Guard. Or the Girl Scouts. Maybe I can transfer to the Foreign Legion." said one squad leader, an infantry staff sergeant in the 1st Marine Division. 

Spokesbitches at the Pentagon say the problem is being exaggerated. "It's not that many Marines; probably not more than 100,000 or so, and most of them are just the ones in the combat arms, like infantry, armor, and artillery. The guys and girls around the office here are just fine with this plan!" 

No word on a cure for the malady, but an emergency shipment of barf bags is being distributed worldwide to all commands, as news of the new weakness-friendly policies is announced. According to sources with the Navy's Medical Corps, much like seasickness onboard ships, this new malady may last indefinitely. And when the new Corps-wide grooming standards, including leg-shaving, are announced next month, it may even intensify.