Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.

 

With Gratitude And Sincere Thanks

These moments gratify and amaze us, partly because of the Usual Monkeys (mostly Bravely Anonymous) who will be driven into poo-fling rage at the news, but mainly for the readers, old and new, who come here daily to see what we've churned out of the free ice cream machine. If we were our only reader, the blog would go on, but these milestones remind us we are not alone, and spur us, we hope, to better efforts over time.

The rollover will probably be in two to three hours (we're only about 1700 or so shy at the moment, with average days running 6K-10K visits), and we'll be out all day and about other business when it happens mid-morning. By the time we get home late tonight, we'll already be looking forward to the next million views, and what we'll contribute to generate them.

Be of good cheer. Our common enemies wouldn't be turning the screws down so hard on our internet sites, trying to ban our guns, or shooting our candidates if all those things didn't scare the Hell out of them. And they wouldn't be failing so hard at all three tasks if we weren't winning.

Paging: The Elephant In The Room

h/t Bracken

The only thing dangerous about this roof was the
loose wingnut on top.

1) Congress tried to pull Trump's USSS protective detail months ago.

2) Now TPTB are turd-floating the fairytale that they upped his protection because of a plot even the Iranians deny.

3) So Trump's Butler appearance was what heightened  protection looks like? Sh'yeah, when monkeys fly outta my ass.

4) The 20 y.o. Whacktard Patsy working a minimum-wage restaurant gig magically has zero online presence, exactly like 0.00000fucking00% of his peers do. Change "monkeys" flying outta my ass to "gorillas".

5) He drives to an event 60 miles away from home.

6) Swarming with USSS and police, he pulls straight into the po-po local command post, walks a big black war bag over to a 15+' ladder, and climbs it and his dweeby ass onto the roof of the exact building nearest the front of the stage, which miraculously has no LE presence on top of it whatsoever, with police SWAT teams inside that very building. Nothing happens.

7) His presence is noted as suspicious, and he's photo'ed (instantly shared to all LE in the area) 26 minutes before the shooting starts. Nothing happens.

8) He's spotted on the roof, and ID'ed using a rangefinder over 5 minutes before he opened fire. Nothing happens.

9) No one notices a 15' ladder propped up against the building, despite LE supposedly looking for the missing "suspicious subject".

10) Dozens of local folks with cell phone cameras pinpoint the Whacktard getting set in position, and are screaming at the cops and USSS about a guy, on the roof, with a rifle. Nothing happens.

11) A local Keystone Kop gets a Laurel-andHardy boost up to the roof, and the Whacktard points his rifle right at the Kop, who shits his pants, falls to the ground, and calls in "man with a gun" on the rooftop in direct view of the stage, and the Principal. Nothing happens.

12) Counter-sniper team identifies him using a range-finder, and having a rifle, and watch him setting up and lining up on the podium for 3+ minutes. Nothing happens.

13) The local po-po Squat Team (that's what they do), having decided it's too hot to be on the roof, and too unsafe for them to be up on that roof, because it has about a 2° pitch, is instead on the ground, sitting inside the exact building on which Whacktard is crawling, with no visibility of anything. Nothing happens.

14) Whacktard takes up a position where he can see the target, but is screened (how serendipitously convenient!) from one of the countersniper teams by intervening trees. Nothing happens.

15) The other team, watching him for minutes, can't get anyone in charge on the common radio freq to give them a green light to open fire on an unidentified rifleman sighting in on the podium where Trump is currently speaking for 3 minutes. Nothing happens.

16) The cops inside the building could have simply opened fire straight up through the metal roof, if only to give Whacktard something else to think about besides lining up his shot. Nothing happens.

17) Whacktard goes full shitshow, firing rounds at a Trump-sized target (6'3", 215#) at stupid-close range, and gets off at least 4 rounds, and perhaps as many as 8 or 9. He hits three people in the crowd beyond Trump, and puts one round in the 0-point zone on a B-21 target, Trump's right ear, missing his skull - which would have been a kill-shot - by less than an inch.

Only NOW do the police counter-snipers open fire, and ventilate Whacktard.

18) Fat slobs on the "protection" detail take cover below the stage, and eventually, make a half-assed cover mound around Trump. Despite their best efforts, he's still alive, and they now take a glacially long time to get him up, and shuffle his ass to The Beast limo.

19) Fat asses on the team struggle to get the doors closed and the vehicle out of the area, and are notably corpulent, somnolent, and ignorant of dealing with exactly this scenario, even though it's their primary reason for existence in the first place.

20) It rapidly emerges that all parties blame each other, no one was responsible for the multiple criminally stupid failures at this event, and the Whacktard dead on the roof might as well have been an illegal alien from Mars for all they can uncover about him, his contacts, his co-conspirators, or his motivations.

21) The same FBI that lied about Hunter Biden's laptop, lied about the faked Trump dossier, let Shrillary off the hook, let Biden off the hook, raided Mir-A-Lago, and lied about documents they did not, in fact, find there, is placed in charge of investigating the "loud noises" at the event. Supervised by DHS head Mayorkas, and DoJ head Garland, the latter in contempt of Congress as we speak, and the former in contempt of the Constitution and the borders of the United States.

There is quite simply no brush wide enough to get by with calling all this "incompetence". It's not miles away from incompetence. It's oceans and continents beyond mere incompetence. So what does that leave...?

Quit fucking around, kids. Come to Jesus, and admit what's obvious even to Stevie Wonder, from space:

Say it with me, kids.
The truth will set you free.

The Powers That Be Set Donald Trump Up For Assassination, and did everything they could short of handing out maps, rifles, and backstage passes to every pissed-off Left-Wing fucktard and whackadoodle in three states to make it happen. Then they cut the only link that could reveal their work, and are now actively stonewalling any sort of actual investigation.

PROBABLY BECAUSE THEY INTEND TO DO THIS AGAIN, WITH MORE (AND BETTER) SHOOTERS NEXT TIME.

AND THERE WILL ALMOST CERTAINLY BE A NEXT TIME.

The 3 AM Phone Call...

What They Had To Do

Think about that.

What We Know Within 48 Hours

Either they're as incompetent at their jobs as Emperor Poopypants is with Parkinsonian dementia, minus that excuse.

Or their deliberate attempt to get Trump assassinated on Saturday is just as incompetent.

There is no third option to explain what happened.

Kimberly Cheatle, please do America a favor, and eat your gun.
You know it's the only acceptable answer.

Sunday Music: Wanted Dead Or Alive

Bon Jovi's #7-ranked rock power ballad, from 1987. I'm sure this choice has nothing to do with recent events.

Opening Night At The Republican Convention

Tell Us Again About That Rhetoric "We" Need To Tone Down

Direct quote from Emperor Poopypants, just this past week.

Dear Leftard Communist Cocksuckers,

You've been shrieking and flinging your diaper spackle for nearly ten years, hyperventilating like whiny little bitches about Cheetoh Hitler, "a threat to Democracy", and any number of further delusional psychotic jackassical reactions, all because you can't stand the fact that half the country disagrees with you politically, and no one from mommy onwards ever explained to you the power of "no".

Yesterday, you came within an inch of kicking off the Revolution/Civil War you've been frothing at the lips to foment, for going on that entire time and longer.

So let's be crystal clear about the stakes here.

Your whole team will be on the menu too, and then we'll wade into the bleachers to get your fans.

You want to cry and project about what bloodthirsty monsters we are? Okay, have it your way. We're going to make even your worst nightmares pale in comparison to what you're actually going to get. If a man's going to get hung for a thief either way, he might as well steal, right?

Don't appeal to our better natures. That train left the station in 2020. Pray instead if you manage to kick this thing off, you get killed before you get fed to pigs, instead of watching them snack on you while you're still alive.

So you'd better get down on your goddamned knees, and pray to Jesus, Buddha, Mohammed, or the Flying Spaghetti Monster, that Donald Trump stays healthy as a horse all the way to the inauguration of his successor in 2029.

If he gets so much as a head cold from now until then, there isn't a mineshaft deep enough or another solar system far enough away for you to hide in to escape the wrath you've already got stored up.

In terms even your thickest halfwits should understand, it's like this:

And we'll do it with grins from ear to ear, and smash your babies' heads against rocks while laughing belly laughs, and sleep the sleep of the just afterwards. You'll wish to God your mothers had never met your fathers, and most of you will die from tortures so extreme they'd make Apache warriors puke, Aztec priests go pale, and cannibals will throw up their hands in despair (see what I did there?).

That's the land mine you're hopping up and down on. This post is 100% rhetoric-free. You want a return to civil discourse? You're ten years and more behind on that debt. Best get about it now, with a will, before there's an accident you can't fix. If you say nothing but "We're sorry, we lost our minds" every day until 2034, that'd be a good start.

Your move, assholes.

Be A Man Among Men

Pull The Other One, It's Got Bells On It

BFYTW

Some people tried to tell us Trump said "Fight!" But we've heard Queens English -- not the Queen of England, but rather the borough of Queens in NYFC -- and we know exactly what word starting phonetically with a "Ffffff" sound Trump was saying after he was shot at, and survived.

There Are No Coincidences

Expert Law Enforcement Commentary On The Baldwin Mistrial

Layers And Layers Of Editors

Why Are Wheels Falling Off Boeing Aircrafts?[sic]

For the same reason Newsweek headlines are grammatically retarded:

Both outfits valued DIE Diversity Beans over functional competence, and neither AI nor Laqueesha can read, write, or spell at even a second grade level, and the same diversity beans at both places are too lazy and stupid to look up how to do their jobs better (by which we mean "at all").

Note for the Newsweak (not a typo) functional retards:

The plural of "aircraft" is "aircraft". Not "aircrafts".

People whose first language is English get this. People whose first language is Ebonics, not so much.

It's a measure of how far we've fallen that part of me is happy the headline wasn't

"Why de wheels be fallin' off dem planes, yo?"

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

 h/t Gateway Pundit

O frabjous day!

Callou! Callay!

We told you, and told you, and told you, and told you, and told you, and told you, and told you, and told you,

and explained to all comers, in excruciating detail, how Baldwin was not legally responsible to any whit for the shooting on the set of Rust, explaining the safety rules and the chain of culpability using metric fucktons of pixels and internet bandwidth.

We explained to you how charging not-the-guy-responsible for an accidental shooting with not-his-gun on a movie set, with a weapon not-loaded-by-him, with multiple actual responsible parties available and culpable for criminally negligent homicide and injury could have been accomplished with consummate ease, if only the state of New Mexico had simply possessed detectives and prosecutors thereabouts with IQs above the mid-80s.

Alas, they have no such. More's the pity.

This entire incident could have been settled once and for all by no later than the January after it happened, and been long-since over and done. But one prosecutor's ego was bigger than the Grand Canyon, and twice as empty. Her picture is in the legal dictionary under "Assclown".

We beat the horse, long past expired, into hardly-recognizable horse molecules explaining to the perpetually stupid how their idea of jurisprudence was a total travesty of justice, and so far beyond Retarded they couldn't even see Retarded in their rear view mirror if they'd used a telescope.

And then, we only get the presiding judge to admit the obvious, as the trial barely started, because the prosecution withheld evidence in a legal move so boneheadedly basic they even got it right in the trial in My Cousin Vinny.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

We also have a clip of the defense, testing the prosecution's case to see if it holds any water:

We now look forward to closing this tab, at long last, and will listen to the sound of millions of assholes sitting at home, and sucking it.

We look forward to enjoying good actor, and World's Biggest Jackass, Alec Baldwin, shutting the hell up forever on the topic of guns, achieving as he has a body count worthy of Teddy Kennedy, if not Shrillary Clinton and the Clinton Family Crime Syndicate.

And we beseech countless people - who should never offer a legal opinion on anything, because incapable - to take the karmic W you get for Baldwin being tainted on this topic forever, and just quietly go home, because it's all you were ever going to get.

The monkeys who're already digging in their diapers and winding up, we leave to their futile attempts. The schadenboner this news has given me will probably last so long I'll need to see a doctor after 4 24 40 hours.

Here's where even President Trump is wrong: I'll never get tired of winning.

And This Is Why They Fail, And The Shitshow Goes On

 

Snatching defeat from the jaws of victory yet again, despite wide support, including from Speaker Johnson - which is usually a guarantee of success - Rep. Luna's attempt to find Merritt Garland in "inherent contempt" of Congress, for refusing to turn over videos of Biden's interviews (which interviews caused the DoJ to not prosecute him on grounds of mental disability), and fine Garland $10,000/day until he resigned or turned over those recordings, was defeated because 4 RINOs voted with Garland and Biden, and against the interests of the American people, not to mention contrary to every other member of their party in Congress.

Four congressweasels, two from Califrutopia, and two from Ohio, flipped sides and voted against the measure, which lost 204-210.

Rep. David Joyce (OH-14)

Rep. Michael Turner (OH-10)

Rep. Tom McClintock (CA-4)

Rep. John Duarte (CA-13)

You'll find their pictures in the dictionary under "shitbags". 

These assclowns couldn't even dunk one this easy in the preschool league. 

The four should be beaten over the head with this jackassical vote at every appearance until they get voted out in November, and in the meantime, ought to be stripped of every committee post they hold from now until then.

Pour encourager les autres.

One more reason, for anyone still needing it to know: TINVOWOOT. 

Jackholes pulling crap like this will ensure Biden gets elected.

UPDATE: Apparently Rep. Luna is going to take another whack at this piñata after the RNC Convention. Which opens a window of opportunity for voters in four specific congressional districts to take their douchey congressweasels to the woodshed.

Endgame: J'Accuse!

We've said this before. It's still our answer:

How the Democommunists get around Veep Kneepads being ineligible because not natural-born (born to two non-citizens) is a problem for next week to them. (I suspect that was their endgame all along, to ease her out of the Veep job after the re-election, and appoint their selected heir. Then slide Joe into an envelope, and mail him to a quiet retirement into insanity back home in CT DE.)

I know seeing House Speaker Johnson sworn in, who then fires the heads of FBI and CIA and dismisses the entire cabinet, just ahead of all their indictments, would have me laughing all the way to November.

We're off the map at this point, and everything is now on the table, and in play. 

Literally everything.

Write that on your hands in Sharpie, lest ye forget.

Stock up on canned goods: #10, and olive drab.

You will likely need both before things settle down, if they go pear-shaped first.

Every. Single. Day.

Another day, with multiple cognitive function faceplants.

Another Biff Tannen Award Winner

We cut off and screened out the ownership bars on the meme we boxed in red above to spare calling individual names. Suffice it to say you've probably seen it recently. The implication is that it's used to fake (_fill-in-the-blank_) photo ops.

Um, no.

1) Hot tip for retards: The VC-25/747s converted into the current versions of Air Force One have the 747's distinctive nose-end hump. The 707, above, doesn't. The interior of the current model is also about eight feet wider than a 707 fuselage. So any faked photos, taken inside or out, would be obvious to even Stevie Wonder, from space, FFS.

2) The former Air Force One 707s (including the front fuselage section, above) are still classified for obvious national security concerns. The 707 at the Reagan Library is only there "on-loan", and security on it is still overseen by the Secret Service.

3) The staircases and entries on the current version look absolutely nothing like the old version's entry.

4) I can only think of 57 reasons military units and the Secret Service might want to retain that fuselage, inside an intensely secure location like Camp David for everyday protective detail training, hostage rescue/counter-terrorism training, planning and walking through medical emergency response, etc. ad infinitum.

We could continue ripping this dippy meme, but these points alone should suffice to show why someone would have to be snacking on leaded paint chips to come up with it.

If any of this was news to you, go ask your parents to explain why you're not tall enough for the internet.

And to the creator of this jackassical meme, as the most recent recipient, own your Biff Tannen "Make Like A Tree, And Go Away" Award, and walk tall among midwits.

Better luck next time.

If anyone's going to bitch about "fake and ghey", the actual fake has been the guy walking up the steps of the real presidential 747 for the last 4 years.