Apparently, the town of Pilot Rock, OR is besieged by a flock of nearly a hundred turkeys that have flown into town, flapping, squawking, clucking, and shitting on everything.
After residents complained of ruined gardens and ubiquitous turkey scat — the birds are accused of covering a pickup truck with their nightly droppings — the Pilot Rock City Council has decided to call in the Oregon Department of Fish and Wildlife to lay out options for dealing with wild turkeys.
“I love wildlife, but this is getting to the point where it’s just ridiculous,” Mary Ann Low told the council during Tuesday night’s meeting. Low said she put loads of work into landscaping her mother’s front yard, only to see it destroyed by the birds.I'm amazed that no one in Pilot Rock was possessed of the common sense to acquire a high-velocity air rifle, and start harvesting Thanksgiving dinners quietly until the problem is resolved. I would.
“Nothing is left,” she said. “They dust bathe in the soil. They eat whatever is there.”
But I guess someone has to live over on the left edge of the IQ curve, so this week, it's residents of Pilot Rock.
And though it's some months off, I'm sure the local animal control office could arrange a giveaway, perhaps at a local mall parking lot...
I recall some years back a town was besieged by a bunch of raccoons that were getting into the trash and killing people's kitty-cats. They had a candle light vigil for their departed felines, hugged and cried together, and pondered just what to do about the situation. In an earlier era the job of dispatching the varmints would have fallen to a barefoot boy with cheeks of tan, equipped with the single-shot .22 he'd gotten for Christmas the previous year.
ReplyDeleteThe past truly is another country, they do things differently there.
Mark D
Pilot Rock town ordinance:
ReplyDeleteSection 12. Discharge of Weapons.
Except at a firing range approved by the council, no person other than a peace officer shall fire or discharge a gun, including a spring or air-activated pellet gun, air gun, BB gun, or other weapon that propels a projectile by use of gunpowder or other explosive, jet or rocket propulsion.
You'd also have Game and Fish after you, and Oregon is loaded with hippie animal huggers, so chances are good you'd be reported. My air gun is actually louder than my .22 if the .22 is using subsonic ammunition, so it'd be heard by any granolas in the vicinity.
There is a loophole, though. Fall turkey season in Oregon starts October 7th, and bowhunting is allowed. A bow's quiet, and the tag will keep you legal if someone manages to notice and turns you in. After a turkey or two get bagged, the rest won't hang around. Then it's time to spread the love. "Hi, neighbor! Looks like you have a turkey problem. Mind if I reduce the population?" Consent to hunt on private property obtained!
"Hi neighbor. Thanks for turning in that fellow that got rid of the turkeys. That's a nice house you've got there. Be a shame if anything happened to it, like burning to the ground in the middle of the night, with you in it..."
ReplyDelete"Night letters" have been around a lot longer than town ordinances. They tend to be more effective, too.
That's assuming anyone smart enough to do it in the first place would be stupid enough to get tagged for it, which is long odds.
I like my turkeys. They spend early mornings strutting by the cabin having a yarn with the geese and chickens.
ReplyDeleteThat scene from WKRP is the funniest in TV. Anybody else think Bailey Quarters was the hottest thing. Even better than Mary Anne.
I'm totally with you on Bailey.
ReplyDeleteHmmmmm....Bailey.
ReplyDeleteI'll be in my bunk.
WKRP in Cincinnati-best show on TV. I loved that show and wanted to be Bailey Quarters. It could never be made now-no transgenders, no political indoctrination, and Blonde with Big Tits wouldn't be allowed. We live in a sad world.
ReplyDelete-Stealth Spaniel